Futile Devices Scans

After the lively New Year’s Eve dinner, the third cousin spent a long time seriously discussing with the others whether Fu Hui had been possessed by a ghost.

The second cousin spoke up. “I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s still just as heartless to you. That hasn’t changed at all.”

“…”

Probably because the third cousin had spoken badly about Lan Xi before, Fu Hui had grown noticeably closer to everyone over the course of the New Year, except the third cousin, toward whom he remained distinctly cold.

The third cousin felt terribly aggrieved and still could not figure it out. “Why is Fu Hui so good to him?”

The others began sharing what they had heard from their parents. “I heard some feng shui master said this little baby can ward off disaster for the family if they raise him.”

“What? My dad said he’s Uncle’s illegitimate son.”

“No, no. I heard he’s the son left behind by someone who saved Uncle’s life.”

The stories were all different, but everyone knew one thing: Lan Xi was very important.

Lan Xi spent a lively New Year with Fu Hui and the rest of the family.

There were so many people at the house for New Year that rooms were assigned by family. At night, naturally, Lan Xi and Fu Hui slept together with Fu Lin.

Fu Lin rarely had free time, so all his fatherly affection seemed to burst out at once.

One moment he was asking, “Are you scared of the firecrackers and fireworks?”

The next he was asking, “Want me to bathe you two?”

Then he was checking whether the heating was warm enough and whether they were cold, putting both children on the inside of the bed while he slept along the edge so neither of them would fall off during the night.

Lan Xi buried his face in Fu Hui’s neck and whispered to him with a giggle, “Not scared at all.”

He even imitated the firecrackers and fireworks. “Pop-pop, bang!”

Fu Hui raised a hand to cover his mouth. “Sleep.”

Lan Xi immediately started gnawing on his finger instead. He was simply too excited to fall asleep.

The two of them had already bathed on their own and changed into pajamas.

Right. They had forgotten to bring separate pajamas for Lan Xi, so he was wearing one of Fu Hui’s old little pajama sets that had been left at the old residence.

Lan Xi did not want to sleep. Every so often he lifted an arm to sniff it, then lifted a leg and sniffed that too.

Fu Lin found it funny. “They should be fully dried. You can only smell the detergent and scent beads, right?”

Nope.

It smells like Fu Hui.

But neither of them seemed able to smell it.

Lan Xi burrowed his head around and nestled even deeper into Fu Hui’s arms.

Fu Lin watched the two of them all piled together and shook his head. “Doesn’t that feel heavy?”

Fu Hui hesitated for a moment, then lied through his teeth. “Lan Xi isn’t very heavy.”

Fu Lin shook his head again when he heard that.

But as he watched the two small figures beneath the light slowly melt into one little bundle, leaning on each other, Fu Lin’s heart softened again.

How rare it was to have someone in this world to keep you company.

Only children could be this pure.

“Go to sleep!” Fu Lin pulled the enormous quilt over both of them and switched off the light.

With the lights off and Fu Hui no longer talking, Lan Xi gnawed on his finger for a while. Little by little, he quieted down and fell asleep.

Midnight.

Fu Lin was jolted awake when something suddenly stepped on him.

He opened his eyes, raised a hand, and caught a small foot on his stomach.

Fu Lin switched on the light and looked again.

Lan Xi swayed as he pulled his foot back, drowsily climbed out of bed first, and Fu Lin’s half-awake son followed close behind with narrowed eyes.

Fu Lin: “…What are you doing?”

“Lan Xi needs the bathroom. I’m afraid he won’t know the way.”

Fu Lin sighed and got out of bed too, lighting the way for the two children.

The old residence had been built long ago, and many of its facilities were outdated. Old Master Fu was particular about preserving the layout, so the bedrooms did not have bathrooms and they had to go outside the room.

After seeing Lan Xi into the bathroom, Fu Lin said with equal parts amusement and emotion, “When you grow up, you’ll definitely treat your wife better than I did.”

The sound of running water came from inside, then stopped.

A fluffy little head poked out. “What’s a wife?”

Meeting Lan Xi’s bewildered eyes, Fu Lin suddenly felt that he really was thinking much too far ahead. Both children still had a long way to go before they grew up.

“We’ll have wife cakes for breakfast tomorrow,” Fu Lin said.

Elio’s Notes: Wife cake (老婆饼) is a traditional Cantonese pastry. Fu Lin is dodging Lan Xi’s question by pivoting from 老婆, “wife,” to the name of the pastry.

Lan Xi grabbed Fu Hui’s sleeve and nodded repeatedly. “Mm-mm, okay.”

Back in the bedroom, the sounds of firecrackers and fireworks still went on without end. To share in the liveliness and joy, they even deliberately opened the window.

That night, all three of them had sweet dreams.

＊

Once New Year was over, Fu Lin, fully recharged by his rare stretch of warm family time, threw himself back into his busy work.

Lan Xi took his enormous phone around the Fu household adding everyone’s contact information. The little succubus showed no favoritism at all. He added the children and did not forget the adults either.

“Come on, put it in.” Lan Xi placed his enormous phone in front of Old Master Fu.

As though being allowed to leave contact information in his phone were some great favor Lan Xi was bestowing upon him.

Old Master Fu: “…”

By then Fu Hui was already urging him, “Lan Xi, put on your backpack. We should go.”

Provoked by how eager Fu Hui was to leave, Old Master Fu immediately put his number into Lan Xi’s phone before turning away coldly.

He was already thinking that perhaps one day he could use Lan Xi as a little spy.

Once Lan Xi had saved the number, he tucked the enormous phone back inside his clothes, slung on his little backpack, and ran after Fu Hui.

Before getting into the car, Fu Hui said to the third cousin, “As long as Cousin doesn’t say bad things about Lan Xi anymore, we can see each other again when we have time.”

That one sentence soothed the third cousin, who had been feeling out of sorts for the past few days, and even made him feel a little embarrassed.

Right. He was the older one. He really should not have spoken badly about Lan Xi.

It was such a small thing anyway! They were all men!

“I won’t, I won’t.” The third cousin hurriedly squeezed out a smile.

After smiling at Fu Hui, he remembered that the real knot in the problem was the other person, so he turned and smiled at Lan Xi too.

Lan Xi was wedged in the car doorway, twisting at the waist just so he could plant a loud kiss on Fu Hui before lifting his chin and looking at the third cousin.

The third cousin: “…”

What else could he possibly say now?

He gave a thumbs-up. “Great kiss!”

Lan Xi pouted. Maybe he thought the enemy had surrendered far too easily. He plopped down inside the car and stopped performing his “kiss Fu Hui” routine.

Lan Xi’s little act of spite became a flash in the pan just like that.

For a long time after they went home, that little head never leaned over again to smother Fu Hui’s face in loud, greasy kisses.

But Fu Hui was still very concerned about it.

Finally, one morning, he could not help tapping his own cheek and asking, “Where did you learn this?”

Lan Xi looked blank. “What?”

Fu Hui pressed his lips together with effort. “I mean… kissing.”

Lan Xi still looked completely confused.

He probably had no idea what kind of behavior that even was.

Fu Hui sighed quietly, walked over to Lan Xi, and copied what he had done, quickly pressing a kiss to Lan Xi’s chubby cheek.

Lan Xi’s soft cheek dimpled inward, then bounced right back.

Lan Xi: “Ohhh!”

He found the sensation fascinating and lifted his arms around Fu Hui’s neck. “Kiss again, kiss again.”

Fu Hui straightened his neck. “I was only showing you what I meant. You still haven’t told me where you learned it.”

“Teacher taught me,” Lan Xi answered obediently.

Fu Hui was stunned.

Why did this kindergarten teach things completely different from what he had learned in kindergarten?

“Teacher said when you go home, you should kiss your mom and dad like this.” Lan Xi opened his innocent eyes wide and said something heartbreaking without realizing it. “But I don’t have a mom or dad.”

He wrapped his arms around Fu Hui’s neck and refused to let go. “I only have Fu Hui.”

Fu Hui’s heart prickled painfully and softened at the same time.

He immediately offered up his own family with great generosity. “My dad is your dad too. My family is your family too.”

Lan Xi indicated that he did not particularly want them.

But none of that mattered right now. Fu Hui put on a serious face and repeatedly warned him, “Anyway, you’re not allowed to kiss anyone else like that.”

Lan Xi blinked his big eyes. “Who counts as anyone else?”

“Anyone except me,” Fu Hui said as though that were the most obvious thing in the world.

Once the words were out, even he felt that something seemed a little off, but a child could not quite think through the problem yet.

Lan Xi collapsed against him laughing. “Right, right. Only Fu Hui. No one else.”

The new semester began.

Because Lan Xi’s learning had progressed so quickly, Secretary Li moved him up to the senior kindergarten class.

Lan Xi’s little horns still would not retract. Fortunately, the weather was still cool enough that wearing a small hat did not look strange. Fu Hui tied his long hair up beneath the hat, and this time no one mistook him for a little sister anymore.

But Lan Xi was still just as beautiful.

So beautiful that the children did not care whether he was a little brother or a little sister.

Fu Hui worried that Lan Xi might have trouble adjusting to the older children in the senior class, so he arrived at the kindergarten early and watched him through the glass.

They were playing house!

A boy with a little ponytail copied something he had seen on television and gazed at Lan Xi with exaggerated tenderness. “Wife, I’m going to work.”

Lan Xi licked a lollipop bigger than his face and answered perfunctorily, “Mm-hm, mm-hm.”

Fu Hui was so angry his vision seemed to go dark.

Even breathing became difficult.

The boy walked a few steps away, pretending he had gone out the door.

Then another child hurried over holding a box of imported Swiss chocolates, shoved it into Lan Xi’s arms, and said eagerly, “My turn, my turn.”

That child was equally enthusiastic about pretending to be an adult leaving for work.

Except he went even further.

He even asked Lan Xi, “Why aren’t you kissing me? That’s what they always do on TV.”

Lan Xi, however, had not forgotten his promise to Fu Hui at all.

He said, “No.”

The child actually held out his hand. “Then give me half the chocolate back.”

Lan Xi threw it onto the floor. “I don’t care for it anyway.”

The little guy had even learned a grown-up phrase like “care for.” Fu Hui felt as though he could breathe a tiny bit easier again.

But someone else immediately crowded over. “Exactly, exactly. Forget his chocolate. Let’s go eat cake, Lan Xi.”

The older-class children had never witnessed Lan Xi’s monstrous strength before, so they were overflowing with enthusiasm for him.

The previous group of children had runny noses and questionable intelligence. When they played house, they were still at the stage of taking turns pretending to be each other’s dogs.

This group was richer, had fewer runny noses, and looked far more respectable. Their games of house had already entered the advanced stage of eagerly pretending to be adults, and they even knew how to scheme and compete for Lan Xi’s favor.

Fu Hui could not stand it anymore.

He immediately called Secretary Li. “Move Lan Xi to another kindergarten.”

Secretary Li hurriedly asked, “What happened?”

Fu Hui held back his anger and summed it up in one sentence. “This kindergarten is terrible!”

Secretary Li turned around and carefully asked the kindergarten teachers what had happened.

Fu Lin noticed the commotion and glanced over. “What happened?”

Secretary Li did not know whether to laugh or cry. “After Lan Xi moved up to the senior class, all the children in that class started lining up to play Lan Xi’s husband.”

Fu Lin: “Pfft!”

Secretary Li went back to soothing the young master. “If you want to move Lan Xi to another kindergarten, that’s possible, but then it won’t be this close to you.”

Fu Hui answered without hesitation. “Then I’ll change schools too.”

Secretary Li found himself in a difficult position. “We’d need to make security arrangements in advance so your safety isn’t compromised. You’ll have to give me some time.”

“…Fine.”

Fu Hui hung up the phone and found himself looking straight at Lan Xi’s little face.

“Fu Hui!” Lan Xi had not expected him to come and find him. Delighted, he happily left school early with Fu Hui.

Fu Hui opened his mouth, wanting to tell him not to play house with them anymore.

But that would be far too overbearing.

So in the end, he only said, “Don’t let anyone call you ‘wife.’”

Lan Xi: “Ohhh.”

For once, he did not ask why.

Fu Hui gave him a surprised look and could not help rubbing his head. All at once, he felt that perhaps he was making far too big a deal out of this.

The next day, Lan Xi went to kindergarten and played house with the others again.

Fu Hui still came early to pick him up, secretly watching to see whether Lan Xi was being someone’s “wife.”

“Today I’ll be the dad, and Lan Xi will be the mom.” A chestnut-haired boy expertly assigned the roles.

Lan Xi shook his head. “Mm, no-no.”

The chestnut-haired boy froze. “Why not? I’ll give you my favorite filled candy.”

Lan Xi thought he was extremely clever and very good at applying one lesson to another.

He couldn’t kiss anyone else, because only Fu Hui was allowed.

He couldn’t let anyone else call him ‘wife’ either, so that must mean only Fu Hui was allowed to call him that.

Lan Xi declared in his cleverest voice, “I already have a husband.”

Fu Hui: “…”

On the way home after picking Lan Xi up that day, Fu Hui had no choice but to put on his serious expression again. “Who is Lan Xi’s husband?”

Lan Xi looked at him strangely. “You are.”

The driver could not hold it in and burst out laughing in the front.

Fu Hui: ???

Fu Hui held Lan Xi still and tried to put on an adult air as he earnestly explained, “I’m not. Lan Xi is a boy. Boys don’t have husbands.”

Lan Xi stared at him in confusion, completely unable to understand.

Once they got home, Fu Hui had no choice but to pull up a first-grade health lesson video and watch it together with Lan Xi.

Lan Xi watched in a fog for half an hour, yawning from boredom.

Fu Hui realized this approach was not working and quickly came up with a new idea.

“Let’s watch TV instead.”

“Mm-hm, mm-hm!” Lan Xi immediately abandoned the health lesson.

Fu Hui put on Journey to the West and watched it with Lan Xi for the entire evening.

At the end, he pointed to the Monkey King of Flower-Fruit Mountain and asked Lan Xi, “Does he look impressive?”

Lan Xi asked, “What does impressive mean?”

Fu Hui switched to an easier word. “Is he amazing?”

Stars appeared in Lan Xi’s eyes. “Amazing, amazing!”

“Does Lan Xi want to be a great king?”

“Want to, want to!”

Fu Hui smiled at him with pursed lips, rubbed his head, then pinched his cheek. “Then next time you play games with the other children, Lan Xi should be the king.”

“Mm-hm, mm-hm!”

Lan Xi’s third day in the senior kindergarten class.

As usual, Fu Hui arrived early to spy on them.

One by one, the older children dropped to their knees in front of Lan Xi and declared, “Greetings, Your Majesty!”

Fu Hui was extremely satisfied and, for the time being, stopped bringing up changing kindergartens.

That evening after they went home, Lan Xi still wanted to watch Journey to the West. Since Journey to the West had rendered such meritorious service, Fu Hui happily stayed with him for several more episodes.

They watched the Monkey King fail to escape from Five-Finger Mountain, then watched Guanyin place the tightening spell on him, then watched Tang Monk appear… and Lan Xi stopped watching.

Lan Xi’s fourth day in the senior kindergarten class.

The older children still dropped to their knees before Lan Xi, kowtowing and even hugging his legs. This time they cried, “Greetings, Buddha! Buddha, have mercy!”

Fu Hui: “…”

But no matter what, Fu Hui had achieved his objective.