Shao Wu was completely dazed, letting Yang Shuyi drag him forward. His steps even stumbled a little. Yang Shuyi walked quickly and held on with such force that Shao Wu felt like a boat drifting on the surface of the water, while Yang Shuyi was the heavy anchor pulling him down.
For those brief few minutes, Shao Wu’s mind was utterly blank. Only Yang Shuyi’s words, “Don’t push me anymore,” kept repeating over and over in his head, like murmuring in a dream. Was this a dream? Shao Wu almost suspected that he had already gotten into a taxi back to the dorm, fallen asleep, and dreamed that Yang Shuyi had come looking for him.
But the tight grip around his wrist, that force, made him certain this was not a dream.
Finally, beneath a tall birch tree, Shao Wu said in a trembling voice, “Yang Shuyi, wait.”
Yang Shuyi stopped but kept his back to him, still not letting go. “What?”
“You… you said it’s twenty percent now?” No, this was not the time to talk about that. Shao Wu desperately forced down his wildly pounding heart. “You broke up. Let me confirm one more time. Really?”
“Really.”
“Then…”
Then what? Shao Wu could not say the words. Maybe he simply did not dare. He was afraid that the instant he spoke, Yang Shuyi would answer cleanly and decisively: no.
Then give me a chance, okay? Let’s try. Just try.
At last, Yang Shuyi turned around. His face was hidden in the mottled shadows of the tree, and only his dark eyes reflected two bright points of light from somewhere far away. Shao Wu stared at him with all his strength, wanting to lock him inside his field of vision forever.
Shao Wu stepped forward until he was almost pressed against Yang Shuyi. Fortunately, they were both bundled in thick winter clothes.
Yang Shuyi tilted his head slightly, as if he meant to dodge away, but in the end he did not move. He only released Shao Wu’s wrist.
“Yang Shuyi,” Shao Wu pleaded quietly, “let’s try, okay? No one will see.”
The birch tree’s shadow swayed in the wind. The last time he had been this close to Yang Shuyi was at the funeral banquet. Back then, the sun had been setting, and the grimy afterglow streamed across the table strewn with cups and dishes. If light bent around objects of great mass, if only… But the miracle had never happened. Yang Shuyi had woken up and shoved him away hard, and Shao Wu’s tailbone had struck the unyielding tile floor. It had hurt.
This time there was not even light. They were hidden beneath a tree, concealed by its vast shadow. This was some flaw in spacetime, a place where no one would see them.
Shao Wu did not even dare reach out. He only leaned closer, cautiously, slowly. His heartbeat had gone so wild that he could no longer feel each beat. His lips were trembling, and so were his curled fingers. Closer and closer. Yang Shuyi’s lips were thin and drawn taut.
Over and over in his heart, Shao Wu begged: Don’t push me away.
Yang Shuyi suddenly lifted a hand. It’s over. Shao Wu knew he was going to push him away.
But in the next instant, Yang Shuyi’s hand landed on his shoulder. He did not push him away.
Shao Wu touched Yang Shuyi’s lips.
They were soft and, like his own, ice-cold. He pressed his lips to Yang Shuyi’s. Yang Shuyi did not move, but then, unbelievably, unbelievably, he closed his eyes.
Shao Wu tentatively extended the tip of his tongue and felt the hand on his shoulder tighten abruptly, the thumb pressing against his collarbone with a faint ache. Yang Shuyi still did not push him away.
Shao Wu gently brushed his tongue over Yang Shuyi’s lips. They were a little dry and trembling, but soon grew moist under his touch. At last, unable to stop himself, Shao Wu reached out and loosely wrapped his arms around Yang Shuyi’s waist. He gripped Yang Shuyi’s jacket, his fingertips feeling the fine texture of the denim, and their bodies pressed close.
The hand on his shoulder suddenly slid upward and gripped the back of Shao Wu’s neck. The pressure urged Shao Wu forward, though there was nowhere closer to go, and the tip of his tongue entered Yang Shuyi’s mouth. Yang Shuyi let out a low gasp and began returning his kiss.
He kissed with more force than Shao Wu, perhaps because he had fewer reservations and less hesitation. His hand moved from Shao Wu’s neck to the back of his head, rubbing hard through his hair while holding him there, pressing Shao Wu to kiss him more fervently.
Shao Wu could see nothing and hear nothing. His mind was empty, as though every bit of sensation in his body had gathered into this kiss. How many years had it been? From 2007 to 2014, seven years already. For seven years, his life had circled around Yang Shuyi, and this time he had finally drawn close, so close that it seemed those seven years had existed only to wait for this moment. Heaven and earth were without mercy. They kissed.
After a very long time, Shao Wu did not know how long, perhaps a lifetime, perhaps a century, Yang Shuyi stepped back and let go.
He pressed his wet, gleaming lips together and said softly, “Satisfied now?”
Shao Wu did not know what exactly Yang Shuyi meant by “satisfied.” Instinctively, he caught Yang Shuyi’s hand. His fingertips were a little cold, but his palm was warm. There was no one on the road through the compound; at this hour everyone was eating dinner. The wind was still strong, blowing across Shao Wu’s burning face, yet somehow making it feel hotter and hotter.
Yang Shuyi let Shao Wu hold his hand and led him home.