1. Better to Have Given Birth to Char Siu Than to You
Cui Xi Xi bounced her way into the office, charging straight toward the desk at the very end labeled “Senior Inspector Xia Hao.”
Xia Hao was slumped in his chair, legs crossed and propped up on the desk, frowning at his computer as he smoked.
Cui Xi Xi: “Boss! Writing reports again?”
Xia Hao: “You wanna do it?”
Cui Xi Xi shook her head wildly. “I’ve written two for you this month already—someone else’s turn! Xiao Ma?!”
The burly Xiao Ma shot up from his seat, raised two dainty, exaggerated orchid-finger poses, snatched three tissues, and fled at lightning speed. “Boss! My stomach suddenly hurts! I’m going to the bathroom!”
Xia Hao hurled an ashtray after him. “A bunch of illiterates! Not one of you can help me write a report?!”
Cui Xi Xi: “Forget the report—write it tomorrow! Listen, the Forensic Department just got a new intern! Fair-skinned, delicate, ridiculously cute! Come with me and tease him!”
Xia Hao’s face darkened. “Not interested.”
“Hey, I heard he’s a master’s graduate from Long Ganf Polytechnic, a top student. Maybe he can help you write reports?”
Xia Hao raised one eyebrow at her.
Cui Xi Xi pressed on eagerly, coaxing him. “Come take a look! We’ll be colleagues from now on—bound to run into each other sooner or later. Might as well build some rapport—meet over a corpse if we have to! What if Group A’s Inspector Xie swoops in first and steals the little cutie into their team? Then we’ll be stuck staring at Old He’s sour face every day again!”
Dragged along, Xia Hao was hauled halfway down the corridor to the Forensic Department.
Sure enough, Old He, who usually held the fort, was nowhere to be seen. In front of his desk sat a tall, slender, fair-skinned young man in a white lab coat and mask, intently focused on a microscope.
Senior Inspector Xia from the Major Crimes Unit and Inspector Madam Cui crouched awkwardly outside the door, peeking through the crack.
Xia Hao: “This is a master’s graduate? He looks seventeen or eighteen at most!”
Cui Xi Xi: “That’s why I said he’s fair and tender. Don’t worry—one field operation in our line of work ages you three years. In a few months, he’ll be just like you—aged and well-seasoned.”
Xia Hao: “I’m not old, damn it!”
The two bickered noisily outside until the young forensic intern inside was alerted.
A pair of eyes as clear as still water lifted. He calmly glanced toward the door, listened for a moment, then spoke:
“May I ask if there’s something you need?”
Cui Xi Xi shoved Xia Hao inside with a slap. Xia Hao grabbed her in return and dragged her in as well. The two stumbled into the lab table, nearly knocking over an array of reagents.
The new intern quickly steadied the table, eyes widening slightly, yet still politely asked again:
“May I ask if there’s something you need?”
Cui Xi Xi secretly kicked Xia Hao.
Xia Hao kicked her back. “You’ve got some nerve… ahem— I, I’m the leader of Major Crimes Group B, Xia Hao. I came—came to tell you—you’re new, right? The corpses—no, I mean, the cases from our group will be assigned to you from now on.”
The intern looked confused. “Huh? But I just started today. I’m not yet able to conduct examinations independently…”
“Doesn’t matter! It’s you!” Xia Hao cut him off aggressively. “You’re not refusing, are you? Aren’t you supposed to cooperate with us? I don’t care—we refuse to see Old He’s sour face ever again! Right, Inspector Madam Cui?”
Cui Xi Xi: “Well, not exactly. Old He treats us pretty well. We’ve always respected him.”
Xia Hao turned and glared at her. “What kind of betrayal is that? Did you eat leopard gall—”
He froze mid-sentence.
Behind Cui Xi Xi stood Old He.
“…Did you eat leopard gall, you little sweetheart? Expressing our deep respect for Old He so vividly.”
Forensic Doctor He: “It’s ‘vividly and thoroughly’! Xia Hao, you illiterate idiot!! Get over here and let me stitch you up!”
Xia Hao tucked his metaphorical wolf tail between his legs and fled at lightning speed behind Cui Xi Xi.
Doctor He shouted after them from the doorway, “Your whole team are a bunch of bastards! Shameless hooligans!”
Then he turned back to the young intern. “You are not allowed to help them! You’ll be working with Group A. Inspector Xie A’Hua from A Group is a proper man.”
The young intern removed his gloves and mask, revealing a fair, delicate, handsome face. He smiled shyly.
“But I think they’re quite cute.”
“Cute my ass! The worst one is that Xia Hao—sly and lazy! The rest of them aren’t any better!”
The young intern lowered his head shyly. “But… he’s very handsome.”
Doctor He jumped up and smacked him on the forehead.
“Handsome my ass! Lust is a blade over your head! Better to have given birth to char siu than to you!”
2. Useless as Mud That Can’t Be Plastered to a Wall
In the early hours of dawn, fishermen on an outlying island hauled up a corpse and reported it to the police.
Xia Hao and his team lay sprawled inside the marine police cabin, sleeping in a tangled heap. Only when the boat docked were they roused—by the foul-tempered Forensic Doctor He, who went down the line scolding them one by one:
“Get to work! All of you! Useless as mud that can’t be plastered to a wall!”
Xia Hao yawned and fished out a cigarette.
Xiao Ma leaned in, lighting it for him while offering a suggestion: “Boss, that old man’s mouth smells worse than his face looks. Why don’t we just sack him up, beat him, and dump him on the island?”
Xia Hao rubbed his face, still half-asleep. “You think you can beat him?”
Xiao Ma scoffed. “Isn’t he just some Taiji practitioner? Old arms, old legs—how strong could he be?”
Xia Hao yawned again. “Then go try later.”
Xiao Ma puffed up. “I will!”
Xia Hao stepped off the boat, stretching his long legs. Turning back, he saw the newly arrived forensic intern clutching his equipment case at the bow, hesitating, not daring to step down.
Dressed in jeans and a tight black tank top, Xia Hao cut a striking figure—slender waist, long legs, tanned muscular arms. A cigarette hung from his lips as he stood coolly by the boat, extending his hand in a mock gentlemanly gesture and offering broken English:
“May I?”
The young forensic intern shyly placed his hand on Xia Hao’s and stepped down, delicate as a “lady sheep”.
But once he stood upright—
Good heavens!
He was exactly the same height as Senior Inspector Xie! Those legs were ridiculously long, his posture tall and elegant. A fine young man through and through—so why couldn’t he step off the boat by himself?
Xia Hao exhaled a ring of smoke and adopted the air of a seasoned rogue, casually “educating” him:
“You desk-job types need more exercise. Investigations mean wind and rain—how are you going to handle it?”
The intern lowered his eyes, long lashes fanning down. “Inspector Xia is right.”
Xia Hao slung an arm around his shoulders. “Don’t call me Inspector Xia—that’s too formal. Call me A’Hao! Once you’re officially on the team, we’ll all be counting on you, brother!”
He glanced back at Doctor He, who had already walked ahead, then lowered his voice to complain:
“That old man He can’t stand me—always with that sour face and foul mouth! You’re much better—handsome and a top student too. Once we wrap this case, Brother Hao will treat you to a meal!”
The young intern walked alongside him, flushed slightly from the closeness, and answered softly:
“Okay.”
“By the way, I haven’t asked—what should I call you?”
“Sammy. My Chinese name is Sen Mi.”
“Surname Sen?”
“No, Sen Mi is my given name.”
“Then what’s your surname?”
The young man lowered his head shyly. “Nothing special—my surname is He. He Sen Mi.”
Xia Hao froze.
He glanced stiffly at him… then at the imposing back of Doctor He in the distance.
“…So, Doctor He is…”
“My father.”
A shiver ran down Xia Hao’s spine. Goosebumps visibly rose along his arms.
An hour later, after completing the on-site investigation, the group returned to the boat with the body.
Still baffled, Xia Hao pulled Cui Xi Xi to the bow, letting the cold wind hit their faces as he muttered quietly:
“This is unbelievable. What kind of goddess did Old He marry to produce a kid this good-looking?”
Cui Xi Xi nodded solemnly. “I know, right? It’s terrifying. Thinking his DNA is fifty percent the same as Old He’s—I’m going to have nightmares tonight.”
Xiao Ma, who had gone off to challenge Old He earlier, now shuffled over dragging a tattered sack. He fumbled his way to sit beside them, his face swollen like a char siu bun, quietly shedding tears.
“Boss… it hurts…”
Xia Hao sighed with mock tenderness, stuffing a cigarette between Xiao Ma’s swollen lips and lighting it for him.
“Endure it. Your boss has suffered too. If anyone could beat him, would he still be alive today?”
3. Still Just as Small and Round
The corpse recovered from the sea remained unidentified.
Xia Hao led his entire team running around all day. By nine in the evening, they had only just returned to the station, hastily taken showers, prepared instant cup noodles, opened a fresh pack of cigarettes, and readied themselves to battle surveillance footage for several more hours.
When Xia Hao went to the corridor to make coffee, he noticed that the Forensic Department was still lit. Curious, he stepped in and found that Xiao He was still seated there, peering into a microscope.
Xia Hao: “You didn’t leave with Old He… I mean, Doctor He?”
Xiao He looked up. Seeing it was him, he smiled shyly. “My father hasn’t finished work yet. He’s still at the mortuary performing an autopsy. He asked me to bring some samples back to examine first.”
Xia Hao muttered under his breath, face darkening, “That old man’s trying to work himself to death.” Then aloud: “Ahem—tell him to go home and sleep! The body’s not going anywhere sitting in the mortuary!”
Xiao He glanced at his watch. “It should be a bit longer. He said he’ll get off work at ten sharp. Inspector Xia, you’re not off work yet either?”
Xia Hao, as rude as ever, plopped himself down right on Xiao He’s desk. “What’s there to get off work for? In Major Crimes, when it’s quiet, it’s dead quiet; when it’s busy, it kills you. I’m sleeping here tonight.”
Xiao He lowered his gaze and secretly stared at Xia Hao’s backside, thinking:
Still just as small… and round.
…Huh?
Why did I say “still”?
After pondering for a while, Xiao He suddenly asked, “Then… are you still treating me to dinner tonight?”
Xia Hao stared at him. “You haven’t eaten yet?”
Xiao He nodded.
“You’ve been waiting this whole time for me to treat you to dinner?”
Another nod.
Xia Hao looked at him helplessly. “Aren’t you a master’s graduate? How are you this clueless?”
Xiao He lowered his eyes, looking a little upset. “I am a bit foolish… My father often says I’m a char siu.”
Xia Hao’s face filled with sympathy. He believed it completely.
In the years to come, he would often regret this rare and unparalleled innocence of his.
At this moment, however, Xia Hao was indignant. “Your dad goes too far! What kind of parent says that about their own kid?! You’re clearly such a smart kid!”
Xiao He looked even more downcast. “I’m not his biological child. I’m an orphan. He adopted me.”
Xia Hao was even more shocked and sympathetic. “Poor kid.”
Then he immediately turned and sent a message to Cui Xi Xi:
[That’s great! Not Old He’s biological son! No nightmares for us tonight!]
Xiao He, though still sad, felt a little happy as well. “Thank you for saying I’m smart. My father says you’re terrible, but I think he misunderstood you. You’re actually very nice.”
Xia Hao was overjoyed. He immediately leaned in and wrapped an arm around Xiao He’s shoulders. “See? You’ve got good judgment! Come on—Brother Hao is treating you to dinner!”
Brother Hao brought Xiao He to his office—
and treated him to a bowl of instant cup noodles.
He even generously picked the bits of minced meat from his own bowl and gave them to Xiao He. “Eat more—you’re still young, still growing.”
Xiao He: “…Thank you.”
Ah… no wonder Father calls him terrible.
“And I’ll share my coffee with you too,” Brother Hao added enthusiastically, pouring half a cup of water into the coffee. “This way, there’s more to drink.”
Ah… truly terrible. Even the faintest trace of attraction faded a little.
“Oh right—you’re a master’s graduate, aren’t you? Come, come—eat while you help Brother Hao take a look at this. I just closed a case a few days ago and need to write a report. For a top student like you, this should be easy, right? Just move your fingers and it’ll be done in no time!”
The last shred of attraction vanished completely.
No matter how round that backside was—it didn’t matter anymore.
Now all he wanted… was to grab him and smack him a few times.
4. My Sister Is Very Gentle
A few days later, after “friendly cooperation” between the Major Crimes Unit and the Forensic Department, the case of the floating corpse at sea finally yielded a preliminary suspect.
At one in the afternoon, the streets shimmered under oppressive heatwaves. The entire Team B hid inside a van parked by the roadside, blasting the air-conditioning while staking out the suspect. As they kept watch, they ate instant cup noodles.
Cui Xi Xi: “Why do I feel like Xiao He has been avoiding us lately?”
Xia Hao: “Impossible. He just finished writing my third report yesterday.”
Cui Xi Xi: “I feel like it’s exactly because he wrote three reports for you that he’s avoiding us.”
Xia Hao: “No way. He looked very happy writing them—smiling the whole time.”
Xiao Ma: “Boss, don’t you think that kid’s smile looks kind of fake? He’s Old He’s son—adopted or not, he’s just as scheming and black-hearted.”
Xia Hao slammed his bowl down heavily. “He’s a top student! Smart, good at writing reports, fair and clean-looking—what part of him is ‘black’? I think you’re the one with a dark head and darker brains! How many reports have you written for me? Half a report? Point eight of one?!”
Xiao Ma looked aggrieved. “Boss, you haven’t even written many complete reports yourself. You’re so good at solving cases—if not for slacking off on paperwork, you’d have been promoted to Senior Superintendent already. I heard that Xie A’Hua from Team A is getting promoted by the end of the year! How is he even half as capable as you?”
Xia Hao: “You call that ‘slacking off’? I straight-up don’t know how to write them!”
Xiao Ma: “How can you not know? You graduated from the Police Academy, didn’t you? You studied for years!”
Xia Hao: “What do you know? Since I was seven, every year I went to school was a year I wanted to drop out. If not for my two older brothers, who beat me at home every day, I’d never have made it to graduation.”
Cui Xi Xi cut in: “Since when do you have two brothers? Don’t you have one older brother and one older sister?”
Xia Hao looked resentful. “My brother has a friend he grew up with—he’s my ‘second brother’. He even taught me boxing. When my brother got tired of beating me, he’d switch him in.”
Cui Xi Xi: “That’s such a miserable childhood. What about your sister? Did she beat you too?”
Xia Hao: “My sister is very gentle! She’s the gentlest woman in the world! She can’t even bear to step on an ant, can’t touch knives, doesn’t dare peel fruit, can’t chop vegetables—she doesn’t even have the strength to hold a broom.”
Cui Xi Xi: “So after your parents passed away, all these years it’s been the rest of you doing the cooking and housework, right?”
Xia Hao: “… ”
Cui Xi Xi: “If she’s really that gentle, how could she just watch your two brothers beat you from childhood into adulthood?”
Xia Hao: “… ”
With his sense of family affection on the verge of collapse, Xia Hao paid a visit to his sister after arresting and interrogating the suspect. His sister, Xia Xiao Mang, was a music teacher at a private secondary school.
When Xia Hao knocked on the door, she was in the living room, gently guiding a round-faced, adorable female student in playing the piano.
“A’Hao, you’re here,” Xiao Mang said softly. “Sit on the sofa for a bit, and peel yourself an apple, alright?”
“Alright.”
“Peel a couple more for your sister and the little student too, okay?”
“Alright.”
“Oh, and I’ve been busy tutoring lately, so I haven’t had time to clean. The house is quite messy. After you finish your apple, could you mop the floor for me? The mop is where it always is.”
“Alright.”
“There are also a few dresses in the laundry basket.”
“Hand wash? Silk ones?”
“Yes. A’Hao is so clever, so diligent. Be gentle when washing them, okay? Our A’Hao is very strong—a real man.”
An hour later, after finishing the piano lesson, Xiao Mang saw the student off and turned back to look at A’Hao, who had been obediently doing housework the entire time.
“A’Hao, you’ve lost weight. Work must have been exhausting lately, right?”
Xia Hao, who had just finished cleaning the range hood, wiped the sweat from his forehead. “A little.”
“Come, let your sister wipe your sweat.”
Xiao Mang gently wiped him down. “There, all done—handsome again. What brought you here today? Did you miss me? I missed you very much.”
Look at how gentle my sister is! Gentle like a cloud!
Completely oblivious to anything unusual about his sister, Xia Hao left with a large bag of snacks she had given him, even taking out two bags of trash for her on his way downstairs.
5. Fortunately, His Brother Turned the Tide
Still doubtful about the state of his family bonds, Xia Hao next went to visit his elder brother.
His brother, Xia Cheng Qing, was a partner at an architectural design studio—an accomplished young entrepreneur.
Their business-oriented parents, who had died in a car accident, left behind a fairly substantial inheritance. The three siblings had grown up without worry for food or clothing. The elder brother became an entrepreneur, the elder sister a teacher—only the youngest brother seemed like a genetic mutation, having loved fighting and acting like a street punk since childhood. No one could figure out who he took after.
Fortunately, his brother had turned the tide, quite literally beating the street punk out of him—turning a delinquent into a policeman.
The one who had assisted his brother in this “turning of the tide” was currently at his brother’s home—the friend who had helped beat him since childhood. His so-called “second brother” named A’Ying, was a second-generation rich kid, whose family owned a car dealership.
A’Ying wasn’t fond of studying either. After graduating from secondary school, he didn’t go to university and instead began helping manage the family business.
That said, while he lacked interest in academics, his mind was sharp—he ran the business quite well. Once he made money, he had plenty of free time, driving his Ferrari around the city all day and dropping by Xia Cheng Qing’s place whenever he felt like it.
When Xia Hao was young, he could never understand this and would rebelliously argue with his brother:
“Why does Brother Ying get to skip university and go into business, while I have to slog through police academy?”
Xia Cheng Qing replied, “Your Brother Ying knows how to do business—do you? With that brain of yours, if you don’t go to the police academy, are you planning to become a triad thug?!”
Xia Hao thought: I don’t quite follow the logic, but I vaguely feel like you’re insulting the police academy…
Back to tonight—Xia Hao brought the snacks his sister had given him to visit his brother.
His brother and sister lived in the same neighborhood, just one street apart. The two of them saw each other often and looked after one another. Only this younger brother insisted on independence, renting a place near the police station and living there like a stray dog digging out a den. When cases came in, he practically lived at the station, sometimes not returning to see his siblings for one or two months.
It was already eight in the evening. From downstairs, Xia Cheng Qing’s apartment was still lit. Xia Hao cheerfully entered the elevator, snacks in hand.
When the elevator doors opened on his brother’s floor—
His “second brother” A’Ying suddenly crashed in! Sporting a black eye, he turned back and roared, “You bastard!”
His brother charged in right after him, throwing another punch. “You’re the bastard!”
The two began fighting inside the elevator. Xia Hao got caught in the crossfire, taking a couple of stray kicks. Watching the elevator shake precariously, he shouted angrily:
“You’re both bastards! You’re company bosses, and at your age you’re still fighting—aren’t you ashamed?!”
Xia Cheng Qing and A’Ying paused mid-fight, grabbed each other’s collars, and turned to look at him in unison.
Fighting each other might be shameful—but beating their younger brother was not.
Xia Hao was promptly subjected to a combined beating, reliving his childhood all over again.
“Where’s the justice in this?!” he yelled even as Xia Cheng Qing dragged him home. “This is domestic violence! I’m going to arrest you! You have the right to remain silent, but anything you say—”
“Shut up,” Xia Cheng Qing said coldly.
Xia Hao immediately shut up.
After closing the door, Xia Cheng Qing asked, “What are you here for?”
“Do you have any sense of fairness?!” Xia Hao wailed again. “Brother Ying comes over every day just fine, but when I come you beat me and then ask why I’m here?!”
Xia Cheng Qing rolled up his sleeves.
Xia Hao instantly behaved. “I came to visit you, Big Brother. I brought you snacks.”
Xia Cheng Qing, whose physique was impeccably maintained, looked at him with disdain. “Snacks? When have you ever seen me eat snacks? You should eat less too!”
Xia Hao grew even more aggrieved. “My sister gave them to me! Why is it okay for her to eat them?!”
“Girls can eat snacks—what’s the problem? No matter how much weight your sister gains, she’ll still look good. If you gain weight, will you?”
“… ”
Xia Hao turned away silently, wiping his tears. Only in his dreams did he ever have a gentle, refined, and caring older brother.
“How did you end up arguing with Brother Ying?” he asked curiously.
Xia Cheng Qing replied irritably, “Because he’s a bastard!”
Reading the room, Xia Hao didn’t dare ask how exactly he was a bastard. He only asked softly, “Will you two make up tomorrow? My sister said to invite Brother Ying for dinner tomorrow night—let’s all get together.”
Xia Cheng Qing said impatiently, “We’ll see tomorrow. I’ll have a talk with A’Ying.”
Xia Hao thought: Are you sure it’s a ‘talk’? That expression on your face looks more like you’re planning to beat him again.
Seeing Xia Hao looking dispirited, Xia Cheng Qing asked, “Have you eaten dinner?”
“I had salad at my sister’s… not full.”
“Steak or wonton noodles?”
“Wonton noodles, hehe.”
Xia Cheng Qing got up with a dark expression and went to cook noodles for him. Xia Hao grinned happily, sprawled on the sofa, secretly opening the snacks his sister had given him—only to hear Xia Cheng Qing shout from the kitchen:
“Eat less! After eating, rest for half an hour, then go downstairs and run a few laps!”
“Got it, hehe.”
6. I’d Better Help You Write the Report
Xia Hao was certain that Old He was behind this.
After helping him finish the fourth report, Xiao He vanished from the forensic office. Over the past few days, whenever Xia Hao went there, the only person he saw was Old He with his perpetually sour face—followed by a round of scolding.
Xia Hao thought: Old He must be unhappy about how “close” Xiao He and I have become! That’s why he deliberately separated us! That black-hearted old man!
Xia Hao felt inexplicably empty inside, not knowing who would write the fifth report for him.
He had only known Xiao He for three months, yet it felt as though they had known each other for three years.
How frustrating—if only he had met him at five years old, then he wouldn’t have had to do homework even back in kindergarten.
He could have pampered Xiao He from a young age, fed him well, protected him from sun and rain, become sworn brothers through thick and thin—then Xiao He could have written reports for him for life.
After scratching his head at the computer for ages with no result, Xia Hao grabbed his car keys, ready to skip work and go find Xiao He.
Since it was still working hours, Xiao He was easy to locate—he found him at the morgue.
When Xia Hao entered the autopsy room, Xiao He was holding an electric saw, cutting through a corpse’s sternum without blinking, flesh and blood splattering everywhere.
Zzz—!!
Xia Hao felt as though his own eyes were being zz— sliced open.
Xiao He set down the electric saw and picked up a scalpel.
The blood and tissue continued to spill.
His white coat and transparent face shield were speckled with blood. The stench was overwhelming. Yet Xiao He remained expressionless, his movements precise and ruthless. He reached both hands into the chest cavity—after a strange crunching sound, he pulled out a large, blood-soaked lung.
Holding the lung in his hands, he finally noticed someone had entered. He turned to look at Xia Hao.
His eyes—clear as still water—widened slightly, carrying the innocent look of a startled little lamb.
Except it was a blood-soaked, mutated lamb.
Xia Hao suddenly felt his teeth ache for no reason.
Wait… why do my teeth hurt? What does Xiao He have to do with teeth?
Xiao He awkwardly set the lung aside, removed his gloves, and took off his face shield.
“Brother Hao, what brings you here?”
Xia Hao steadied himself and feigned calm, circling the autopsy table and pretending to inspect things. “Ah, nothing, just came to take a look around. What case is this?”
Xiao He grew even more awkward and guilty, lowering his voice. “It’s…Team A’s case.”
Xia Hao spoke casually, “Oh? You’re with Team A now? Xie A’Hua treats you well, right?”
“Al… alright…”
“Well, makes sense—he’s upright, and quite handsome.”
Xiao He lowered his voice further. “No… not really…”
“What?”
Xiao He lowered his gaze, shy. “Not as handsome as you.”
Xia Hao’s heart bloomed with delight! He plopped down on the edge of the autopsy table.
“Really?”
Xiao He couldn’t help sneaking a glance at his backside. “Really. You’re handsome, and you’re excellent at solving cases.”
Xia Hao folded his arms. “Then why don’t you join our team?”
Xiao He grew even more guilty lying. “Ah… my dad won’t allow it.”
Xia Hao didn’t notice anything amiss. He imagined this poor little lamb being beaten mercilessly by his father, forced to separate from his beloved Brother Hao. That surname He old rogue—simply breaking up a perfect pair.
Xia Hao made a bold declaration:
“We’re not afraid of him! Let’s report this to the higher-ups. They have to respect your personal choice, right? You clearly fit in with Team B—we need a smart and capable partner like you.”
Xiao He kept his eyes lowered, not looking at him. He seemed hesitant, even a little insecure. “Really? I’m still just an intern, I don’t have much experience.”
“No, no, no—you’re very experienced! Look at that lung you just took out—perfect, so fresh.”
Xiao He slowly raised his eyes. In those clear, water-like eyes, a faint trace of darkness flickered.
His voice remained gentle:
“But… didn’t you only want me to join your team so I could help you write reports?”
Xia Hao froze, instantly panicking, shifting restlessly on the autopsy table.
“What?! How could you think that? Of course it’s because of your professional skill! Writing reports is just a side thing! If you don’t like writing, I—I can write them myself! You can just help polish them afterward?”
Xiao He lowered his eyes and said nothing.
Xia Hao panicked even more. “Then… then don’t even polish them! Just take a look and point out any typos?”
Still no response.
“Alright, alright! No reports, no reports! I promise I won’t make you touch any reports—you just focus on your forensic reports!”
Only then did Xiao He lift his head and smile, clear and bright.
“Brother Hao, your clothes are covered in bodily fluids.”
Brother Hao screamed and rushed off to bathe.
Next to the autopsy room was a shower and sterilization room. He scrubbed himself thoroughly, even sniffing his backside to check if any corpse odor remained. After washing, he had no spare clothes and ended up borrowing a pair of Xiao He’s trousers.
There was no extra shirt, so he came out bare-chested, a towel draped over his damp head.
The water had been scalding hot—his entire body was flushed red, like a phoenix reborn. Even the tips of his chest had reddened from the heat.
Xiao He, still wearing his face shield, didn’t dare remove it. He sneaked a glance—then looked away. Then glanced again—then looked away again.
Xia Hao noticed nothing. He only felt that Xiao He was slimmer than him—the trousers were tight around his hips, and he kept tugging at the fabric unconsciously as he walked.
Behind the face shield, Xiao He silently swallowed.
Xia Hao was still bending over, adjusting his shoes, when he suddenly heard Xiao He speak behind him.
“Brother Hao…”
“Mm?”
Xiao He’s voice trembled slightly, as if filled with guilt.
“I’ve thought about it… I think I’d better help you write the reports after all.”
“Huh?”
7. Little Arms and Little Legs
Xia Hao began living a blissful life as if pies were falling from the sky.
By day, Xiao He accompanied him to crime scenes; by night, he worked alongside him on reports.
As for this so-called “working together on reports,” it mainly meant Xiao He wrote the reports while Xia Hao smoked beside him.
He hadn’t even finished half a cigarette before Xiao He started coughing. Sigh—such a frail scholar is hard to take care of! Fine, no more smoking!
Xiao He also had a sensitive nose; even the slightest trace of smoke would make him sneeze nonstop. Fine! The entire office went smoke-free! Senior Inspector Xia personally cleaned every desk and every crevice until there wasn’t a speck of ash left!
Even the Forensic Lab was now under Senior Inspector Xia’s care—every bottle, every instrument, every corner wiped spotless!
At the police canteen, ordering food and reserving seats was clearly not something a desk-bound professional should be burdened with. Senior Inspector Xia ordered double portions of everything, plated them neatly, pulled out a chair, and invited Xiao He to sit.
The toolbox was so heavy—how could Xiao He’s fair, delicate hands possibly carry it? With a grand sweep of his hand, Senior Inspector Xia took over everything: carrying the toolbox, washing the white lab coat, holding an umbrella for Xiao He on rainy days, shielding him from the wind on blustery days.
Cui Xi Xi: “Boss, why do you look like Xiao He’s pet dog?”
Xia Hao: “What’s with calling me a dog? That sounds awful! At the very least, I’m a wolf!”
Cui Xi Xi: Oh, a wolf-dog. Even more obedient.
Xiao Ma couldn’t stand seeing his idol Boss being ordered around like this. Both openly and subtly, he tried to give Xiao He a hard time.
At mealtime, he spoke sarcastically. As Xiao He was about to sit down, Xiao Ma snorted, “Oh? Forensic Doctor Xiao He is here freeloading off Team B again? When are you going to order your own food?”
Xiao He, who had just picked up his knife and fork to cut his steak, looked up at Xiao Ma with an innocent, bewildered expression. Then he nodded obediently. “Brother Ma is right. I’ve been troubling you all—I’ll order my own food tomorrow.”
“Don’t listen to him—just eat!” Xia Hao plopped down beside him and turned to scold Xiao Ma. “Why are you bullying him? He’s been working hard in the lab all day—can’t he have a proper meal?”
Before he even finished speaking—
Clink!
Xiao He’s knife slipped, and he accidentally cut his finger.
He hissed softly, raising his hand. A thin line of blood seeped from his fingertip.
Xia Hao shot to his feet in alarm. “How could you be so careless? Your dad is right—you’re so absent-minded all day long! Come on, come on, I’ll take you to disinfect that!”
With an arm around his shoulders, Xia Hao hurried him away. As they walked, Xiao He turned back and gave Xiao Ma a clear, gentle smile.
Xiao Ma stood there, dumbfounded. “… ”
He nudged Cui Xi Xi beside him. “He’s a forensic doctor! You expect me to believe he cut himself eating steak?!”
Cui Xi Xi chewed leisurely. “Ma, why bother? At best, you’re barley tea. He’s green tea. You can’t out-tea him.”
The little “green tea” was led back to the desk by his Brother Hao, who took out a first-aid kit.
“Don’t write any reports tonight,” Xia Hao said as he held Xiao He’s finger and applied iodine. “After dinner, go back and rest early.”
Xiao He frowned slightly. “But…”
“What is it?”
“I’ve been staying in the police dormitory lately… the plumbing is broken. There’s no water.”
Xia Hao carefully placed a bandage on his finger. “I’ll go take a look tonight.”
“You know how to fix plumbing?”
“What can’t your Brother Hao do?” Xia Hao slung an arm over his shoulder. “Come on! Let’s go finish dinner! Ignore that brat Xiao Ma—he’s just jealous that you’re smart and well-educated. If he bullies you again, tell me and I’ll beat him up.”
“No, Brother Ma treats me quite well.”
“Sigh—you really are a bit foolish!”
After dinner, Senior Inspector Xia went to Xiao He’s dormitory to fix the pipes.
Before he left, Cui Xi Xi gave him a sympathetic look.
Cui Xi Xi: “Boss, you should arrange tomorrow’s tasks first. I’m afraid you won’t make it in tomorrow.”
Xia Hao: “Why wouldn’t I make it?”
Cui Xi Xi: “I’m afraid you might get injured fixing the pipes—and won’t be able to get out of bed.”
Xia Hao: “What nonsense! How could fixing pipes get me injured?!”
Full of confidence, he went off to fix the pipes.
In the end… his pipes got “fixed.”
At first, Senior Inspector Xia resisted:
“With your little arms and little legs, you think you can be on top—?!!”
Master Xiao He calmly employed the He family’s ancestral Taiji.
Xia Hao: “That’s cheating! Cheating! You’re even more black-hearted than your dad! You bastard!”
“Brother Hao… am I really that small?”
Futile Devices Scans 
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