At the door, Shao Wu had no choice but to let go of Yang Shuyi’s hand. Neither of them had spoken on the way back, and their ragged breathing had only just begun to settle. Before Yang Shuyi could take out his key and open the door, Shao Wu hurriedly raised a hand and wiped his lips with the back of it. He knew perfectly well that Longlong and Grandma would not be able to tell anything had happened, but still—he just felt guilty.
Yang Shuyi, by contrast, looked completely unruffled. When he saw Shao Wu wiping his mouth, he simply paused with the key in his hand and silently watched him. Beneath the dim yellow light of the sound-activated lamp, his expression seemed to say, No rush. Take your time.
Shao Wu had been excited at first, but after Yang Shuyi looked at him like that for barely a dozen seconds, embarrassment and awkwardness began to creep in. Yang Shuyi had not said a word, yet Shao Wu could already hear the unspoken message: Don’t let them notice anything.
That was right. The people they were about to face were not irrelevant strangers but Yang Shuyi’s family. No matter how intimate things had been a few minutes ago, now they had to act like “old friends,” or rather, go back to being “old friends.” Either way, what had just happened could not be brought into the light.
“Okay,” Shao Wu said softly.
Yang Shuyi gave a quiet “Mm” and opened the door.
Longlong and Grandma came to meet them. Shao Wu was just bracing himself to invent an excuse when he heard Yang Shuyi say casually, “Shao Wu isn’t going to the meeting anymore. He took leave.”
“Oh my,” Grandma said, grabbing Shao Wu’s arm with a worried look. “You’re allowed to take leave, Xiao Shao?”
“I am.” Shao Wu smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry. It wasn’t a particularly important meeting.”
“That’s good, that’s good! Your school makes no sense either. What kind of meeting do they hold this late at night? Longlong, go serve the rice.” Grandma started laughing as she walked toward the kitchen. “While I was cooking today, I was just thinking, I haven’t seen Xiao Shao in so long. Has Xiao Shao started seeing someone and gotten too busy to visit us…”
“You already know, Grandma!” Longlong waggled her brows at Shao Wu. “I heard Brother Xiao Shao and our Teacher Zhu… Is it true, Brother Xiao Shao?”
Shao Wu froze. So everyone already thought he and Zhu Jingjing were a couple? They had already noticed? No, no, that was not right. The two of them were not actually together at all… This really was impossible to explain.
Shao Wu could only answer vaguely, “Work keeps me so busy. I don’t have time to think about things like that.”
Yang Shuyi said nothing. He went straight into the kitchen and helped Grandma carry out the finished dishes: spicy shrimp, pork ribs stewed with potatoes, daylily and sliced-pork soup, stir-fried sweet potato leaves, and chilled fern-root noodles. Every dish came in a generous portion, enough to cover the table. Longlong poured four glasses of juice as well, turning the glasses a clear orange. Just looking at the spread made the whole meal feel festive.
“Sit, sit,” Grandma called to Shao Wu. “Let’s eat.”
The aroma of the sliced-pork soup filled the air. The air conditioner was set to twenty-six degrees, and the apartment was warm. The square table seated exactly four people, one to each side, with Yang Shuyi on Shao Wu’s left. Shao Wu picked up a rib and could not help smiling at him. “This is so good.”
Yang Shuyi nodded. “Then eat more.”
For one dizzy moment, Shao Wu almost had the illusion that this was what their home would look like in the future… Their home, meaning, of course, his and Yang Shuyi’s.
“Xiao Shao, try the fern-root noodles.” Grandma pushed the plate toward him. “Is there enough salt?”
Shao Wu picked up a mouthful with his chopsticks, chewed for a moment, and said, “I think it’s enough…”
“Enough? I think it’s a little bland.” Grandma looked at Yang Shuyi with mild reproach. “Xiao Zou wasn’t coming, and you didn’t tell me ahead of time. I used less salt and chili in everything today because I was afraid she wouldn’t be used to it.”
Elio’s Notes: Grandma’s wording here and later in the argument is flavored by Sichuan/Chongqing dialect. The raw marks two expressions with asterisks; in context, she means the food tastes a little bland and that a girlfriend needs coaxing after a quarrel.
“Exactly,” Longlong chimed in. “These ribs don’t taste spicy at all.”
Xiao Zou, Shao Wu thought. Right. Zou Xin was from Beijing. She probably was not used to food this spicy.
So Grandma still did not know that Yang Shuyi and Zou Xin had broken up?
In the very next second, Yang Shuyi calmly confirmed Shao Wu’s guess:
“We broke up,” he said. “Back in November.”
Grandma stared at him. “What?”
“We weren’t a good fit.” Yang Shuyi kept eating. “We talked it over and broke up.”
“You—what happened? Weren’t you two doing just fine before?” Grandma set down her chopsticks, sounding anxious. “Did you have a fight? Couples fight! Your grandpa and I fought too back then, but fighting is fighting, you can’t just break up. A girl needs coaxing…”
Yang Shuyi shook his head. “We didn’t really fight. We just weren’t right for each other.”
“You two—”
“Grandma, don’t worry,” Longlong said quickly, reading the room. “My brother’s still young. He’ll meet someone even better later.”
“How young is he? After New Year he’ll be twenty-four by traditional reckoning. In another couple of years he should be having children. Shuyi, while I can still get around, if you have a baby I can help you look after it. In another few years, who knows, I might…”
Elio’s Notes: Traditional age reckoning (虚岁) counts age differently from the modern international system, so Grandma’s “twenty-four” is a nominal age rather than necessarily Yang Shuyi’s exact Western-style age.
“Grandma!” Longlong cried anxiously.
“All right, all right, I won’t say it.” Grandma sighed. “As it happens, your grandaunt’s family wanted to introduce you to someone. Such a nice girl, and she works in Chengdu too. I’d already turned them down for you… Since you’re home for New Year anyway, go meet her.”
Shao Wu looked at Yang Shuyi but could not get a single word out. He could only tighten his grip silently around his chopsticks.
Yang Shuyi had said he and Zou Xin broke up last November, which meant it had happened before he returned to Yongchuan for the wedding… So he had already been single then. Was that why he had said, “It’s five percent now”? Shao Wu’s thoughts began to run away with him. Just now Yang Shuyi had said it was ten percent, twenty percent. Of course those were only rough numbers, but at the very least it meant that in Yang Shuyi’s heart… Shao Wu was becoming more and more important, right?
He could understand it that way, couldn’t he?
And then there was that kiss. Neither of them was talking about it, but it had really happened. That much was real. Shao Wu touched his lips as though absentmindedly and could almost still feel that warm, damp touch. Yang Shuyi had not rejected him. Maybe, just maybe, Yang Shuyi was willing to give the two of them a try.
His heartbeat, which had finally calmed down, began speeding up again. Shao Wu lowered his eyes guiltily, with Yang Shuyi filling the edge of his vision.
Then he heard Yang Shuyi’s voice, very near and very clear:
“Sure. Then I’ll meet her.”
Shao Wu looked up at Yang Shuyi.
Yang Shuyi looked back at him, his gaze still astonishingly open. He even smiled at Shao Wu. “Grandma, if you know any suitable girls, introduce one to Shao Wu too.”
Later, Shao Wu had no idea how the meal ended.
He only vaguely remembered Grandma saying that with so much fruit and cured meat, they might still be eating it after the first lunar month was over. He remembered Longlong grabbing a handful of chocolates from the refrigerator and stuffing them into his hands, saying Yang Shuyi had brought them home. He remembered Yang Shuyi throwing an arm around his shoulders like one of the guys and saying, “I’ll walk Shao Wu out.”
It was not until he had left the compound and was standing by the road that Shao Wu finally came back to himself.
The streetlights were bright. The little swaying lanterns were bright. Even the four characters spelling “Chunhui Residential Compound” were illuminated clearly. The wind was still strong, but perhaps because he had eaten and drunk his fill, it no longer felt very cold.
Everything had become bright. Shao Wu had no idea where all this light had come from. Wasn’t this street going to be demolished? Why were there so many beams shining in from every direction, almost like the interrogation-room lights in a television drama?
They left him nowhere to hide.
“Shao Wu,” Yang Shuyi said. “You heard what Grandma said.”
Shao Wu nodded.
“The reason I came home in December was to take her to the hospital. She had a brain CT. They found a small blood clot.”
Shao Wu stared at him blankly.
Yang Shuyi continued, “Do you understand what I mean? She’s old, and my dad has been… gone for so many years. The person she worries about most is me. She won’t be at ease until I settle down and have a family.”
Shao Wu nodded again.
“Say something.” Irritation suddenly entered Yang Shuyi’s voice. “Do you understand? Say something.”
“…She won’t be at ease until you settle down,” Shao Wu said, struggling to organize the words. “Did Grandma actually say that herself?”
“Yes.”
“…”
Shao Wu no longer knew what to say. Yang Shuyi stood motionless too, and the two of them seemed locked in a silent tug-of-war.
After a long while, Shao Wu asked, “Then just now, why didn’t you… why didn’t you reject me?”
“How would I know why!”
This was the second time that night Yang Shuyi had seized Shao Wu by the wrist. Just like when he had dragged Shao Wu home earlier, his grip was strong enough to hurt. At last, at long last, his gaze was no longer so composed. As he looked at Shao Wu, something deep in his pupils seemed to tremble, shaking loose emotions Shao Wu could not name, which reflected with the light into his eyes.
For one instant, Shao Wu thought Yang Shuyi was about to kiss him, fiercely, like a trapped beast lunging at something it had wanted for a very long time.
But a few seconds later, Yang Shuyi let go.
Shao Wu knew he had nearly kissed him, but had stopped himself.
Because this was not beneath a pitch-black tree, and there was nothing to hide them. Light came from every direction. It was too bright. They had nowhere to hide.
Yang Shuyi stepped back half a pace and said quietly, “Shao Wu, I admit it. I like you a little.”
Shao Wu finished the rest for him. “But only a little. And you still like women. You still want to marry a woman.”
“If it weren’t for Grandma… I’d be willing to try with you… Really, Shao Wu.” As he said it, his expression looked almost innocent.
Shao Wu said, “I understand, Shuyi.”