When Mu Xueshi finally caught up with Su Ruhan, he found him already waiting on horseback at the corner of the market, as though he had known Mu Xueshi would come after him.
“Master, why didn’t you follow me?” Mu Xueshi asked breathlessly.
Su Ruhan gave him a sidelong look and remained silent for a long time, though he made no move to continue on either.
Mu Xueshi’s scalp began to prickle. He hurriedly looked around, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. After thinking for a long time, he cautiously asked, “Master… is this because of the Third Prince?”
“No.”
Su Ruhan’s answer relieved Mu Xueshi, yet somehow made him feel even more desolate. They rode back along the road, their shadows stretching ahead as the sun sank. Night was almost upon them. Mu Xueshi felt that the day had been unbearably long. Never before had time moved so slowly. In the past, even when he simply sat in a room watching the Third Prince, every moment had passed easily.
Back at Linhan Palace, Mu Xueshi practiced martial arts with all his strength, hoping to exhaust himself enough that he would not suffer from insomnia.
After nearly one shichen, about two hours, he was completely limp with exhaustion. Sweat covered his body. He looked around for a wooden tub. With no large bathing pool here, he could only pour water over himself from buckets.
At first Mu Xueshi intended to strip and wash right there in the open. Perhaps his ideas had changed after living here for so long, because he suddenly found himself too embarrassed to undress in front of another man. He found a shaded spot, specifically warned Su Ruhan not to come near, and quickly rinsed himself clean.
Unfortunately, the bath woke him up completely. Mu Xueshi returned to bed and began rolling around again. Nights were the hardest. He hated the silence after everyone else had gone to sleep. The moment he had time to think, his imagination ran wild, and the very things he most wanted to avoid came back to torment him.
A sharp ache kept pulsing through his back. When Mu Xueshi touched it, he found a swollen lump. Earlier he had been afraid Su Ruhan would notice, so he had ignored the bleeding. Now the wound hurt and itched as well. It was probably inflamed.
As he touched it, Mu Xueshi remembered the Third Prince applying medicine for him. No matter how small the injury, the prince would treat it himself. No matter how serious it was, it always seemed to heal quickly. Mu Xueshi could not understand how, in the space of a single day, everything between them had changed. He had not seen the Third Prince for two days, and the prince had not once asked how he was.
Mu Xueshi buried his face in the damp quilt and held his breath as long as he could. When he could no longer stand it, he lifted his head for air, then buried himself again. Surprisingly, the method worked. After only a few rounds he became lightheaded from lack of air and soon fell asleep.
For three days in a row, Mu Xueshi left early and returned late, practically touring the entire imperial capital. He saw everything worth seeing and every place worth visiting. During the day Su Ruhan was with him, so Mu Xueshi did not think too much. At night he used his self-invented sleeping method and managed to get some rest.
On the third night, however, nothing worked. Mu Xueshi repeatedly climbed out of bed and found himself inexplicably creeping to the doorway to peek outside. Su Ruhan was still awake, doing something alone in the courtyard. Restless and irritated, Mu Xueshi finally opened the door and went out.
“Master, why are you still awake this late?”
Su Ruhan answered faintly, “What is it?”
Mu Xueshi’s bright eyes rolled once, and he teased loudly, “It’s going to rain tonight. I came out to bring in the laundry.”
Su Ruhan raised his head, looked at the star-filled sky, then looked back at Mu Xueshi. The mockery in his eyes could not have been clearer.
Embarrassed by the reaction, Mu Xueshi could only rise onto his toes and sneak back into his room.
He paced around several times before finally hearing Su Ruhan’s door open. His heart jumped. He cracked his own door open, only to find Su Ruhan’s cold face directly outside.
“Uh… Master… why are you trying to scare people in the middle of the night?”
“Do not try to escape from Linhan Palace.”
After saying this, Su Ruhan returned to his room with an indifferent expression, completely unlike the man who indulged Mu Xueshi in almost everything during the day. Mu Xueshi had already been wavering, and after that warning he could only obediently return to bed.
Deep into the night, Su Ruhan’s words kept echoing in Mu Xueshi’s ears. Why was he forbidden to leave Linhan Palace? Did it have something to do with the Third Prince’s coldness over the past few days? Why had everything changed so abruptly? Had one mistake really been enough to deserve this treatment?
If that was how things were, he might as well face everything that needed facing. Mu Xueshi had thought a great deal over the past few days. At this point, perhaps his bond with the Third Prince had already reached its end. Even if the prince’s affection had been sincere, once he learned that Mu Xueshi had deceived him and that the soul inside this body was not the real Mu Xueshi, would he still want him to stay?
Mu Xueshi was tired of living beneath someone else’s shadow. He wanted to tell the truth. Three days of torment had stripped away his desire to preserve this false mixture of happiness and pain. Perhaps confessing everything was the only honest explanation he could give the Third Prince and the only proper ending to all the feelings he had invested.
Whatever the Third Prince’s reaction, whether insults or fury, even if he took back every kindness he had ever shown, Mu Xueshi was willing to accept it. At least that response would be directed at Mu Xueshi himself, not at the original owner of this body. He had once planned to leave silently, but in the end he could not bear to do it.
Taking a deep breath, Mu Xueshi finally pushed open the door and slipped outside on silent feet.