For two whole years, Lu Guang Ming pestered Xie Jia Hua—scheming, probing indirectly, and using every possible trick. In total, he had received four slaps, two rounds of punches, and countless scoldings, yet still failed to get close to Inspector Xie. This time, however, by unintentionally “deploying his backside,” he achieved miraculous results—so much so that even he himself was caught off guard when Inspector Xie actually said the unbelievable words: “Call me.” The harder Inspector Xie’s mouth, the softer his heart. Had this been ancient times, after a single night of spring passion, Young Master Xie might very well have shown up at his door with a dark expression to formally propose marriage, taking responsibility for him as a “maiden” Lu.
And Lu Guang Ming—ever the sort to push his luck and climb wherever given an inch—took “Call me” at face value. Over the course of a single week, he obediently called Xie Jia Hua three times. On the weekend night, when Xie Jia Hua drove out for the third time in the dead of night to haul him out of a garbage heap, he finally snapped.
“You’re seriously unbearable! Why is it that every day someone wants to beat you up?!”
“It wasn’t this frequent before—just been unlucky lately,” Lu Guang Ming blinked innocently. His ankle was injured, and he limped along, hopping awkwardly. Xie Jia Hua supported him toward the car as he asked, “What case have you been investigating lately? Who did you offend?”
“ICAC confidential,” Lu Guang Ming replied with a sly blink. “If Inspector Xie really cares about me, lend me your informant.”
“Get lost!”
……
Xie Jia Hua forcibly dragged Lu Guang Ming to the hospital to treat his ankle. The doctor wrapped his foot into a “rice dumpling”. With a slipper dangling off the bandaged foot, Lu Guang Ming hopped into Xie Jia Hua’s car like a squirrel. The car left the hospital, passed the ICAC, and headed toward the bustling city district.
“Hey? Wrong way—that’s not toward my home.”
“With your foot like this, how are you getting home? How will you go up and down stairs? What if someone attacks you again?”
Lu Guang Ming blinked blankly. “Then… where are we going?”
“To my place,” Xie Jia Hua said irritably.
Lu Guang Ming paused, then grinned. “InspectornXie is so kind-hearted.”
Xie Jia Hua felt his teeth ache and his head pound. The image of Lu Guang Ming acting like a demanding young master in the hospital remained vivid—fruit had to be cut into cubes, tea had to be seven-tenths hot, bathing required a soft towel, even washing his face required a special brand of soap for gays. He knew full well he had brought trouble upon himself and mentally prepared for the worst.
Unexpectedly, once Lu Guang Ming arrived at his home, his demeanor changed completely. Standing at the door, he simply let out a small, obedient sigh of admiration.
“Wow, your place is really big.”
Then he quietly curled into a corner of the sofa, holding a cup of hot water in both hands, staring blankly—eyes lowered, utterly unintrusive, as though determined not to disturb the host in the slightest.
Xie Jia Hua helped him into the bathroom to wash up. Lu Guang Ming sat quietly by the bathtub, carefully lifting his injured leg, allowing Xie Jia Hua to scrub him without resistance, without mischief, and—most surprisingly—without taking the opportunity to lean in and breathe teasingly into his ear. After finishing, Xie Jia Hua helped him onto the bed. Lu Guang Ming even made a show of politeness, saying he was a guest and should sleep on the sofa—before being unceremoniously stuffed into the blanket by Xie Jia Hua.
Pinching the blanket corners with both hands, his face flushed red from the bathroom steam, Lu Guang Ming spoke softly, “I’ve never slept on such a comfortable bed before. No one has ever taken care of me like this. You’re really kind. Thank you.”
Xie Jia Hua felt his teeth ache again. With a stiff expression, he gave a low grunt and turned off the lights.
Afterward, he closed the bedroom door gently and went to wash up. Beneath the showerhead, he scrubbed vigorously at the goosebumps on his arms—all triggered by that syrupy “You’re really kind, thank you.” Lu Guang Ming was young to begin with, and his clever, boyish face made his act of obedient sweetness downright unsettling.
Wait… acting obedient and cute?
Alarm bells rang instantly. Still damp, Xie Jia Hua stepped quietly out of the steam and padded barefoot into the living room—only to find the bedroom door open, the study door open, and Lu Guang Ming kneeling awkwardly on a chair in his study, backside raised, injured leg lifted, fiddling with his computer password.
“Lu—Guang—Ming—!!”
“Don’t hit me, don’t hit me! My foot hurts, my foot hurts! My backside hurts too—don’t forget that’s your fault…”
“Get out of my house—!”
“With my foot like this, how am I supposed to leave? How do I go up and down stairs? What if I get attacked again?”
……
Xie Jia Hua argued with Lu Guang Ming three times a day—once in the morning, once at night, and even once in the middle of the night if they ran into each other on the way to the bathroom. During the day, he dealt with stubborn triad members denying everything at the station; at night, he drove to the ICAC to pick up Lu Guang Ming, only to endure another round of shameless pestering at home. He even added two locks to his study door, yet Lu Guang Ming still pried them open. He couldn’t out-argue him, nor bring himself to strike him.
It was like picking up a wounded stray cat from a garbage heap—vicious and cunning—who ate his food, slept in his house, and urinated all over the place. Just as he grabbed the scruff of its neck to punish it, the cat would remind him that animal abuse was illegal.
“I treat you so well—I even wash your underwear every day to repay you. I’m like the snail maiden from ancient legend,” Lu Guang Ming declared righteously, moved by his own words.
“Don’t touch my underwear!!!”
“Police and ICAC are one family. What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is still mine. It’s all for investigations—Inspector Xie, why not share some informants or leads?”
“In your dreams!!!”
“Look at us—living under one roof, eating at the same table, working overtime together at night. Such perfect chemistry. Why not just share a bed too and make our ‘bed partner’ relationship official?”
“Shut up!!!”
……
At lunchtime in the station, everyone hurriedly ate sandwiches at their desks. Inspector Xie’s office was empty.
“Where’s Boss? I brought him a burger,” one subordinate asked.
“In the boxing room,” another replied. “He’s been working out lately—doesn’t eat burgers anymore. Go swap it for a chicken breast salad.”
“These past few days, whenever Boss has free time, he’s all heh-ha! punching away—he looks really pent up. Hey, Bzi, don’t you have lots of pretty cousins? Why not introduce one to Boss?”
“Don’t be fooled by how slim he looks—those arms are solid muscle. He’s smashed two punching bags these past few days! With that physique, who would dare get close to him?”
“But he really looks pent up… poor guy. Hey, what about you girls—anyone willing to sacrifice and be our Boss’s girlfriend? He’s so handsome!”
“Handsome, yes,” the girls from the neighboring unit replied, “but also terrifying. Better just admire him from afar in the office.”
Xie Jia Hua—the ultimate, legendary lifelong bachelor—remained completely unaware of the high praise he was receiving, still sweating it out in the boxing room.
……
That afternoon, as usual, he went to pick up Lu Guang Ming after work. He arrived earlier than usual and saw Lu Guang Ming getting out of an ICAC vehicle with several colleagues. Xiao Lu hurried ahead of everyone else to chase after his superior and hand over documents, moving swiftly despite his “injured” foot.
“……”
After handing in the materials, Lu Guang Ming happened to spot Xie Jia Hua’s car—and immediately, his limp returned. He quickly shoved past his colleagues and hopped toward the car.
“Inspector Xie! Why are you here so early today?”
“Your foot’s healed?” Xie Jia Hua asked darkly.
“How could it be?!” Lu Guang Ming sighed dramatically. “Isn’t it still wrapped in bandages? You just took me to change the dressing yesterday!”
“……”
The more Xie Jia Hua thought about yesterday’s hospital visit, the more suspicious he found Lu Guang Ming’s flirtatious behavior with the doctor. He fell into silent contemplation. Taking the opportunity, Lu Guang Ming opened the car door and climbed in.
“Let’s go—how about roast goose tonight?”
“……”
Xie Jia Hua really did call to order roast goose.
Neither of them could cook, nor had time to. Over the past two weeks, whenever they ate at home, it was always takeaway. Though Xie Jia Hua was harsh toward Lu Guang Ming, he never shortchanged him in food—whatever he wanted to eat, they ate. Lu Guang Ming shamelessly freeloaded, never once mentioning money.
Not only did he not pay, once full and warm, his mind turned to desire. After finishing the roast goose, he followed Xie Jia Hua into the study, perched on the desk, and resumed pestering him.
“Inspector Xie, no matter how good you are to me, a debt must be repaid. Let me have you once, and we’ll be even. If it turns out enjoyable, we can make it a long-term arrangement—how convenient.”
Xie Jia Hua remained expressionless, reading an English handbook on criminal psychology. The more he read, the more convinced he became that this man surnamed Lu, due to a lack of affection in childhood, exhibited antisocial tendencies and borderline personality traits—hypocritical and perverse, better off confined to a psychiatric institution.
“Why are you so old-fashioned? Life is short—you should enjoy it while you can. Even if you don’t, at least take care of your normal physical needs. Think about it—how many years has it been since your last copulation? I mean intercourse between two people—not ‘you and your hand.’”
As Lu Guang Ming babbled, he secretly reached toward the desk drawer—only to have his hand slapped away.
He immediately shifted tactics, reaching out to touch Xie Jia Hua. “Look at your chest muscles—so well developed. Isn’t it lonely with no one to touch them?”
Smack!
This time, Xie Jia Hua struck harder and shot him a chilling glare.
Lu Guang Ming, long immune to such glares, only grinned and continued teasing. Just then, the brick phone rang in the living room. Xie Jia Hua pushed him aside and went to answer it.
It was a colleague from another district. The man who had injured Lu Guang Ming’s ankle had been identified by a witness, who provided a sketch for a wanted notice. Officers from another district, while handling a separate assault case, recognized the same suspect and confirmed his identity.
“Have you arrested him yet?” Xie Jia Hua asked.
“About to move in. He’s currently at a nightclub in Tsim Sha Tsui East within your jurisdiction. We’d like your team to secure him first—so he doesn’t get wind and escape.”
“Understood. I’ll go personally.”
After hanging up, Xie Jia Hua changed clothes and put on his shoes. Lu Guang Ming bounced over eagerly. “I’m coming too—let’s see which bastard it is.”
“Isn’t your foot ‘not healed’?” Xie Jia Hua shot him a glance.
Lu Guang Ming made his choice instantly—between “my foot isn’t healed” and “I’m coming too.” He clutched his knee and leaned against the wall. “Ah—right, suddenly it hurts…”
“……” Xie Jia Hua cursed silently and slammed the door as he left.
……
At two in the morning, after arresting and interrogating the suspect, Xie Jia Hua returned home utterly exhausted. The bedroom light was off; Lu Guang Ming lay curled into a small bundle under the blanket, softly snoring. Xie Jia Hua quietly pushed open the door to glance at him. Too tired even to change, he pulled a blanket from the cabinet and collapsed onto the sofa to sleep.
At dawn, he was awakened by a rustling movement on top of him. Frowning, he opened his eyes—only to see Lu Guang Ming straddling him, wrapped in the blanket, grinning wickedly.
Xie Jia Hua looked up in confusion—his hands were cuffed above his head, even his clothes had been half-removed, hanging loosely around his wrists.
“Inspector Xie, those chest muscles of yours are quite impressive—feel great to the touch,” Lu Guang Ming said with a sly smile. “As the saying goes: what goes around comes around. Inspector Xie, so wise and capable—did you ever expect this moment?”
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