“Let’s talk.”
He Yi sat astride the long wooden bench that had once been used to strike him on the head. He kept both soles planted on the ground to steady the worn, slightly wobbly seat.
Xue Ci sat on another bench, resting a hand at either end as he looked at He Yi curiously.
The two benches stood at right angles, barely a few inches apart.
Thinking of what he was about to say inevitably brought back what had happened last night and the night before. He Yi felt awkward, but he forced himself to begin. “Ahem. Have you noticed that your body grows hot at night?”
Xue Ci’s dangling, swinging legs suddenly stopped. Looking at the ground, he said, “Actually, I was already feeling a little unwell at the military camp. But since I came back, it seems like there are even more things wrong with me…”
To tell the truth, He Yi had initially been baffled by the symptoms. But the snow leopard’s behavior reminded him of a dog kept by a friend in his previous life. That dog had acted in much the same way when it went into heat. He could not help wondering whether Xue Ci was being affected by his animal form and had entered a mating season.
But did Xue Ci even have such a season?
He Yi did not know. Seeing that Xue Ci appeared just as clueless, he could hardly point directly to some of his inappropriate behavior. Instead, he laid down a rule. “When we’re sleeping at night, don’t cross the middle of the bed. If you feel uncomfortable, take care of it yourself.”
Now Xue Ci’s legs stopped swinging altogether. He gripped the ends of the bench tightly and turned his head. “You’re not going to look after me anymore?”
He Yi was at a loss for words. After thinking for a while, he explained, “It isn’t that I won’t look after you. It’s that this is something I can’t take care of for you. It’s private. You shouldn’t be asking someone else to help.”
Xue Ci did not understand. “But you helped me.”
Caught off guard, He Yi’s ears instantly turned scarlet. “I was rash that night. I overstepped my bounds. It won’t happen again.”
There was a faint flush on Xue Ci’s face too, though his seemed born more of excitement. He asked frankly, “But I still want you to help me. Can’t you?”
He Yi had not expected such a direct question, delivered with such earnestness and hurt. His instinct was to retreat. “That’s something only married couples should do…”
But Xue Ci’s next words were startling. “Then if we become a married couple, won’t that solve it?”
“…” He Yi was completely floored. He stared speechlessly, wondering if he had misheard. A moment later he whipped his head around and looked at Xue Ci, accidentally raising his voice. “You really…! How can you say things like that so casually?”
He Yi almost never raised his voice at him, so Xue Ci had not been prepared. He flinched, then grew angry and shouted back, “What did I say that was wrong?!”
Now it was He Yi’s turn to freeze. He did not argue. Instead he lowered his eyes, looking vacant. He was not distracted. He was desperately searching for somewhere to begin, for a way to explain this to someone who understood so little of society.
He Yi tightened his fists and said with difficulty, “In the eyes of society, a married couple is a man and a woman who hold a wedding banquet, live together, and form a new family.”
“But I’m not part of that society,” Xue Ci replied.
He Yi himself had told Xue Ci that he was an outsider entering the human world, different from the people who lived here.
He Yi felt a headache coming on. No matter what he said, the conversation seemed destined to veer off course.
And given their present situation and relationship, was it not far too early to talk about marriage? Surely the most important thing was that their romantic feelings should be mutual.
He Yi asked, “Do you understand romantic love? Forget society and everything else for a moment. Think only about what you feel in your heart.”
Some time ago, while studying a storybook, Xue Ci had asked him what love was. He Yi had brushed off the question without giving a real explanation. At the time he had not yet known whether the feelings deep inside him were genuine or merely a passing surge of passion. Now he knew the truth about himself, but he still did not know what Xue Ci thought.
Xue Ci was clearly stumped. His glacier-blue eyes shone brightly, but there was no answer in them. He blinked, looking lost, and clasped his hands together as he stared at He Yi, unable to respond.
He Yi looked back at him, his gaze as still as a moonlit pool. He offered no hint and said not a word, merely watched him quietly.
Xue Ci knitted his beautiful brows and thought for a long time. Finding no answer, he asked dejectedly, “Can’t I learn?”
He Yi smiled helplessly and shook his head. “Exactly. You don’t even understand this yet…”
“There are so many kinds of affection: the kind between family members, between friends, and between lovers. I’m afraid you can’t even distinguish one from another.”
Xue Ci truly did not understand. But he could feel He Yi constantly pushing him away, resisting him, keeping him at arm’s length. The feeling inexplicably tightened his chest, as if a heavy weight were pressing down on it until he could hardly breathe.
The corners of Xue Ci’s eyes drooped. Despite being a big cat in his true form, he looked at that moment like an aggrieved little dog.
He Yi happened to have looked away and was lost in his own melancholy. Every question he had asked, and every answer he had received, had failed to chisel even one ray of light into the darkness. Instead, each merely confirmed another truth he had already known.
How hopeless it felt.
Without realizing it, He Yi’s voice began to tremble as he went on. “If it wasn’t me lying beside you, but someone else, would you ask that person to help you instead?”
He had his back teeth clenched while asking. But the reply he dreaded never came. Xue Ci said without the slightest hesitation, “I wouldn’t.”
He Yi unconsciously breathed a sigh of relief. He rubbed the side of his nose, blinked, and stole a sidelong glance at Xue Ci before testing him. “You’re that certain?”
“Completely certain.” Xue Ci’s stubborn temper had surfaced. He enunciated each word in a huff.
Seeing that the suspicion in He Yi’s eyes had not disappeared, Xue Ci’s heart gave a painful little twitch. “Can’t you teach me?”
Looking at Xue Ci, who seemed on the verge of tears, He Yi sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to teach you. It’s that I can’t. Do you know why people condemn teachers who enter intimate relationships with their students?”
This time He Yi did not evade Xue Ci’s eyes. Looking him squarely in the face, he said seriously, “A teacher knows more than a student and naturally holds the advantage. Using that advantage to educate someone for your own selfish purposes is wrong, regardless of whether what you teach is true or false. Do you understand?”
“Then I’ll find someone else to teach me!” Xue Ci abruptly stood up.
But He Yi misunderstood. Thinking Xue Ci meant to find someone to teach him about romance and the intimate acts that crossed their boundaries, he seized Xue Ci’s hand and demanded, “Who are you going to ask?!”
His fingers left deep impressions on Xue Ci’s wrist, but Xue Ci did not complain of pain. Instead he studied He Yi’s anxious, astonished expression. He Yi, who had been trying so hard to push him away, had now taken the initiative to draw him closer. A little sweetness welled up in Xue Ci’s heart, and he took advantage of it to turn around and drop onto He Yi’s lap.
“Then you teach me.” Once seated, his mouth happened to be level with He Yi’s ear, so he leaned in to whisper.
He Yi’s whole body went rigid. A tingling sensation swept along his left side. He released Xue Ci’s hand without thinking, but did not push him away.
He could hardly tell whether the torment in his heart or in his body was worse. Holding Xue Ci loosely in case he lost his balance and fell, He Yi’s thoughts turned to chaos. Somehow he heard himself say, “Once you’ve finished your military service and come home, if you still want to know, I’ll teach you.”
It was a delaying tactic. By then, he imagined, Xue Ci would probably have lost interest in the matter.
He Yi’s calculations were excellent. Unfortunately, the time for fulfilling that promise came far sooner than he expected.
The following afternoon, Tang Huai arrived at their door carrying Xue Ci’s official identity papers.
“Well, I didn’t expect you to have learned how to lie. You even fooled me! You ran away from the Northwestern Main Camp, didn’t you?” Tang Huai looked almost admiring as he patted Xue Ci’s shoulder.
Standing nearby, He Yi silently wondered whether all this might cause trouble for Xue Ci.
Meanwhile Xue Ci unfolded the official identity papers and began studying them carefully.
“Zhaoyu arranged these for you. You don’t need to return to the army camp. Going back now would only make it harder to cover up your desertion.” Tang Huai arched an eyebrow and continued. “The truth is, you only ended up serving in the army because you were caught up in the Xing family’s affairs. Everything you say or do in the camp reflects on the Xing family, and people looking for ways to undermine them have been watching you all along. Recalling you outright is therefore the best course for Zhaoyu. Otherwise the situation would become difficult to clean up.”
Most of Tang Huai’s explanation sailed over He Yi’s head. The one thing he understood was, “So Xue Ci never has to go back to the military camp?”
Xue Ci also looked curiously toward Tang Huai.
Tang Huai shrugged. “That’s right. Someone will bring over the belongings he left at the camp a little later.”
Wait. Didn’t that mean the promise He Yi had made yesterday…
…was taking effect right now?!
Xue Ci had clearly reached the same conclusion. He and He Yi turned to stare at each other at exactly the same moment.