Aston looked a little surprised and raised an eyebrow.
Qin Siyu asked again, ‘Kingsley, I’d like to hear you play the piano. Would that be all right?’
‘Of course.’ Aston would never refuse him. He put back on the jacket draped over his elbow. ‘Shall we go to the university?’
There was no instrument in the rented house. Qin Siyu thought for a moment. ‘I think there’s a music shop nearby. Four or five blocks away? About fifteen minutes on foot? It stays open quite late, so it should still be open.’
‘All right.’ Aston nodded and offered Qin Siyu a hand. ‘Let’s have a look.’
Qin Siyu took his hand. Once they stepped outside, both let go naturally, their palms suddenly empty.
Aston asked, ‘What did you do today?’
Qin Siyu smiled. ‘Went to prison.’
Aston looked at him in surprise. Qin Siyu explained, ‘Two sons of a former neighbor were jailed for theft. Their family asked mine to inquire about their situation and see what could be done.’
Aston nodded. Qin Siyu continued, ‘The stolen property was worth about two hundred dollars. It could be treated as petty theft or serious theft. They’ll probably need the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association to pull strings and pay some kind of “ransom.” The police say it’s the third time they’ve been arrested. Every new offense makes release harder. At this rate they’re bound to end badly.’
Aston asked, ‘Can they still change?’
‘No,’ Qin Siyu said flatly. ‘I don’t know about the others, but Mr. Liang’s two sons won’t change. They’re finished.’
He seemed unsettled. Apparently he wasn’t an entirely disinterested observer. Aston glanced at him.
The music shop occupied a small two-story building. Its display window held harps, violins, cellos, and other instruments, with decorations arranged among them. Large lettering across the glass read: ‘Sheet Music for Sale,’ ‘Used Pianos Bought and Sold,’ ‘Instrument Repair and Tuning.’
Wind chimes hung at the doorway, tinkling whenever the breeze blew.
Qin Siyu and Aston pushed the wooden door open. Inside, yellow light glowed faintly and the air smelled of timber and piano lacquer.
Behind the counter sat a tidy elderly man, around sixty, wearing a three-piece suit with its sleeves rolled up, perhaps to make his work easier. One end of the counter stood beside the front door, while a bookshelf occupied the other, stocked with textbooks, sheet music, and music magazines for customers to buy on impulse while paying. Jazz and blues were fashionable, and many of the books covered those styles. Concert flyers and locally printed orchestra advertisements were pasted to the counter. Old posters covered the walls, along with photographs of the owner beside famous musicians.
The shop sold instruments of every sort. Several upright pianos stood along one wall, and a lovely grand piano occupied a corner.
Aston gave a nod of greeting. The elderly proprietor nodded back, his voice hoarse. ‘We’ll be closing in half an hour.’
‘All right. Thank you,’ Qin Siyu said.
Aston hung his jacket on a coat stand by the door, crossed the shop, and sat at the grand piano. He laid his long fingers on the keys and tested a few notes.
His posture was casual and relaxed, but not careless.
‘Sean,’ Aston asked, ‘what would you like to hear?’
‘Hmm…’ Qin Siyu didn’t know the title of the piece he’d heard so many years ago, but its melody had returned to his mind again and again.
The shop was quiet. He stepped closer, their black and blue eyes meeting. Qin Siyu lowered his voice and hummed a fragment he remembered. ‘Something… like this.’
That passage had repeated several times in the piece.
Aston listened a while, then suddenly smiled. ‘My dear Sean, weren’t you planning to make your living in Cantonese opera as a child?’
Qin Siyu was startled. ‘I was.’
‘Would you really have earned your living with pitch that bad?’
‘Fuck you,’ Qin Siyu said. ‘I was very young when I first heard it. You can’t expect someone that age to remember it precisely.’
‘Still…’ Aston’s lips curved. ‘I think I’ve managed to recognize the piece.’
‘…Really?’ Qin Siyu caught his breath. ‘That’s wonderful.’
He moved to the piano’s side, guided by memory. Even the angle and distance were the same as before. He raised his eyes to Aston as he had done all those years ago. ‘Then… can you begin?’
Aston nodded, looked away, rolled up his sleeves, and flexed his long, jointed fingers.
He rested them on the keys. After a brief pause, a flowing line of beautiful notes rang out.
Music could bring a person back through time. At the sound of those notes, Qin Siyu felt as though he had returned to the church of his childhood.
The past and present overlapped. The lofty vaulted ceiling and colored stained glass became the closely arranged instruments and endless scores of the music shop. He was now tall enough to look down at the piano, and the little boy before it had grown into the handsome, towering man he knew.
The child’s once-soft features had grown sharper, but the music was the same.
Once in the church, once in the music shop.
Next time, they should visit that church in daylight.
The music flowed. The old proprietor stopped his work, moved more quietly, and came out from behind the counter to watch.
A lamp hung high in the corner. Its light was like a river surrounding the two men. Qin Siyu felt himself floating and swaying within it, wave after wave of dizziness washing over him.
He gazed at Aston, his memories returning now and then, crossing with the present.
With his sleeves rolled up, Aston wore the wristwatch Qin Siyu had ‘found’ on the beach. The watch clasped his wrist over the steady beat of his pulse.
It seemed as though the melody were speaking to Qin Siyu. After doubt and uncertainty, it gradually moved toward the light. The music grew peaceful once again, enduring and profound.
When the familiar climax came, Qin Siyu nearly burst into tears.
Time seemed at once very long and very short.
At the end, Aston struck the piece’s final note, lifted his hands, and looked at Qin Siyu. After a moment’s silence, his voice was gentle, almost musical. ‘Sean, was it you?’
Qin Siyu lifted his gaze from the keys. ‘What?’
‘Was it you—’ Aston asked in full, ‘the petty thief?’
At the words ‘Was it you, that little thief?’, Qin Siyu shuddered.
His eyes opened wide.
He still remembered!
Aston waited quietly.
A lump rose in Qin Siyu’s throat. Only after a long while could he reply, ‘Kingsley… it was me, Kingsley.’
Aston gazed at him. Qin Siyu continued, ‘I’ve been strange today, and you noticed long ago, didn’t you? Kingsley, I went to that church to steal something. If I hadn’t met you, I might be in prison too. All these years, maybe every time I’ve wanted to hate the world, I’ve remembered you, or felt your shadow somewhere nearby. You… you’ve been accompanying me all along.’
Aston watched him tenderly. His gaze seemed like a pair of hooks sinking into Qin Siyu’s flesh and catching at his nerves. ‘Sean, I’m so happy.’
Qin Siyu looked blankly at him. ‘Hm?’
‘That I could be with you and become a part of your life. Not only from university onward. I’ve been a part of it since you were six.’
He said, ‘I am so grateful to be part of your journey alongside you.’
Overwhelmed, Qin Siyu said, ‘Kingsley, thank you for playing that piece again. I… I want to go home now. Would that be all right?’
Aston rose gracefully. ‘Of course. Sean, let’s go home.’
Putting his jacket on, Aston walked out of the corner with Qin Siyu.
The music-shop owner applauded. ‘Are you a concert pianist?’
Aston only shook his head.
He asked Qin Siyu to wait outside the shop for a moment. Standing there, Qin Siyu had no idea what Aston was doing or what he was discussing.
Two minutes later the wind chimes rang softly and Aston came out. They walked side by side for a few steps. Suddenly Qin Siyu seized Aston’s left wrist and began running toward ‘home’!
Aston was startled for an instant, then ran with him. They raced past shops and under streetlamps, all the way to their rented house. They rushed inside, pushed the door gently shut, and embraced.
They pressed light kisses to each other’s lips. Qin Siyu asked, ‘What was that piece about?’
‘Eternity,’ Aston replied. ‘Peace and serenity after struggle.’
‘Eternity…’
‘Sean,’ Aston asked, ‘when did you recognize me?’
Qin Siyu answered, ‘After the day in Yosemite. A classmate mentioned that contest, and I wanted to see it with my own eyes. I searched and searched. The classmate couldn’t remember the exact newspaper date, or even the newspaper’s name. I went through them one by one and finally found it. At first I didn’t connect the photo to the child in the church. He just looked familiar. It took me another two or three days to realize it was you.’
Aston had been a little older by the time of their church meeting than in the photograph.
Yosemite—
Qin Siyu’s attitude really had changed afterward.
Aston asked again, ‘Sean, this is a childish question, but… may I know? Is it the person I am now that you love, or the person I was then?’
The moonlight was tranquil. Qin Siyu kissed his chin. ‘All of you.’
He laid out his feelings and told Aston.
He’d already begun secretly falling for Aston at the time. So when he discovered Aston was the little boy he’d met in church, his heart had raced and his fingers trembled.
No wonder the familiarity and sense of salvation had been so strong, at the dance, the police station, and the national park.
Years later, he’d fallen for Aston a second time.
Or perhaps the truth was that he’d been searching for that same shadow all along.
For years, in a hidden way, without even being aware of it, he’d been searching for someone’s shadow.
Again and again his blood had raced and his heart leaped for the same person.
Aston placed a hand against the back of Qin Siyu’s head, slipping his fingers slowly into his hair and spreading them to massage his nape. With the other hand he caressed Qin Siyu’s lips, following every line and stroking the little fullness for a long time. Clearly he was preparing to kiss him.
‘Kingsley,’ Qin Siyu said, stretching his neck, ‘what were you talking about with the owner before you came out?’
Aston paused. His hand slowly withdrew from Qin Siyu’s hair, pulling the strands gently and making his scalp tingle.
He reached into his coat pocket. A moment later, with a soft rush, Qin Siyu felt something drop over his head.
Qin Siyu: ‘???’
What was it?
Aston turned on the light. Qin Siyu looked upward and suddenly understood.
Draped over his head was a whole piece of red cloth strikingly similar to the piano cover from their childhood.
Aston had bought it at the music shop. It was a complete red piano cover.
Qin Siyu smiled and reached up to pull it off.
But Aston cupped his face through the cloth and held it in place. ‘Sean, I’ve looked something up.’
‘Mm?’ Qin Siyu said.
Aston explained, ‘In China, when a newly married couple holds their wedding, the wife covers her head with red cloth like this. During the ceremony, her husband gently lifts the veil, and they become husband and wife.’
Qin Siyu’s hand stopped where it was. ‘That’s right.’
At the word, a faint breath stirred the red cloth.
He saw Aston gently pinch its edge and lift it, folding back one small section.
His chin emerged, then his full lips and straight nose.
The red piano cover was raised fold by fold, inch by inch, until at last their eyes met.
Qin Siyu thought: Those bright-blue eyes look so strange. They don’t quite suit this scene.
Aston rested the lifted cloth gently on Qin Siyu’s head, arranging both hanging sides, then cupped his face through the fabric and kissed him.
The red cloth enclosed Qin Siyu’s ears, leaving them tingling and itchy. Aston traced his lips carefully, first one half of the lower lip, then the upper, then the other halves, patiently outlining every curve.
When Aston slipped his tongue inside, neither could restrain himself any longer. Aston held Qin Siyu’s face with his fingers pressed into the red cloth. Qin Siyu embraced Aston around the head and neck. They rubbed and entwined their tongues with all their strength, taste buds sliding together again and again until wet sounds echoed through the room.
A tingling shot from Qin Siyu’s tailbone into his brain like a bolt of electricity, then radiated through every limb. His entire body became extraordinarily sensitive, every nerve alert and trembling. His limbs seemed unable to move. Even his clothes sent shivers through him: the slightest motion that rubbed fabric against skin produced another wave of tingling.
‘Kingsley…’ Qin Siyu murmured indistinctly. ‘I… I…’
What did he want to say?
What did he want?
Neither could stand it any longer. They put the piano cloth aside. One of Aston’s hands slipped into Qin Siyu’s black hair, while the other traveled down the back of his neck, gently pulled the hem of his shirt free, and followed his waistline from back to front, feeling his muscles tighten and tremble.
Qin Siyu’s lower abdomen rose and fell with his breathing. Aston’s index knuckle brushed against those muscles, scraping lightly upward from below.
His abdominal muscles quivered violently.
Even his trousers had begun to strain.
They went on kissing. Aston slowly unfastened one of Qin Siyu’s shirt buttons, then another and a third.
When the highest button was undone, his hand slipped inside to tease the raised points on his chest.
Qin Siyu tried to arch his waist, but Aston held him against his body with the other arm and kept touching him.
After a while Aston opened his own buttons, even those of his suit trousers.
At last his hand stopped on Qin Siyu’s belt.
The belt was very old. There was a distinct whitened crease, and the holes were loose and worn.
Qin Siyu had made the holes himself with a red-hot iron nail. The belt had been reduced in price because it was too large, so he’d bought it, pierced new holes, and used it for years.
In secondary school he’d used nothing but a knotted piece of string as a belt.
Aston unfastened the buckle and pulled the belt free. Qin Siyu’s trousers hung lightly at his hips, the front falling open a little. With his gaze lowered, Aston undid the buttons of the fly and spread it wide, revealing the fabric of his underwear. Then, perhaps to spare Qin Siyu some embarrassment, he threaded the belt back through the two loops at the rear of his trousers only, not through the sides or front. He held up the back while allowing the front to hang loose. The belt passed over all the front loops, its two ends fastening directly over Qin Siyu’s bare, pale abdominal muscles.
‘You—’ Qin Siyu protested.
What possible purpose was there in wearing trousers held up at the back but not at the front?
The belt went through only two loops at the rear, supporting the back of his trousers, while its buckle lay against the front of his waist! The trousers were caught at his lower back, but the front was drooping.
Aston even pulled the sides of the open fly farther apart.
Everything… served to expose and emphasize only the middle of his body.
His lower abdomen was very pale. The worn belt crossed it, with another strip of firm white skin beneath. The fly hung down, wide open, almost deliberately spread apart, while the underwear inside was already—
Qin Siyu breathed rapidly, his lower abdomen making the belt rise and fall.
Aston kissed him again.
At the same time he grasped Qin Siyu’s waist with both hands, slid lower to hold his buttocks, and pressed him hard against Aston’s own lower body.
Qin Siyu threw back his head and opened his mouth in a soundless cry.
His tongue even protruded a little, and Aston caught it between his lips.
After one thrust came another, then a third and a fourth.
When the excitement became unbearable, Aston pulled down his own underwear and Qin Siyu’s. Their exposed organs pressed and rubbed together.
It was too intense. Qin Siyu’s backside trembled. He covered his eyes, clenched his teeth, and said, ‘No… I can’t… I really can’t.’
Seeing that Qin Siyu was genuinely overwhelmed and mortified, Aston snatched up the piano cloth from nearby and wrapped it around both their waists, tying a casual knot behind them. He embraced Qin Siyu, drew his hands away from his face, and continued rubbing against him while meeting his eyes.
Qin Siyu felt himself drowning once more in that expanse of blue, unable to escape. He looked at Aston. Then they touched foreheads and noses, mingled breath, embraced, and kissed now and then, sometimes deeply for a while, sometimes in disorder. Beneath the covering cloth they moved against each other.
The stimulation was overwhelming. Qin Siyu’s entire pelvis ached, his whole body tingled, and it seemed every drop of blood in his head was boiling, burning through his nerves.
Their movements grew more urgent. Qin Siyu even began to learn the technique himself, sometimes rubbing with the side of his body, sometimes pressing directly, searching for the angles and pressure he liked. His fingers dug into Aston’s shoulders, the knuckles jutting and nails turning pale.
‘Ah…’ He moaned. ‘Ah…’
Their movements were so vigorous that the knot loosened, and the piano cloth slipped away.
Qin Siyu caught one glimpse and was startled.
Aston’s organ was thick and long, curved upward, with a large head and prominent raised veins twisting along it.
The two were pressing and rubbing together, both wet, in a complete tangle.
Both were aroused to the limit by the other.
Aston immediately caught the cloth, wrapped it around them again, and tied it behind Qin Siyu. Gripping the knot, he braced Qin Siyu’s waist and continued.
A sensation accumulated gradually. Qin Siyu’s eyes lost focus and his strength drained away. He buried his forehead between Aston’s collarbones. Aston held his waist and hips, moving with the rhythm he loved most. Qin Siyu recalled the glimpse beneath the cloth and convulsed sharply, his legs weakening as he ejaculated, soiling the cloth.
‘…’ Aston released too. He untied the cloth, withdrew from the embrace, then fastened it around Qin Siyu alone, covering his lower body from waist to thighs. He picked Qin Siyu up as easily as a child, carried him to the bedroom, and tossed him onto the bed.
Qin Siyu bounced twice on the large mattress. The cloth fell open, but because the knot was behind him, his groin remained concealed.
There were no lights on in the bedroom. Yet in the moonlight Qin Siyu could vaguely make out that Aston seemed to be aroused once more.
Aston leaned over, adjusted the piano cloth, and turned Qin Siyu over inside it so that he faced away.
Beneath the cloth, Qin Siyu’s long legs were exposed, at once sensual and angular.
If held too long, they developed a vivid red mark.
Moonlight fell across his legs, pale as porcelain.
Aston thought of the word porcelain.
Something that came from Sean’s country. It suited Sean.
He lifted one edge of the cloth, lowered himself against Qin Siyu, and pressed close again, covering both their lower bodies. This time he tied the knot over Qin Siyu’s lower abdomen.
Something brushed along the cleft of Qin Siyu’s buttocks, across his tailbone. So long, so hot.
The air itself felt damp and sticky.
Qin Siyu thought: Every time we’re intimate, we hide it somehow, in darkness or beneath a covering… as though that makes it less unforgivable.
But without realizing it, they’d… actually gone this far.
At one moment it seemed the tip had come to rest at his entrance.
‘No…’ Qin Siyu whispered. ‘We can’t…’
If they went all the way, they could never return.
No matter how often they called it ‘a moment of confusion,’ they would stand before society’s judgment forever.
Aston knew this too. Through the cloth he held Qin Siyu’s waist firmly. His organ slid between Qin Siyu’s thighs, warm and slick against their inner flesh, and began moving slowly but steadily forward and backward.
Out, then back between his legs.
Because of the position, Qin Siyu’s own organ hung slightly downward and swayed. Aston’s was long and curved upward, so each pass between Qin Siyu’s thighs brushed it, sometimes directly. The stimulation vanished almost immediately, leaving Qin Siyu tingling and aching with frustrated anticipation.
The two points on Qin Siyu’s chest were touched too. Unable to bear it, he arched his back, lifted his hips, wanting more…
He lowered his head and clenched the bedsheet in all ten fingers.
After dozens of strokes, his own organ was fully hard again.
Perhaps I’m destined to fall, Qin Siyu thought.
At six he’d wanted to become a thief, and Kingsley Aston had saved him from that.
He could still recall the hurt, the anger, and his overwhelming desire for revenge. But at the time he’d realized what he ought, or rather ought not, to do. He couldn’t allow those feelings to consume him.
Yet now? The person who’d saved him back then was behind him, gripping his waist, rhythmically sliding a man’s sexual organ between his thighs.
Now they were homosexuals.
Perhaps he was simply destined to be unable to resist the dark desires in his heart.
Sensing that Qin Siyu was thinking something, Aston stopped. He stroked the back of Qin Siyu’s neck gently, then his shoulders, back, and shoulder blades.
So gentle, Qin Siyu thought.
But in the next instant both hands gripped his waist again, and the sounds of their bodies striking each other returned!
At the same time Aston slipped his right hand under the piano cloth and caught Qin Siyu’s organ.
His palm was rough.
Aston gripped him tightly, moved faster, and asked, ‘Sean, we’ve met again after so many years. Are you happy?’
Qin Siyu: ‘…’
Aston wouldn’t let him escape the question. ‘We’re even naked and holding each other. Are you happy?’
‘Ah…’ Qin Siyu shuddered at the words and ejaculated.
The piano cloth grew a little dirtier.
At the same time, Qin Siyu felt fresh wetness between his thighs as Aston slowly withdrew.
Aston drew himself away, panting. Qin Siyu collapsed against the mattress.
Aston cleaned him with the cloth, lay beside him, and drew him into his arms. ‘Stay here with me tonight. Hmm?’
Previously Qin Siyu had always slept the whole night in the other bedroom, but tonight he quietly nestled against Aston and nodded. ‘Mm.’
So they lay face to face, embracing, their limbs tangled, and fell asleep together.
Before drifting off, Qin Siyu murmured, ‘Good night.’
Aston answered fondly, ‘Night night.’
Qin Siyu was exhausted and fell asleep quickly.
He ate conscientiously and slept peacefully too.
In the moonlight, Aston gently caught a lock of black hair, wound it twice around his finger, then watched it slip free.
He didn’t know when he’d begun to be fascinated by black hair.
Pitch-black strands, fine and soft yet silky and smooth, flowing between his fingers like velvet. Light caught them beautifully, a streak of sunlight flashing across the black.
Aston also remembered that day very clearly.
After attending church, he’d stayed much longer than usual, which was why he’d encountered the petty thief.
Because before that, he’d only just been released from the punishment room.
In that pitch-black room, every second had stretched unbearably long. Irregular drops of water had gone on tormenting his nerves. Sitting there, eyes closed and hands clamped over his ears, he’d tried to pass the time his own way: by counting. He counted all the way to one hundred and ninety thousand before finally collapsing unconscious on the floor.
So the next day, after church services, he’d remained there, praying fervently to God.
He’d been too young and too fragile then. He prayed for a long time, desperately hoping that someone would truly come and love him.
The priest told him that first he needed to ‘love others.’ He opened the Bible to a verse from the Gospel of John and pointed to the words: ‘God is love.’
Elio’s Notes: The words “God is love” appear in the First Epistle of John (1 John 4:8 and 4:16), rather than the Gospel of John. The novel names the Gospel, so that reference has been preserved in the translation. Sources: United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 1 John 4 and Bible Society, 1 John 4.
As he was leaving, he encountered the petty thief. The boy asked what the piano cover was for. Aston remembered the priest’s words, sat down, and played him a piece.