Someone slapped away the hand, or paw, that was trying to attract every flower and butterfly in sight, then yanked Nalan Xuan firmly into his arms with unmistakable possessiveness. At the same time, he did not forget to shoot a vicious glare at the girls who were heroically charging toward certain death. The killing power should have been considerable, yet the entire sequence of actions only filled the air with pink bubbles. [Xiaoxue: Hey… aren’t you getting excited at the wrong moment? Aren’t you afraid one imperial decree will have you executed on the spot…?]
Nalan Xuan [corner of his mouth lifting, courting death]: So the officials are allowed to set fires but commoners aren’t allowed to light lamps? You’re allowed to wander through ten thousand flowers, but I’m not allowed a perfectly normal and reasonable beauty on each arm? Besides, I haven’t actually done anything substantial yet. I could never compare with Your Majesty~ [Tosses a handful of chips into his mouth. Crunch, crunch.]
Feng Xuanyi [face turning iron-blue]: Are you saying you still want to do something substantial?
The temperature dropped ten degrees. The smell of gunpowder became overwhelming.
Nalan Xuan [eating chips… very slowly and calmly]: I was merely making an idle comment about one possible and extremely reasonable direction events could develop. Believe it if you want, don’t if you don’t. You’re the emperor. Doesn’t everything ultimately happen however you say? [Crunch, crunch. Munch, munch.]
Feng Xuanyi’s expression became terrifying.
Xiaoxue [in agony]: This poor married couple is obviously fighting, and it’s a fairly lethal kind of fight. Could you all please remove those two giant hearts pasted over your eyes…
Nalan Xuan: First, we are not fighting. We’ve finally discovered that we’re far too incompatible and are currently solving the problem. Second, we are not a married couple. If you insist on discussing status, I am only one of his countless concubines, as numerous as cattle hair. “Wife” is far beyond me. I wouldn’t dare climb that high.
Xiaoxue: As numerous as cattle hair… what a fitting… what an exaggerated description… [I’m not spineless. That glare is just too sharp. ┌(￣^￣)┐]
Feng Xuanyi: We’re already outside the script. Stop bringing your work emotions into real life.
Nalan Xuan [dead serious]: We haven’t wrapped filming yet. Does it matter whether we’re inside or outside the script? Besides, life is a play and a play is life. Is there really a difference? And I think this script is very realistic. Quite faithful to reality.
Xiaoxue [muttering]: Why are they still being difficult with each other even off-camera? ⊙﹏⊙ Sweat.
Nalan Xuan [sweeping his chip-crumb-covered hand across the line of people onstage]: Besides, aren’t they CPs in their own stories too? Who knows whether they brought their scripted feelings into real life and are still acting even after filming ended?
One sentence stirred up a thousand waves. The stage instantly descended into chaos. Half the group waved their arms frantically while trying to explain themselves; the other half remained deeply affectionate, calm, and expressionless.
Below the stage, an assistant leaned toward the director and whispered.
Assistant: Director, if this keeps getting more chaotic, we’re going to have a broadcast disaster.
Director: Then why don’t you go up there and break up the fight?
The assistant instantly wilted into a miserable little heap.
Man Yue [impatient]: Enough, enough. If you keep arguing, you’re going to spoil the CPs. (Huh? Haven’t they already been spoiled?) If you want to fight, go home and fight. You can turn the roof upside down and nobody here will care. Just finish this troublesome recording first, then you can torment each other however you like. (Everyone: Are you sure you’re not included among the people doing the tormenting…?)
Xiaoxue [overflowing with gratitude, gazing at him as though he were the Holy Mother herself]: Is this the legendary act of turning the tide all by yourself?! With this many sons, one of them was bound to be filial!
The director had chairs brought up, and everyone sat down in order. No amount of coaxing could persuade Feng Xuanyi and Nalan Xuan to come onstage. They stubbornly insisted upon their status, position, and rights as audience members.
Xiaoxue [re-equipped for battle]: All right! After that brief little “disagreement” specially prepared for us by our guests, also known as showing off their affection in disguise, let’s turn our attention to what everyone has been doing lately~
Xiaoxue [swallowing nervously]: Demon Sovereign, what have you been busy with lately? Share it with everyone~
Ling Xu: What does what This Sovereign does have to do with any of you?
Xiaoxue [wicked + tempting]: If you honestly tell everyone, maybe I can help make it happen~
Ling Xu [disdainful]: Hmph!
Xiaoxue [persistent + patiently persuasive]: Think about it. You can spend ages thinking about it and still not necessarily make it happen… [Gets choked off by a knife-like glare and hurriedly changes course.] I mean, you can think and work for ages and still not have a one-hundred-percent guarantee of success. You can’t even guarantee it won’t backfire. But if you tell everyone and the response is good, for me it’s only a matter of moving my pen~ (P.S. Scripts and such exist to be rewritten~)
Ling Xu [wavering]: …
The audience suddenly lit up with countless gleaming eyes. (Hey, those expectant little looks are way too obvious…)
Xiaoxue [continuing her performance as the Big Bad Wolf]: Exactly~ So if you have any worries or wishes, just share them with everyone. All it takes is one sweep of my mighty pen~
The entire studio echoed ethereally: “One sweep of the mighty pen…” “One sweep of the mighty pen…” “One sweep of the mighty pen…” (Sound engineer! Beautiful work!!)
Rong Ye: If you dare say it, tonight you won’t have to sleep in the corridor–
Ling Xu [eyes flashing brilliantly]: !
Everyone [sudden realization]: So there was something like that going on!~
Rong Ye [cold smile]: You can simply never come back again.
Ling Xu [panicking, springing upright and looking pitifully at Rong Ye]: Ye, I was wrong. I really was wrong. Next time, as long as you say no, even if the arrow is already on the bowstring and has to be fired, I still won’t do it, all right? Forgive me this once…
Rong Ye [a suspicious flush appearing on both cheeks]: …
Everyone [sudden realization]: Ooooh…
Xiaoxue: So that’s what’s going on~ Darlings, do we understand now?~
Everyone in the audience: We understand…
Rong Ye [waving one hand, face bright red, whether from anger or embarrassment unclear]: Get as far away from me as you possibly can.
Ling Xu [genuinely confused]: I really didn’t ask them how to keep you from getting tired when we do it. I don’t know how they figured it out either. Ye, don’t be angry with me…
Everyone + Xiaoxue: Well, that certainly makes it impossible to explain yourself… [Munch, munch, munching chips. (Director, exploding with rage: Hey! You’re still onstage! Why are you randomly eating chips too? Do you even know the word “image”?! Xiaoxue wipes her mouth with her sleeve, delighted: Oh! So I have an image!)]
Xiaoxue: Huh? Does that mean we don’t need to ask Rong Ye this question anymore? If the gong is busy trying to eat but never gets to, doesn’t that indirectly prove the shou is dedicating himself to not letting him eat…?
Xiaoxue [summarizing]: As expected, no one understands a gong better than his shou~ Look at that tiny thought process. Rong Ye knew exactly what Ling Xu was about to say before he even said it. This is the true way of the CP! Wahahaha~ (Uh, apparently the director said I need an image. [Wipes drool.]) But you know, for a harmonious and happy married sex life, while a tiny bit of restraint may be necessary… (Why only a tiny bit?) …the occasional lavish feast is even more necessary than necessary~ (I am not revealing my intentions. I am an extremely pure and innocent person~) So we’ll temporarily let this little couple go and give them some time to warm each other up. (The two of them are enthusiastically tugging at one another off to the side. The Netherworld attendants quietly observing backstage: Are you sure they won’t start fighting?) Let’s move on to the next group~ (Uh, why does this feel like I lit the fuse and ran away…? Better pet Ji Ye in my arms to settle my emotions. Huh? Where’s Ji Ye?!)
Man Yue [laughing beautifully]: When you discovered you still had an “image” just now, you got so excited that while wiping your drool you accidentally threw him away. [Points.] It was a very standard parabola, though~
Xiaoxue [heartbroken]: My child! You’re the only filial one left now! (So filial that you threw him away the fastest.) You absolutely cannot die! (Are you sure he was ever alive? o(￣□￣)o)
Xiaoxue: Why does everything I say attract someone’s heckling?? Brackets-kun, crawling back and hiding by the door to watch the show is one thing, but who told you to keep muttering commentary? ┌(￣^￣)┐
Xiaoxue: Come, come~ Back to business. Elf King, what have you been busy with lately?
Liao Feng: Quite a few things. Which one do you want to hear?
Xiaoxue [internally]: Huh? Why does he feel inexplicably cooperative? Is this my imagination??