A trace of fear appeared in Mu Xueshi’s eyes. He was genuinely afraid now. If not for the Third Prince, he would already have followed Grand Tutor Mu into death. Yet this man before him would not even give him the right to die and still insisted on tormenting him like this.
Mu Xueshi did not speak, but the question was written all over his face: What exactly do you want me to remember?
The Third Prince had been watching every change in Mu Xueshi’s expression from beginning to end. Mu Xueshi was clearly avoiding something. Even if the memories of his past were shameful to him, they should not have produced this kind of terror.
“Once you remember what I want you to remember, you will naturally understand.” The Third Prince left the cold words behind and walked toward the door.
He had barely opened it when he found Eunuch Tai’an standing respectfully outside. The Third Prince asked without warmth, “What is it?”
“A maid came to report that Princess Wenyang has fallen gravely ill in Chunnuan Pavilion and is barely clinging to life.”
“Heh…” The Third Prince laughed coldly, the chill in his eyes sharpening at once.
“Tell her that if she keeps playing ghost in this courtyard, she may eventually become a real one.”
By the time Tai’an recovered from the remark, the Third Prince had already swept away, his pale-blue robe disappearing around the corner of the bedchamber and leaving only a cold silhouette behind.
“When the medicine is ready, make sure Mu Xueshi drinks it,” the Third Prince told Su Ruhan.
Su Ruhan paused, puzzled. “Why does Your Highness not feed Xueshi personally?”
The question seemed to touch a painful place. Helplessness flickered deep in the Third Prince’s eyes. His lips moved, but in the end he said nothing and turned toward the study. He no longer wanted to sleep in the bedchamber. Holding a cold, unresponsive body night after night was less comforting than sleeping among tables and chairs.
Su Ruhan put away his sword and walked toward the dispensary. Before he even reached it, he could smell the medicine’s unusual fragrance. He inhaled carefully, and something strange entered his gaze.
“Where is the medicinal catalyst?” Su Ruhan asked.
The old woman tending the fire pointed toward a pile of discarded paper, indicating that some powder still clung to the wrapper that had been thrown away. Su Ruhan picked up the paper, scraped off a little of the remaining powder, placed it carefully into a small bottle, and tucked it into his sleeve.
Calculating the time, Su Ruhan knew the medicine would not be ready for a while. He left the dispensary at an unhurried pace, intending to go outside the palace and make inquiries. His instincts told him this was no ordinary medicine, and caution would be wise.
Passing the Third Prince’s study again, Su Ruhan caught sight of the prince’s shadow against the window. Though he had business to attend to, he found himself stopping and watching for a long while. The silhouette reminded him of the Third Prince’s anguished expression beneath the moon two nights earlier.
“He cannot even remember my name…”
“I gave up Linhan Palace for him. How can he be this heartless…”
Could love truly wound a person this deeply? It had taught a man Su Ruhan once thought untouchable how to suffer, how to long for someone, and how to reveal a side of himself no outsider had ever seen.
The maid returning from Chunnuan Pavilion felt thoroughly humiliated. She had thought reporting Princess Wenyang’s condition would at least earn some response, if not a glimpse of the Third Prince himself. Instead, one of a eunuch’s subordinates had dismissed her outright and even made a cutting remark about the princess’s supposed importance.
As she walked, the maid worried about how to report the failure. Princess Wenyang looked small and sweet, but her temper was anything but mild. Remembering how Wenyang had ordered her and another maid to pull each other’s ears made her shiver. Better to phrase the news as gently as possible.
“She’s back, she’s back…” A guard leaned out from the upstairs lattice window, spotted the maid below, and immediately called into the room.
Princess Wenyang hurriedly spat the unfinished piece of osmanthus cake into another maid’s palm, closed her eyes, and lay on the bed with a pained expression, waiting for the Third Prince’s tender consolation.
Time passed and nothing happened. Wenyang became anxious. If she opened her eyes and discovered the Third Prince standing right over her, the whole performance would be exposed.
Suddenly someone wiped the corner of her mouth. Wenyang’s heart leapt, and she murmured in an extremely weak voice, “Your Highness…”
“Princess, it’s me!” the maid answered loudly right beside her ear.
Wenyang shot upright and slapped the maid across the face. “Where is the Third Prince?”
The maid looked deeply wronged. “The Third Prince said urgent business is occupying him for the moment, so he may not be able to come personally…”
“Urgent business! Urgent business!” Wenyang struck the maid on the head several times in fury. “What business could matter more than me? I’m practically dying and he still won’t come see me!”
“But you aren’t dying…” another maid could not resist blurting out.
Wenyang’s eyes widened until she looked ready to swallow the girl whole. The first maid hurried forward to calm her and whispered, “Perhaps the Third Prince is busy arranging the marriage between you and him.”
“Hehe… maybe that really is it…” The corners of Wenyang’s mouth slowly rose. She swept her gaze around the guards and maids in the room and ordered, “From now on, all of you are to call me Third Princess Consort. Understand?”
“What?” Everyone’s expression changed at once.
“What do you mean, ‘what’?” Wenyang’s face darkened. “You must call me that. Anyone who does will be richly rewarded once I truly become the Third Princess Consort. And not only here. You are to address me that way everywhere.”
The servants looked uncomfortable and exchanged glances, clearly unable to accept the order.
Still flushed with pleasure, Wenyang said, “I’m tired today. I’ll sleep first… Tomorrow I’m going to visit the Third Prince’s bedchamber and see how hard my man works day and night…”
Su Ruhan soon returned from outside with a grave expression and went directly to the Third Prince’s study. He knocked lightly and said evenly, “Your Highness, I have something to discuss with you.”
The Third Prince’s emotionless voice came from inside. “Enter.”
Su Ruhan opened the door and found the Third Prince’s cold face not far from the entrance, as though he had been preparing to go out.
“Your Highness, I had someone examine the medicine you have been giving Xueshi. It would be better not to use too much of it. Excessive doses can leave a person unconscious for a long time and may even cause them to lose awareness entirely…”
“I know.” The Third Prince cut him off.
Su Ruhan took a breath and carefully asked, “In Your Highness’s heart, is recovering that period of memory more important than Xueshi’s life?”
“Su Ruhan, you have changed,” the Third Prince said abruptly.
Su Ruhan’s expression shifted. After thinking for a moment, he answered calmly, “Yes… I have changed. I changed because Your Highness changed first.”
“The medicine is ready. Make him drink it.” The Third Prince’s voice carried no emotion.
Su Ruhan nodded. His steps hesitated briefly before he slowly left the study.
Inside the quiet bedchamber, only a solitary figure lay on the bed. Su Ruhan remembered that the Third Prince once never allowed outsiders into his sleeping quarters. Now the person unwilling to enter was the Third Prince himself.
Mu Xueshi opened his eyes and saw another unfamiliar figure, sharp-browed and imposing. The man wore the same stern expression as the Third Prince, but lacked some of that icy darkness.
Yet what did it matter what this person looked like or what he intended to do? Seeing the bowl of medicine in Su Ruhan’s hands, Mu Xueshi laughed bitterly to himself. Another King Yama wearing a human face, coming again and again to collect his life.
Meeting Mu Xueshi’s gaze made Su Ruhan’s hand pause. The coldness and finality in those eyes were so absolute that, had Su Ruhan not entered the palace and heard the Third Prince’s explanation, he might have believed this truly was another person.
The man who used to pound on Su Ruhan’s door at dawn demanding martial arts lessons, who carried bucket after bucket of water just to learn acupoint strikes, who cried for the Third Prince while Su Ruhan disciplined him in that very room… could that really be the same person lying here now, cold enough to make the surrounding air feel suffocating?
The same bowl of thick black medicine was raised to Mu Xueshi’s lips. He knew that no matter how much he struggled, he would eventually be made to drink it. It felt predetermined, as though after enduring despair countless times he was still destined to relive every one of those moments again.
Mu Xueshi took several large gulps and drank the double-strength dose without waiting for Su Ruhan to feed him. He even thought mockingly that perhaps enough pain would eventually make him numb. Or perhaps heaven would show him mercy once and allow him to die when the suffering reached its limit.
Su Ruhan felt a stab of fear and even considered pulling the bowl away halfway through. He knew the medicine would damage Mu Xueshi’s body. But Mu Xueshi’s hands locked around the bowl and his throat swallowed mechanically. Su Ruhan hesitated only a moment, and the medicine was already gone.
After drinking it, Mu Xueshi slowly lay back down and stared at the ceiling with the expression of someone waiting for death.
Watching him, Su Ruhan suddenly understood the Third Prince’s pain. Only that breathtaking face remained unchanged. Everything else was utterly different from before. Su Ruhan even thought this cold expression suited the face better, but it did not suit the Third Prince’s heart.
“Do you… still remember me?” Su Ruhan asked, his tone gentler than it had ever been with Mu Xueshi.
Mu Xueshi’s brows drew together slightly. He closed his eyes and withdrew completely into his own world. Sitting beside him, Su Ruhan felt helpless for the first time, unsure how he should treat the person in front of him.
After a long silence, Su Ruhan walked quietly to the window and stared outside with a heavy heart. He could almost imagine the Third Prince struggling in this room over the past several days. Perhaps if their positions were reversed, Su Ruhan too would have been driven this far. Once someone fell deeply enough into love, how much reason could really remain?