Over the course of the evening, Shao Wu climbed from Platinum III to Platinum I. Of course, he hadn’t contributed much; Yang Shuyi had done most of the carrying. Near midnight, Shao Wu noticed that Yang Shuyi was already playing with his eyes half closed.
Feeling both sorry and guilty, he hurriedly said when their game finished, “That’s enough, that’s enough. Let’s go to sleep.”
Yang Shuyi looked up with a smile. “Not going for Diamond anymore?”
“Tomorrow. Tomorrow’s Saturday…” Shao Wu paused, then added a little insincerely, “It’s not as if I absolutely have to reach Diamond.”
Yang Shuyi nodded. “True. I think Platinum games suit us well enough. After all, I can still top you even if we don’t rank up.”
“Hey!” Shao Wu protested. Was he really taking that seriously?
Yang Shuyi leaned closer, still smiling, and pinched Shao Wu’s cheek. “Call me that again, and I’ll get you to Diamond tomorrow.”
Shao Wu blushed and played dumb. “Call you what?”
“What you called me just now.”
“Shuyi.”
“Wrong.”
“Yang Shuyi.”
“Last chance.”
“…”
Shao Wu finally understood what it meant to dig a hole for yourself and fall right into it.
Yang Shuyi didn’t urge him any further. He simply watched with a teasing little smile. Shao Wu seldom saw an expression like that on his face: a little happy, a little smug, with a trace of impish delight.
Shao Wu lowered his eyes and called, almost soundlessly, “Bro.”
Yang Shuyi refused to let him off. “Still wrong.”
“…Big brother.”
Yang Shuyi went quiet.
A few seconds later, Shao Wu hesitantly lifted his eyes, only to find Yang Shuyi’s face suddenly filling his vision as the man leaned over him.
Yang Shuyi pressed him onto the sofa. The back of Shao Wu’s head struck the wall, but it didn’t hurt. Yang Shuyi had slipped his palm between Shao Wu’s head and the wall just in time. He kissed Shao Wu intensely, his tongue moving between Shao Wu’s lips and teeth with a persistence that seemed to promise more. Soon Shao Wu’s ears and face were red, his lips shining with moisture.
Yang Shuyi kept one hand behind Shao Wu’s head and stroked his face with the other, impossibly gentle. His nose brushed Shao Wu’s cheek, making it itch and tingle, as though a handful of popping candy were crackling in tiny bursts across his tongue, lips, and cheeks.
“Call me that one more time, will you?” Yang Shuyi whispered.
“…”
His feelings were surging after that kiss, and Shao Wu was less embarrassed than before. He turned to meet Yang Shuyi’s eyes and said, “Big brother.”
His voice was breathy and just a little hoarse.
Yang Shuyi looked back at him. He seemed to savor the words for several seconds before giving a deeply satisfied “Mm.”
Then, unbelievably, he bent to kiss Shao Wu again. This time the kiss was even fiercer. He slid a hand beneath Shao Wu’s pajama top. His fingertips had thin calluses that traced the skin in slow, wandering strokes, sending shivers through Shao Wu. Only when Yang Shuyi’s fingers were nearing his chest did Shao Wu call helplessly, “Shuyi.”
“Mm?”
“Don’t… don’t touch there…”
“Why?” Yang Shuyi asked, pressing lightly beneath Shao Wu’s ribs as he spoke.
“Wouldn’t you…?” Shao Wu was almost begging now. “Wouldn’t it make you uncomfortable…?”
“Why would I be uncomfortable?” Yang Shuyi’s fingers moved upward. Then he curled one finger and brushed precisely across Shao Wu’s chest. Electricity seemed to run through Shao Wu’s body. He curled in on himself, but with Yang Shuyi pinning him against the sofa, there was nowhere to escape.
So… so this is what it feels like… Shao Wu was already aroused, and now it grew more difficult to bear. Instead of stopping after that first stroke, Yang Shuyi pressed the pad of his finger against him, letting the faint callus graze the most tender skin and drawing a stifled moan from Shao Wu.
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” Yang Shuyi kept touching him and spoke close to his ear. “Don’t worry, and don’t be afraid… I like it very much.”
Shao Wu truly had worried, or at least had worried before, that Yang Shuyi wouldn’t be accustomed to his body. Yang Shuyi had liked girls. Shao Wu believed that without him, Yang Shuyi would still have been with a girl. Men and women were built differently. Their waists, legs, and lips might be similar enough, but certain crucial parts were quite different. He didn’t have a girl’s soft breasts. Surely Yang Shuyi might find that strange.
So when Yang Shuyi’s hand had slipped beneath his shirt, he’d prepared for the worst: perhaps Yang Shuyi would touch his chest and immediately pull his hand away. Shao Wu had thought it would be all right if that happened. They could take their time; and if all else failed, Yang Shuyi simply wouldn’t need to touch him there.
But apparently… things were the exact opposite of what he’d imagined.
Was this man getting addicted to it?!
Those troublesome fingers had already migrated to the other side. Shao Wu’s chest felt hot. Was it swelling? He could clearly feel Yang Shuyi’s erection pressed against his thigh, and his own pressed back in return.
Yang Shuyi kept caressing his chest, the slight hardness of the calluses on his fingertips almost driving Shao Wu out of his mind. It itched. It hurt a little. And it felt… devastatingly good.
“Shuyi… wait, big brother…” Shao Wu’s eyes were red. “Please stop…”
“Mm?” Yang Shuyi answered, though his hand didn’t stop moving.
Shao Wu closed his eyes in surrender, letting his body tremble delicately beneath Yang Shuyi’s touch. He really was like a violin string: Yang Shuyi alone could so effortlessly draw those long, trembling notes from him.
A long time later, when the two had finally calmed down, Shao Wu lay against Yang Shuyi’s chest. His pajama top was off, his loose pants pooled at his feet, and damp strands of hair clung to his forehead. Yang Shuyi gently stroked his bare, smooth back. His palm was warm and his touch exceedingly tender, as though petting a sleeping kitten.
“You really think you can… accept this?” Shao Wu asked.
Yang Shuyi sighed. “How am I supposed to prove it before you’ll believe me?”
“It’s not that… I’m afraid you’re forcing yourself,” Shao Wu whispered.
“Why would I be forcing myself?” Yang Shuyi asked with unshakable certainty. “Anyone would enjoy doing things like this with someone they like, wouldn’t they?”
The words “someone they like” rendered Shao Wu speechless. He could only press his burning cheek against Yang Shuyi’s forearm. In the silent night, he could hear Yang Shuyi’s pulse, a profoundly reassuring sound.
Yang Shuyi rose, meaning to lift Shao Wu in his arms, but Shao Wu hurriedly said, “I can walk.”
Yang Shuyi held his shoulders. “But I want to carry you. May I?”
“…”
They met each other’s gaze for a few seconds. Then Shao Wu opened his arms and slipped them around Yang Shuyi’s neck. Yang Shuyi picked him up and set him down on their bedding on the floor. Afterward he brought over a glass of water, helped Shao Wu drink half, and finished the remaining half himself.
Yang Shuyi turned off the light, took off his shoes, and lay down. In the darkness, he reached for Shao Wu’s hand.
“Xiao Shao,” he said. “I used to think something in secret… Back then, I mean. I used to wish you were my younger brother. I thought, if I had a little brother, I’d want him to be just like you.”
Shao Wu froze. “Back then?” When exactly had that been?
“When we were at university. You used to come and find me every few days.”
“Oh…”
Actually, they still hadn’t really spoken seriously about the past, not as lovers.
Their past was painfully long, and not only long, but monotonous. For years and years, it had been nothing more than Shao Wu loving Yang Shuyi and Yang Shuyi not loving Shao Wu. The pain and despair of that time were still vividly tangible when Shao Wu remembered them. That was why he kept warning himself not to dredge up old grievances. There were too many to count.
At any rate, Yang Shuyi had gradually fallen in love with him in the end. Wasn’t that already extraordinary good fortune?
“Back then, I knew you… liked me. But I didn’t know how to respond,” Yang Shuyi said slowly. “You even changed your university preferences for me. Honestly, I thought your feelings were too heavy, more than I could bear. And even if I accepted them, I couldn’t return the same kind of feeling.”
“Mm.” Shao Wu gave a small smile and managed to sound fairly light. “I was young and foolish. Looking back, I only made things harder for myself.”
“That’s not what I mean.” Yang Shuyi gripped his hand more tightly.
“I know.”
“It was my problem. I couldn’t give you… At that time I didn’t know how to face you. Whenever you came to see me, you looked so happy. I could tell how happy you were, so I couldn’t bring myself to tell you to stop coming. But…”
“But you really didn’t like me.”
“I thought, if only you were my younger brother, then I’d have a reason to be good to you. If we truly were brothers, I could look after you. I could… give something back.”
Shao Wu laughed soundlessly. “If I were your brother, and straight as well… you’d be the type to save up and buy your little brother an apartment, wouldn’t you? Then your wife would complain that you were taking money from your own household to support another.”
Yang Shuyi laughed too. “Right. A phoenix man. The kind who can go without buying a home for himself, but his little brother absolutely has to have one.”
Both of them laughed. But as the laughter went on, Shao Wu’s nose began to sting. In a hoarse voice he said, “Then why wasn’t I your brother? I wouldn’t have fallen for you that way. Wouldn’t that have been better?”
Yang Shuyi hurriedly wrapped his arms around him, sounding alarmed. “Xiao Shao, I’m not blaming you. I really did think that way before, but not anymore. Truly, not anymore. Now all I want is for you to be you, and for us to have this kind of relationship. Xiao Shao—”
“Mm,” Shao Wu answered dully. “I understand.”
Yang Shuyi awkwardly touched his face. Finding no tears, he seemed to relax. Then he rested his chin on Shao Wu’s head and said softly, “Ding Li asked where I was living today. I said your place. Then he asked what exactly our relationship was.”
Shao Wu tensed at once. “He figured it out? Because of your Moments posts?”
“I don’t think so. He was probably just curious, since you went all the way to Wenchuan to look for me back then… I told him you were my little brother. My younger paternal cousin.”
“Mm. What did he say?”
“He said your family’s got good genes. Everyone in it is good-looking.”
“…”
“If you want him to know, I can tell him the truth,” Yang Shuyi said cautiously. “But we’re only coworkers…”
“That’s not what I mean. It’s better to… keep things quiet when we can,” Shao Wu said after some thought. “If someone I don’t know well asks later, I’ll just say you’re my older brother?”
“Mm.”
“Hey.” Shao Wu couldn’t help laughing. “That makes one of your dreams come true.”
Yang Shuyi sounded rather aggrieved. “I really don’t think that way anymore…”
“I know, I know.” Shao Wu could never help softening toward him. “I’m not blaming you.”
“Then…” Yang Shuyi rubbed his chin against the top of Shao Wu’s head. “When it’s just the two of us, could you call me ‘big brother’ from now on? I like it.”
Taking an advantage and then pretending to be innocent.
Shao Wu deliberately asked, “If I call you big brother, will you call me little brother?”
“No.”
“Hm?”
“I’ll call you…” Yang Shuyi leaned close to Shao Wu’s ear and whispered two words in the Chongqing dialect, so softly they were scarcely audible.
Shao Wu’s face turned scarlet.
Elio’s Notes: A “phoenix man” (凤凰男) is an often-pejorative Chinese label for a man from a poor or rural background who succeeds in the city but remains financially obligated to his extended family. Yang Shuyi uses the stereotype self-deprecatingly when joking about buying a home for his hypothetical younger brother before himself.