Futile Devices Scans

May 1997.

Inside a bright and clean office building in Tsim Sha Tsui, men and women in business suits were rushing in and out with hurried expressions. With just over a month remaining until the return of Hong Kong to China, this reasonably well-known exhibition company had taken on numerous matters regarding local chambers of commerce and trade cooperation between Hong Kong and the mainland. They were currently in the heat of a bustling period.

The company sign at the floor’s entrance was inlaid with a row of glittering gold characters: “Everybody Get Rich Trade and Service Co., Ltd.” Upon closer inspection, one could see a faint trace of writing beneath the sign, where the words “Xiao Qi Investment” were barely visible—remnants left behind after the old sign had been scraped away.

Inside the chairman’s office at the end of the corridor, the arrangement of the office furniture remained exactly as it was four years ago. However, the desks and cabinets were now filled with a mountain of ornaments. At first glance, the colors were incredibly pure, consisting entirely of golden Buddha heads, golden lions, golden toads, golden bats, and golden Pi Xiu…

Elio’s Notes: Pi Xiu is a mythical animal that brings luck and wards off evil, having head of a dragon and lion’s body, often with hoofs, wings and tail.

In the very center of the desk sat a golden sycee the size of a human head. At a glance, the room was extraordinarily opulent, shimmering with a radiant glow.

The man sitting in the executive chair was humming a song while using a golden toothpick to pick at his glittering golden front tooth. His eyes were fixed on a wooden photo frame on the desk that was entirely out of place among the surrounding gold decorations.

The frame was quite old, with worn corners, and it held a group photograph of several young men and women standing by the sea with their arms around each other’s shoulders. In the center of the photo was a burly young man with a scarred face, forcefully wedging his large frame between two handsome lads who were holding hands, grinning with a mouthful of white teeth in a manner that was both brilliant and arrogant.

The man stared at those white teeth for a long time before shuddering and squeezing a single word out from between his own glittering gold teeth with utter disdain:

“Tacky!”

There was a rhythmic knocking at the door.

The man looked up, revealing a mature, heroic, and rugged face—wild and full of masculinity. An old scar ran across his sharply defined features, giving him a fierce and untamed expression. He lacked any trace of a businessman’s temperament; instead, he resembled a wild beast draped in the skin of a suit.

“Come in!” the man barked impatiently.

The door opened, and a young fellow poked his head in. He had two enormous protruding ears and was hopping about like a monkey. Behind him followed a cowering young lad who looked thin and withered, possessing a very dejected image.

The monkey-like youth said jubilantly:

“Brother Ma! I’ve brought my country cousin! Do you remember him? He’s the one I always talk about—the one who is super motivated and has a great future! I brought him here for you to check out! What do you think? Not bad, right! He just arrived in Hong Kong and has nowhere to stay. I beg you to arrange a job for him!”

Chairman Ma frowned as he sized up the young lad from head to toe.

“Is this one even an adult?”

The monkey youth slapped the young lad on the head.

“Hurry up and tell Chairman Ma how old are you?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Twenty-one my ass, sixteen is more like it!”

Chairman Ma glared.

“Speak honestly!”

The young lad couldn’t find his voice for a long time, sobbing and sniffing for a few breaths. Just as Chairman Ma was about to lose his patience and urge him on, the young lad suddenly let out a violent roar.

With a “rip,” he tore off his upper garment, revealing a muscular torso—though he was extremely thin, his muscles were embedded in his body like bars of steel.

“Boss Ma, what I said is true!”

His face turned beet red as he puffed out his chest and shouted. He then fumbled a slip of paper from his pocket with trembling hands and presented it with both of which:

“This, this is my identification. I am twenty-one this year! My uncle is a martial arts master! I have practiced martial arts since I was six and followed my uncle across the country. I am experienced, of good character, and a hard worker. I hope to contribute my humble effort to Boss Ma! Whatever you need, I shall exhaust my heart and soul…”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Chairman Ma interrupted him impatiently. “Are you performing an opera?! Exhausting your heart? Riding a foal? I can’t understand a word of it! Tell me, what skills do you have? What are you good at?”

The young lad snapped to attention, puffing his chest out.

“Fighting and brawling! Debt collection and robbery! Anything you can think of, Boss, there is nothing I cannot do—”

“Stop, stop, stop!”

Chairman Ma’s eyes glared fiercely.

“What the hell do you think this place is?! Calling me ‘Boss’ every second—what era do you think this is? Ask your cousin what you should call me!”

His cousin slapped him on the head again.

“Dunce! Call him Chairman Ma!”

“Greetings, Chairman Ma!”

Chairman Ma waved his hand impatiently.

“Fine, fine! Still talking about ‘fighting, brawling, and debt collection’?”

He pulled open a drawer, took out a thick stack of bills, and slapped them down next to the golden sycee.

“I have so much money; do I still need to go out and rob?! We are in an era of peace now. You youngsters need to learn to shift your mindset. You clamor about killing and fighting all day long, but have you made any money from it? If you had, would you still be as starving as a baby chick?!”

The young lad was scolded until he looked utterly dejected, hanging his head in defeat.

“Lift your head and let me see!” Chairman Ma commanded.

“Good. Turn around. Turn around and stick your backside out for me to see.”

“Fine then,” Chairman Ma said after a few glances, turning to the cousin. “His aptitude isn’t bad. Send him to Big Silly’s place and fatten him up so he can receive guests.”

The young lad looked miserable.

“Chairman Ma, you… you want me to be a male prostitute?”

“In your dreams!” Chairman Ma glared. “I’m sending you to the security company for training! To be a bodyguard! Has all that muscle grown into your brain?”

Having secured a job, the young lad thanked the boss profusely and fled in a panic. His cousin couldn’t escape and stayed in the office to be lectured.

“You call this pathetic display ‘motivated’? Is your ancestral grave smoking with such luck?”

The monkey youth had followed Chairman Ma for three years and had been lectured until his scalp was two layers thinner; he stood there thick-skinned and shameless.

“Hehehe, Chairman Ma, look at what you’re saying. He’s just a kid; he’ll learn after some education. His heart isn’t bad.”

“His heart isn’t bad, but yours is! Relying on my favor to send another freeloader my way!”

“Oh, Brother Ma, look at you. After a few months of training, won’t he start making money for our company? Hehehe.”

The monkey youth stepped forward diligently to massage Chairman Ma shoulders and legs.

“Chairman Ma is the best, Chairman Ma is wonderful, Chairman Ma is our golden sycee! Oh, by the way, I heard that several new swimsuit models just arrived at the nightclub owned by Fat Monk. How about I treat you to some fun tonight? To repay your kindness in recognizing my cousin’s talent!”

Chairman Ma remained unmoved.

“Boring. I’m not going!”

The monkey youth leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I heard one of them has particularly large breasts…”

“How large could they be?” Chairman Ma lazily lifted an eyelid.

“This… this big,” the monkey youth gestured in front of his chest.

Chairman Ma scrutinized the familiar dimensions and sighed with feigned reluctance.

“Hmm, then I suppose I’ll go take a look.”

“Great! Chairman Ma! I’ll call a few of the brothers to make it a lively party!”

By evening, in a private booth at the nightclub, the atmosphere was filled with wine and debauchery, and the tables were a mess of discarded plates.

Chairman Ma was dead drunk, clutching a heavily made-up model with large breasts. Holding the microphone, he belted out the lyrics to the year’s hit song by the reigning superstar, Just for Me to Love One Day.

“If you use my feelings to love for one day, I am willing to let time stand still and wait for you for ten years… ah ah ooh ooh… ooh ooh waiting for you to fulfill… ooh ooh there will come a day…”

He forgot the lyrics and didn’t even open his eyes to look at the screen. His face was flushed red and hot, his eyes closed as he wailed like one under a spell. Reaching the most emotional part, his voice choked up.

One hand tightly gripped the model’s breast as he sang through a mess of tears and snot:

“If you used my heart to live for a day, you would surely understand how my days pass like years… woo woo woo… rain and wind everywhere… woo woo…”

A group of underlings, their faces as red as monkeys’ butts from drinking, clapped and cheered from below.

“The Chairman sings so well! The Chairman sings so well!”

“The Chairman is a man of true sentiment!”

The Chairman was indeed a man of candid sentiment. As the song ended, he finally couldn’t hold back and began to wail loudly while hugging the model:

“You unconscionable little slut! I, Ma Ru Long, almost lost my life for you. Who the hell told you to leave as soon as your injuries healed! Did you even discuss it with me?! Woo woo woo! It’s been four years, four years already! I can’t find you anywhere. Are you trying to kill me with longing… woo woo woo… you heartless thing! I’ll smother you, I’ll smother you, I’ll smother you with my snot!”

As he cried, he rubbed his snot and tears all over the model’s large breasts.

The new young lad cautiously poked his cousin.

“Who is the Chairman crying about?”

“His wife. They say she was a beauty with large breasts. No one knows why she ran away a few years ago…”

The model was terrified by the Chairman’s snot and tears. She tried to struggle but couldn’t break free. Watching helplessly as a large glob of snot was about to drip into her cleavage, she couldn’t help but let out a piercing scream:

“Eek—!”

Accompanied by that scream, the door to the booth was kicked open from the outside!

“Police raid!”

“Police! Don’t move!”

“Identify yourself!”

The group of underlings looked at each other and obediently handed over their identification.

Chairman Ma stayed rooted to the spot, his face covered in snot and tears, asking with a sob:

“Officer, what is the matter?”

“Ma Ru Long, you are currently suspected of engaging in triad organizational work, holding an illegal assembly here, and gathering to use drugs! Follow me to the next room for a blood test!”

“Test my ass! Who the hell is using drugs? I haven’t finished crying yet!”

Chairman Ma was not yet satisfied and refused to let go of the model’s breasts. During the struggle, several officers forcibly pried his hands away. Twisting and shouting, he was hauled away by the officers in his drunken state.

The remaining underlings looked at one another. The new young lad was trembling.

“Cousin, what… what do we do?”

The monkey youth slapped him on the head again.

“Do what?! The cops are definitely looking for trouble on purpose!”

He turned and barked at two other young men:

“Hurry up and call Legal Consultant Xie Jia Hua!”

Reeking of alcohol, Chairman Ma was hauled into a private booth at the end of the floor. There was no music in this booth, and the lights were bright.

Several officers helped him onto the sofa and turned to lock the door.

Two figures stepped out from the corner of the booth, standing before him and looking down at him.

Chairman Ma’s hair was a mess, and his face was covered in streaks of water. He grinned, revealing a glittering gold tooth. He slumped onto the sofa, curled into a ball, clutching a throw pillow while sobbing and mumbling incoherently—looking as pathetic as could be.

Xie Jia Hua frowned.

“How did he get this drunk? I’ll go find some sobering medicine.”

Another young man standing to his right stared at Chairman Ma’s gold tooth and let out a laugh.

“No need.”

As he spoke, he grabbed a glass of cold water from the coffee table and splashed it directly onto Chairman Ma’s face.

Chairman Ma jumped and opened his eyes in a daze.

Xie Jia Hua leaned down and said, “Hey, wake up. Boss Ma, do you still recognize me?”

Chairman Ma scrutinized him carefully before waving his hand groggily.

“Don’t, don’t, Deputy Police Commissioner Xie Jia Hua. I haven’t been a boss for many years.”

Seeing that he had regained some rationality, Xie Jia Hua continued:

“Boss Ma, there is no one else here, and there are no listening devices. Let’s speak plainly. I didn’t come here to cause you trouble today.”

Chairman Ma squinted and slapped his own face, failing to dispel the drunkenness in his brain.

He said hazily, “Oh, then may I ask what Deputy Police Commissioner Xie Jia Hua wants with me?”

Xie Jia Hua got straight to the point.

“The Hong Kong police need you to fulfill your duty as a citizen to assist in a criminal investigation. We are cooperating with international police on a transnational drug trafficking case, and one of the leads points to the local society, Dong Yang Society.”

“We discovered that this society has business dealings with your Xiao Qi Hall, and you have some friendship with their leader, Fat Monk. I want to ask you to act as an intermediary to plant an Interpol informant into the Dong Yang Society.”

Chairman Ma squinted and thought for a long time, his face twisting as he said:

“Deputy Police Commissioner Xie Jia Hua, did I hear that wrong? I think I heard you asking me to help the police plant an undercover agent?”

“Precisely.”

“Have I gone mad? Or have you all gone mad?”

Xie Jia Hua actually thought the idea was quite mad himself, but he continued nonetheless.

“Boss Ma should meet this undercover agent first. Allow me to introduce the consultant from the Thailand Division of Interpol…”

He stepped aside, and the young man behind him leaned over toward Chairman Ma on the sofa, speaking in fluent Cantonese:

“Hello, Mr. Ma.”

The moment Chairman Ma heard the voice, he shuddered as if struck by lightning.

In that instant, his pores felt like they were bursting, his blood boiled, and his heart drummed! He was suddenly stone-cold sober.

He scrambled to sit up and stared blankly at the man before him—someone who was both incredibly familiar and incredibly strange.

The young man was handsome, with a hint of a smile in his eyes. He smiled and extended his hand toward him.

“First time meeting you. My name is Susin.”

Chairman Ma remained motionless, as if turned to stone.

The young man smiled again, a slight blush appearing on his peach-blossom-like face. He called out again with some bashfulness:

“Big Brother Ma.”

Chairman Ma’s ears turned hot. His soul returned to his body in an instant.

He tremblingly pressed his two hands like tiger claws against the other’s chest. Beneath his claws was a flat expanse—there were only two slightly protruding mounds of hard flesh.

He curled his fingers to give them a squeeze; the feel was firm and elastic—unmistakably pectoral muscles.

He suddenly erupted into a heart-wrenching, shrill, and tragic wail:

“WHERE DID THE BREASTS GO—?!!!”

… The Story of Xiao Ma, End. …

If a sequel is required:

Late that night, at Chairman Ma’s residence.

“WHERE ARE THE BREASTS—?!!!”

“Big Brother Ma, I’m sorry. Back then, Kun Zhang had a massive bounty on my head. He almost captured my friend and even investigated Liu Yi and you. I thought I couldn’t hide like that forever and keep dragging you all down, so I had surgery to change back into a man and went into the Golden Triangle as an undercover agent.”

“It took me four years to gain Kun Zhang’s trust and lure him out to be captured. He’s going to the International Court in a few days…”

“Cut the crap!! WHERE ARE THE BREASTS—?!!!”

“There are no more breasts. How about I go get some chest pads for you to play with?”

“I don’t want fakes—!! I want the two real ones from before—!!”

“The real ones are gone.”

“Woo woo woo… my breasts… the breasts I’ve thought about for four years… those were my breasts, you didn’t even consult me… how could you be so cruel… woo woo woo…”

“Didn’t you say back then that you didn’t care if I was a man or a woman? Do you love me, or do you love my breasts?”

“Woo woo woo… the breasts, of course… AHH! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! Let go, let go! I love you, I love you, I love you!”

“Do you still want the breasts?”

“No more, no more, no more! I want you, I want you, I want you! I was just joking with you, baby. I missed you to death, I love you to death. You are my lifeblood. Could you please let go of Brother Ma’s eggs first? We can talk this out… wait a minute, what are you tying me up for?”

“I don’t believe you really love me. Prove it.”

“How… how do you want me to prove it? What… what are you going to do? What is that in your hand? Isn’t that for your own use? Why are you taking off my pants?”

“Hehehe, I am a man, after all. What do you think I want to do?”

“No, NO—!! HELP—!! Ah… ahh… ah…”

Smack! Smack smack! Smack!

… The Sequel to the Story of Xiao Ma, End. …

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