Zhang Xingchuan said he had fallen for Tan Xiao at first sight.
Tan Xiao had question marks practically floating over his head.
“Have you forgotten the first time we met?” Tan Xiao asked. “It was at an in-person alumni forum in the main auditorium.”
“That’s the day I fell in love with you at first sight.”
Even more question marks appeared above Tan Xiao’s head.
He remembered what had happened that day. Instead of paying proper attention to the forum, he had been slacking off and writing his paper. Zhang Xingchuan had sat beside him wearing glasses and looking rather scholarly. Tan Xiao had assumed he was a professor from some department who had come to listen.
He certainly did not recall Zhang Xingchuan showing any special feelings toward him.
“Only a long time afterward did I realize that I’d been attracted to you right then,” Zhang Xingchuan said. “If you hadn’t been a man, I would have asked you out for dinner that very day.”
“So you just thought I was good-looking. Lust at first sight,” Tan Xiao said. “You CEOs really are all shallow and stereotypical.”
“Don’t go making sweeping accusations. Lust at first sight means you want to sleep with someone. Love at first sight means you want to explore who they are more deeply. They’re different concepts.”
“They sound exactly the same to me.”
Zhang Xingchuan surrendered. “Who was it who told me I was handsome the very first time we met?”
“Me?” Tan Xiao had long forgotten. “Did I say that?”
“So now you’re pretending to have amnesia?”
“I honestly don’t remember. What exactly did I say?”
Zhang Xingchuan could hardly believe this man was allergic to romance. He did not even remember the important moment when they first met. “How can someone who looks as romantic as you be so heartless?”
“We were practically strangers. If I took every passing acquaintance that seriously, you’d die of jealousy.”
There was truth in that. Tan Xiao could go out alone for a day and come back with at least one more WeChat friend. Zhang Xingchuan was already the sort of extrovert who boldly made new connections, but he only befriended people who interested him. How did Tan Xiao manage to pick up friends everywhere, all day long? Worse, he cared about appearances and usually picked up the pretty ones.
The psychologist sitting opposite them asked, “Your feelings seem to have developed at different speeds. Have you only just realized that today?”
Today was Tan Xiao’s final psychological counseling session.
Winter had passed and spring had arrived. He had not had nightmares for a long time, nor did he fear being alone in a room anymore.
He had originally intended to see the doctor one last time, thank him properly, and stop coming for weekly appointments.
But the doctor had suggested bringing Zhang Xingchuan along this time, for a brief session of couple therapy. It could further help Tan Xiao recover fully from the traumatic stress he had experienced.
The doctor asked them to speak freely. He would only occasionally interject with questions and would not supply a topic himself. He wanted the couple to have an unstructured conversation, saying whatever came to mind, but holding nothing back. They had to say what they genuinely thought.
Before Tan Xiao could answer, Zhang Xingchuan said, “Our feelings have always been out of step. I noticed long ago.”
Tan Xiao looked mildly offended. “How were they out of step?”
“From the beginning, I wanted to grow old with you. You only wanted to have a little fun with me.”
“What? That’s not true!”
“Then when did you decide I was the one for the rest of your life?”
“…” Tan Xiao thought hard for quite a while. “Well, it was…”
“It was when M Hotel Group cut us off, and WenCheng and I won,” Zhang Xingchuan supplied. “You were so dazzled by the courage and tactics I showed that you decided to spend the rest of your life with me.”
Zhang Xingchuan’s first question had already stumped Tan Xiao. Now the man had stunned him by answering his own question. Did he really have to praise himself while he was at it?
Even the doctor could not bear it. “Please don’t embellish yourself unnecessarily during the conversation.”
“That was a perfectly straightforward account,” Zhang Xingchuan insisted. “I was extremely charming. That was the first time I saw him look at me with genuine admiration.”
Tan Xiao had to be fair and acknowledge the facts. “I’ll give him that. I did start to admire him then. I thought I was going to get WenCheng killed, but he really was incredible. Our WenCheng has its very own Tiga.”
The doctor was not quite sure what that meant. “What are this Tiga’s defining traits?”
Tan Xiao was about to explain, but Zhang Xingchuan cut him off before he could launch into an Ultraman seminar. “He just means I look good in tight clothes. Doctor, you really don’t need any more details.”
The doctor was not particularly eager for them either.
He asked another question. “Compared with the uproar in Geneva, which incident do you think best demonstrates President Zhang’s personal charm?”
“This one,” Zhang Xingchuan said. “In the Geneva rescue, the highlights belonged to Lawyer Hua and the diplomats from our permanent mission, not to mention Tan Xiao himself for anticipating trouble and sending a distress signal to his supervisors. I didn’t have much chance to show off. I was basically just the tank.”
Tan Xiao did not entirely agree, but he was not going to argue about that here. “It wasn’t because you looked cool fighting a business war that I decided to spend my life with you.”
“Then why was it?”
“Didn’t your good buddy President Fu ever tell you?” Tan Xiao asked. “I know that if you couldn’t win, you’d already decided to go wandering with me.”
Zhang Xingchuan froze. Only a moment later did he speak. “So you were moved because I was willing to give up my company for love?”
“What’s so moving about that? It’s a travel-services platform that isn’t even among the top three in the industry.”
“…” Zhang Xingchuan looked at the doctor. “Is this couple therapy supposed to transfer his psychological problems to me?”
Tan Xiao and the doctor laughed together.
Zhang Xingchuan asked Tan Xiao again, “If you weren’t moved, then why?”
“I don’t know. Anyone who’d be willing to wander with me is someone I’d be willing to spend my life with.”
“Then why didn’t you find yourself a homeless wanderer?”
“I did,” Tan Xiao said. “That’s you. Your name is even Xingchuan, ‘traveling rivers.’ Clearly you were destined to roam the mountains and rivers with me.”
“Stop trying to get by with clever jokes. Answer seriously. Why?”
“I am serious. You said I hadn’t decided to spend the rest of my life with you, and you’re right. In the beginning, I really hadn’t thought about what our future might look like. But I was serious about you. I never wanted to just play around. I thought we should let things develop naturally, see how far we could go together. Nothing can bind me, not even love. I want to be free forever, and I want my life to always be full of new things.”
Zhang Xingchuan was not surprised. “I love you, so I’ll never restrict your freedom. Do whatever you want. Go wherever you want.”
“I know. That’s why I can’t bear to leave you either. If one day I want to start a new life, I’ll take you with me. Would you come?”
“Right now, I’m the one who can’t live without you. Wherever you say we’re going, I’ll just have to follow.”
“I won’t make important decisions casually. We’re effectively married already, sharing both emotional and financial interests. Whenever there’s a major change in what I’m thinking, I’ll discuss it with you.”
“You’re welcome to consult me anytime.” Zhang Xingchuan shook his hand. “Does wavering between cycling and driving to work in the morning count as a major change in thinking?”
“Let’s say it does. Is that okay?”
Zhang Xingchuan laughed. “Sure. You make the rules. I have no objection.”
Zhang Xingchuan turned to the doctor. “Now my wife and I are on the same page emotionally.”
“Is there anything you particularly want to say to President Zhang?” the doctor asked Tan Xiao.
“I just want to say that the surname Zhang really damages a man’s mystique. The moment you say ‘President Zhang,’ the mood completely disappears.”
“Have a proper conversation,” Zhang Xingchuan said. “Stop attacking my surname.”
“Is there anything else you want to ask me?”
“Are you always happy when you’re with me?”
“Yes. Every single moment.”
The doctor cleared his throat, interrupting the way they were gazing at each other as though he were not there. “Have you ever had an argument?”
“No,” Tan Xiao said.
“Yes,” Zhang Xingchuan said.
“When?”
“Whenever you start acting cute to get your own way, that’s an argument.”
“How can that count as an argument?”
“Why wouldn’t it? It’s a soft argument. You wheedle and whine, I go soft, and I can’t win, so I give in.”
“Then next time I’ll have a proper hard argument.”
“You won’t. You avoid direct conflict. You always have.”
“You don’t like direct conflict either.”
“True. So we always have these tacitly agreed-upon soft arguments.”
The doctor interjected, “Is it healthy to keep avoiding your conflicts?”
“We avoid confrontations, not problems,” Zhang Xingchuan said. “We just don’t like shouting at each other, but we do properly resolve our differences.”
“…” Tan Xiao had never thought about it in those terms, but it was true. “Are we really that in tune with each other?”
“Otherwise, why did we fall in love with each other instead of somebody else?”
“That makes sense.” Tan Xiao rather liked that conclusion. “Do you often think about our relationship like this?”
“Never had to. The facts are right there. No thinking required.”
“I feel like you’re showing off something. Life experience, maybe.”
“Stop finding indirect ways to call me old. I’m in my prime.”
The doctor chose the moment to ask, “Have either of you ever felt anxious about the age gap between you?”
“Not me,” Tan Xiao said. “When he liked college boys, I was a college boy. Lately he’s developed a taste for men in office suits, and I’m one of those now. I always happen to be exactly the right age.”
That’s putting the cart before the horse, Zhang Xingchuan thought. Aloud he said, “Not me either. If he’d never met me, odds are he would have ended up with some other older partner eventually.”
“Why?”
“Because you pride yourself on being mature for your age. When it comes to finding a partner, you look down on people your own age and anyone younger.”
“Of course you think you know.”
“I do know.”
Tan Xiao wanted to argue, but lacked convincing evidence. “Fine, fine. Let’s say you’re right. It’s not as though I can go out and test that theory now.”
“What was it about me that attracted you in the first place?”
“My character back then was a poor student. I got so into the role that I fell for your money.”
“Answer properly. Stop being sarcastic.”
“I’ve forgotten what attracted me.”
“See? I told you that you were heartless.”
Tan Xiao was getting bored and wanted some time alone with Zhang Xingchuan to be romantic. “Doctor, how much longer do we have to keep talking? I’m a little tired.”
“Not much longer. Next are some standard couple-therapy questions,” the doctor said. “When you love each other, how do you let your partner know? And what do you do if you don’t feel loved?”
Zhang Xingchuan and Tan Xiao exchanged a look. “You first?” Tan Xiao suggested.
“Have there ever been times when you didn’t feel loved by me?”
“Not so far. You love me far too much. What about you?”
“Never. You once considered leaving me, but I knew that thought came from how much you loved me too.”
“And how much I loved WenCheng,” Tan Xiao added. “And all my friends there. Sister Jiaxin, Secretary Feng, Vice President Sun, Little Li in the President’s Office, Sister Wang, Brother Qian in Financial Business, the people in marketing operations…”
“That’s enough, that’s enough.” Zhang Xingchuan said. “Doesn’t matter. I’m first in line anyway.”
“True. Not just at WenCheng. You’re number one in the whole Milky Way.”
They both looked at the doctor. Smiling, he said, “Then you don’t need to answer the first question. It seems you make each other feel loved at every moment.”
“Why wouldn’t I? I do love him at every moment.”
“Exactly,” Zhang Xingchuan agreed, as though it were self-evident. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“One final question, then. What’s your most beautiful memory together?”
That stopped both of them.
“You go first this time?” Zhang Xingchuan suggested.
“There are too many. I can’t pick a single best one.”
“Then I’ll answer. Once, I had to travel to Shanghai unexpectedly for work, and you caught a red-eye flight to come after me.”
Tan Xiao grew a little embarrassed. “Why would you pick that?” Does that evil CEO think with his dick?
“We loved each other like animals. Instinctively. Simply. Purely. You needed me. Isn’t that beautiful?”
“That incident isn’t even on my shortlist,” Tan Xiao said without mercy. “If I have to choose one, I choose Shangri-La.”
“That trip was wonderful too. I loved it.”
“That’s not what I mean! I mean the morning in Shangri-La when dawn had barely broken. I came back from my new friend’s house to see you. I was worried you’d be unhappy, and as I approached our courtyard I actually felt annoyed. Why did I have to worry about your feelings? Being in love was such a nuisance. But when I opened the door, I discovered you were waiting for me too. The feeling was extraordinary. All at once I felt peaceful and calm. Being in love was wonderful. Meeting you was wonderful.”
Zhang Xingchuan was delighted. He smiled. “It might also have been because you got back into a room with more oxygen. At that altitude, perhaps what you needed was oxygen.”
Tan Xiao considered it. “That is possible too.”
They both remembered everything that followed, and smiled at each other again. What they had experienced amid the highland snow mountains, in that pure land of bliss, really had been extraordinary. They would never forget it.
The doctor decided they were done. It was rare to meet a couple this emotionally stable and intelligent in both thought and feeling. He trusted them to face whatever problems arose positively and work through them successfully. He was just about to offer his closing remarks.
“I won’t be afraid of snow mountains and lakes anymore,” Tan Xiao said, deciding to deliver his own conclusion. It was his treatment, after all. “Next time I dream about them, I think it will be a beautiful dream.”
They thanked the doctor and said goodbye, even agreeing to meet up socially sometime. Next time, it would be a gathering of friends, not a doctor and patient.
The spring weather was glorious. Tan Xiao and Zhang Xingchuan had come by bicycle that day.
Dr. Tan’s procrastination had lasted a remarkably long time, but he had finally bought his CEO husband the same model of bicycle as his own, only in a different color.
Tan Xiao’s bicycle had a lively orange frame and bright Tiffany-blue rims. For Zhang Xingchuan he had chosen solid Klein blue, with only a small rainbow gradient painted on the brand logo. Both were delighted. Each felt that the colors chosen for him by the other were exactly his favorites.
They cycled home together through the spring breeze.
Tan Xiao rode on Zhang Xingchuan’s left for a while, then moved to his right, like a flirtatious rogue circling a respectable CEO and wolf-whistling.
“You really look good in glasses,” Tan Xiao said. “Wear them for me more often when we get home.”
“They’re inconvenient. I have to take them off to kiss you.”
Tan Xiao rode close beside him. There was nobody ahead or behind them just then. He leaned toward Zhang Xingchuan. “You don’t have to kiss me. You can just [bleep] me instead.”
“…” Zhang Xingchuan almost toppled over, bicycle and all, on perfectly level ground. “Don’t talk about things rated for adults in the middle of the road!”
Tan Xiao roared with laughter and sped ahead. Zhang Xingchuan chased him and overtook him, only for Tan Xiao to catch up again.
The pleasure of cycling together lay in chasing and catching one another, but it was not a competition. It was an intimate connection achieved by sharing the same rhythm.
“So what was it that attracted you to me back then?” Zhang Xingchuan asked. “I don’t believe you’ve forgotten.”
“I really have. I can’t even remember when I started liking you.”
“I think you liked me from the very beginning.”
“Why do you think that? I never noticed anything.”
They stopped side by side at an intersection to wait for the red light.
Tan Xiao looked at Zhang Xingchuan with curiosity, eager to hear what he would say.
“I watched the replay in a dream.”
Tan Xiao burst out laughing. “Don’t start with that stuff. There’s no supernatural nonsense in our world.”
“Really,” Zhang Xingchuan said seriously. “I looked at you, and you looked at me. My heart skipped a beat. Your eyes were bright. You liked me from that very first glance.”
Tan Xiao stared at him for a few seconds. Somehow, he suddenly felt their first meeting really had been like that. “You make it sound so convincing.”
“Because it’s true. You just never thought carefully about it.”
The light turned green. They set off once more.
“Gege!” Tan Xiao called loudly. “I want gelato!”
“I’ll buy you some,” Zhang Xingchuan said. “Pistachio flavor.”
The spring breeze brushed against Tan Xiao’s face, and happiness filled him too.
(End of the complete work)