Naturally, Qian Xuelang could not agree to such an absurd request.
It was not some debt that had to be paid back and forth. He had done what he did partly to comfort Ren Yijue, and partly to test a suspicion.
Before giving it any more thought, Qian Xuelang instinctively refused Ren Yijue.
Ren Yijue smiled good-naturedly. Some of the worry between his brows faded. Rather than looking embarrassed or humiliated by the refusal, he seemed almost happy. As though seeing straight through Qian Xuelang’s thoughts, he asked gently, “Did Jade Beauty discover something?”
Looking into Ren Yijue’s perceptive eyes, Qian Xuelang suddenly had no reply. For some reason he felt irritable, though he could not say what was wrong with the question. There was simply a vague discomfort he could not explain.
Yet how was this question any different from their earlier discussions of the Dao?
“Jade Beauty must like me at least a little by now. Even if it isn’t the kind of affection that would make you spend a lifetime with me as Dao companions, surely you don’t dislike being close to me.” Ren Yijue’s expression held an almost excessive, mature forbearance. “What you did just now… ha, perhaps Jade Beauty meant it as a punishment. To me, however, it was a reward…”
He murmured to himself, absorbed in his thoughts, then raised his face to the heavens. The cold moon hid behind a bank of purple clouds. Everything was steeped in chilly darkness, as though the moonlight fell through an impossibly thin sheet of ice, leaving a penetrating coolness in the air.
Ren Yijue’s heart settled.
“Still, let’s follow Jade Beauty’s intentions. Besides being a punishment, I imagine Jade Beauty had another reason for that kiss.”
Qian Xuelang listened quietly, watching the subtle changes in Ren Yijue’s expression. The pitiable, immature young man suddenly seemed to grow up. Or rather, he became once again the steady, composed stranger Qian had first met. His gaze was determined, his manner unruffled, and he possessed an effortless, carefree elegance, as though standing outside events and letting nothing disturb his heart.
The only thing that seemed certain was that Ren Yijue truly was happy.
But why was he happy?
Qian Xuelang was bewildered. He had indeed kissed Ren Yijue, but both knew perfectly well that it was not a response to his love. Ren Yijue himself had made it clear that the measure of liking Qian felt was not yet love—
If Ren had gained nothing, where was this happiness coming from?
“You can tell?” Qian Xuelang asked.
Sometimes even Qian Xuelang found it amusing that he seemed forever to be questioning Ren Yijue, about anything and anyone, even about his own heart.
So he added, “Is it that obvious?”
“No.” Ren Yijue lowered his head with a smile. “It’s simply that I can tell. There are many ways to punish someone. Jade Beauty knows that I harbor improper intentions toward you, yet you chose that method. You must have had something else in mind.”
Qian Xuelang thought for a moment and nodded. “That’s right. I once resisted Wan Yuntao. Although I later forgave him, I did feel displeased then. But with you, it was different…”
Ren Yijue smiled faintly. Although Wan Yuntao and Ren Yijue were the very same person, he understood Qian Xuelang’s distinction.
Back then, Wan Yuntao had been nothing but a complete stranger and a demon in Qian Xuelang’s eyes. It was only natural for Qian to resist. After all, a cultivator of the Emotionless Dao was not some saint offering his body freely to anyone, without resistance to desire.
Something heavy seemed to drop within Ren Yijue’s chest. He felt an aching sourness and, at the same time, an extraordinary tenderness. He sighed, “To have a Jade Beauty in this world who is so infuriating and so lovable… it makes one feel sad and happy all at once.”
Ren Yijue seemed completely calm now. Only the mountain stream continued its noisy flow. Looking at the water, Qian Xuelang thought it had perhaps carried away many of Ren Yijue’s worries.
That was not necessarily a bad thing.
“Then what did Jade Beauty come to understand?” Ren Yijue asked gently. “Or was that all you learned? That… you can accept me, but could not accept Wan Yuntao?”
Qian Xuelang thought about it. “Was there supposed to be something else?”
Ren Yijue gave a very soft sigh. It seemed less a true sigh than a mixture of helplessness and hesitation. He picked a blade of grass from the ground and held it up for Qian Xuelang to see.
“When Jade Beauty kissed me just now, it was rather like this.”
Qian Xuelang watched him bend the blade of grass into a ring, rubbing the ends lightly between his fingers until they barely joined. The result was a loose, crude little circle.
Qian raised an eyebrow, genuinely curious. “What does that mean?”
Ren Yijue was silent for a moment and grew embarrassed. There were things he could say, but speaking as someone pursuing Qian, his words might sound like an attempt at seduction. After considering them carefully, he wove the little blade into a delicate ring. Though it was a single leaf, it formed two strands wound around and leaning against each other, almost impossible to separate again.
“Desire… ahem, looks more like this. It longs for two people to become entwined so closely that they cannot be parted.”
Qian Xuelang remembered his experience in the Earth-Mother Womb Pool: the demon’s scent, the hands that had held him fast, and a tongue that had seemed to twist and coil in his mouth. Abruptly he looked away, unexpectedly embarrassed, and felt his face grow warm.
That was an enormous relief to Ren Yijue. Two people being embarrassed was always preferable to being embarrassed alone. Naturally, he did not tease Qian Xuelang, nor did he shamelessly wheedle for another kiss. He simply kept silent and waited for Qian Xuelang to compose himself.
Qian Xuelang soon recovered his composure. After reflecting for a moment, he asked, “Like the scent inside Mister Huanqing’s carriage?”
“…It does have that sort of effect,” Ren Yijue admitted after a moment’s thought. “But that only stirred desire, not affection. Didn’t Jade Beauty simply feel restless and uncomfortable, and so leave the carriage?”
Although Qian Xuelang had never personally experienced such things, he was not entirely ignorant. Admittedly, what he did know was little better than ignorance. After pondering it, he asked, “Then what does it feel like?”
“Very pleasurable,” Ren Yijue replied half-jokingly. “Like the greatest bliss. Isn’t that what the books say? Has Jade Beauty never read them? Before rosy lips even move, the fragrance of rouge arrives; there is surprise and attraction, half reluctance and half yielding, and desire arises.”
Qian Xuelang smiled faintly. “Is rouge absolutely necessary?”
Ren Yijue froze, then heard him continue. “You needn’t answer. I’m joking. Naturally I understand such things in principle, but I’ve never experienced what they actually feel like. There are many things in this world that one can never truly understand merely by reasoning them out. One must experience them oneself.”
Ren Yijue said nothing.
“Have you ever done it?” Qian Xuelang abruptly asked. “You’re so handsome and charming. Surely plenty of people have thrown themselves into your arms.”
Ren Yijue smiled. “I’m afraid Jade Beauty will be disappointed. Though I don’t cultivate the Emotionless Dao, my temperament is so intense that Master took particular care to teach me restraint from childhood, warning me not to indulge myself excessively.”
“So desire must be restrained as well as emotion.” Qian Xuelang nodded thoughtfully, his expression still cool. “Then presumably you don’t understand either.”
Ren Yijue opened his mouth, then closed it again. He had wanted to say that food and attraction were only human nature, so how could he fail to understand? But that would sound frivolous, and if Jade Beauty followed up with more questions, things would only become awkward. In the end, he answered glumly, “…Mm.”
Since Ren Yijue did not understand, Qian Xuelang naturally could not ask him. He felt rather disappointed. But as soon as that disappointment arose, he became alert and admonished himself: Is Ren Yijue the only person under Heaven I can ask? Am I seeking the Dao, or seeking him? Moreover, these questions concern love and desire. Even if he understands, wouldn’t pressing him endlessly be making light of his feelings?
With that thought, he forcibly suppressed the small regret stirring in his heart.
Clever as Ren Yijue was, how could he have guessed so much? Seeing that Qian Xuelang had stopped questioning him, he sighed in relief. There were plenty of things in this world for which answers were hard to obtain.
The two walked in silence through the night breeze for a long time. Somewhere, flowers that bloomed at night had opened, and their fragrance grew steadily stronger.
“Have you met the village chief yet?” Qian Xuelang asked.
“Yes.” Ren Yijue nodded and recounted what he had learned. Most of it was of little use, apart from a sweet yet terrifying story of the Heavenly Demon and the Demon Mother’s past. “Heavenly Demons are powerful from birth. They live by the law of the strong devouring the weak and, unlike humans, rarely gather together. But the Demon Mother was different. The Demon Mother wanted to turn this world into a realm of demons, and the Heavenly Demon deliberately fought wars to fulfill the Demon Mother’s wish.”
Qian Xuelang raised an eyebrow. “You think the Heavenly Demon still wants to transform the human world into a paradise for demons?”
“That’s my suspicion. After all… legends say that Heavenly Demons are solitary beings. Besides, the last time he appeared, he turned many people into demons,” Ren Yijue said evenly. “But no one knows whether he is doing it for the Demon Mother.”
Only then did Qian Xuelang realize that even a matter as momentous as this could be discussed and finished in almost no time at all.
It seemed Qian Xuelang’s journey with Ren Yijue ought to come to an end.
At that moment, Ren Yijue heard a natural sound borne on the wind. He suddenly smiled once more and asked slowly, “Does Jade Beauty remember our promise?”
“Promise… You mean… the zither?”
Ren Yijue smiled. “Exactly. Our agreement about the zither. Jade Beauty owes me a piece of music, and I’d like to hear it now.”
Now?
Qian Xuelang hesitated. There were few ties or promises between them. Were they truly going to settle this one agreement about music so casually, on a night like this?
“We have no zither.”
“I do,” Ren Yijue said.
Sure enough, he drew a long case from his bag. Inside was an old zither. He stroked it with obvious affection and said softly, “Master specially made this for me when I was eighteen. It’s hardly an unparalleled treasure, but I cherish it dearly. I hope Jade Beauty won’t disdain it.”
Qian Xuelang took the zither. It was fine, so fine that it was almost astonishing.
He put aside his hesitation. “Then what would you like to hear?”
“Anything. It… it doesn’t matter. I ask only one thing: Jade Beauty must think of me while playing this zither.” Ren Yijue spoke slowly, still smiling. “I told you I’m terribly greedy. Knowing Jade Beauty cares about me has already made me happy, so now I want to be happier still. I want to hear what sort of music Jade Beauty would play because of me. Jade Beauty’s talent is extraordinary, your understanding exceptional. If I wait any longer, I’m afraid there may be nothing left, and you may no longer care about anything at all.”
“So I want to receive this tiny measure of affection now, while Jade Beauty still likes me a little.”