“Playing little tricks like this to buy time is useless. You think this solves the problem?” Liu Qing sat on the arm of the sofa and spoke contemptuously. Zhi Li supported his head with one hand. “I never really thought there was anything to solve. This has never been a problem to me.”
Liu Qing laughed. “Meaning that no matter what I do, you can deal with it easily?”
“Meaning that no matter what you do, you’re only wasting your time. The outcome won’t change. I already know what the outcome is, so watching you do all these pointless things just seems ridiculous.” Zhi Li wasn’t mocking her. In a flat voice, he simply told his grandmother what he thought.
“I already told you, didn’t I? You can’t know the outcome before you reach the end.”
“Who taught you something that wrong? There are plenty of things where you know the outcome before they even begin.”
“So other than sitting here trading words with me, what exactly can you do to stop me?”
The hand Zhi Li had been using to support his head moved onto Liu Qing’s arm. “The only reason I’m willing to sit here and say all this unnecessary nonsense to you is because you’re my grandma. Once I don’t feel like saying even a single word anymore, the person who should prepare herself is you, not me. You probably have no idea how eager I am to settle the score for what you did to Ke Bu.” As he spoke, his fingers gradually tightened, then released her.
“Oh?” Liu Qing drew the word out. “In your eyes, am I less important than Ke Bu?”
“You are.”
Liu Qing had probably expected Zhi Li to say that she and Ke Bu couldn’t be compared, or to give some vague answer that avoided the question entirely. She had never imagined he would give her such a clear answer without even hesitating.
“You heartless little bastard. Without me, there wouldn’t even be a you, and somehow I’m worth less than some man! Fine! I raised an unfilial thing like you, what else is there for me to say? You want to oppose me? Then come on. Why bother finding anyone else? Wouldn’t it be easier to just break these old bones of mine yourself?” Liu Qing was so furious that she wanted nothing more than to curse Zhi Li viciously. His choice had genuinely hurt his grandmother.
“If I give you an answer I don’t mean just to make you happy, will being happy make you give up? Grandma, Ke Bu has been beside me all these years. Where were you all those years?”
Liu Qing’s eyes widened in fury. “It doesn’t matter where I was. I’m still your grandmother! Whoever stays beside you is more important? Then why don’t you leave Lan Yin and Zuo Si too? You clearly don’t need your family at all. A selfish thing like you can do whatever you want. Go ahead and like a man. Go ahead and let everyone laugh at you! Maybe that’s better. When you’re as old as I am, at least you won’t have a biological grandson around to anger you to death!”
“Grandma…”
“Stop calling me Grandma! I’m not your grandma!” Liu Qing slapped Zhi Li hard across the face, the sound sharp and loud. The face Ke Bu couldn’t bear to see hurt, the face Lan Yin couldn’t bear to strike, now carried faint red finger marks.
During lunch break, Ke Bu lay listlessly over his classroom desk, flipping through a book. He had fallen far behind in his schoolwork, yet he still couldn’t calm down enough to study. How much longer was Zhi Li going to stay with Liu Qing? What exactly had he said to her? Leaving Ke Bu behind while taking Grandma around sightseeing everywhere, what a nice life he had. Ke Bu snapped the book shut. He couldn’t concentrate anyway, so he decided to go talk with You Yan. He got up and walked to her classroom. How strange. You Yan wasn’t reading. She was leaning against the windowsill instead. Ke Bu dragged over a chair and sat beside Su You Yan, leaning against the windowsill too. They both stared outside, neither speaking for a while.
“It’s really peaceful. I still have a hard time believing we’ve actually gone back to ordinary life.”
“Then believe it properly.” Su You Yan knew what Ke Bu’s ordinary life had cost, but she absolutely wouldn’t tell him. Zhi Li had never instructed her not to, but she absolutely, absolutely would not tell Ke Bu. Otherwise, everything Zhi Li had done would become meaningless, and Ke Bu would go straight back to living on edge, anxious and exhausted.
“What kind of answer is that?”
“It isn’t any kind of answer.”
“Weird woman.” Ke Bu didn’t pursue it and smiled faintly. Su You Yan placed a hand on the back of his head and patted it. “You’ve already done very well.” Ke Bu buried his face in his arms and felt the pressure of Su You Yan’s fingertips. “Let me revise what I just said. You’re a good woman.”
Back in the house, Zhi Li touched the cheek Liu Qing had slapped, then stood expressionlessly. “I guess that means negotiations have broken down. Do whatever you want now. Suit yourself.”
“Fine. I’ll do exactly what you want. You…”
“What about me? I clearly told you how I feel. Did you listen? Do you even want to listen? You only want the outcome you want, and you refuse to accept any other outcome. There’s something I need to remind you of in case you’ve gotten confused. Neither I nor my relationship is your puppet.”
“When have I ever treated you like a puppet?! Can’t a grandmother love her grandson in her own way?”
“And to repay that love, I have to throw away something important to me.”
“What do you understand? That’s…”
“Stop. I don’t understand anything. And stop telling me you love me. Even without Grandma, I still have Yin and the others. They accept an unfilial thing like me. When it comes to that important blood relationship you keep talking about, I’m closer to them anyway, aren’t I?” That cruel instinct for self-protection, that habit of reflecting hurt back at twice the force, had already become part of Zhi Li. It couldn’t be changed or removed. It was as though some mechanism inside him operated without needing reason to control it. The moment someone hurt Zhi Li, it raised a protective wall around him. Ke Bu wasn’t the only person who had suffered from it. Liu Qing couldn’t escape it either.
“No Grandma? What exactly do you mean by that?”
“I mean that between Grandma and Ke Bu, I choose Ke Bu. If you cause trouble for Ke Bu again, if you make me lose Ke Bu, Grandma, I’ll lose my reason.”
Zhi Li had never said anything like this to Liu Qing before. Not only recently, but throughout his entire life. The look in his eyes as he spoke that final sentence finally made Liu Qing understand Zhi Zuo Si’s warning. Zhi Li truly wasn’t just a little boy anymore. And yet right now, he was still like a child. Whoever tried to take away his things became his enemy.
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