Without stopping to say anything else, Shao Wu took Yang Shuyi straight home. It was the apartment where his family of three had lived before his parents divorced. After the divorce, Wu Yan had moved out, while Shao Wu’s father had moved into the other apartment in the same residential complex, the one belonging to Shao Wu’s grandmother.
Fortunately, Shao Wu had kept a key.
There were only two words to describe how he felt right now: utter confusion. The gift was from eight years ago. Eight years. If he was guessing correctly, Zhu Jingjing had confessed her feelings for him through that present, and he’d missed it by some twist of fate. No, it hadn’t really been fate. Ultimately, he’d only ever seen Zhu Jingjing as a good friend. Back then, every last one of his thoughts had been occupied by Yang Shuyi.
If Zhu Jingjing had liked him all these years, then throughout those same years, every last one of Shao Wu’s thoughts had still been occupied by Yang Shuyi.
He was back in the apartment where he’d lived for almost twenty years. The furnishings hadn’t changed, but opening the door sent a cloud of dust rising into the air. Clearly, no one had lived here for a long time. A bitter ache rose in Shao Wu’s chest. The immediate cause of his parents’ divorce had been his impulsive coming out.
Yang Shuyi followed behind him without a word, and they went onto the balcony. The apartment had a spacious balcony. They’d usually stored miscellaneous household things in a cabinet along one side. Shao Wu opened it and began rummaging. The dust made him cough a few times, but he didn’t stop moving. Old shoeboxes, a food processor, a toolbox… He took the objects out one by one. Before long, he spotted a blue plastic bag standing in the corner, with “Yongchuan No. 2 High School” printed on it.
Back then, before every winter and summer break, the school would pack each student’s holiday homework into bags like these and hand them out one bag apiece.
A thin strip of red showed through the mouth of the bag. Shao Wu pulled it out, then took the red gift box from inside. It had once been a bright, vivid red, but the passing years had faded it to dark crimson. The paper corners had wrinkled too, probably because Yongchuan was so rainy and the air so humid.
Yes, Yongchuan always had so many rainy days, so many damp, bitterly cold winters. Yet today the weather was beautiful. Afternoon sunlight streamed in through the window and fell warmly across Shao Wu. It fell on the box in his hands too, gilding its faded red surface, until it looked as new as it had yesterday.
His memories were like the dampened box: under the warmth of the sunlight, they gradually grew clear again. On May 12, 2008, he’d received so many presents. The fountain pen from Zheng Xiaoning. The Huanggang exam practice papers that Han Huiyuan and Zhou Lei had bought together. Zhu Jingjing’s gift box, whose contents he’d never known. And… and the graffiti that Yang Shuyi had drawn for him.
On the wall that had long since collapsed in the earthquake. Shao Wu remembered distinctly that behind it stood a gray, shabby apartment block, with deep-green ivy climbing from the base of its walls, rustling whenever the wind blew. Was that old building still there? Or had it been demolished by now?
And his friends, too. Zhou Lei and Han Huiyuan, who hadn’t managed to stay together in the end. Zheng Xiaoning, who’d once had a crush on Yang Shuyi. Where were all these people now?
Were they doing well?
Shao Wu was silent for a while. Then, under Yang Shuyi’s gaze, he lifted the lid of the gift box.
The present he’d been eight years late to open lay before his eyes. It was a set of Fuwa dolls: Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, and Nini. Even now they looked clever and adorable. On that day eight years ago, when Yang Shuyi had taken him to see his graffiti, he’d drawn Fuwa too. That year, Fuwa had been everywhere. Beijing was preparing to host the Olympics, and Shao Wu had desperately wanted to study at university there.
Beneath the third Fuwa, Huanhuan, lay a neatly folded square of sticky-note paper.
He unfolded it. In dark-blue ink, it read:
Shao Wu, I really like you.
Shao Wu lowered his head and stared at that note for a long time.
During the years he’d been painfully in love with Yang Shuyi, had Zhu Jingjing also been painfully in love with him?
How long had she liked him?
Those things… he understood them now. When he’d first returned to No. 2 High School as a teacher, Zhu Jingjing had volunteered to pretend to be his girlfriend. At Shen Qi and Wang Yiheng’s wedding, she’d gotten so drunk that she’d called and asked him to pick her up. And… So that was what it had all meant.
If he’d discovered her feelings sooner, he could have rejected her sooner. But she’d known for a long time that he liked Yang Shuyi… Of course. These feelings weren’t something anyone could simply control. He’d known Yang Shuyi was straight. Zhu Jingjing had known he was gay.
Shao Wu blinked. His nose had begun to sting, not because he regretted never being with Zhu Jingjing. You couldn’t force such things. He was upset because he knew how painful it was.
Yang Shuyi bent down and picked up the bag from Yongchuan No. 2 High School. After a few seconds, he asked, “What’s this?”
A few pieces of broken stone lay in his palm.
Shao Wu froze too.
Could it be…?
“That wall?” Yang Shuyi spoke before he could. “Is it from the wall where I drew the graffiti?”
“Mm.” Shao Wu tried desperately to keep his voice from breaking. “It collapsed during the earthquake, so I… picked up a few pieces of stone and brought them home.”
Yang Shuyi put the pieces back into the bag without a word.
Suddenly he asked, “Do you like Copico chips because I gave you some once?”
He remembers?
Shao Wu smiled bitterly and nodded.
Yang Shuyi said nothing more. The two of them stood in a daze on the balcony. Outside, the clear spring sky looked like a pane of glass, reflecting their eyes, their faces, and so many, many memories. Shao Wu suddenly longed to go back to that time, with no earthquake and no graduation, when they were merely two clueless second-year high school students who thought life was filled with light, and even the bitterness of liking someone was nothing more than bitterness.
After a long while, he finally collected himself. He put the gift box back in the bag and said, “Let’s go.”
But Yang Shuyi didn’t move. Without looking at him, he asked quietly, “Do you regret it?”
“Regret what?”
“Regret liking me. Regret not liking her… She’s a good person.”
“What’s the point of regretting something like that?” Shao Wu paused. “Besides, I don’t regret it.”
“You must regret it a little.”
“I really don’t.”
“But you care about her a lot.”
“We…” Shao Wu said, bewildered, “we’re friends.”
He didn’t understand why Yang Shuyi was saying these things. Did he think Shao Wu had romantic feelings for Zhu Jingjing? Did Yang Shuyi not know who occupied his heart? His parents could say something like that. His other former classmates could say it. Even the students he’d taught at Yongchuan No. 2 High School could say it. But Yang Shuyi? What right did Yang Shuyi have to doubt him?
He’d already done every foolish thing he possibly could for Yang Shuyi.
Confusion and anger tangled together. Shao Wu couldn’t help clenching the bag in his hand.
“But you wouldn’t let me go to her wedding,” Yang Shuyi said, sounding extraordinarily aggrieved. “Wasn’t that because you were afraid she’d be upset?”
“I only found out today that she… that she used to like me! Can you be reasonable?” Shao Wu couldn’t help raising his voice. “And how was I stopping you? You were the one who didn’t want to go! You’d only just gotten married and then divorced. Wouldn’t it have been awkward to see them again…?”
Shao Wu suddenly stopped talking. He’d assumed Yang Shuyi didn’t want to see his old classmates for the same reason he didn’t: it would be awkward.
But at the wedding, Yang Shuyi had calmly told them all about his divorce.
“I wouldn’t have been embarrassed,” Yang Shuyi said, enunciating every word. “I wish I could let everyone in the world know that you and I are together.”
He looked straight at Shao Wu. His dark eyes seemed to gather up all the light and send it shooting into Shao Wu’s chest. Shao Wu’s useless heart began to race.
“Then what about the red envelopes? You even wanted to give our gifts separately. Wasn’t that because you were worried people might suspect there was something between us?” Shao Wu had a vague feeling he’d already lost the argument, but he blustered on anyway.
“…”
“Well?” When Yang Shuyi didn’t speak, Shao Wu pressed him. “Wasn’t it?”
“We gave them separately because…” Yang Shuyi sighed, sounding resigned. “Shao Wu, have you ever heard of making your presence felt?”
It took Shao Wu several seconds to understand.
Then his first thought was: Who knew Yang Shuyi was such a sneaky flirt?
His second: What kind of high school kid gets jealous like this?
No, even high school students didn’t do this anymore. This was middle-school behavior. Eighth grade at the very oldest! Giving Zhu Jingjing a red envelope was basically Yang Shuyi scrawling Yang Shuyi was here all over the wedding venue, with Shao Wu doing the writing for him.
Yang Shuyi, what on earth goes through that head of yours every day?
All Shao Wu’s anger vanished in an instant, replaced by a mixture of amusement and helplessness. But seeing Yang Shuyi lose some of his momentum, he pressed his advantage. “You also said my clothes were ugly. You said I looked like I was going to play basketball.”
“I didn’t say they were ugly.”
“You might as well have.”
“I said you looked like you were going to play basketball because you looked so youthful in them!” Yang Shuyi said indignantly, his cheeks puffing up. “You’re not the one getting married. Why did you need to look so good? Who were you dressing up for?”
“And you were giving me the cold shoulder! You barely talked to me these past few days!”
“You were the one ignoring me! Playing games with one person today and calling someone else tomorrow!”
“What are you talking about?”
“That Chen… whatever-his-name-is Mang!” Yang Shuyi ground his teeth. “And Zhu Jingjing told you about her wedding before anyone else. She hadn’t even posted in the class group when she’d already told you…”
Shao Wu stared, his mouth hanging open.
Had Yang Shuyi really turned into a walking jar of vinegar? He was even jealous over this?
Elio’s Notes: Calling someone a “vinegar jar” is a playful Chinese way to say they’re easily jealous. Here, Shao Wu imagines the jar itself coming to life.
“I don’t want to be like this either,” Yang Shuyi said, dropping his head like a thoroughly dejected dog. “I’ve been overthinking things. I’m sorry.”
Wait. What’s wrong with this man?
We’ve only argued for two sentences, and he’s already apologizing?
Claiming the moral high ground first?
How calculating can you get?
Shao Wu felt completely outmatched. Reason told him he should look fierce and defend his innocence. What gave Yang Shuyi the right to get jealous over nothing and then put on the wounded expression of a poor, wronged little wife? But… but his hand had already moved of its own accord and gently clasped Yang Shuyi’s.
“I’m not blaming you,” he said, his voice likewise acting beyond his control. “I just thought… thought you didn’t come to the wedding because you didn’t want to go with me.”
Yang Shuyi’s lips moved. “Of course that’s not why,” he said softly.
“Then… then can we just let it go?” Shao Wu squeezed his palm. “Look, I only found out today that Jingjing used to like me. And she’s married now. There’s really nothing between us.”
Yang Shuyi gave a vague “Mm,” but still looked a little unhappy.