“It was an opportunity sent by heaven itself. The person who laid the trap had somehow bound himself inside his own cocoon. If I failed to make proper use of an opportunity delivered directly to me, it would have been an unforgivable waste.”
Remembering the deliberate and seemingly casual tests he had put Nalan Xuan through, Feng Xuanyi could still see him taking the bait again and again with the innocence of a blank sheet of paper. He had watched Nalan Xuan grow anxious over his every movement, watched him become absentminded and lose all composure when Feng Xuanyi summoned someone else to his bed, watched him blunder about in confusion until his body was battered and covered in injuries, watched him awkwardly try to avoid Feng Xuanyi while his eyes unconsciously betrayed the hurt he felt. At the time, all of it had left Feng Xuanyi sitting upon pins and needles, because he could not control his own emotions from rising and falling with every word and movement Nalan Xuan made. An inexplicable agitation grew inside him. He wanted to escape the predicament, to escape feelings that had once seemed familiar, that he had thought had disappeared, only for them to return more fiercely than ever.
Prince Rong was the sole master of Prince Rong’s residence. Even his smallest movement or a single expression might have meant less than nothing to the court and the wider world, but within Prince Rong’s residence it was comparable to an earthquake or a thunderclap shaking heaven itself.
At the time, beautiful companions came and went constantly through the residence. To avoid seeing Nalan Xuan’s lonely retreating figure, Feng Xuanyi increasingly avoided returning home, or returned as late as possible, lingering among flowers and surrounded by men and women alike. One glance from him was enough to make any of them come forward and serve him. Yet no matter who it was, no matter how favored a lady or young gentleman might once have been, when Feng Xuanyi held them in his arms or pressed them beneath him, he could never summon any real enthusiasm. Inexplicably, he always compared them with Nalan Xuan. Their faces were not as beautiful. Their phoenix eyes might resemble his, but they lacked his spirit. Their voices might sound pleasant, but their cries seemed affected. The hands they eagerly wrapped around Feng Xuanyi like the arms of an octopus repeatedly made him recoil, while his mind returned instead to Nalan Xuan’s stubborn refusal to let go even when he knew he was only bringing suffering upon himself; to that suppressed, restrained gaze like a trapped beast ready at any moment to bite back; and to the helplessness with which he would eventually be forced to surrender. Yet no matter what happened, the flame burning perpetually in Nalan Xuan’s eyes never went out—that stubborn fire that made a person want to conquer him and possess him completely.
And every time Feng Xuanyi thought about those things, he only became more restless, more furious, more unable to tolerate himself, until his frustration nearly drove him mad.
“The day you returned in triumph, I invited you to my residence. Part of the reason was that we had not seen each other in several months and I wanted to talk with you, but the more important reason was Eldest Brother, who arrived late.” Feng Xuanyi’s gaze sharpened, his expression changing as he continued. “You had returned victorious. Imperial Father valued you, and you held military authority. Although you and I were already outwardly supporting Eldest Brother, great achievements can easily breed pride. He would inevitably come to win you over out of fear that circumstances might change. But winning you over did not mean lowering himself and begging for your help. He would combine favor with intimidation, making certain you understood when to advance and retreat until you willingly chose to serve him. Yet you returned and openly rejected Imperial Father’s palace banquet, then immediately headed straight for my residence. How could Eldest Brother possibly feel reassured? How could he avoid suspicion? How could he not make that visit? He could come to my residence and give both of us a warning—showing you the difference between our forces and making you understand which way circumstances were moving, while simultaneously warning me to behave myself. It was too perfect an opportunity. Had he been willing to let it pass, even I would have regretted it on his behalf.”
“But while he came with his own purpose, I deliberately drew him there because I intended to give him someone—someone breathtakingly beautiful, someone both you and I had taken an interest in.” Feng Xuanyi seemed to remember the satisfaction he had felt when laying out the scheme. Unfortunately, looking back now, he could only realize that when he had laughed at Nalan Xuan for binding himself within his own trap, those words had applied equally well to Feng Xuanyi himself.
“Imperial Brother means… that day…” Feng Xuanzhen felt his head throb. Being caught inside another person’s scheme, being used, doing all the work only for someone else to reap the benefit—none of that was unusual enough to warrant shock or anger. If one took offense at every such incident, Feng Xuanzhen would probably have died of rage before reaching adulthood. What he had never imagined was that he himself had unknowingly become an accomplice in creating the catastrophe of the previous night. He had originally intended only to accompany his imperial brother and let him speak until his heart was empty, yet now Feng Xuanzhen felt awkward and unbearably heavy.
“I knew perfectly well that he never behaved properly in the residence. And you—whenever you entered my residence, you behaved as though you had arrived in your own backyard, barging around without the slightest restraint. The ladies and young gentlemen there would ordinarily know to avoid suspicion and step aside for you, but him? Do you truly think he would have considered your rank and background and obediently stayed far away?” Feng Xuanyi remembered Nalan Xuan then, fearless as a newborn calf, carrying himself with the outrageous confidence that heaven ranked first, earth second, and he himself third. He had seemed as simple and transparent as blank paper. Even if it had all been an act, no one could have performed more convincingly. That was precisely why Feng Xuanyi had been so furious then, so unable to tolerate it. When had anyone ever fooled him so thoroughly? Compared with Feng Xuanzhe, another imperial prince whose pride and dignity could hardly endure being trampled upon, Feng Xuanyi had always possessed absolute confidence in his own ability to endure. Yet looking back now, Feng Xuanyi and Nalan Xuan had in some ways been remarkably alike, like the two faces of a mirror. Faced with one another, each understood the other’s advantages and weaknesses perfectly, yet neither could ever see his own.
“Why do you think you couldn’t find him? Why do you think I allowed you to search through my residence for one of my people? The moment you walked out through that door, there was hardly anything left for me to arrange. Everything would unfold naturally. If he wanted to continue performing his ‘act’ properly, friction between the two of you was unavoidable. The only thing I failed to anticipate was just how enormous a disturbance the two of you would cause.”
Remembering the sight of Nalan Xuan falling into the water on that bitterly cold day, Feng Xuanyi could still see him being pulled out soaking wet, sitting there shivering like a pet abandoned by its owner. Feng Xuanyi, who had originally intended only to watch coldly from the sidelines, had unexpectedly felt moved—and, inexplicably, felt pain.
But none of that mattered. Faced with an established goal, any person, matter, or feeling that stood in Feng Xuanyi’s path should not be allowed to exist. Even his own emotions were superfluous and had no more right to remain than anything else.
“As expected, Eldest Brother asked me for him because you had shown interest. But if I simply handed Nalan Xuan over like a gift or a bargaining chip, Eldest Brother would not have been satisfied. He might even have turned around and bitten me instead. What I wanted was for Nalan Xuan to willingly become useful to me, to serve me with absolute devotion, to obtain what I wanted regardless of the cost, to cultivate forces for me or create opportunities for me to breathe and ultimately win. His painstakingly arranged scheme had dragged him into the mire because he loved me. I simply didn’t know how deep that ‘love’ ran or how long it would last. So I needed to help him remember it—make certain it was carved into his bones and engraved into his heart.”
“I had prepared an entire sequence of scenes to perform before him one after another, but everything stopped the day you came to the residence demanding an explanation. I knew that while you and I were talking inside the room, he was standing outside the door, because I was the one who ordered Yi Xuan to summon him there. You believed he was innocent. You were determined to stand up for him and help him escape his predicament. All I needed to do was deliver, at the right moment, the lines I had already drafted and rehearsed countless times in my mind. I had even carefully planned the timing and my expressions beforehand—how to make it convincing, how to look helpless, how to appear grieved and furious, how to seem utterly defeated and powerless. Everything was under my control.”
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