“If this were one of those horror-movie scenarios where we were trapped in an enclosed space, you heartless people would definitely start killing one another,” Zhang Luo criticized.
“You were fighting harder than anyone just now. And now you’re trying to distance yourself from it?”
“Was I? I don’t remember that.” Zhang Luo shrugged.
Ke Bu leaned back with the bag of chips he had just bought in his arms. Gong Zhu, sitting on the berth opposite him, said, “Ke Bu, let’s trade flavors.” Ke Bu tossed the chips over. The nice thing about eating in a group was that everyone could buy different flavors and swap them around. Chu Hao Yu had beef jerky between his teeth as he counted the money in his bag. “Summer vacation isn’t as financially comfortable as winter break. How much money did you guys bring?”
“Why would we need that much money in Yinguo Town? Food and lodging should be included, right?” Ying Xiu Jie said shamelessly.
“Picking up girls doesn’t cost money?” Chu Hao Yu put an arm around Ying Xiu Jie’s shoulders. “Relax. I’m a loyal friend. This summer, I’ll definitely help you say goodbye to your virginity.” Gong Zhu looked the two of them up and down. “You’re going to help him say goodbye to his virginity?”
“Please don’t project your fantasies onto us. I can’t be completely certain about Xiu Jie, but me? Until my dying breath, I will only like women.” Chu Hao Yu thumped his chest. Gong Zhu rolled his eyes. “Why are you so resistant to the possibility that you might like a guy? Ke Bu used to like girls too, and later he decided guys were good. How do you know if you don’t try? Right, Ke Bu?” Gong Zhu tried to drag Ke Bu onto his side. Ke Bu tossed the empty chip bag into the trash. “Does it really matter? Guys liking girls, girls liking girls, guys liking guys—feelings look better with more colors in them. Forcing a guy who likes girls to like guys is the same as forcing a guy who likes guys to like girls. Either way, there’s a little bit of discrimination against someone else’s feelings involved. Just my opinion.”
“Are you reciting a tongue twister? I got dizzy halfway through.”
“Then I’ll simplify it. What kind of person someone else likes has nothing to do with me.”
“Tch.”
After chatting for a while, several of them simultaneously turned toward Zhang Luo, who still hadn’t made a move. “You’re going to tell a story, right? If you are, hurry up.”
“How did you know?!”
“Why are you pretending to be surprised? Somebody ordered you to do it again anyway, right?”
“Do you have a problem with that, Ke Bu? Have you forgotten what you experienced on the train last time?”
“I don’t have a problem with it.” Ke Bu still seemed rather resistant to the hypothetical experience of stripping naked and dancing ballet on a train. Zhang Luo brushed the snack crumbs from his hands, then wiped them on his pants. After a whole series of completely unnecessary preparations, he finally spoke. “Since everyone is eating, I’ll tell you a story that’ll increase your appetite. The story is called: Even If You’re a Man, I’ll Eat You Too.”
[After the moon disappeared beyond the horizon, the sky gradually began to pale. A piercing alarm shrieked and vibrated on the bedside table. A young man reached one hand out from beneath the blanket and switched it off. Without dawdling, he climbed out of bed and looked outside through a window fitted with sturdy iron bars. He took a deep breath, warmed up briefly, and only then began changing clothes. Today was an important day for him. After searching through the wardrobe for a long time, he finally pulled out a Zhongshan suit and changed into it, making himself look like some great leader. After checking himself in the mirror, he left the house in satisfaction.
When he passed a lottery shop, he bought a ticket and kissed it, hoping that this time he would win. Not far ahead, two or three sanitation workers were cleaning bloodstains from beneath a utility pole. Beside them lay a pile of mangled, bloody bones. A head with only half its face remaining was turned toward him, its eye seemingly staring directly at him. His expression grew solemn. He sighed and quickened his pace.
He stopped at the bottom of a pitch-black building and took several deep breaths before entering. He went straight to the service desk on the first floor and politely asked, “Hello, my name is Mai Ding. I took the vocational qualification exam last month, and I’m here today to collect my certificate.” Mai Ding presented his identification.
“Please wait a moment.” The girl at the desk accepted the identification, checked it, and handed it back. “Please collect it on the third floor.”
“Thank you.”
Unable to contain his excitement, Mai Ding hurried upstairs. After filling out several forms, he finally received the qualification certificate he had dreamed of. He had suffered plenty for this certificate, but now he finally had it. A large screen in the hall repeatedly played safety instructions. Mai Ding had memorized them long ago.
There were two higher forms of life in this world: humans and corpses. Corpses were divided into two types—jiangshi that drank human blood and zombies that ate human flesh. Aside from their habits, their appearances had evolved until they were no different from humans. Humanity had evolved too. To deal with corpses, the state established specialized training institutions. In the past, people in this profession had been called Taoist priests. Now the name had been internationalized and made fashionable: they were called DS. The defining characteristic of corpses was that they could only move around at night. Once the sun went down, an alarm sounded throughout the city. Humans only needed to remain indoors to stay safe. Even so, some reckless people, as well as DS members operating at night, were still killed, so sights like the one Mai Ding had seen that morning had long since become commonplace. Obtaining a DS qualification was about as difficult as passing the civil-service examination. Mai Ding had put considerable effort into it. He was an earnest, upright young man who always wanted to use his tiny amount of strength to accomplish something.
Mai Ding pulled the lottery ticket from his pocket. “I got my DS certificate today. Maybe I’ll win the lottery too.” Just then, a gust of wind arrived. The ticket slipped from his fingers and fluttered through the air toward another young man. The young man caught the ticket between his index and middle fingers, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it onto the ground.
“What are you doing?! You have no manners!” Mai Ding ran over and picked up the ball of paper. He raised his head. “What if this ticket wins the jackpot? If they refuse to redeem it because of what you did, you couldn’t afford to compensate me anyway.” Why had he waited until after finishing the sentence to notice the other guy’s face? He had made a faulty statement. This person might actually be able to afford it. Note: The author has already used far too many words describing his appearance and will not repeat them here.
The young man was about to leave when Mai Ding grabbed him. “You can’t behave like that. If you do something wrong, you need to apologize. This time you happened to meet someone broad-minded like me. Next time, you might not be so lucky. As morally upright young people, we should understand the most basic courtesy.”
“If you do something wrong, apologizing is enough?”
“Of course.”
“Then…” The young man grabbed the lottery ticket from Mai Ding’s hand, tore it into pieces, and said, “Sorry. I tore up your lottery ticket.” Mai Ding’s eyes widened. “You—you! What’s your name? If I check tonight and find out that ticket won, I’ll—I’ll…” He noticed an identification card sticking out of the young man’s pants pocket and reached directly inside. Misjudging the distance, his hand went in too far and accidentally brushed against the young man’s thing. Mai Ding blushed and snatched the identification card before quickly pulling his hand away. “W-Why is that thing of yours there?”
“If it wasn’t there, where should it grow? On your head?”
Mai Ding glared at him again and looked down at the identification. “An Zi Yan, is it? I’m Mai Ding. Starting today—no, starting this very moment—you’re on my blacklist!”
Elio’s Notes: Mai Ding and An Zi Yan are the protagonists of another Angelina novel, I’ll Still Love You Even If You’re a Man. Zhang Luo’s Even If You’re a Man, I’ll Eat You Too is a dark crossover parody of that story.
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