Xiaoxue [rushing around in a panic]: I haven’t even said my line yet! What are all of you piling onto the stage for?! And why did you come as a group?!
A procession of handsome men filed in one after another. At the front walked the alluring, wickedly beautiful Human Emperor Man Yue, still dressed in elaborate black robes and apparently pretending to be the night itself. Right behind him came the leader of the angels, Archangel Ke Luo, clad in gleaming silver armor and wearing his usual solemn coffin-face. Then came the others arranged from eldest to youngest: Second Angel Ya Fei, all in flowing white (huh? Why does he somehow feel so lofty and untouchable that I can barely look at him? Is that an illusion?); Third Angel Jesse, absent… Fourth Angel Jie Lie, red-haired (did he dye it?) and dressed in red, looking unusually seductive (huh? Why is everything getting subverted again?); Fifth Angel Yin Yue, also absent…
The stage, which had seemed fairly spacious, instantly became crowded. Even the lights dimmed in defeat before the dazzling entrance of eight handsome men. Xiaoxue hurriedly covered her eyes to keep from being blinded, while the girls in the audience put on sunglasses in perfect unison. (Xiaoxue [resentfully]: Did you people come prepared for this…?) The Netherworld attendants and others following behind were itching to join them onstage, but one glare from the Demon Sovereign sent the entire group shrinking back.
Xiaoxue [quickly putting on the sunglasses handed to her by the beloved and respectable camera lady, smiling wickedly]: Why are you so mean to your own subordinates? If they want to come up, let them. There’s plenty of room here, and we never complain about too many handsome men~ Or are you afraid too many people will squeeze little Rong Ye?
Ling Xu [glancing at the “tails” behind them]: Send them down too.
Xiaoxue [muttering]: Is he worried about little Rong Ye getting crowded, or is he afraid someone will steal his spotlight? o(￣□￣)o
Xiaoxue [pulling herself together]: Let us once again welcome everyone with the warmest possible applau–
The audience had already started applauding. (Xiaoxue [biting her handkerchief]: You’re doing this on purpose. You’re definitely doing this on purpose… >_< )
Xiaoxue [corner of her mouth twitching]: All right, everyone, please give us a simple introduction of yourselves~
The camera slowly swept across the group before stopping on Ling Xu’s face and beginning a series of close-ups. [Hey, camera operator… have some dignity. Wipe your drool. o(￣□￣)o]
Ling Xu: Hmph!
Everyone shuddered in excitement. [Are you all masochists? ⊙﹏⊙ Sweat.]
Rong Ye: Rong Ye.
Waiting…
Expecting + waiting…
Xiaoxue [horrified]: That’s it?? Isn’t this supposed to be a self-introduction? Aren’t you supposed to talk about your interests and hobbies? (Why do those sound like the same thing? Who wrote this hosting script…) Maybe share what you like and dislike with everyone?
Ling Xu: What else do you want to know? [Cold smile.]
Xiaoxue: It’s not only me who wants to know. Everyone wants to know. [Casting a hopeful gaze toward the audience. Everyone turns their heads in unison. Not one person looks at me. o(￣□￣)o] Fine. I don’t want to know anything. Next…
Liao Feng [smiling beautifully]: Liao Feng. Male.
Waiting…
Still waiting…
Xiaoxue [horrified again]: That’s it?
Liao Feng: What else do you want?
Xiaoxue [summoning the courage to roar]: You only gave us your name and sex! That’s literally the first line of a standard résumé! And everybody already knows both!
Liao Feng: But he only gave his name. [Points at Rong Ye.] At least I gave you my sex too. [Looking proud of himself.] Besides, even if every human knows, there are still people here who aren’t human, such as gods, demons, and elves. As a sports program with broad public influence and a promotional mission… (Why has everybody collectively decided this is a sports program… >_<) …we need to guide the public positively and spread positive energy.
Xiaoxue [muttering]: Why do I suddenly feel like Liao Feng has turned into a chatterbox…
Liao Feng [still smiling]: What did you say?
An inexplicable cold wind swept across the studio.
Xiaoxue [smiling ingratiatingly]: Nothing at all. Let’s continue with the next person~ (I am not changing the subject. I am absolutely not changing the subject…)
Bai Yu [gentle and composed]: Bai Yu. Male. Age… even my mother doesn’t know, so naturally neither do I. [The camera switches away at exactly the right moment as Xiaoxue rolls to the front of the stage and starts digging a hole.] I serve as the Elf Attendant. Protecting the Elf King is my duty. Likes and dislikes are unimportant. For people like us, we cannot allow outsiders to see our weaknesses, so I’ll keep those private. I hope everyone will forgive me.
Everyone’s eyes filled with tears.
Xiaoxue [stunned with delight]: Finally! A normal person I can communicate with!! [Joyfully charging forward to grab Bai Yu’s hand, only to be instantly swatted back by Liao Feng, who is standing beside him like a plague god.]
Bai Yu [completely unruffled]: I’m not a normal person. My species is elf.
Xiaoxue [too tired even to complain]: Fine. You’re a normal elf… Next…
Xiaoxue [struggling on her deathbed]: Let’s hurry. Next guest~
The camera changed angles.
Man Yue [arrogant expression, leisurely fanning himself with an ink-black fan]: Human Emperor, Man Yue. Unknown to humanity, yet sovereign over humankind.
Ke Luo: Leader of the angels. Archangel Ke Luo.
Xiaoxue: This entrance order is wrong. In the script, Man Yue only showed a silhouette at the end of volume two. Why did he get placed before Archangel Ke Luo?
Man Yue: [Smiles without speaking, continuing to wave his ink-black fan.]
Ke Luo: Do you want me to spoil it?
Xiaoxue: Fine… So spoilers are an issue here too… [Muttering quietly: But that spoiler is reaching pretty far ahead, isn’t it? The lifelong relationship problems of the two couples before you haven’t even been settled yet…]
Liao Feng: Which is why you should hurry up and fill the pit. Then I can finally bring my beauty home and everybody will suffer less.
Bai Yu [smiling gently]: Your Majesty should probably stay out of it. Even if you can’t let go of your feelings, keep them in your heart. Otherwise Gods and Demons, which only just managed to turn the corner, might end in a BE after all… or perhaps stage a threesome?
Beside them, Ling Xu immediately pulled Rong Ye into his arms and swept a wary gaze around the studio. He instantly became suspicious of every blade of grass and every tree, looking ready to kill anyone who approached without permission.
Liao Feng [his face instantly turning colder than a mountaintop in winter]: Bai Yu… [He reaches out to touch him, but Bai Yu quietly avoids the hand.]
Xiaoxue [surprised and curious]: Huh? Huh? Is there perhaps… something going on here??
Everyone [indignant]: Stop pretending you don’t know.
Having perfected the art of selective vision, Xiaoxue ignored the undercurrents surging among Ling Xu, Liao Feng, and the others. She passed Man Yue and Ke Luo, who looked perfectly calm and entirely detached from the drama, and the camera followed her until it focused on a man dressed in white as pure as snow, someone who seemed as though he might quietly disappear at any moment.
Ya Fei: Second Angel, Ya Fei.
Jie Lie: Fourth Angel, Jie Lie.
A quiet sigh rose from the audience. Nobody expected these people to volunteer another word at this point.
Girl A: What if we threaten and bribe them? Give anyone who answers properly a lollipop?
Girl B: … [Already eating a lollipop.]
Xiaoxue [muttering]: One, two, three… eight… Why does it feel like we’re missing two?
A spotlight swung toward one corner of the audience.
Nalan Xuan [legs crossed, happily crunching chips from a bag in his arms]: Isn’t Qixi supposed to be Valentine’s Day? [Mumbling with his mouth full.] The two of us are currently fighting in the script. [Too busy eating to do more than vaguely point his pinky toward the flash of imperial yellow beside him.] It wouldn’t be appropriate for us to join a theater where illicit sparks are flying everywhere, so we’ll just be spectators~
One of them said this with complete confidence. The other sat beside him looking relieved, troubled, and somehow both at once. In summary: the expression of someone who had just eaten something deeply unfortunate.
The entire studio fell silent for three seconds…
Then the audience exploded.
Xiaoxue: Security! Somebody call security!
Nalan Xuan [smiling with particular indecency]: What are you screaming for? With beauties throwing themselves into my arms, how could I possibly refuse? [He wipes his chip-covered hand on the hem of his costume. (Because it’s only wardrobe, so you don’t have to take care of it? >_<) Then reaches out, clearly intending to embrace one beauty on each side.]
Everyone fell silent. Had these two swapped souls?