Some time after Qin Siyu recovered from his cold, the paper he and Aston had written was published. And it appeared in an extremely influential journal: Health Affairs.
Elio’s Notes: The journal Health Affairs was founded in 1981, not 1933. The original name is kept.
Aston had designed the framework, Qin Siyu had gathered the materials, Aston had drafted the questionnaire, Qin Siyu had conducted the survey, Aston had analyzed the data, and Qin Siyu had supplemented the content—
When he returned to Berkeley and got hold of the journal, Qin Siyu opened it to their article. He stared at the words beneath the title for a long time, unable to look away.
Their names were printed next to each other.
First came Kingsley Aston, followed a little way over by Sean Chin.
Set side by side in beautiful italics, close together.
Only the two of them.
No one else was there beside Kingsley Aston’s name. Only him.
How wonderful that it was such a prestigious journal. Their names would appear together like this in its pages, hidden away in different libraries, scattered across the states, perhaps even carried to Europe, preserved for one year, two years, ten, twenty… perhaps forever.
Whenever anyone cited the paper in the future, their names would still be written together.
Would there be any other opportunity in their lives to write their names side by side?
Qin Siyu sighed softly, closed the journal with care, and tucked it away in a drawer as though he had acquired another secret.
Fortunately it had come out during the summer vacation, Qin Siyu thought. That would give him a greater advantage when majors were assigned after the new term began.
The medical paper written with Aston, the research project with Professor Brown, his hospital volunteer work, and two years of excellent grades… surely, probably, that would be enough?
Mm.
He was working hard to become better.
For an instant another thought occurred to Qin Siyu. He had made it here, step by step. What would happen if people discovered he liked men?
And the man he liked was the paper’s coauthor, Kingsley Aston.
He wanted to embrace that person… kiss him, touch him, wanted to…
Would people angrily condemn them, saying, ‘A sacred medical journal is not a tool for your flirting’?
Then he would lose everything, and Aston probably would too.
It wasn’t only about Qin Siyu. It concerned Aston as well.
So they really couldn’t be together.
They couldn’t go on.
One more step forward would probably mean—
Just as he was thinking this, the apartment manager downstairs called for Qin Siyu to come answer the telephone.
‘Oh! Coming!’ Qin Siyu shouted in reply.
He lifted the receiver, and the person on the other end happened to be Aston himself.
His low, pleasant voice was smiling. ‘Have you received it? Our paper has been published.’
Qin Siyu smiled without meaning to. ‘Mm, I have. The fruit of both our efforts.’
After a moment’s silence, Aston considered it. ‘Shall we celebrate? At Strawberry Creek? By the bench under the oak tree.’
‘Strawberry Creek?’ Qin Siyu wanted to keep his distance, yet couldn’t refuse the temptation. He struggled for several seconds, then said, ‘All right. Let’s celebrate together.’
‘See you in a little while,’ Aston said.
‘See you soon.’
When Qin Siyu found Aston on the bench beneath the oak beside the creek, there was a bottle of alcohol standing next to him.
The sunset had painted the whole sky orange-red, and dusk was gathering. Aston leaned lightly against the back of the bench, legs extended, gazing into the distance. A few girls passing by flushed suddenly, then turned to steal another look at him. He really was astonishing to everyone who saw him.
‘…’ Qin Siyu stepped closer and studied the bottle, uncertain. ‘Alcohol?’
‘Mm.’ Aston looked relaxed. ‘Does our good little boy dare try some?’
‘Prohibition hasn’t officially been repealed yet.’ Qin Siyu sat beside him, leaned back, and stretched his legs out just as casually. Even their sitting postures matched. ‘They can only sell beer now, but this is…’
He studied the bottle again.
‘Whiskey.’ Aston picked it up and shook it lightly. ‘Want to try? To celebrate.’
Qin Siyu gave a quiet laugh.
He wasn’t such a good little student in truth. He held out his right hand, palm open. ‘Where’s the glass?’
Aston handed him the glass beside him, tore away the foil, and removed the cork. It came out with a small sound, and the liquor poured into the glass.
It was golden, like molten gold.
Qin Siyu swirled the glass.
So this was alcohol?
Clear, transparent, and beautifully colored.
Moonlight enfolded them. Qin Siyu cradled the glass, raised it, and took a careful sip.
A fierce, spicy taste filled his mouth. It was nothing like the delicious, mature elegance described in books. He’d never tasted anything remotely similar. The first sensation was bitter; immediately afterward heat burned from the tip of his tongue down into his stomach, as if someone had lit a fire that traveled all the way through his chest.
After one sip his tongue tingled and his brain felt numb as well.
Heat surged from mouth to stomach, like a ball of fire fallen into his body, as though it could destroy every restraint and every scrap of propriety.
He couldn’t help coughing.
Yet after the cough, threads of sweet fragrance rose across his tongue, something like oakwood, smoke, flowers, or fruit. For no reason he thought of the firelight in a hearth on a winter’s day.
Stunned, he thought again: So this was alcohol?
He’d been so young when Prohibition began that he’d never tasted any.
Under Prohibition, alcohol had become almost a legend. Everyone was obsessed with it, craving it, losing their minds over it. It could ruin a person.
Qin Siyu rolled the flavor around his mouth.
The mellow fragrance of liquor sank into his tongue, leaving it tingling.
Aston poured himself a glass, raised it, and looked at him. ‘Sean, cheers.’
Qin Siyu looked back.
‘Cheers.’ They gently clinked glasses. The little chime sounded extraordinarily daring in the quiet park.
One taboo piled atop another. Qin Siyu suddenly longed for more alcohol, wanting to taste it once again.
He lifted his wrist. His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed another mouthful.
It was still fiercely stimulating, but he could faintly detect a sweetness within it.
That sweetness was rich, distinctive, and lingering.
His mouth, esophagus, and stomach grew hot. His face flushed, and his mind began to dull.
Relaxing all over, Qin Siyu said, ‘It’s Health Affairs. That’s wonderful.’
‘Mm?’ Aston asked.
‘The allocation of majors.’ Holding the glass, Qin Siyu unconsciously stroked its rim with the thumb of his other hand. ‘I’ve gained another bargaining chip. Hardly anyone gets a paper published in a journal like Health Affairs before junior year. My grades are good. I’ve worked on a project with Professor Watson, and Professor Watson’s evaluation was very high. If I can get a good report from this summer’s volunteer work too… then I should be on fairly solid ground.’
He wanted to become a doctor. Nothing would ever change that goal.
Aston raised his glass again. ‘Congratulations.’
‘And,’ Qin Siyu went on, truly beginning to get drunk, ‘this journal will probably be in the libraries of all the states and cities, in major universities, even abroad, in Europe and Asia… Our two names will sit together like this, collected and preserved for a very, very long time.’
Aston turned sharply to look at him.
Qin Siyu’s gaze was raised high, directed somewhere far away.
Then Qin Siyu returned to the present. ‘Are you still working in finance?’
‘Yes,’ Aston said.
He’d become involved in many more business ventures and was considered a genius.
Qin Siyu loved hearing about his affairs. ‘Has anything new happened lately?’
Aston thought for a moment before explaining. ‘The Securities Act went into effect nationwide at the end of last month. Does that count? Roosevelt wants to increase the transparency of publicly traded companies, require them to disclose information, introduce oversight, and crack down on fraud. That’s the right approach. Next year they’ll establish the SEC, the Securities and Exchange Commission, mainly to restore public confidence in the stock market.’
‘Mm.’ Qin Siyu smiled. ‘I hope it works.’
He liked hearing Aston talk about these things. They were fascinating, part of a different world.
‘And what about you?’ Aston asked. ‘Your volunteer work.’
‘Not bad.’ Qin Siyu took another drink. ‘I’ve learned a lot of medicine, and seen all sorts of warmth and coldness in human nature.’
Aston studied him. ‘Such as?’
‘Well…’ Qin Siyu began, his voice seeming high and distant. ‘Last week a woman died of tuberculosis. Her daughter was distraught. Finally she asked me, “Was Mom in pain when she died?” She’d heard that patients often struggled for breath toward the end and died of organ failure. I thought for a while… then told her the truth: before her mother died, she said, “My daughter is grown now, so I can stop worrying.” Compared with others, her passing was relatively peaceful. After hearing that, the daughter went quiet for a long time. It was as though she suddenly understood that their love hadn’t ended. She calmed down a little… and began arranging the funeral.’
Qin Siyu kept drinking and talking. At last he mentioned another patient. ‘He was a dockworker in San Francisco. We see a lot of workers. One night a crane cable suddenly snapped and a crate came crashing down, badly injuring his head. He was Black. Just before he was wheeled into surgery, a girl ran in… a white girl. She was crying and saying, “I love you. I never told you before… I love you.”‘
Holding the glass, Qin Siyu turned to Aston and repeated, ‘She said, I never told you before, but I…’
His voice caught in his throat. Looking at Aston, he tried again. ‘I…’
When he turned his gaze upon Aston to say those words, his voice actually trembled.
He couldn’t complete the sentence. But Aston said gently, ‘I know. Sean, I heard you.’ Their gazes wound together in the moonlight.
Qin Siyu lowered his lashes. ‘…Mm.’
‘And what happened to that man?’
‘He’s still under observation,’ Qin Siyu replied. ‘They removed pieces of bone to reduce the pressure inside his skull. Maybe he’ll recover. Maybe he won’t. Nobody knows.’
What if, before love had a chance to arrive, an accident came first?
Qin Siyu raised his glass again, only to find it empty.
Aston poured him another. Qin Siyu took an especially careful sip and thought, It feels wonderful.
This must be what alcohol was supposed to feel like. His thoughts had gradually grown sluggish. His whole body burned, his brain tingled, and the taste was bitter and sour yet sweet underneath.
Burning, stinging: for the sake of one final bout of drunkenness, even the painful sensations seemed pleasurable.
No wonder.
No wonder people became addicted to alcohol.
Under its influence, people became their original, true selves, no longer imprisoned or restrained.
A couple crossed a wooden bridge over the creek.
At the height of their affection, they embraced and kissed, clinging together. Qin Siyu and Aston looked silently at one another.
Qin Siyu’s mouth was terribly dry. Watching the other two embrace and kiss, he unconsciously drank the rest of his glass in several large swallows. But his mouth seemed even drier.
Aston leaned back against the bench, legs stretched out.
Only after the couple had left did Qin Siyu refill his glass.
The moon hung high now. Qin Siyu held up his glass and looked through the liquor at the moon. ‘Through alcohol, the moon suddenly looks so close.’
Aston looked at the moon. ‘Mm.’
Qin Siyu rotated the bottle, peered at Aston through the liquor, and closed one eye. ‘Through this, you suddenly look so close, too.’ No longer so far beyond reach.
‘…Mm.’
The moon seemed to have reached its brightest point.
Clear white moonlight shone over them.
Suddenly someone approached from behind. Knowing he was drinking, Qin Siyu reacted instinctively. In a flash he grabbed Aston and pulled him behind the tree.
In his haste he overturned the glass, spilling liquor all over the ground.
Aston was dragged behind the oak as well. Qin Siyu was so endearing that Aston laughed. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m afraid they’ll report us to the police!’ Qin Siyu said. ‘Tell them we’re up to something bad.’
‘…What bad thing?’ Aston went along with him, peeking outside. ‘Surely they don’t have that much free time.’
Qin Siyu watched the passersby. ‘You never know.’
‘All right.’ Aston waited quietly for a while, then asked, ‘Have they gone?’
‘Mm.’
Aston’s voice was gentle and distant, almost like the wind. ‘Do you still want to drink?’
‘…I do,’ Qin Siyu said.
It tasted so good.
As the evening wind blew, the liquor he’d just drunk took effect, leaving him even dizzier.
Night had fallen completely, and a slender moon hung in the sky. The oak was enormous, its branches spreading overhead like a canopy, shutting the two of them away from the rest of the world.
But the glass was overturned.
Qin Siyu hesitated. ‘That glass is dirty now.’
‘Then we won’t use a glass.’ Aston held Qin Siyu’s gaze, his eyes deep and dark. His long fingers unscrewed the bottle cap, but instead of handing over the bottle, he tilted it directly above Qin Siyu’s beautiful face.
He was going to feed him the liquor.
Aston said, ‘You can’t hold it steady anymore. Let’s not spill the rest on the ground.’
Qin Siyu stood still for a couple of seconds, then tipped back his face and opened his mouth to catch the stream.
Perhaps Aston didn’t want Qin Siyu’s lips to strike the rim and hurt his teeth; the bottle’s mouth hovered a small distance above his own.
Qin Siyu therefore stretched his neck to its fullest extent, like a swan.
He lowered his eyes to the bottle, mouth open, tongue extended.
Looking down at his face, Aston tilted his right hand a little farther.
Fine threads of liquor poured into Qin Siyu’s mouth.
His tongue began to burn again.
Pain and tingling.
Aston stared at him as the bottle rose gradually higher and the stream grew stronger. Qin Siyu opened his mouth wide to catch it, but didn’t have a chance to swallow. He tipped his neck back, lips parted, and heard the clear trickling sound as liquor struck the liquid already in his mouth. It spilled over the corners of his lips, rolled along his cheeks and throat, and rushed down his neck.
It soaked his collar and the pale skin underneath before reaching his chest. A chill ran across it, making his shirt cling to his body and reveal its contours again.
Don’t… Qin Siyu thought.
His white shirt was soaked through, tight against his skin and fragrant with liquor.
Only one last mouthful remained in the bottle, and Qin Siyu grew anxious.
At that moment Aston stopped pouring and righted it.
Given a chance to breathe, Qin Siyu quickly straightened, covered his mouth with one hand, and swallowed the liquor in two gulps.
The burning sensation traveled down into his stomach once more.
Just now the liquor had been too sharp to hold in his mouth, so he’d swallowed it quickly. But several seconds later, a hollow craving arose again.
How strange. He wanted more.
Alcohol really could be addictive. His brain was furiously releasing dopamine. He felt wonderfully relaxed, his mind almost numb. There had been too much pressure and thought lately, and this complete ease and contentment felt like finding a place to belong.
His entire mind was happy. In truth, he was already drunk.
But Aston didn’t give Qin Siyu the final mouthful.
Looking straight at him, Aston pressed his thin lips against the bottle and, in an almost wicked gesture, drank the last mouthful himself.
‘…???’
Qin Siyu stared hard at him.
Just like that… it was gone?
Aston… had drunk it? He hadn’t left any for Qin Siyu?
Instinctively he followed it.
The last sip of liquor.
His lips instinctively pursued Aston’s lips.
The liquor was so fragrant, the lips… so soft.
At that moment Qin Siyu could no longer distinguish whether the liquor or the lips and tongue attracted him. He no longer knew whether he was following the alcohol or Aston’s mouth.
All he could smell was the rich scent of liquor; all he could see was the vivid color of those lips.
Wet with liquor, translucent and bright red. So alluring. How he wanted… to kiss.
Every cell in his body seemed to be crying out that he wanted a kiss.
In the next instant, Aston threw the bottle away, caught the soft skin at the back of Qin Siyu’s neck, sealed their lips together, and thrust his tongue past his teeth, winding it fiercely around Qin Siyu’s.
‘…!!!’ The sweet fragrance of liquor flooded his mouth. The taste of alcohol returned, sharp and stimulating, and Qin Siyu eagerly sucked at it, drawing out the flavor.
His entire body tingled twice as fiercely, and his mind soared with excitement.
After such a long period of longing, the renewed touch of lips and tongues released everything they had suppressed. They parted their teeth. Aston pressed inside, and their tongues immediately tangled, rubbing forcefully together as they tasted each other with both ferocity and care.
Hotter, more painful, more biting, and sweeter too.
‘Mm…’ Their tongues still tasted of liquor, fiercely hot. Rubbing them together was like being burned to the limit. Qin Siyu trembled all over, burning and hurting, yet seized by an extraordinary sensation. A current flashed from his tongue to every limb and bone. His body and soul resonated, both shaking.
Alcohol had made their tongues almost unbearably sensitive. It hurt, it itched, it felt wonderful; every taste bud seemed about to burst.
They fit one another so perfectly, as though they’d originally been two complementary halves. Now, eighteen years later, they had finally found one another and twined together passionately, becoming one complete whole again.
Only when wrapped around the other did either feel like his true self.
The night was cold. The alcohol on Qin Siyu’s skin had chilled, raising tiny bumps, and he drew even more hungrily on Aston’s warmth, wanting the heat of their tongues to spread through every part of his body.
Everywhere but their mouths felt cold. Only lips and tongues burned.
Only there.
His lips were numb now, and so was his tongue. Yet despite the numbness he still responded, still found it wonderful.
His mind was dazed, but something inside ached, and the ache traveled up through his waist, chest, brain, and into his fingertips. Every cell felt swollen. Never before had he felt his entire body so thoroughly ruled by his reproductive instincts.
Like an electric current coursing through him.
Their tongues twined frantically. The rest of the world seemed to disappear.
All this time, both of them had known exactly what they wanted to do.
To have their lips and tongues entwined, just as they were now.
To explore one another’s taste with their tongues, to draw the other’s breath from his chest and lungs into their own and mingle their breathing.
‘Mm…’ Qin Siyu made a sound. ‘I… I…’
He couldn’t form an entire sentence. He couldn’t stand to say one word and pause even a second. He had to feel Aston again immediately.
Taste buds pressed to taste buds as they savored and felt each other.
Every time he managed a word, they kissed again.
He never managed a second word. He couldn’t wait.
Who knew how much time passed before their kisses gradually grew slow and lingering.
This time they traced the outlines of each other’s lips and tongues very gently, very carefully, savoring every detail.
Wet little sounds came from their mouths. Sometimes they sucked or licked each other’s lips, sometimes explored with the tips of their tongues, never separating for an instant.
Finally their kisses turned feverish again. Their heads felt full to bursting. They sought each other’s tongues as though each wanted to leave the other helpless, intertwining and turning, breathing hard, saliva gathering again and again.
Qin Siyu felt his brain might explode. It seemed his blood vessels could be ruptured by the blood surging through them. His entire body prickled, his skin felt ready to split, and his pelvis felt torn apart. It no longer seemed to belong to him, but to Aston.
After a very long time, perhaps sensing that Qin Siyu could no longer stand, Aston finally released him.
Perhaps because of the alcohol, perhaps because of the kiss, Qin Siyu’s legs gave way and he sank to the ground. He covered his lips. His shirt was soaked with liquor, and between his fingers, faint shining traces of moisture were visible in the moonlight. Weakly he said, ‘Kingsley, we—’
At last, they had crossed the line.
Aston stood before him, looking down. Then he slowly crouched, met Qin Siyu’s gaze, and said calmly, ‘As two men, we kissed again, my dear Sean.’