On the twenty-sixth day of the twelfth lunar month, the temperature was two degrees lower than the day before. Fortunately, it was not raining. New Year’s Eve was approaching, and there were more cars on the streets than usual, probably because people who worked away from home were returning one after another.
It was barely past six, yet night had already settled over Yongchuan. Shao Wu hailed a taxi. Two boxes of fruit went in the trunk, while the cured pork and sausage were placed on the front passenger seat. Clutching a bouquet of lisianthus, he sat in the back with Longlong.
Longlong leaned over curiously. “Who are those for?”
“Your brother and his girlfriend.” Shao Wu lowered his head to look at the bouquet of pink lisianthus. “This is the first time he’s formally bringing her home, right? Maybe you’ll have a sister-in-law soon.”
“Oh, I guess…” Longlong sighed like an adult. “I think those two are probably about there already.”
Shao Wu smiled. “Yeah. I’d better start saving up his wedding gift money in advance.”
The streetlamps along the road were already hung with little red lanterns. Halfway there, the taxi driver answered a call, sounding a little impatient. “Yeah… beef is just expensive this year… Mm, then buy less! How much can you eat over New Year anyway?”
Everywhere was festive, noisy, full of the atmosphere of the New Year. Shao Wu shoved his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes.
They were only about ten minutes from Yang Shuyi’s home. Shao Wu had already rehearsed the scene countless times in his head: how to greet Grandma, how to greet Zou Xin, and what to say when he saw Yang Shuyi. What should he say? Right. Congratulations, seriously, congratulations. When are you planning to have the wedding? In Yongchuan or Chengdu? Anyway, if you need any help, just say the word.
If it were an animation, he had already designed every frame of his own expressions and movements. He would wear a smile, his gaze had to be sincere, and he could speak a little louder to show how open and enthusiastic he was. He only hoped Yang Shuyi had not told Zou Xin that Shao Wu liked him. Given Yang Shuyi’s personality, he probably would not want to bring up something like that, would he?
The taxi drove into Chunhui Residential Compound. Longlong said, “Brother Shao Wu, it really looks like our place is going to be demolished.”
“Really?”
“The people across the hall said the official notice will come down after New Year.”
“Oh… It’s been dragging on for years, and now they’re finally tearing it down.” Shao Wu looked back at the run-down gate. “That’s good.”
“Yeah. We’ll get to live in a new place.” Longlong sounded delighted.
Shao Wu thought this would surely be a wonderful Spring Festival for Yang Shuyi’s family. Their home was going to be demolished, so they would soon receive a large compensation payment. Yang Shuyi was bringing his girlfriend home, which presumably meant marriage was on the agenda too. And after New Year, Longlong would face the gaokao, going from a high-school student to a university student. Amid firecrackers, the old year passes. Once this year was over, their family would be welcoming nothing but brand-new good things.
Elio’s Notes: “Amid firecrackers, the old year passes” echoes a line from Wang Anshi’s poem 《元日》 (New Year’s Day), a familiar classical verse about the arrival of the Lunar New Year.
The taxi stopped outside the entrance to the apartment building. Shao Wu paid the fare and unloaded the four boxes of New Year goods one by one. It was not raining today, but the wind was strong, making the leaves rustle. Shao Wu looked up and saw the light on in Yang Shuyi’s window. That single square of warm yellow light alone made the place seem cozy and lively.
“I’ll call your brother,” Shao Wu said. “Tell him to come help us carry some of this.”
“Okay. He should be home already.”
Two minutes later, Shao Wu heard a door close upstairs. The bang jolted the stairwell’s sound-activated light on. Then came footsteps, unhurried and steady, growing clearer and clearer.
Shao Wu thought, He’s alone. Zou Xin didn’t come downstairs with him. Well, that made sense. It was too cold.
Then Yang Shuyi appeared in his line of sight. The temperature had dropped, yet he was somehow still wearing the same jacket he had worn when he came back to Yongchuan a month earlier, a very, very dark gray denim jacket whose stiff fabric made it look crisp and rugged.
“Bro!!!” Longlong threw herself at Yang Shuyi and hugged him. “Did you miss me?”
“I did. I bought you good things to eat.” Yang Shuyi patted Longlong on the head, then looked toward Shao Wu and the flowers in his hands.
Shao Wu stood where he was, his grip tightening secretly around the bouquet. He gave Yang Shuyi what he thought was an easy smile. “You’re back. Was traffic bad?”
“No.”
“Oh, good…” Shao Wu lowered his eyes to the four cardboard boxes. “The school handed these out. I can’t finish them myself, so I brought them over.”
“Thanks.” Yang Shuyi bent down and picked up two boxes. “Let’s go upstairs and talk.”
Longlong took the bouquet and walked ahead. Shao Wu followed behind Yang Shuyi. The stairwell smelled of chili oil from someone’s kitchen. The closer he got to Yang Shuyi’s home, the more he regretted coming. He really should not have shown up at a time when the whole family was reuniting. Yang Shuyi bringing Zou Xin home meant she was becoming a new member of their family. What was an outsider like him doing here, joining in the excitement?
He could feel the faint awkwardness between himself and Yang Shuyi.
Yang Shuyi was probably uncomfortable too. Why make things unpleasant for him? Shao Wu’s mere presence here was already making Yang Shuyi unhappy. He could understand that.
Longlong took out her key and opened the door. Yang Shuyi went inside and set down the boxes in his hands.
Shao Wu drew a deep breath and smiled. “Shuyi, take these. I won’t come in.”
Longlong said, “Huh?”
Yang Shuyi turned and looked at Shao Wu without moving.
“I still have to go back to school,” Shao Wu said, forcing himself through it. “There’s a meeting tonight.”
“What meeting?”
“Uh, just… a teaching-and-research meeting.” Shao Wu was afraid the more he said, the more obvious the lie would become, and even more afraid that Zou Xin would come out of the room the very next second and greet him with a radiant smile.
“I only came to drop some things off today. Oh, and the flowers are for you and your girlfriend… I’ll head back now. We can get together when we have time.”
Shao Wu did not even have time to go greet Grandma. He only wanted to put the things down and run, get out of there as fast as possible. He admitted he had selfish motives. He had wanted to deliver the gifts, yes, but he had also wanted to use the opportunity to see Yang Shuyi. Desire swelled. Before this, he had been able to endure going months without seeing him, but once he had seen him once, he wanted so, so badly to see him one more time.
Yang Shuyi still stood there without moving, so Shao Wu could only bend down and set the box by the entrance, then turn around quickly. “I really have to hurry back. Longlong, tell Grandma for me, okay?”
Without waiting for either of them to answer, Shao Wu hurried downstairs. For those few dozen seconds, the sound-activated stairwell light stayed on the entire time, almost as if it knew he would turn back.
Shao Wu practically ran out of the building. He was moving too fast, his heart pounding, and the cold wind made his nose sting. He felt as though he had asked for this misery himself. Look at him. Last time, he had been unable to resist calling Yang Shuyi, only to learn that Yang Shuyi had given up his recommendation-based graduate admission for Zou Xin. This time, he had been unable to resist coming to see him, and now he was fleeing in humiliation. Every time he lost to his desire to get closer to Yang Shuyi, the result was embarrassment.
Chunhui Residential Compound was going to be demolished. After leaving the building, Shao Wu stood beneath the black silhouette of a tree and thought that once the compound was gone, he probably would never be able to come looking for Yang Shuyi like this again. That was good.
Shao Wu took several heavy breaths and slowly walked toward the exit. The wind was strong, chilling his cheeks. Just as he was nearing the gate, the phone in his pocket rang.
It was Yang Shuyi.
A few seconds later, Shao Wu answered.
“Where are you?”
“Getting a taxi. What’s wrong?”
“Stay right there,” Yang Shuyi said. “Don’t leave.”
Very soon, before Shao Wu even had time to hesitate, he saw Yang Shuyi. Yang Shuyi had run over, his long legs taking huge strides. He stopped a few paces away from Shao Wu, breathing hard.
“My girlfriend didn’t come. We broke up.” Yang Shuyi seemed a little angry. “Do you understand what I’m saying? We broke up.”
Shao Wu blurted, “How is that possible?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? She didn’t think much of me, and I didn’t think much of her, so we broke up.” Yang Shuyi stepped closer, looked at Shao Wu, and asked quietly, “Were you crying?”
“…No.”
“Your eyes are red.”
“It’s the wind.”
“Come on,” Yang Shuyi said. “Grandma made a lot of food. Come eat something.”
Shao Wu asked hoarsely, “Yang Shuyi, why are you telling me all this?”
Yang Shuyi fell silent, lowering his eyes to look at him.
“You broke up with her, but you’ll just have another girlfriend. You don’t like men anyway. It’ll never be my turn… Wouldn’t it be better if I just got the hell away from you?”
Yang Shuyi remained silent. The wind blew in gust after gust. Winter nights were always especially quiet, so quiet it was as if the entire world were holding its breath, waiting for Yang Shuyi’s answer. But in the next second, he suddenly grabbed Shao Wu by the wrist and yanked him hard toward himself. Their bodies collided, almost becoming an embrace.
In the freezing wind, Yang Shuyi kept a tight grip on Shao Wu and pulled him back the way they had come. His back was to Shao Wu, so Shao Wu could not see his face.
Shao Wu heard only his voice, low and almost anguished:
“Ten percent, or twenty… I don’t even know what it is anymore, Shao Wu… don’t push me anymore.”