Tears silently soaked into his pillow. He didn’t want to be so heartless and cruel either. If he could hold He Chu San in his arms and warm him with his own hands through every cold night, how could he possibly bear to let go?
If only we had met in our youth, rewritten the course of fate itself, lived cleanly and peacefully, and stayed together for a lifetime without ever parting.
…
Spring gave way to winter; time flew by in the blink of an eye. On a prison-visiting day in early summer 1997, Xiao Ma arrived carrying bags full of snacks and cigarettes to visit Xia Liu Yi.
Chairman Ma nowadays usually plopped himself into the chair and immediately began chattering away at his Boss. Today, however, he leaned against the table and shifted awkwardly for ages before finally managing to find a position comfortable enough to sit.
“What happened to you?” Xia Liu Yi asked.
“Last night… I fell. Fell down and hit my butt,” Xiao Ma said with a delighted grin.
“You hurt your ass and you’re this happy about it?”
Holding onto the table, Xiao Ma stuck out his backside and leaned over to whisper mysteriously into his Boss’s ear.
“Xiao Yu came to Hong Kong?” Xia Liu Yi said.
“Hehehe!”
“Aren’t you afraid Xie Jia Hua will arrest her?”
Xiao Ma merely kept grinning hehehe and leaned over to whisper another sentence.
“She’s working as an informant again?!”
“Boss, could you stop saying my secrets out loud?”
Beaming from ear to ear, Xiao Ma shared all the sickening sweetness of his love life with his Boss until the sour stench of romance practically covered Xia Liu Yi’s face. Then he told him another piece of good news: Xie Ying Jie had died of stomach cancer in Shek Pik Prison the previous day. He had barely been able to eat during the last month of his life and had wasted away to skin and bones before dying. The news had even made the papers.
“Fuck, he only served four years. He got off cheap,” Xia Liu Yi said cheerfully. “They should’ve made him live to a hundred before letting him die.”
Xiao Ma also told him some amusing stories about Dong Dong and Xiao Luo’s life in Australia, as well as gossip about Deputy Superintendent Xie Jia Hua. Not long ago, Xie Jia Hua had passed by the seaside and seen a man weighing around a hundred and fifty kilograms jump into the water to kill himself. He jumped in to save him, only to nearly get dragged to the bottom and die along with him. Luckily, a passing fishing boat hauled both of them up in a fishing net. Xia Liu Yi, completely lacking in sympathy, laughed until tears came out.
He wiped the tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes and asked Xiao Ma, “What about him? How has he been lately?”
Xiao Ma’s wide-open mouth immediately snapped shut. His face twisted awkwardly as he hesitated, clearly unsure whether to speak.
“What happened to him?” Xia Liu Yi asked seriously.
“He… got engaged. Ahem. To that blonde foreign girl he started dating last year.”
Xia Liu Yi looked perfectly calm. “Good. When’s the wedding?”
“End of next month.” Xiao Ma sounded cautious. “B-Boss… he asked me to ask you whether you could see him on the first of next month. Nothing else. He just wants to wish you happy birthday in person.”
Xia Liu Yi lowered his eyes. “No need. I appreciate the thought. Tell him I wish the two of them happiness and a long life together.”
“Boss,” Xiao Ma pleaded, “he’s about to get married. His company is also merging with some American financial company, and he says the whole family might immigrate to the US after the wedding. Maybe he won’t come back to Hong Kong for eight or ten years. Just see him once. Think of it as meeting an old friend.”
Xia Liu Yi remained silent for a long time.
“I’ll think about it.”
…
Late at night, Xia Liu Yi tossed and turned on the upper bunk, making the metal frame squeak incessantly. Limping Sha on the lower bunk finally lost patience and kicked the underside of Xia Liu Yi’s bed. “Go the fuck to sleep!”
The movement above stopped. After a while, Xia Liu Yi’s muffled voice came through the pillow.
“He wants to come see me.”
“Then see him!”
“I don’t dare. I’m afraid I won’t be able to control myself.”
“Then don’t control yourself!”
“He’s getting married.”
“Strangle him!”
“…”
They were completely talking past each other. Xia Liu Yi rolled himself tightly in the blanket like a caterpillar and stopped speaking.
Limping Sha continued grumbling below, “I think you just need a good fucking! If I were him, I’d pin you down in the visiting room and fuck you properly. Then you’d behave!”
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck off!”
…
One month later.
He Chu San sat perfectly upright in the prison visitation room, his back straight. Hearing the lock on the opposite door open, he raised his eyes and stared steadily as Xia Liu Yi walked toward him.
Xia Liu Yi wore a thin, faded prison uniform and had a freshly trimmed buzz cut. He sat across the table and set his clanking handcuffs down on its surface.
Looking at the buzz cut, He Chu San smiled faintly. Brother Liu Yi actually looked very handsome with his hair cropped short. “You haven’t changed at all.”
“I’m darker now, aren’t I?” Xia Liu Yi said.
“You weren’t pale to begin with.”
Xia Liu Yi choked. “Fair enough.” He raised his eyes and briefly studied He Chu San. “You’ve changed a lot.”
He Chu San wore expensive gold-rimmed glasses inlaid with diamonds, a custom-made suit of exquisite fabric, and not a single hair out of place. His entire bearing had become solemn and commanding, carrying the sharp authority of a leader and someone accustomed to standing above others. He was no longer that refined, reserved young man from years ago.
Xia Liu Yi caught sight of He Chu San’s left hand resting on the table. A new diamond ring sat on his ring finger. Tiny diamonds were set closely together all the way around the band. It looked somewhat flashy for a man, but if it was one half of a pair of engagement rings, a woman would probably like something so sparkling and pretty.
“What’s she like?”
“She’s very nice. She’s of mixed Chinese heritage and grew up in San Francisco. She’s lively and cheerful. She loves romance and surprises, and she’s always dragging me off traveling.”
“Do you want to see a picture of her?” He Chu San said. He had already taken the photograph from his briefcase and pushed it directly in front of Xia Liu Yi. Xia Liu Yi’s heart was already throbbing painfully, but the brilliant smiles of the two people in the photograph stabbed into it all over again. The blonde, blue-eyed woman with a high nose was grinning as she kissed the corner of He Chu San’s lips. He Chu San’s slightly curved eyes were full of laughter, radiant morning sunlight reflected within them. Behind the two of them, blue sky and ocean met in the distance while seagulls flew freely overhead.
“Mm. She’s very pretty. Treat her well.”
“Of course.” He Chu San took back the photograph. “Her father is the president of a publicly listed American company. He invited me to develop my career in the US after we marry. I’m considering immigrating. But my parents and Xin Xin have decided to remain in Hong Kong, so I’ll still come back every Lunar New Year. When I do, I can stop by and visit you, right?”
Xia Liu Yi lowered his eyes. “Sure.”
“I almost forgot this.” He Chu San pulled out another birthday card, opened it, and laid it flat on the table. There was no hand-drawn picture this time. Intricate paper cutouts unfolded into a three-dimensional mousse cake. “I went to the Aegean Sea with her last month and saw this for sale. It was pretty and nicely made, so I bought it for you.”
He looked openly into Xia Liu Yi’s eyes and smiled. “I’m doing very well now, just like you wanted. I hope you stay healthy and safe in here too. Brother Liu Yi, happy Liu Yi Day.”
Xia Liu Yi slowly reached out, dragging his handcuffs with him, and accepted the card. He gently touched the elaborate paper pattern. “Mm. Thank you. I wish both of you health, happiness, and a wonderful life together too.”
“I’ll get going, then.” He Chu San zipped up his bag. “I’m meeting her this afternoon to choose a wedding dress.”
“Okay.”
He Chu San stood, gave him one last smile and nod, then turned toward the visitors’ exit behind him. Xia Liu Yi stared down at the birthday cake and suddenly spoke.
“A’San.”
He Chu San’s steps paused. His expression perfectly normal, he turned around. “What?”
“This fiancée is fake, isn’t she?”
He Chu San laughed. “Why would you think that? I’m not the child I was back then. Marriage isn’t something you joke about.”
Xia Liu Yi lifted his gaze and stared directly at him. “She’s fake, isn’t she?”
He Chu San’s smile disappeared. He raised the hand with the diamond ring and showed it to him. Meeting Xia Liu Yi’s gaze, he said sincerely and seriously, “She’s real.”
Clang!
Xia Liu Yi shot to his feet clutching the birthday card, the sudden scrape of his chair producing a heavy crash. The prison officer outside the barred door behind him immediately leaned forward in alarm. Seeing nothing had happened, he withdrew again.
He Chu San watched Xia Liu Yi stand there without speaking for a long time, then smiled faintly once more. “Can I go now? I’m in a hurry.”
Xia Liu Yi turned his back on him. He Chu San turned toward the visitors’ exit and pressed the bell, signaling the officer outside to open the door. Before the officer could approach, however, his eyes suddenly widened. He shouted toward He Chu San’s back, “What are you doing?!”
He Chu San turned around. Before he could even see clearly, his vision spun and Xia Liu Yi slammed him against the wall. Xia Liu Yi gripped his jaw tightly and kissed him with crazed desperation.
They tore at each other and struggled together, half kissing and half fighting. He Chu San responded just as violently, even biting hard into Xia Liu Yi’s lips and tongue and swallowing his blood. Several prison officers opened the doors from both sides and rushed in, forcibly tearing them apart.
“She’s fake, isn’t she?!” Xia Liu Yi shouted while struggling against them.
He Chu San’s mouth was covered in blood. He roared furiously, “I hate you! Xia Liu Yi, I hate you so much I could kill you! What bullshit Inner Peace?! If you ever dare refuse to see me again, when you get out I’ll lock you beside me with a dog chain! I’ll keep you chained to me until you’re eighty, a hundred! Even when you die, you’ll stay chained to me!”
…
Limping Sha sat beside the exercise yard holding a photograph of his little granddaughter, happily smoking a cigarette. He saw Xia Liu Yi slowly returning from the visitation room. A bloody scratch ran across Xia Liu Yi’s forehead, his lips were bitten swollen, and his face was covered in tears. He wiped at his face as he sat beside Limping Sha.
Limping Sha blew a mouthful of dark smoke straight into his miserable face. “Ha! Serves you right!”
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