The scene of their first meeting was relatively peaceful. At dusk, Cui Dong Dong was playing around with several pretty girls at a racing track in Kowloon City—the track was merely a secluded and sparsely populated stretch of normal road that had been occupied by various thugs fond of racing. During fixed hours every day, even passing pedestrians would tactfully take a detour. A kid wearing no helmet appeared, riding the latest model of motorcycle, making no noise and watching them from a distance.
Cui Dong Dong glanced at him dismissively, put on her own helmet, and jokingly asked the pretty girls to bless her helmet with some “sweeties”. The pretty girls stood on their tiptoes and puckered their lips, leaving many lipstick prints with mwah-mwah sounds all over her white helmet.
Then, carrying the fragrance and beauty of those red lips, she hit the road. The night wind whipped past her ears as she tackled surging slopes, spicy and stimulating sharp turns, and the myriad colors of countless neon lights in the distance. With the throttle pressed to the limit, it was a hearty and dripping sprint!
Unsurprisingly, she was the first to cross the red line. She turned back with ease, pulled a pretty girl referee she didn’t know onto the bike, laughed heartily as she took off her helmet, and pressed the girl against the bike for a deep French kiss. The onlookers all jeered with “Oh! Oh!” After the kiss, the pretty girl referee’s eyes were misty and her face was flushed, her shyness beyond words.
Shortly after, the pretty girl referee sat on her back seat, and the two of them rode back to the starting point. While other riders were still competing incessantly, she was busy kissing and teasing the girl, getting into a heated and flirtatious mood.
Just as they were kissing with smack-smack sounds, an abrupt voice said, “I want to have a race with you.”
Cui Dong Dong looked up impatiently—the corners of her mouth still stained with the girl’s lipstick, a deep and thick crimson, looking like a handsome vampire who had just finished a meal. “What?”
The young handsome boy, whom she had never seen on the track before, said, “You are the best on this track, I want to have a race with you.”
“Can’t you see I’m busy?” Cui Dong Dong said while embracing the pretty girl, and glanced disdainfully at his bike. “A new bike? Go get it blessed before coming back. Even the worst bike here is faster than yours.”
The youth looked down at his bike and said nothing. He got on his bike and turned to leave.
Cui Dong Dong didn’t care about him at all, thinking he was perhaps a young master from a nearby family who had come to watch the fun. Half a second later, she threw this minor interlude beyond the Xiang River and began discussing the matter of spending the night with the pretty girl.
……
Three days later, she encountered this youth on the track again. The motorcycle beneath him had undergone a bold and expensive modification, from the gearbox and clutch to the fuel tank and engine. However, there were no other major changes to the exterior; he didn’t follow other riders in making exaggerated changes like applying gold foil, inlaying ox horns, or installing insect-like giant eyes.
Cui Dong Dong circled his bike repeatedly, looking at that extremely valuable six-cylinder engine, thinking, “Holy crap, he really is a young master with no worries about money. How about I kidnap him tonight for a ransom?”
This reasonable thought was regretfully canceled after she learned that the other party was the adopted brother of Azure Dragon and the Third Young Master of the Xiao Qi Hall.
If he wants to race, then let him race. Life and death waivers are signed on the track. Even if this little boss were smashed into seven or eight pieces, The Azure Dragon would have no grounds to cause trouble for her.
Luxury parts aren’t worth a damn. As expected, the little boss crashed spectacularly on their tricky track. Riding in front, Cui Dong Dong heard the sharp sound of braking and a collision behind her. Turning her head, she saw the youth had abandoned the bike just before the total destruction of man and machine, bouncing from the bike to the ground and then into the roadside bushes as if he were on a trampoline. Fortunately, he was wearing an equally expensive set of protective gear and a helmet. After a while, he crawled out of the bushes on his own, looking dizzy but remarkably unharmed.
However, his bike had slammed head-on into a large stone barrier by the road, with the front and the engine completely smashed.
The youth took off his helmet and limped over to pick up his wrecked bike. Though his face was pale, there wasn’t a trace of fear or lingering trepidation. He didn’t even bother to check himself, only squatting on the ground to nervously feel the bike.
She turned her bike back and asked while sitting on it, “Hey, kid, are you looking for death?”
The youth picked up the bike without a word. Cui Dong Dong looked him up and down and felt he hadn’t suffered any life-threatening injuries, so she turned to leave. The youth, however, called out to her again, “Hey, you are very good, can you teach me? I want to take you as my master.”
Cui Dong Dong took off her helmet and gave him a fake smile, revealing two rows of white teeth. “I don’t take disciples. But if you invest five million into my Tan Xiang Hall, I can teach you for free.”
The youth frowned, “I have no money.”
Cui Dong Dong was amused, “If you have no money, how did you replace this German-imported six-cylinder engine?”
“I asked the butler to help me change it,” the youth said, sounding a bit nervous and a bit lost. “Is this very expensive? How much did it cost?”
Cui Dong Dong quoted a figure to this young master who clearly hadn’t touched an abacus. Unexpectedly, his expression immediately turned as if heaven and earth were splitting apart, his face full of horror and rage as if saying, “What? They actually dared to spend that much?! I’m going back to beat someone up!”
“What? Isn’t he just a spendthrift?” Cui Dong Dong thought, but looking at the young master’s clothing, build, complexion, and temperament, “He truly looks like someone the Azure Dragon raised by burning money.”
The youth pushed his bike back angrily. A week later, he appeared on the track again—this time he was more modest, having only changed to a four-cylinder.
He introduced himself as Liu Yi, but he didn’t take the Azure Dragon’s surname, instead using the surname Xia. He was sixteen years old this year, a few months older than Cui Dong Dong—if calculated by his June 1st birthday. Cui Dong Dong wouldn’t take him as a disciple, but he wasn’t discouraged. He watched the track every day and practiced back and forth on his own in the middle of the night when no one was around. This Third Young Master was neither overbearing and arrogant nor weak and soft. Although his speech was direct and slightly foolish, he had no schemes or devious ideas—which, of course, made him seem even more foolish. Cui Dong Dong found him interesting, and he found Cui Dong Dong impressive. Over time, the two gradually became well-acquainted.
……
One evening, Liu Yi ate two extra pieces of cake at home and arrived late to the track. He found Cui Dong Dong caught in a brawl with several wealthy young masters. The other side had brought seven or eight delinquent youths, while Cui Dong Dong’s side only had four or five petite delinquent girls. Although every girl was as brave and skilled in battle as Cui Dong Dong, they were ultimately no match for the size and numbers.
Without a word, Liu Yi jumped off his bike, rushed up, and slammed his helmet into one of the delinquent youths, making him stagger. He bent down to pick up a brick and joined the fray with a wild roar. This fresh force came on strong, fighting with kicks and strikes, smashing bricks onto foreheads without a hint of hesitation. Cui Dong Dong’s side’s morale soared as they fought side-by-side with him, beating the delinquent youths into a frantic retreat in just a few minutes.
As they left, the leader was still foul-mouthed, “Damn it! You pervert! You better remember this!”
“Who the hell are you calling a pervert! Your old man was screwed by a donkey to produce a worthless bastard like you with no asshole who can’t take a shit so it comes out of your mouth!” Cui Dong Dong stood behind with her hands on her hips, cursing loudly.
After everyone had run far away, Liu Yi wiped away some sweat and asked her, “Why did he hit you?”
“I slept with his girlfriend.”
“……”
“Why are you staring at me? It’s not like I seduced her. That woman threw herself at me. How was I supposed to know she had a boyfriend!”
Liu Yi helplessly wiped his sweat again, “Don’t you already have many girlfrie… many booty calls? Can’t you control your junior?”
“What junior?” Cui Dong Dong said in bewilderment. “I don’t have a junior.”
Liu Yi stared at her in shock.
The two stared at each other for seven or eight seconds, then Cui Dong Dong rolled up her sleeves and lunged at him!
This fight was a match between equals, hearty and dripping. The reason was that until that day, Liu Yi still thought Cui Dong Dong was a man. They had known each other for two whole months, and he hadn’t realized. Even when Cui Dong Dong erupted with punches and he resisted in confusion, and even when their fight was over, he still didn’t know Cui Dong Dong was actually a girl.
Cui Dong Dong and he beat each other’s faces black and blue, neither winning over the other. Finally, they sat leaning together under a tree, gasping for air.
“You’re quite good,” Liu Yi said.
“You’re quite good too,” Cui Dong Dong also said.
“But why did you hit me?”
“You said I had a junior.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Cui Dong Dong let out a hopeless sigh, stood up, pulled open her clothes to reveal the bra underneath, and said, “I’m a girl.”
“……” Liu Yi.
His face turned bright red, and he scrambled three meters away to hide.
“Damn it, are you a virgin?! Haven’t you seen a woman?!” Cui Dong Dong cursed. “We’ve known each other so long and you still took me for a man, are you blind?”
The youth kept silent with a green face. Cui Dong Dong was amused, “Are you really a virgin? There are so many pretty girls at the track, you’ve never hooked up with any?”
The youth stammered, “You, you are a girl, then you still… go to, go to a hotel room with women…”
Cui Dong Dong laughed heartily, then her face changed, “If you can’t stand it, then get lost!”
The youth fell silent for a while, then sat back down beside her, “I, I don’t find it hard to stand. You are my first friend, and we will be friends forever.”
Cui Dong Dong was also only sixteen that year. Young boys and girls in their prime are always easily moved by the word “forever.” She used her small fists to pound Liu Yi’s chest fiercely, “Hmph!”
She didn’t tell Liu Yi that he was also her first friend.
……
Later, as she became more familiar with and understood Liu Yi, she discovered that this kid was naturally unable to recognize faces or genders—beauty, ugliness, height, or weight meant nothing to him. A straight man would naturally care about a beautiful woman’s looks, and a gay man would naturally care about a handsome boy’s physique, but for Liu Yi, he couldn’t see any difference between men and women. He had no sexual interest in either party and no judgment on beauty or ugliness.
“You are what’s called an asexual,” Cui Dong Dong asserted.
Liu Yi had no reaction to this evaluation, showing neither disappointment nor rebuttal. He just asked her very seriously, “Then is there any way to make me have a reaction to women?”
“You want to treat impotence?”
“No, I can, can do that. It’s just that I have no reaction to women, and none toward other men either.”
“‘Other men?”
“……” The youth realized his foolishness had let the cat out of the bag. He froze on the spot, then suddenly turned and ran!
“Damn it, what are you afraid of! If you like men, just say it! Which one do you like?” Cui Dong Dong shouted while chasing him.
“I don’t! I’m not!”
The youth fled far away. After a while, he came back dejectedly on his own and said despondently m, “Dong Dong, you, you are smart, help me think of a way… The person I like, he wants me to be with women. He, he had people take me to a brothel to ‘get a taste’…”
Cui Dong Dong widened her eyes, “So you went?”
“I was tricked into going.”
“And then?”
“And then I… I vomited.”
“Hahahahahaha!”
Liu Yi glared at her, preparing to chase and hit her. She laughed until she couldn’t breathe, dodging and coughing, still laughing uncontrollably.
“Are you even a friend?!” Liu Yi said angrily. “Help me think of a way!”
“If you can’t do it, don’t force it,” Cui Dong Dong said amusingly. “Are you stupid? Why don’t you just tell him directly? Say you like him, say you don’t want to ‘get a taste’ with women.”
Liu Yi shook his head vigorously, “No! I can’t say it! He doesn’t like men! I can’t harm him!”
“Damn it, who could harm whom! Sleeping together won’t kill men!” Cui Dong Dong said. “If you’re afraid of getting AIDS, just wear a condom with each other. Does he have many women? Is his sex life messy?”
“He doesn’t have that kind of disease! He isn’t that kind of person!” Liu Yi gave her a hard push. “Don’t you dare say that about him!”
“Whoa, you guy who values sex over friends! You change faces the moment I say anything!”
Cui Dong Dong complained about him for a while, and finally made a resentful suggestion, “Since you can’t confess and are being forced to ‘get a taste’, you can only do this: Give some money to those girls and ask them to help you put on a show.”
Liu Yi was very surprised, “Can I do that?”
“Of course!”
Cui Dong Dong put her arm around Liu Yi’s shoulders and whispered into his ear. Acting as a military strategist, she devised a series of grand plans for Liu Yi to fake being straight. Finally, she patted his shoulder, “Get it?”
Liu Yi nodded, “You’re truly amazing.”
“Of course! Alright, now can you tell your only, best friend, whose heart is witnessed by heaven, earth, sun, and moon—who exactly do you like?”
The youth’s voice was as soft as a mosquito’s, his face flushing as he moved his lips.
“What? Speak up.”
“My Eldest…”
With cheeks as crimson as a young girl in love, he turned and fled quickly.
Leaving Cui Dong Dong stunned on the spot, staring blankly at his back.
“Holy shit, you truly have eaten a bear’s heart and leopard’s gall!”
Futile Devices Scans 
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