Ke Bu got through the night by relying on memories. Half asleep, he heard movement in the dorm and assumed it was Chu Hao Yu. Then he smelled cigarette smoke and opened his eyes to find Xiong Le Le rummaging through Chu Hao Yu’s collection on the desk. “Pretty nice.”
“What do you want?” Ke Bu sat up, went into the bathroom, glanced at himself in the mirror, and squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush.
“Looking like that, did you fight with Zhi Li?”
“None of your business.”
“How could it be none of my business? Maybe I caused it.” Xiong Le Le stuck his head into the bathroom. “Let me see what brands of shampoo, body wash, and laundry detergent you use. Then even the way we smell will be the same.”
Ke Bu knew Xiong Le Le wanted to see how miserable he looked after losing. Without showing any reaction, he spat the foam from his mouth. “Get out.”
“I thought after being together for so long, your relationship with Zhi Li would be pretty solid. But this is all it takes?” Xiong Le Le leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Ke Bu, why don’t you just disappear? Let me replace you. You don’t even like yourself that much anyway. I’ll do a better job than you. Let me be the protagonist instead.” He moved even closer. “I also wanted to ask how you sound in bed. I’d like to learn that too. What positions does Zhi Li like best?”
Ke Bu grabbed Xiong Le Le. “Shut your mouth. Don’t think I’m easy to bully.”
He raised a hand.
Xiong Le Le raised his phone and pressed the call button. “Hello, Aunt Wu? Have you eaten?”
“Yes, yes. Have you?”
“Mm. Does Auntie find it annoying that I call every day? My dad is so careless. I’m worried he isn’t taking good enough care of you.”
“How could Auntie find that annoying? How are things at your new school? How are you getting along with our Ke Bu? That child can be stubborn with what he says, but he’s a good boy.”
“I know. We get along really well. I’m honestly liking spending time with Ke Bu more and more. Auntie, I really hope you and Dad get married soon. Oh, Ke Bu’s right beside me. I’ll let him talk to you.”
Smiling, Xiong Le Le held the phone out.
Ke Bu’s raised hand dropped to take it. “Hello, Mom.”
“You’re with Le Le? Seeing the two of you become friends puts Mom at ease.”
“Mm.”
“Make sure you get along.”
“Mm. I will.”
“Take good care of yourself. If you get sick, you have to tell Mom, okay? You never say anything, and that only makes me worry more.”
“You too.”
“Mom doesn’t need you worrying about her yet. Mom’s the adult. Besides, your uncle treats me very well. A while ago…”
His mother really was happy now.
Ke Bu’s other hand released Xiong Le Le.
After ending the call, Ke Bu tossed the phone back. “Do whatever you want. It’s all meaningless anyway. I’m not giving Zhi Li to you, and I’m not giving you an excuse to ruin my mother’s happiness.”
“You want both? How greedy. But we really are becoming more alike, aren’t we? I want both too.”
“You said you didn’t care about the result.”
“I changed my mind.” Xiong Le Le waved his phone as he headed toward the door. “I realized there are far too many benefits to becoming Zhi Li’s person. Thanks. I’m really glad I met you.”
Chu Hao Yu came back carrying breakfast and ran into Xiong Le Le. “What are you doing here, fake?”
“Nothing. Just came to see my little brother. That’s a pretty nasty thing to say. Who knows which of us is really the fake?” Xiong Le Le walked out.
Chu Hao Yu looked at Ke Bu. “What did he say this time?”
“Nothing. Ignore him.”
Would enduring Xiong Le Le’s nonsense until he got bored really be enough to get through this? Even You Yan and the others had turned a blind eye because this involved Ke Bu’s family. Nobody was in a good position to interfere. Who wanted to become the sinner responsible for something that might destroy his mother’s happiness? Who could bear that consequence if things went wrong? Even Ke Bu couldn’t. His friends weren’t staying out of it because they didn’t care. They were doing it for him.
Ke Bu had thought he could handle everything himself, yet he had turned it into a complete mess. He walked with his eyes lowered to the ground, lost and unsure what to do. Drinking the brand of milk Zhi Li liked, he entered the club building. He had assumed Zhi Li would be asleep at this time, but unexpectedly ran straight into him. The milk carton crumpled in Ke Bu’s hand. He hesitated, unsure whether to leave or go inside. Zhi Li was the only person there. He wasn’t drawing, merely lying on the sofa. He saw Ke Bu and then acted as though he hadn’t.
Why did Zhi Li’s complete composure always ignite this nameless anger inside Ke Bu? Was Ke Bu the only one who was hurt and cared? Couldn’t Zhi Li be… be angrier with him, or gentler with him, or anything at all? Anything would have been better than this.
What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say to make all of this stop?
Ke Bu walked inside one step at a time. He stopped one step away from Zhi Li. The milk carton in his hand had already been crushed beyond recognition.
“That Ke Bu wouldn’t say things like that. That Ke Bu suits you better, doesn’t he? When I’m unreasonable and lose my temper at you, that Ke Bu probably looks more and more like your Ke Bu in your eyes, doesn’t he? What is this supposed to mean? I told you not to touch me, so you stopped touching me. If I told you to leave, would you leave too? What is all this calmness and indifference supposed to mean? What am I to you?”
Countless threads wound tightly around Ke Bu’s heart, pulling tighter and tighter. One long, narrow wound after another slowly began to bleed.
Seeing Xiong Le Le together with Zhi Li might only have been the spark. Ke Bu had already been squeezed out of his place in his family until it felt as though nowhere had room for him. Now even the person he was—his personality, his expressions, his memories—was being stolen.
Then what exactly was Ke Bu?
Where was there any proof left that he existed?
He didn’t want his pride.
Yet he couldn’t put it down.
Zhi Li was the one person he absolutely could not lose.
This last, most important person.
What would Ke Bu do if he lost him?
But don’t force me to beg you. Don’t make me apologize. Does everyone in love become this pathetic?
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