Happy times passed at the same speed as sorrowful ones, regardless of whether you tried to hold on to them or forget them. More than half the summer vacation had already slipped away in Yinguo Town, yet Ke Bu remained content to wallow in his current state of self-indulgence. He did not want to think about what he had to do next or about the things troubling him. He hid inside a shell that required no thought, worrying about the passing of time and youth while fearing the unknown things waiting for him ahead.
Holding his toothbrush, Ke Bu stared at his reflection in the mirror, his mouth filled with white foam. Zhi Li’s words were like a thunderstorm breaking across a bright and sunny morning.
“You still aren’t preparing to leave? How long do you plan to keep imposing here?”
Ke Bu spat out the foam. “Are you kicking me out now?!”
“Since you understood the literal meaning, don’t ask the same question again.”
“Just how annoying am I to you?” Ke Bu complained as he rinsed his mouth with water and spat it out.
“How many days have you spent at home this year?”
“I haven’t counted.” Zhi Li kept bringing up the very thing Ke Bu was desperately trying to avoid. He refused to let Ke Bu forget the pain, digging that ugly wound out of the darkness again and again. Ke Bu walked past Zhi Li and left the bathroom, unwilling to say anything more to him. Like ordinary couples, they also had problems in their relationship. Whenever this heavy subject came up, the atmosphere would become unpleasant. Ke Bu threw his shoulder bag onto the bed and began placing his clothes inside. Zhi Li merely stood beside him and watched, his all-seeing gaze leaving Ke Bu’s heart nowhere to hide. Once he finished packing, Ke Bu lifted the bag. “I’m leaving.”
Zhi Li grabbed Ke Bu’s arm, but Ke Bu forcefully pulled free. “What are you doing? Let go.”
“Do you have to put on this performance every time you go home?”
The two of them had also experienced a minor unpleasant episode over this matter during the previous winter break. Ke Bu did not understand. Was it wrong for him to want to remain beside Zhi Li? Yet Zhi Li stubbornly insisted on reminding him about his family. Was there any reason to return to that family?
“Who do you think is responsible for things turning out this way? If you hadn’t mentioned it, perhaps…”
“Perhaps what? Perhaps your family would return to the way it was? Perhaps that woman named Ding Luo Yuan would never have appeared?”
“Stop talking. I don’t want to hear it. Are you only happy when we’re fighting? I’m not like you. Everyone has some hidden affliction too difficult to put into words, and mine is my family. Can’t you simply stop mentioning it? Does making me suffer bring you that much pleasure?”
Zhi Li gave a cold snort and released Ke Bu. “So you’re saying that I’m the one making you suffer? Ke Bu, you truly have the nerve to say that. You keep tearing open the wound with your own hands, yet you do it in my name.” Hearing the truth he had always denied stated so directly left Ke Bu at a loss. His entire body felt cold. Everything had two sides. He had initially fallen in love with this part of Zhi Li’s personality. That personality had given him happiness, but it also dug out his pain.
“You’re such a bastard. You know saying these things will make me…” Ke Bu could no longer speak. His throat spasmed painfully. He clenched his hand and allowed his fingernails to sink into his palm, leaving deep marks behind.
“Of course I know. Do you think I don’t understand what you’re thinking? You want me never to mention it again for the rest of your life. You want me to stand beside your suffering and watch without doing anything, pretending with you that nothing has happened.” Zhi Li pinched Ke Bu’s chin and forced him to look at him. “Listen carefully, Ke Bu. I can’t do that.”
“If you would just give me some time—” Before Ke Bu could finish, Zhi Li interrupted him.
“Everyone is giving you time. And what are you doing? Squandering it.”
Ke Bu forcefully broke free and tried to shove Zhi Li away. “It isn’t your place to lecture me about this. What do you know?” How long had it been since the two of them had argued so fiercely? No matter how many times they fought like this, Ke Bu could never grow accustomed to the suffocating pain twisting inside his stomach. This was the unknown he feared: a single sentence or incident could ignite a war.
Zhi Li wore an indescribable expression. Anger, disappointment, confusion—various emotions mingled within his clear eyes. He spoke faintly. “Am I not even allowed to touch that part of your world?”
That question shattered Ke Bu into pieces. He could not answer for a moment, then quickly became hysterical. “What’s wrong with leaving things as they are? I’m satisfied with my life now. What right do you have to make decisions for me?”
Zhi Li shoved Ke Bu against the wall. Pain shot through his back, and he knitted his brows but did not dare meet Zhi Li’s eyes. Through clenched teeth, Zhi Li said, “Try telling me one more time that I have no right. Remember this: I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.”
“I’ll say it if I want—”
The hand pinning him in place pressed harder. “Don’t test my patience.”
“It hurts. Let go of me.” Ke Bu bit down on his lip.
Zhi Li released him. Wearing an icy expression, Ke Bu headed toward the door. He did not want to remain there—not for another minute, not even another second. The air had turned into sulfuric acid, corroding his skin with unbearable pain. This time, Zhi Li did not stop him. He merely returned to the desk, picked up his sketchbook, and drew one leg up. His voice was barely audible. “Do you want to know what my hidden affliction is?”
Ke Bu stopped. He did not answer, but waited for Zhi Li to continue.
“It’s you—the one who cannot let go of his family.”
That brief sentence shattered the last of Ke Bu’s reason. He fled in disarray.
Sitting on the train home, Ke Bu kept his eyes fixed on the scenery rapidly retreating beyond the window. He and Zhi Li had argued before. After several days, once they had both calmed down, everything would return to normal as though nothing had happened. This time would be the same, wouldn’t it? Yet even after telling himself that, why did it still hurt so much? His own words could soothe nothing. His body and heart thirsted bloodily for Zhi Li, yet the darkness buried within him pulled in the opposite direction, tearing him apart again and again, ripping him open until he bled while still refusing to release him.
Meanwhile, Ding Luo Yuan had spent more than two months in constant fear and unease. She stared at Ke Qin sitting before her, uncertain how to begin. The matter went back to the day she had visited Ke Bu. Only after leaving did she remember the local specialties she had brought for him in her bag. When she returned, however, she saw Ke Bu and Zhi Li inside the school building. Ding Luo Yuan did not know how she had managed to leave. Her mind was in complete turmoil, and it took her a long time to calm herself. On one hand, she wondered whether she should tell Ke Qin; on the other, she was deeply worried about Ke Bu. She had never imagined that Ke Bu would be together with another boy. Ding Luo Yuan, who had regarded him as her own younger brother since childhood, ultimately resolved to discuss the matter with Ke Qin.
Futile Devices Scans 
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