The girl group Cui Xi Xi followed had a new trainee named Luo Xiao Cao.
That little face was beautiful, that little waist so flexible, those legs so fair, and that sweet singing voice so lovely. One sugary smile into the camera was enough to leave Inspector Cui utterly bewitched.
Inspector Cui played “Xiao Cao’s Singing-and-Dancing Practice” out loud in the office every day. One day, Senior Inspector Xia curiously leaned over for a look and recognized her at once. “That’s one of my sister’s vocal students. She goes to my sister’s place every weekend to learn piano and singing.”
Cui Xi Xi felt a sudden cock-throb. Overcoming the psychological hurdle of being completely tone-deaf, she decided that she too absolutely had to go to the Xia household to “study vocals.”
Elio’s Notes: The Chinese puns on an expression meaning “her heart fluttered” by replacing “heart” with slang for “cock,” creating an absurdly dirty joke even though Cui Xi Xi is a woman.
So Xia Hao led the big she-wolf straight into his sister’s home. Xia Xiao Mang was playing the piano while Luo Xiao Cao trilled away sweetly like an oriole.
The moment Cui Xi Xi opened her mouth, she joined in with a howl: “Awooo, awooo, awooo…”
And on her very first attempt, she broke Teacher Xiao Mang’s piano, which was worth 180,000.
To borrow a line from a famous novel: “Strong and mighty, yet unable to win hearts.”
Elio’s Notes: The chapter’s endnote identifies the “famous novel” as Ni Luo’s Yi Fu.
Teacher Xiao Mang gently comforted her. “It’s okay, it’s okay. When A’Hao was little, he broke an even more expensive one. It really doesn’t matter…”
Cui Xi Xi was just about to tearfully say, “Sister Xiao Mang, you’re so rich and so kind,” when Teacher Xiao Mang gently continued, “Half his salary is still being docked to pay me back for it.”
Cui Xi Xi shuddered and cast a pleading look toward Luo Xiao Cao, hoping she would put in a good word for her with their teacher.
Luo Xiao Cao: “Heh. Useless.”
Cui Xi Xi: ???? Where did my sweet, adorable little Xiao Cao daughter go?!!!!
That very night, she decided to leave the fandom.
Leaving the fandom was one thing, but with a mountain of debt hanging over her head, she still had no choice but to go to Teacher Xiao Mang’s house every weekend to clean and do housework to pay it off.
And she still had to listen to Luo Xiao Cao sing sweetly while enduring Luo Xiao Cao’s contemptuous gaze.
Ah, do you have a split personality or something, you face-changing little demon?!
A month later, Teacher Xiao Mang’s piano came back from repairs, and the repair bill was still within the limits of Cui Xi Xi’s salary. Cui Xi Xi breathed a sigh of relief. At last, she no longer had to slave away.
At last, I never have to see that little demon again!
Cui Xi Xi showed some backbone. She deleted every “Xiao Cao Singing-and-Dancing” video from her phone and computer and unfollowed her on social media. A public servant ought to be upright and righteous. How could I possibly like such a two-faced bad girl?!
But her singing really is so good, and her dancing is so beautiful. Someone that talented is entitled to be a little cocky, right? And I did break her teacher’s piano, and I made her listen to such horrible singing…
In the middle of the night, squatting on the toilet, Cui Xi Xi secretly followed her again.
The little demon’s singing-and-dancing vlog updated.
The little demon climbed several more places in the rankings.
The little demon appeared on some knockoff online variety show.
The little demon…
The little demon got kidnapped by a crazed fan!
Inspector Cui raced out with her team at breakneck speed to rescue the girl of her dreams.
Unexpectedly, the crazed fan had accomplices. Inspector Cui took a knife for the little demon and got stabbed in the kidney!
“Good thing I use my fingers! My kidneys are about as useful as Boss’s!”
Elio’s Notes: In Chinese slang, the kidneys are commonly associated with sexual stamina. Cui Xi Xi is joking that she has little use for them because she uses her fingers, while also taking a shot at Xia Hao.
Xia Hao: “You’re already in an ambulance and you still have the energy to take a shot at me?!”
Xiao Ma: “Xiao He, you little bastard—you’re on top again?! Wait, why did I say ‘again’?”
Her kidney wasn’t actually damaged, though. When Cui Xi Xi woke from the anesthesia, she saw the little demon sitting beside her hospital bed wiping away tears.
The little demon changed expressions in a single second. “Heh. Useless.”
“Stop changing faces. The tears are still hanging there. Admit it—you like me too, don’t you?”
The little demon was mortified and promptly flew into a rage… and prepared to smother Inspector Cui with a pillow to silence her.
In the end, they still ended up doing the deed right there on the hospital bed.
Afterward, the little demon grabbed Inspector Cui by the neck and asked, “Weren’t you trying to pursue Teacher Xiao Mang?”
“How could I possibly pursue her? Isn’t she straight? Straight women are a trap. Anyone who falls in is an idiot.”
“What if she weren’t straight? Would you pursue her then?”
“There is no ‘what if’! I went there because I was trying to pursue you!”
“Anyway, I’m nowhere near as gentle as Teacher Xiao Mang. I’m just pretending.”
“I like that you’re a nosy bitch! I like your temper! I like that you’re a psycho!”
“…”
Very touching. Better smother her anyway.
As for Teacher Xiao Mang—
Teacher Xiao Mang was single and lived alone. She was mild-mannered and refined, elegant by nature, and never lifted a finger for housework. Every day, all she liked to do was play piano, sing, teach vocals, watch anime, play games, binge dramas, and ship couples…
Who told you people to pressure Teacher Xiao Mang to date and get married?!!! Teacher Xiao Mang can’t stand people who are obsessed with romance!!! Aren’t games fun?!! Aren’t 2D characters great?!! Aren’t figurines adorable?!! Was growing up with three stinky men not annoying enough already?!!! Women are annoying too, okay?! Just look at those two psychos, Xiao Cao and Xiao Cui!!! She finally managed to get a job, buy a home, and carve out her own happy little world!!! Her next step is to raise ten cats!!!
As for Senior Inspector Xia, who had half his salary docked every month and still had rent to pay—
Every time he treated Forensic Pathologist Xiao He to dinner, it was always cup noodles.
Xiao He: “Brother Hao, come to my place. I’ll cook for you.”
Senior Inspector Xia: “Sure! Afterward, we can unclog the pipes!”
Xiao He: “Ahem… maybe let’s not do that for now.”
Senior Inspector Xia: “???”
Xiao He brought Senior Inspector Xia home and had dinner with his dad, mom, and younger sister. After dinner, he took Senior Inspector Xia by the hand and came out to his family. The two of them were promptly beaten straight out of the house.
Limping, with the suitcase Old He had thrown after them in his arms, Xiao He began splitting the rent with Senior Inspector Xia from then on.
A New Trainee Joins the Girl Group — Happy Ending.
Leave a Reply