Elio’s Notes: K-zai is Kevin (Wang Kai Wen), He Chu San’s assistant.
Wang Kai Wen, at the tender age of twenty-one, suffered the second heartbreak of his life.
And both heartbreaks involved the same person.
His first heartbreak had been his first love. He was only eight years old then, living in the dark, sunless Walled City. His mother worked at a restaurant, leaving early and returning late every day, with no time to discipline him. He was poor and wild, like a stray puppy. One night, while kicking a ball alone in an alley, a delinquent teenager deliberately picked a fight, stole his ball, and hit him. In a burst of anger, Wang Kai Wen grabbed a brick, charged forward, and split the teenager’s head open.
The teenager howled and cursed. Only then did Wang Kai Wen realize that he had struck the son of a Red Pole from the Sha Family Gang—a young master of the underworld.
A group of vicious men quickly surrounded him. His mother happened to come looking for him and was seized as well. The young master clamored that they should first beat the mother and son half to death, then sink them into the sea. Just as the two of them were terrified out of their minds, a slender boy carrying a schoolbag emerged from the shadows of the alley and said, “Hey! Do you know who those two are?”
“Little bastard, why are you sticking your nose into this?!” the young master cursed.
“That child is Boss Sha’s illegitimate son. The woman isn’t his mother—she’s his nanny. Boss Sha’s wife is extremely vicious and had his birth mother killed, so Boss Sha had no choice but to secretly raise him outside the family.” The boy spoke calmly and with complete conviction. “Ask him where he lives if you don’t believe me. Which street?”
Wang Kai Wen had absolutely no idea what the boy was talking about. After the underworld young master kicked him, his mind went blank and he blurted out the name of the street where he lived.
“If you’re really Boss Sha’s son, why didn’t you say so earlier?!” the young master asked suspiciously.
“He’s only eight. He doesn’t know, and neither does the nanny. My father was the intermediary who found the nanny for Boss Sha. Doesn’t your father work for Boss Sha? Call him and ask whether it’s true,” the boy said.
Half believing him and half doubting him, the young master called his father, explained the situation, and gave him the name of the street. Before he could even finish speaking, his father unleashed a torrent of abuse at him. After hanging up, the young master bowed and scraped as he apologized to the boss’s illegitimate son, then fled with his men as though they had grown wings.
The boy helped Wang Kai Wen and his mother to their feet. “Are you all right?”
The boy had spoken with such certainty and flawless logic that even Wang Kai Wen began to doubt his own origins. “Mom, was what he said true? Aren’t you my real mother?”
“Huh?” His mother was stunned too. “I gave birth to you.”
The boy laughed, revealing two rows of snow-white teeth. Such straight, clean teeth were rare in the Walled City. “I made it up. Boss Sha’s illegitimate son happens to live on the same street as you. His nanny secretly told my father about it when she came to his clinic to have a tooth pulled. My father is very kind, so everyone loves talking to him. You’re welcome to come have your teeth checked sometime too.”
“How did you know which street I lived on?” Wang Kai Wen asked in astonishment.
“You play football here every day before going home. I often see you when I come back from school. You even kicked the ball into me once. Don’t you remember?”
Wang Kai Wen gazed up at him as though beholding a god. He truly did not remember. Had he known sooner that such a kind, intelligent, graceful little older brother with such a sweet smile existed… Although in his mother’s memory, the boy had merely been a sharp-faced, scrawny child who resembled a little rat.
From then onward, Wang Kai Wen carried his ball to that alley every evening and waited for the older boy to come home from school. The boy seemed extremely busy with his studies. He always hurried past, gave Wang Kai Wen a faint smile, and then rushed away. Wang Kai Wen would stand at the mouth of the alley hugging his ball, staring after him with such infatuation that he was nearly reduced to an idiot. Unfortunately, his foolish infatuation lasted only a week before his mother found work as a live-in nanny outside the Walled City. Her employers were willing to let mother and son live in the servants’ quarters of their villa. Ignoring his tearful protests, she took him away from the Walled City. He later sneaked back several times, but regrettably never saw that older boy again.
His first love gradually blurred within his childhood memories, leaving behind only two rows of dazzling white teeth.
More than ten years later, through a curious twist of fate, he once again encountered the white moonlight of his heart—no, his White-Toothed Moonlight.
Unfortunately, his White-Toothed Moonlight already had a partner. The man was handsome, long-legged, and an underworld boss. Wang Kai Wen could neither compete with him nor beat him in a fight, so he could only bury his feelings deep within his heart.
However, there was enormous conflict between his White-Toothed Moonlight and his partner. One was a kind and respectable elite from Central, while the other was an underworld boss whose hands were covered in blood. Anyone could imagine the distance and conflict between them. White-Toothed Moonlight did everything in his power to rescue his lover from the sea of flames and devised a grand plan to eliminate his lover’s enemies—the first step was to imprison and kidnap his lover.
Wang Kai Wen: ??? His White-Toothed Moonlight loved this fiercely?
No matter how jealous Wang Kai Wen was, he remained willing to offer his wholehearted assistance, both to repay the favor of having his life saved and to atone for the feelings he concealed. Moreover, to be perfectly honest, seeing his rival locked up gave him the tiniest, secret thrill.
Incidentally, he also harbored one small, wicked thought. He kept imagining that if the disagreement between those two eventually became irreparable and they completely fell out, he might still have the slightest opportunity to slip in.
But on this particular day, after accompanying White-Toothed Moonlight to come out to his family, Wang Kai Wen’s secret love was seen through. Before White-Toothed Moonlight could say anything, Wang Kai Wen gave up on himself, spoke first, and handed himself the good-person card.
Ah, what could he possibly fail to understand? For the sake of that foolish boss, White-Toothed Moonlight had abandoned his respectable reputation and become the acting hall master of an underworld society. Although his legs turned weak from fear of his father, he still crawled upstairs on all fours to come out to him. Meanwhile, that foolish boss had been locked in a basement. Although he had clearly managed to pry open his chains, instead of immediately escaping, he stupidly waited for White-Toothed Moonlight to return so they could “talk things through.” White-Toothed Moonlight then effortlessly coaxed him into taking a sedative and locked him up again. They were such a perfectly matched pair of living treasures. What virtue or ability did Wang Kai Wen possess that could possibly allow him to squeeze between them?
This heartbreak cut him to the bone.
Wang Kai Wen’s heart was unbearably bitter, so that evening, he went to a gay bar to drink himself senseless. He was currently helping White-Toothed Moonlight “handle important business,” all of it confidential work that made revealing his identity inconvenient. He therefore deliberately chose a bar holding a masquerade party and wore a half-face superhero mask.
Since he was already heartbroken, there was no reason to preserve his chastity for White-Toothed Moonlight. He tore open his buttons, exposed his chest, and released his charms without restraint. Then he widened his discerning eyes and searched for a handsome man who suited his tastes, hoping to find himself a one-night stand.
The man seated beside the bar looked quite promising. His body, tightly wrapped in form-fitting fabric, could only be described as perfect. He had long legs and a shapely ass, and wore a Batman mask that revealed an elegantly shaped chin and thin lips. Moreover, he looked utterly dejected as he poured glass after glass of alcohol down his throat.
Wang Kai Wen deliberately lowered his voice until it sounded deep and seductive, then approached him. “Heartbroken?”
The other man’s voice was soft, weary, and hoarse. It did not sound like his natural voice either. “Go away.”
Not only did Wang Kai Wen refuse to leave, but he planted himself beside him. “I was just rejected too. The person I like has a boyfriend. No—not only have they pledged themselves to each other, but he even came out of the closet. I have absolutely no hope left. What about you?”
The other man glanced at his mask, lowered his head, and took another drink. Only after a long silence did he say, “He said I would always be his little brother.”
“How tragic. The little-brother card.” Wang Kai Wen sighed. “That’s even worse than my good-person card. Come, come, have another drink. My treat.”
Wang Kai Wen ordered an entire row of small rainbow vodka shots. After each of them drank three, their emotions began to run somewhat high. Pretending to be drunk, Wang Kai Wen leaned closer and deliberately brushed his elbow against the other man’s. Then he casually invented a name for himself. “I’m Ward. What about you?”
The other man looked at him again with a peculiar expression, but quickly averted his eyes and replied hoarsely, “A’Tai.”
They went to a hotel together that very night.
A’Tai seemed extremely concerned about allowing a one-night stand to see his face and refused to remove his mask—which suited Wang Kai Wen perfectly. Wearing their superhero and Batman masks, the two kissed each other’s bodies and tore at one another’s clothes, lending the whole encounter a hint of role-play.
Wang Kai Wen had not expected to strip away A’Tai’s clothes and find his mouth practically filled with hard muscle. He was badly startled. “Y-You… You’re in incredible shape. What do you do for a living?”
“I fight Muay Thai.”
“A-Are you a top?” Wang Kai Wen immediately sensed trouble! Although he had once been a gangster and trained diligently, he had now washed his hands of the underworld, followed White-Toothed Moonlight into finance, and become a company president’s assistant. How could his occasional recreational fighting compare with a professional?
“You’re a bottom?” A’Tai asked suspiciously. “If you’re a bottom, I’ll top.”
“No, no, no, no. I-I…” Wang Kai Wen became too agitated to speak.
“There’s no need to force yourself.” There had always been more bottoms than tops in their circle. A’Tai proved extremely accommodating and self-sacrificing as he said, “Lie down.”
“I-I’m a pure top,” Wang Kai Wen hurriedly declared.
“…” Suspicion appeared in A’Tai’s eyes, as though he had never encountered a pure top in his entire life.
“Really. You lie down. My technique is excellent.”
Still doubtful, A’Tai lay down. A little while later, he said, “It hurts.”
“I’ll be gentler. Gentler. Sorry, I’ve never fucked anyone this tight before… Your glutes are incredible…”
“…It still hurts.”
“Let’s change positions. Change positions.”
Wang Kai Wen worked himself ragged all night. By the end, the two were drenched in sweat and wrapped around each other, panting. His waist and back ached, and he felt as though he had fired off an entire lifetime’s worth of essence. He cautiously asked, “Did it feel good?”
“Mm.”
Good. As long as it felt good. Wang Kai Wen finally breathed a sigh of relief. A’Tai suddenly turned his head and kissed his sweat-covered cheek. “Thank you.”
“It felt very good. Thank you.”
Wang Kai Wen sighed, tightened his embrace, and said, “I should be thanking you. I was just rejected. Thank you for staying with me.”
“Mm. Me too. Thank you for staying with me.”
“Are you going home?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Neither do I.” His home was cold and empty, and returning would only remind him of his heartbreak.
And so, they cuddled together like two little animals huddling together for warmth and slept soundly through the night.
Early the next morning, Wang Kai Wen awoke in the morning light and turned his head to see A’Tai’s profile. A’Tai was still wearing his mask and slept with a peaceful expression. Warm golden light rested on his fan-like eyelashes, while his gentle breaths brushed Wang Kai Wen’s face. For one hazy instant, Wang Kai Wen felt as though this could be an entire lifetime.
Wang Kai Wen’s heart seemed to be pricked by a needle, and his breathing quickened. The previous night had truly been wonderful. After a brief period of friction at the beginning, the two had seemed to blend into one another as naturally as blood dissolving into water. The sensation had been indescribably exquisite.
Had he begun to like A’Tai a little? Could a one-night encounter between strangers last? Could they keep in regular contact afterward?
Wang Kai Wen secretly reached out, intending to lift A’Tai’s mask. He wanted to see what the man truly looked like. Perhaps he refused to remove it because he had scars? An ugly birthmark? Whatever the reason, Wang Kai Wen would not dislike him. He would kiss him awake in a moment, and then they could exchange phone numbers.
But before he could touch the mask, A’Tai’s keen reflexes caused his eyes to snap open. Their gazes met, and Wang Kai Wen awkwardly lowered his hand.
A’Tai immediately sat up and began dressing with his back turned, saying nothing. Wang Kai Wen noticed several knife and gunshot scars across his back and vaguely sensed that A’Tai’s life involved more than simply “fighting Muay Thai.” Becoming alert, he suppressed the impulse to ask for A’Tai’s number. A’Tai had also abandoned the obedient, agreeable demeanor of the previous night. He quickly wrapped himself in his clothes again, his spine straight and his back radiating a distant chill.
For some reason, Wang Kai Wen felt that A’Tai deeply regretted losing control after drinking the previous night.
Once dressed, A’Tai took several bills from his wallet and placed them on the bedside table. “I’ll split the hotel bill with you,” he said hoarsely.
“There’s no need,” Wang Kai Wen said.
A’Tai did not allow him to refuse. After leaving the money, he quickly departed. Wang Kai Wen remained alone beneath the covers, watching him close the door from outside. Once he was gone, Wang Kai Wen removed his superhero mask, tossed it aside, and rubbed his face, which had been pressed against it all night. He sighed deeply to himself.
What was that? He was like a little iceberg, even though he’d been so adorable last night. The way his body trembled slightly while actively cooperating had been adorable. The low moans he let out while desperately trying to suppress them had been adorable. Even the flush covering his face when he came had been adorable.
However, Wang Kai Wen did not blame him. A person might call it heartbreak, but how could so many years of emotion be forgotten so easily? How could anyone become interested in someone else so quickly? A’Tai aside, even while Wang Kai Wen had been plowing away with all his might the previous night, White-Toothed Moonlight’s face had occasionally flashed through his mind.
Ah, how fortunate I’d be if I could share the clouds and rain with White-Toothed Moonlight just once in this lifetime…
Wang Kai Wen’s wish came true. Not long afterward, he began miserably living through days filled with White-Toothed Moonlight’s clouds and rain. First, he unfortunately witnessed White-Toothed Moonlight and his partner turning a bath into a scene of passion. Then, because an enemy suddenly paid them a visit, Wang Kai Wen had no choice but to impersonate White-Toothed Moonlight’s lover himself. Every night, he had to perform sounds of passion with White-Toothed Moonlight for the recording devices hidden inside the room, and he even had to sleep on the floor of White-Toothed Moonlight’s bedroom.
And why was his White-Toothed Moonlight a top?! Why would such a gentle, refined, dignified, and quiet White-Toothed Moonlight be a top?! Why did Wang Kai Wen have to personally witness White-Toothed Moonlight fuck that vigorous, formidable Dragon Head Boss until red clouds filled the sky?! The entire world was being overturned! His eyes were going to sprout styes! Ahhh!
Late at night, Wang Kai Wen lay curled on the floor mattress with his back to White-Toothed Moonlight, silently shedding tears as he thought, Isn’t this far too tragic? Giving myself a good-person card was bad enough, and now I’ve gotten a fake-lover card too! That’s even crueler than the little-brother card!
Thinking of the little-brother card reminded him of A’Tai, the one-night stand who had departed so coldly, making him even sadder—that was the heartless shut-your-ass-and-leave card, every bit as merciless as pulling your dick out and walking away!
Even in his dreams, Wang Kai Wen was surrounded by black cards. On the surface, however, he calmly endured a heartbreak as bitter as medicinal herbs. Fortunately, as White-Toothed Moonlight’s grand revenge plan proceeded step by step, both work and life became increasingly tense, dangerous, and exciting. Gradually, Wang Kai Wen no longer had time to attend to the tiny flame of romance in his heart… until White-Toothed Moonlight met the final boss. Influenced by the other man’s evil rays, White-Toothed Moonlight grew increasingly depressed and irritable. Finally, after arguing with someone one day, he locked himself inside his office.
Wang Kai Wen’s heart ached for him, but he was unable to comfort him. After hesitating for a long time, he secretly contacted White-Toothed Moonlight’s boss lover behind his back.
Once the genuine lover arrived, Wang Kai Wen, the fake lover, became even more useless. After arranging White-Toothed Moonlight’s security, he simply returned to the gay bar from last time to drink.
The bar was holding another one-night-stand party—no, a masquerade party. Wang Kai Wen selected an exceptionally ugly Phantom of the Opera mask and had no desire to approach anyone. His heart was too bitter. All he wanted was to collapse over the bar, pity himself, and wail aloud. The male lead had stolen away his beloved—no, his beloved had stolen away the male lead—while he would forever remain the ugly Phantom in the darkness, unloved by anyone.
Let me keep waiting, waiting until my heart breaks; the stars drink with me tonight, as though pitying my emptiness…
Why was the sound system even playing Waiting Until My Heart Aches as background music?! Was there no justice or human decency left in the world?! Wang Kai Wen pounded the bar furiously. The vibration of the wooden counter startled another young man slumped crookedly nearby, drinking. The young man turned and looked at him.
Wang Kai Wen saw the Quasimodo mask covering the other man’s face, along with that familiar, elegantly shaped chin.
“A’Tai?” he asked suspiciously.
“Ward?” A’Tai replied.
This time, A’Tai bought the drinks. As Wang Kai Wen drank, he pushed a hand beneath his mask to wipe away his tears. “I really like him. I’ve liked him for many years.”
“Mm. Me too.”
“He’s a wonderful person. Gentle, capable, and handsome.”
“Mm. So is he.”
“Do you know how terribly I was rejected? I personally saw him rolling around with his man—not in bed, but in a bathtub.”
“Mm. Me too. I went to his home to deliver something today and discovered that he was living with the person he likes.”
“I always thought he was a bottom! But it turns out he’s a top! Our positions clash! Boohoo…”
“…” A’Tai hesitated this time. “Then I’m probably not as miserable as you.” He then tilted his head suspiciously, as though carefully considering the possibility that his beloved might actually be a bottom. “But I’m versatile, so I don’t care whether he tops or bottoms. Even so, he still fell in love with someone else. Even if he hadn’t, he would never love me, because I drew the little-brother card.”
Wang Kai Wen could not stop himself from spraying out his mouthful of alcohol in laughter. Then he looked at A’Tai’s completely unmoved face. “You don’t laugh at your own jokes?”
“I didn’t tell a joke,” A’Tai said.
“The little-brother card! Hahahaha.”
A’Tai said seriously, “It isn’t funny.”
Wang Kai Wen could no longer laugh either. He patted A’Tai’s shoulder. “You’re right. It isn’t funny. That’s tragic.”
They went to a hotel together again that night.
“Tomorrow morning, don’t leave coldly without saying anything again. At least say goodbye,” Wang Kai Wen said after they entered the room.
“I’m sorry. At the time, I never intended to see you again. I deeply regretted sleeping with you and regretted getting drunk.”
“…” Wang Kai Wen choked. “You’re certainly honest. Then why are you here again today?”
“I drank again today and thought you were adorable. Although I don’t know whether I’ll regret it tomorrow, I still really want to sleep with you.”
“Cough…” Wang Kai Wen said. “I take back what I said. Your honesty is adorable too.”
Holding one another in the corridor, the two first exchanged a gentle kiss, sharing the same bitter taste of alcohol.
Wang Kai Wen licked his lips. “Ah, the taste of heartbreak.”
“You don’t like it?”
“I don’t like heartbreak,” Wang Kai Wen said. “Heartbreak is too bitter. But I liked that kiss. Could I have another?”
A’Tai gently kissed him again. Wang Kai Wen kissed him back, pressing his lips to the corner of A’Tai’s mouth, where dried tear tracks remained.
So he secretly cried before I appeared, Wang Kai Wen thought. The person he likes gave him the little-brother card and moved in with someone else. He must be just as heartbroken as I am. How pitiful.
They kissed each other softly for a long time. Wang Kai Wen drew his lips slightly away and whispered, “May I see what you look like today?”
A trace of hesitation appeared in A’Tai’s eyes as he looked at him.
Wang Kai Wen did not become discouraged. Ever since childhood, he had aspired to follow White-Toothed Moonlight’s example. He was currently striving to learn from White-Toothed Moonlight how to become a person who was per-sis-tent—otherwise known as relentlessly pestering someone until they surrendered. “I’ll take a shower first. Think about it, all right? It’s fine if you don’t want to.”
…
Inside the bathroom, Wang Kai Wen stripped completely naked and removed his mask as well. He examined his face and body uneasily in the mirror, because he was not particularly confident. He had encountered far too many dazzling people, and White-Toothed Moonlight was one of them. Yet no matter how he examined himself, Wang Kai Wen considered his appearance merely above average. Or perhaps only average? What would happen if he went outside later and A’Tai disliked his face?
Wang Kai Wen pinched the nose he was so proud of, trying his best to make it appear even straighter.
Water splashed loudly inside the bathroom. Faintly, he thought he heard his brick phone ringing outside.
Still dripping wet, he ran out of the bathroom. A’Tai stood with his back to him, speaking into Wang Kai Wen’s brick phone. “He’s taking a shower.”
Wang Kai Wen strode quickly behind him. A’Tai was still asking the caller, “Who are you?” when Wang Kai Wen hurriedly snatched the phone away. “Don’t answer my calls without permission! Hello?”
“It’s me,” said his White-Toothed Moonlight.
Wang Kai Wen hurriedly hugged the phone to his chest and returned to the bathroom, carefully closing the door behind him. He failed to notice A’Tai’s stunned gaze behind him—A’Tai had seen his face.
White-Toothed Moonlight apologized and thanked Wang Kai Wen. Overwhelmed by the honor, Wang Kai Wen spoke with him for a while longer. A’Tai knocked on the door outside, apparently having something to say. A considerable amount of time passed before Wang Kai Wen finally emerged.
“I’m leaving,” A’Tai said, still wearing his mask. After speaking, he actually turned around and left just as he had the last time.
“Why?” Wang Kai Wen asked in astonishment, quickly catching up with him in the corridor. He seized A’Tai’s arm, originally intending to look impressive by pinning him against the wall. Instead, the Muay Thai fighter effortlessly threw him over his shoulder and onto the floor.
Wang Kai Wen was utterly stunned when A’Tai’s hand closed around his throat. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that arranging a hookup might endanger his life.
But A’Tai quickly realized that he had overreacted. He released Wang Kai Wen and climbed off him.
“I’m sorry,” A’Tai said. This time, he did not deliberately lower his voice, and Wang Kai Wen found it vaguely familiar.
“Why are you leaving?” Wang Kai Wen asked. “Are you unhappy? The person who called just now truly is the man I like, but nothing can ever happen between us. I’ve already been heartbroken for so long. Couldn’t we—couldn’t we begin as friends? I really do think you’re adorable.”
“That’s impossible,” A’Tai said. “He called you Kevin. You’re Wang Kai Wen, and he’s He Chu San.”
A nerve snapped taut inside Wang Kai Wen’s head. He cautiously stepped backward. “How do you know that? Who exactly are you?”
A’Tai removed his mask. Wang Kai Wen froze as he stared at the flawless, handsome face beneath it.
It was his former underworld superior, White-Toothed Moonlight’s fake romantic rival, and the man whose true identity had recently been exposed amid the chaos White-Toothed Moonlight had created within the society—Major Crimes Unit undercover officer Qin Hao.
Every hair on Wang Kai Wen’s body stood on end. “Y-You?” Given the other man’s former undercover status, Wang Kai Wen could not prevent a terrible suspicion from arising. “Did you recognize me last time?! Did you sleep with me to get information out of me?!”
Qin Hao shook his head. “No. I didn’t recognize you. Last time, it was because you said your name was Ward—the name of the person I love.”
Once again, Qin Hao left coldly. Wang Kai Wen collapsed onto the floor, overcome by unprecedented helplessness and despair. In the bathroom earlier, while worrying that A’Tai might dislike his real face, he had truly felt that he liked the man a little.
He had thought he had drawn the undercover-scumbag card. It turned out that he had drawn the substitute card instead.
Wang Kai Wen, at the tender age of twenty-one, suffered the third heartbreak of his life.
Alone in the hotel bed, curled around a blanket, he spent the entire night humming Waiting Until My Heart Aches.
Boohoo.