Shao Wu’s whole body tensed like a cat with its fur standing on end, although his problem wasn’t really alarm. He was simply nervous.
Yang Shuyi had spent days learning about this online? Did it really take several days to learn how to do something like that? Had he been watching those videos? When Shao Wu first entered the gay community during university, he had watched some himself, from the relatively mild to the very explicit. The more explicit ones came in every strange variety imaginable.
Shao Wu wasn’t merely nervous; he was frightened. What if Yang Shuyi had the wrong idea and thought Shao Wu liked those things, the extreme, unusual acts involving domination or humiliation? To be precise, Shao Wu didn’t know whether he liked them, since he had never tried. If it were Yang Shuyi, perhaps he could at least consider trying… Wait. This wasn’t the time to think about that.
“Uh, thank you… No, that’s not what I meant…” Shao Wu realized he was completely flustered. After a two-second pause, he gave up trying to explain.
Yang Shuyi reached out to touch his face. His palm was slightly rough but dry and warm. “What’s wrong?” he asked gently.
“Go ahead,” Shao Wu said, gripping his hand.
Yang Shuyi raised an eyebrow. “Here?”
Shao Wu’s face grew even hotter. He’d actually meant that they should go back to the bedroom first, but he whispered, “Mm.”
Would Yang Shuyi think he was some kind of pervert, wanting this on an open-air terrace in broad daylight?
Yang Shuyi smiled. “Wait for me.” He went over to the security door, pulled it shut, and locked it.
The sky was thick with cloud and the air was muggy, with no sunlight. Although the terrace walls were high, Shao Wu could still hear cars going by on the road below.
Every now and then, a sparrow flew over the terrace.
His legs were weak, but Shao Wu stood and watched Yang Shuyi approach, step by step. As he walked, Yang Shuyi slipped off his gray jacket and tossed it casually onto the ground. Beneath it was a loose white knit shirt with a round collar, worn so often that the neckline had begun to curl.
Shao Wu could hear his own heart beating as rapidly as his breathing.
Only when Yang Shuyi came right up to him did Shao Wu realize that, at a moment like this, shouldn’t he offer to “help” him as he’d done last time? In the hospital, it had been Shao Wu who used his mouth first, before Yang Shuyi became aroused. But their last encounter had been almost a slaughter. Shao Wu had known that once it happened they might not even be able to remain friends, so he’d abandoned himself to it with a recklessness bordering on despair. Would receiving oral sex from another man disgust Yang Shuyi? Last time Shao Wu hadn’t been able to worry about that. This time was different. This time he hesitated, frightened and unsure, because they’d finally managed to be together and he didn’t want to ruin it. Still, Yang Shuyi hadn’t stopped him before… so perhaps he didn’t dislike it.
Shao Wu swallowed and said softly, “Let me help you.” As he had before, he knelt partway down and reached to undo the button of Yang Shuyi’s jeans, but Yang Shuyi caught his hand before it touched them. He drew Shao Wu to his feet. “I don’t need help with that,” he said quietly. Then he quickly took off his knit shirt and jeans, standing before Shao Wu in nothing but his underwear. Shao Wu glanced down and flushed all the way to his ears. Yang Shuyi was already aroused. Beneath his clearly defined abdominal muscles, his blue boxer briefs were stretched tight, and the tip of his erection showed above the waistband, looking faintly damp.
“Do you… want to touch it?” Yang Shuyi asked, his own voice a little shy. Shao Wu wiped the sweat from his palm on his clothes, then reached out with a trembling hand. Yang Shuyi gripped his shoulder with one hand and pressed the other to the back of his head as they kissed again. This time the kiss had a deliberate purpose: Yang Shuyi extended his tongue directly into Shao Wu’s mouth. His tongue was damp and warm, just like the part of him Shao Wu was holding so gently. They kissed with wet, soft sounds, their tongues meeting, and sometimes Yang Shuyi licked firmly against the roof of Shao Wu’s mouth. The sensation was so strange and exciting that Shao Wu shuddered, tingling from the roof of his mouth down to his tailbone. He closed his eyes and yielded to the kiss while moving his hand more firmly. Fluid emerged from the tip and dampened his palm, which spread it along Yang Shuyi’s length.
Perhaps because he couldn’t see anything with his eyes closed, Shao Wu grew a little bolder. Remembering something he’d seen in those videos, he pressed his thumb against the opening at the tip and rubbed the head. Yang Shuyi breathed out sharply and called him. “Xiao Shao.” “Mm… hmm?” Shao Wu opened his eyes.
“I want to touch you,” Yang Shuyi said. Shao Wu’s muddled brain cleared for a moment. No. That was his first response. The last time they’d made love, they’d been standing just like this. Shao Wu had faced the wall while Yang Shuyi entered him from behind, and throughout the encounter Yang Shuyi had never touched his penis. Shao Wu thought that even if Yang Shuyi could accept anal sex, he might not want to look at another man’s penis right in front of him. But perhaps Yang Shuyi took his silence for consent, because he slipped his hand straight into Shao Wu’s trousers. Shao Wu was wearing loose lounge pants, so it was easy to reach inside. “Shuyi!” Shao Wu hurriedly caught his hand. Breathing hard, Yang Shuyi asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Why don’t we… just do it?” Shao Wu said through gritted teeth. “Just take me. You don’t have to do this.” “Why?” “You don’t need to force yourself.” Yang Shuyi was silent for two seconds, then said softly, “Idiot.” Before Shao Wu could react, his hand moved farther in and closed around Shao Wu’s penis. Shao Wu was already painfully aroused; his breath shook at the first touch. Yang Shuyi stroked him with a certain unfamiliar awkwardness, brushing the head with his fingertips, moving his hand along the shaft, then gently touching his testicles. Shao Wu pressed his forehead to Yang Shuyi’s shoulder and struggled to breathe. He didn’t know how he was supposed to respond. His mind understood what was happening, but couldn’t seem to convey its instructions to his body. It was Yang Shuyi touching the most private, vulnerable part of him, the most unmistakable sign that he was a man. Yang Shuyi was touching him. Yang Shuyi, Yang Shuyi, Yang Shuyi.
Beside his ear, Yang Shuyi said warmly, “Actually, I was worried at first… This is my first time doing this.” He smiled. “But I can tell you clearly now that I don’t dislike it. No, what I mean is, if it’s with you, I really like it.” Pleasure rose through Shao Wu like a tide. He fought to keep his voice steady. “You mean that… really, really?” “Really.” Before long, Shao Wu climaxed into Yang Shuyi’s hand. He’d meant to hold back long enough to tell Yang Shuyi to move his hand away, but he couldn’t. Yang Shuyi withdrew his hand, his palm, fingers and knuckles wet with Shao Wu’s release. Guilt surged through Shao Wu. “I’m sor—” “Stop.” Yang Shuyi interrupted him with a smile. “No apologizing.” Then he casually wiped his hand on his own underwear. Shao Wu could only stare. That was his, the fluid from his own body, and Yang Shuyi had simply wiped it onto his underwear, leaving the fabric damp.
Yang Shuyi kissed Shao Wu again and took off Shao Wu’s outer jacket. He pinched the edge of a button on Shao Wu’s pajama top and gave it a tiny tug, a wordless signal that he wanted to take off his clothes. There were tears in Shao Wu’s eyes, probably only a physical reaction to the intensity of what he’d felt. He blinked and murmured, “Mm.” Yang Shuyi undid the buttons one by one, then eased off his top. Shao Wu’s trousers had already been pulled halfway down; one tug sent them slipping loosely to the floor. Hooking a finger beneath the edge of Shao Wu’s underwear, Yang Shuyi asked, “Could you take these off yourself? I want… to watch you do it.” Under his gaze, Shao Wu bent forward, trembling a little, and removed his underwear. His mind had almost stopped working. Yang Shuyi removed his own underwear too, and they stood naked facing each other.
The air seemed to grow more and more oppressive. It wasn’t cold but very hot, hot enough for a fine sheen of sweat to form on Shao Wu’s back. Yang Shuyi fetched a condom and lubricant, put on the condom, then squeezed some lubricant into his palm. “Xiao Shao.” He wrapped an arm around Shao Wu and gathered him against his body. “Tell me if anything feels uncomfortable.” Yang Shuyi kissed him, working slowly from his forehead to the bridge of his nose, his lips, his chin, then his cheeks and the rim of his ear. He nibbled gently at Shao Wu’s earlobe, making his breathing even more uneven. Yet Yang Shuyi’s hand still didn’t move. “Why… aren’t you putting it in?” Shao Wu asked hoarsely. “I’m warming it. It’s a little cold.” Shao Wu turned and saw that Yang Shuyi had laid one hand over the other, palm to palm. Yang Shuyi smiled. “Look at me, Xiao Shao.”
Blankly, Shao Wu turned back to meet his gaze. After days beneath the sun on the western Sichuan plateau, Yang Shuyi’s skin was still wheat-colored, but under this gloomy sky his eyes were extraordinarily bright. They reminded Shao Wu of the blue river catching the sunlight along the mountain road on the day they returned to Chengdu from Yingxiu. “You have to tell me if it hurts,” Yang Shuyi said again.
His lubricated finger slid inside. It wasn’t cold, only slick. Shao Wu made himself relax, but the muscles of his thighs tightened despite him. Knowing that it was Yang Shuyi’s hand made it almost impossible for him to stay calm. “Good boy.” Yang Shuyi kissed his cheek. “Xiao Shao.” At last his finger slipped in a little. It still hurt. Enduring it, Shao Wu told him, “It’s all right. Just go ahead.” “That’s only one knuckle.” Yang Shuyi eased his finger farther in. The sensation was almost indescribable. Shao Wu could feel his body opening little by little, stretched and full, like a sponge gradually taking up water. He thought Yang Shuyi’s finger must have gone a long way in. Then Yang Shuyi stopped and breathed out.
“It’s in.” Shao Wu’s head swam. And then? Would he add another finger? Instead he felt the finger move, rotating slowly, carefully searching inside him. Shao Wu bit his lip and rested his forehead on Yang Shuyi’s shoulder again. But soon a soft sound escaped his nose, and his legs shook despite himself. Even more embarrassing, Yang Shuyi smiled and kept the same angle, slowly rubbing a sensitive point with the pad of his finger.
A completely unfamiliar pleasure swept over Shao Wu. He’d watched such things on video, but experiencing it himself was something else entirely. Last time making love had only hurt, and afterward he’d gone numb with pain. This time was different. At last he understood how the receptive partners in those videos could feel so much pleasure. It was almost as though his soul had been kneaded into a tiny ball and gathered in that single spot. It was utterly unlike stimulating his penis. He could scarcely believe that such a hidden, narrow place inside his body could produce pleasure so sharp and continuous. It was almost more than he could bear. He became erect again. Yang Shuyi remained hard, and now and then their penises brushed against each other, exciting him even further. Arousal built through him from both front and back. Shao Wu struggled to endure it, afraid he would climax again.
Only after the opening had become thoroughly lubricated did Yang Shuyi add a second finger, followed soon afterward by a third. Biting his lip, Shao Wu swayed a little with the movements. “Xiao Shao.” Yang Shuyi’s voice had grown hoarse, as though he was struggling to hold back too. “Can we go over to the chair? I’m afraid you’ll get tired.” “Mm…”
Yang Shuyi withdrew his fingers and actually lifted Shao Wu into his arms. Fortunately they were only a few steps from the reclining chair; before Shao Wu even had time to feel embarrassed, Yang Shuyi had set him down. Shao Wu knelt forward over the chair, his reddened back and buttocks facing Yang Shuyi. Yang Shuyi stroked him, then gripped his waist with both hands and slowly pressed into him. Shao Wu had been thoroughly prepared, so Yang Shuyi entered him all the way without much resistance. For Shao Wu it felt entirely different from the fingers: too large, too full. The sensation wasn’t only behind him; it seemed to fill his whole body.
Yang Shuyi began to move slowly, with small motions at first, but Shao Wu felt every one of them clearly. He could tell exactly when the head brushed that sensitive spot inside him, sending tremors through his body, while Yang Shuyi’s testicles touched his buttocks and left him oddly ticklish. Gradually the movements grew longer. The initial discomfort had faded, leaving only an overwhelming mixture of pleasure and restlessness. His cheeks had long been burning red, and even his chest had flushed. He felt like a tomato cooked in boiling water, soft and wet and hot all at once.
Yang Shuyi moved more forcefully. Shao Wu’s body had adjusted enough that he could take him smoothly, and many times Yang Shuyi withdrew almost completely before thrusting back in. The sharp sounds of skin against skin mixed with the slick sounds of their movements and Shao Wu’s uncontrollable moans. Yang Shuyi bent over him, pressed against his back, and murmured, “Xiao Shao, Xiao Shao…” Shao Wu shook so violently that the reclining chair rocked forward and back with them. He couldn’t find anything to brace himself against. His arms and legs were weak; only the erection between his legs felt firm. If his body was a boat rising and falling helplessly on the waves, Yang Shuyi was his anchor. It went on so long that Shao Wu’s muddled mind lost all sense of time. All he knew was that sparrows had crossed the terrace many times.
Yang Shuyi reached around and grasped Shao Wu’s erection, then whispered against his ear, “Together.” Moving his hand in time with his increasingly urgent thrusts, he brought Shao Wu to the point where he could no longer speak, his moans breaking with a sob. Faster and faster went both his hand and his body. Tears ran down Shao Wu’s face. He turned to ask why Yang Shuyi still hadn’t climaxed, but Yang Shuyi caught his mouth in another deep kiss. Their tongues met, and Shao Wu finally couldn’t hold back any longer. He climaxed. At the same moment Yang Shuyi stopped his frantic movements, and Shao Wu knew he too was about to finish. When Yang Shuyi had finished and withdrawn, Shao Wu sagged against him, unable to utter a word.
“Xiao Shao.” Yang Shuyi put an arm around him and draped his own jacket over Shao Wu. “Easy now. Let’s go back inside.”
Shao Wu murmured agreement. He was drenched in sweat and had no strength left.
He was so excited and exhausted that he was about to fall asleep as soon as it was over. Vaguely, he knew that Yang Shuyi picked him up and laid him on the bed. Yang Shuyi seemed to go in and out several times, tidying things away, and finally wiped Shao Wu’s body with a towel soaked in warm water.
After that, he remembered nothing at all.
Thunder woke Shao Wu.
He was lying in his own bed. Thunder rolled outside, and rain was already spattering densely against the windowpane. Shao Wu opened his eyes and lay confused for a good five or six seconds before remembering what had happened. He still felt limp, with some swelling and tenderness behind him but no pain. Someone had changed his underwear, and his body was clean and fresh.
On the bedside table lay a phone that wasn’t his, a wallet, a set of keys, and a glass of water. The glass was Shao Wu’s, but he hadn’t poured the water.
He lifted the glass. The water was warm. After a few sips he put it down. Unable to see his own phone, he woke Yang Shuyi’s screen instead. It showed 16:37.
Had he slept for a long time? But he didn’t even know when they had finished.
Water was running in the kitchen. “Shuyi?” Shao Wu called.
The sound stopped at once, and Yang Shuyi came out quickly. He had changed into a long-sleeved white T-shirt, loose khaki cotton trousers, and a new pair of slippers.
“Awake?” Yang Shuyi leaned closer. “Does it… hurt back there?”
“Not too badly…”
“I put on some medicine for you.” Smiling, Yang Shuyi raised a hand as though performing a trick. He was holding a handful of bright-red cherries. “I haven’t finished washing them. You can start with these.”
Shao Wu stared for a moment. “You went out and bought them?”
“Mm.” Yang Shuyi took Shao Wu’s hand and carefully set the cherries into it. “Didn’t you want some?”
Shao Wu held the cherries in both hands and looked at Yang Shuyi. He could hardly believe this was happening. Yang Shuyi was here in Shao Wu’s apartment, wearing slippers and washing cherries in the kitchen. It was almost, almost as though they’d been together for years. No, that wasn’t quite it. It was as though Shao Wu had finally become part of Yang Shuyi’s home. They had made a home together. Shao Wu was part of Yang Shuyi, and Yang Shuyi was part of Shao Wu.
The wind and rain battered the windows, and the sky was gloomy. It was the perfect sort of day to waste time lying in bed.
Shao Wu was still staring when Yang Shuyi leaned in and kissed his lips.