Despite being caught squarely in the flashlight’s beam, the two ninjas ignored Ke Bu as though he did not exist. Ying Xiu Jie crept furtively past him, so Ke Bu gripped the baseball bat with both hands and hooked it around Ying Xiu Jie’s neck from behind. “Are you pretending I’m invisible?”
“Let go. I’m going to challenge your father to a decisive battle and use my ‘Accept Zhi Li Fist’ to beat him into wholehearted submission.”
“First, don’t even think about it. Second, please stop giving your punches ridiculous names.”
Ying Xiu Jie jabbed his elbow backward. Ke Bu released him and stepped away, whereupon Ying Xiu Jie immediately raised his fists in a boxing stance. “You think you can beat me?”
“Do you realize how hideous you look making those movements in a skintight outfit?”
“A true man is never distracted by such superficial things. Clothes are nothing more than decoration. Whether I wear them or not is irrelevant.”
“Clothes are absolutely not optional.”
Seeing that force would get him nowhere, Ke Bu softened his tone. “Brother Xiu Jie, this humble one knows that your martial arts are unrivaled beneath the heavens, but we should consider this matter carefully before taking action. Violence can’t solve every problem. Think about it: if you storm in there and cause a scene, my father will only become more opposed to us. Wouldn’t that accomplish the exact opposite of what you intended?”
“He dares object?!! I’ll beat up his entire family!” Ying Xiu Jie declared, his blood boiling with righteous fervor.
There was absolutely no reasoning with this single-minded idiot!!
“One hundred yuan. That’s my final offer.”
“You should’ve said that in the first place. Now I understand.”
“I’m seriously beginning to question the purity of our friendship.” Ke Bu was one step away from spitting at him. With great reluctance, he dug a hundred-yuan bill from his bag and handed it over. Then he lowered his voice. “Don’t tell Zhang Luo about this. Wait—where is Zhang Luo?!”
Ke Bu looked around and noticed light coming from the bathroom. He rushed inside and found Zhang Luo standing on a stool, installing something. Zhang Luo turned, scratched the back of his head, and gave Ke Bu an honest, harmless smile.
“I don’t know why, but whenever I enter someone else’s bathroom, I get the urge to install a camera. Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”
Ke Bu grabbed a bottle of shower gel and hurled it at him. “Are you some kind of pervert?! Take it down immediately! Right now!!”
“You scared me. Why are you overreacting? It’s not as though this is a serious matter.”
“I’m giving you three seconds before I call the police. And while we’re at it, what exactly did you come here to do?”
“Nothing in particular. I just wanted to familiarize myself with the layout of your house.”
“How thoughtful of you.” Ke Bu shoved Zhang Luo toward the door from behind. “You’re lucky I’m not making you pay for the broken window. Now disappear from my sight.”
“I broke it, so I’ll take responsibility.” Ying Xiu Jie was unexpectedly loyal. He began wrestling his way out of his black skintight trousers.
“What are you doing?”
“I’ll cover the broken section with my underwear. Zhang Luo, take yours off too. One pair won’t be big enough.”
“But I’m not wearing any today.”
Ke Bu slammed the door shut with all his strength.
He released a long breath. At last, it was over.
Ying Xiu Jie clutched the hundred-yuan bill as he walked away with Zhang Luo. “Did you install the cameras in the hallway and living room?”
“Do you still doubt my efficiency? While you were keeping Ke Bu distracted, I installed three.”
Ying Xiu Jie threw an arm around Zhang Luo’s shoulders. “Once Hao Yu finishes, we’ll use this hundred yuan to get barbecue.”
“How much longer will he be?”
“It’s physically demanding work. Don’t rush him. Give him a little more time.”
Ke Bu passed Ke Qin’s bedroom. After taking several steps, he abruptly backed up and pressed his ear against the door. Something inside sounded suspicious. He carefully turned the handle and peered through the narrow opening.
The sight beyond it was horrifying.
Ke Qin lay asleep on the bed while a dark figure hunched beside his pillow. Had Ke Bu not undergone years of training under Zhi Li, the fright might have killed him on the spot.
“You’re lying in a grassy meadow. Warm sunlight is falling over you—on your head, your arms, and your whole body. You feel comfortable. Your entire body is relaxing now. Completely relaxed. Take a deep breath, then let it out slowly. As you exhale, all your worries and burdens leave your body. Now there is a man standing in front of you. His face is incomparably beautiful, so handsome that your heart begins to race. That man is Zhi Li. He is standing there beneath the sunlight. When I count to three, you will believe Zhi Li is the finest man in the entire world. You like him. You like him very much. The fact that he is a man does not bother you at all. Good. Relax. Relax even more. Now listen while I count.”
Ke Bu had already moved behind the dark figure without him noticing. He clamped a hand over the man’s mouth and dragged him out. Fortunately, Ke Qin had not slept for an entire day and night, so the noise they made failed to wake him.
After hauling the figure into the living room, Ke Bu finally released him. Every vein in Ke Bu’s body felt ready to burst.
“Hao Yu, would you care to explain what you were doing?”
“Are you stupid? I was hypnotizing your father. If you hadn’t appeared and ruined everything, I would’ve finished already. He might have woken up tomorrow morning positively delighted to approve of your relationship.”
“Ha ha ha~~” A terrifying laugh emerged from Ke Bu. Then he ground his teeth. “I’m afraid he wouldn’t just approve tomorrow morning—he might fall in love with Zhi Li himself! You bastards, can’t those shit-filled skulls of yours produce one normal idea?”
“If we used methods ordinary people could think of, wouldn’t that make us look painfully mediocre? Besides, do you have any idea how long it took us to plan all this? Do you?”
“A whole hour.”
“That really is an astonishing amount of time. Honestly, I’m about to cry. Can’t you see the tears of gratitude practically bursting from my eye sockets?”
“No.”
“Can you see the blazing fury?”
“No.”
“Can you see the warning that I’m about to smash your crotch with this baseball bat unless you leave?”
“You think I’m afraid of you?”
“I know you aren’t.” Ke Bu took out his phone and dialed a number. Before the person on the other end could speak, Ke Bu rattled off, “Zhi Li, Chu Hao Yu is at my house in the middle of the night. He’s lying in my bed and putting his hands all over me. He told me not to tell you what happened between us, but am I that kind of person? My pure and innocent heart belongs faithfully to you alone.”
“You’re vicious.”
Chu Hao Yu vanished at top speed.
Still holding the phone, Ke Bu returned to his room, collapsed onto his bed, and repeatedly kicked at the blankets while complaining to Zhi Li. “Zhi Li, you need to give them a proper lecture too. You have no idea…”
Ke Bu recounted the entire disaster from beginning to end. He had claimed to be exhausted, but once he started talking to Zhi Li, he could have continued forever.
“Those idiots.” Zhi Li moved his mouse slightly, his eyes fixed on the computer screen as he spoke in his usual flat voice.
“Exactly. You and I are family now, so let’s talk behind their backs together.”
“You sound quite happy.”
“Who’s happy to have made friends with those morons?” Ke Bu sat up and pulled open the curtains. Far in the distance, he saw three people gathered together, standing out in the sweltering heat in the middle of the night. The corners of his lips curved faintly. “I don’t care. You have to criticize them properly and tell them never to do anything like this again. Also, make them stop skulking outside my house and get lost.”
“Stop babbling and go to sleep.” Zhi Li ended the call.
Less than two seconds later, his phone rang again.
“Ahahaha~~~ Even you couldn’t have thought of plans like ours, could you?”
“I truly couldn’t have imagined anything that stupid.”
“So? Is the picture clear?”
“It’s not bad.”
Zhi Li’s attention returned to his computer screen, where three live surveillance feeds were playing side by side.
“Are you coming out? We’re going for barbecue. It’s men’s time now—woohoo~~” Chu Hao Yu was clearly riding a tremendous high. It had been far too long since he had roamed the streets in the middle of the night.
Apparently, Gong Zhu and Ke Bu no longer qualified as men in their eyes.
“No.”
Beside him, Zhang Luo and Ying Xiu Jie shouted, “We demand reimbursement! We demand reimbursement!”
“Fine.”
“Will you reimburse us if we go there too?” Chu Hao Yu asked in a sleazy voice.
“I’ll cover the bill when you go there to get treated for an STI.”
Zhi Li hung up.