Xu Hetang tossed Han Qu a sealed bag. He caught it one-handed, took out the clean clothes inside, and draped them loosely over his shoulders. Xu Hetang looked him over again and smiled. “You’re awfully relaxed. The higher-ups will be coming to question me in a little while, and I still don’t know how I’m supposed to explain this.”
Han Qu picked up the cigarette pack with his right hand, shook one out, and put it between his lips. He searched through all the drawers but could not find a lighter. He did not ask Xu Hetang for one either. He simply kept the unlit cigarette between his teeth, leaned against the edge of the table, and met her gaze with an utterly relaxed air.
Xu Hetang clicked her tongue, took a lighter from her bag, and tossed it to him. Han Qu caught it, lit his cigarette, took a drag, and said, “Just report the facts. The cop didn’t die, I got hurt, Zhan Fuhai was arrested, and the mission failed.”
Xu Hetang stepped closer and suddenly pressed a hand down on Han Qu’s head. Han Qu remained as casual as ever. “Hey, hey, Sister Xu, how is this my fault? I did everything I could. If you want to blame someone, blame Zhan Fuhai. He failed to keep Chen Zheng occupied.”
Xu Hetang said, “Chen Zheng is your friend.”
“Exactly. Chen Zheng hates me for betraying him. The moment I appear in front of him, he’ll do everything he can to catch me.” Han Qu shrugged. “That’s why I exposed myself to draw him away, but even that didn’t stop him from going to Area B.” Han Qu laughed, his tone tinged with mockery. “All that proves is that your judgment is bad. You picked a useless piece of trash like Zhan Fuhai. Chen Zheng realized something was wrong with him, so he would rather ignore me and go to Area B. In the end, me showing my face just made me look like a clown. I couldn’t salvage the situation, and I even got shot.”
Xu Hetang studied Han Qu seriously, as though searching his eyes for any trace of nervousness. There was none. Nothing at all. Han Qu openly admitted the failure and never once avoided her scrutiny.
A few minutes later, Xu Hetang released him and took out a cigarette. Han Qu lit it for her like a considerate gentleman.
Xu Hetang said, “You figured it out a long time ago, didn’t you?”
Han Qu raised an eyebrow. “Hm?”
“Rather than being a test for Zhan Fuhai, this was more a test for you,” Xu Hetang said. “That useless good-for-nothing thinks he’s worthy of working with Heaven-Measuring Ruler?”
Han Qu laughed softly. “So how did I do?”
Xu Hetang frowned. Every piece of information Zhan Fuhai had fed back to her showed that Han Qu had seriously searched for flaws in Zhan Fuhai’s plan and done everything possible to patch them. Zhan Fuhai was competent enough at business, but his “talent” for crime was thoroughly mediocre. Without Han Qu checking the plan, the police could have controlled Zhan Fuhai and found Liu Pinchao with almost no effort.
“What a shame,” Xu Hetang said with a smile. “Zhan Fuhai screwed up and dragged you down with him.”
Han Qu flicked away some ash. “It’s nothing. It’s not as if there won’t be another chance.”
Xu Hetang said, “You really have confidence in yourself.”
“If I didn’t, why would I be running with you people?” Han Qu said. “Give me a reliable teammate next time. What plan couldn’t succeed?”
Xu Hetang gave a cold laugh. “Now you’re making demands? Where exactly am I supposed to find you a teammate?”
Ambition filled Han Qu’s eyes. “Isn’t that convenient? There’s one standing right in front of me.”
Xu Hetang stared in surprise for a moment, then pinched his chin. “Captain Han, you really do know how to dream big.”
Han Qu turned his face aside and said lazily, “Sister Xu, you people were the ones who saved me. If you saved me but still don’t trust me, then where exactly am I supposed to go from here?”
Luocheng’s damp winter was especially miserable. Even an open umbrella could not block the rain whipped sideways by the wind. Ming Han held the umbrella with one hand and kept the other arm around Chen Zheng’s shoulders.
Once they got into the car, Chen Zheng still did not say a word. He sat silently in the front passenger seat, as still as a puppet. This was not him being devastated. Ming Han had seen what Chen Zheng truly looked like when he was devastated. Right now, Chen Zheng was simply doing everything he could, as a police officer, to digest the truth. For some reason, that made Ming Han’s heart hurt even more.
“Bro.” Ming Han leaned over and fastened Chen Zheng’s seat belt for him. Chen Zheng did not react, still lost in thought. “Let’s go home first. You haven’t eaten for most of the day. I’ll make you something.”
Half an hour later, the two returned to Chen Zheng’s home. Ming Han was still the one holding the umbrella, but no matter how much he tilted it toward Chen Zheng, Chen Zheng’s hair still got wet.
The heaviest rain of Luocheng’s winter just had to arrive on this particular day.
The moment they entered, Ming Han turned on the air conditioner and urged Chen Zheng to take a shower. Chen Zheng liked being clean. Even under such heavy emotional strain, he nodded, took a change of clothes, and went into the bathroom.
Ming Han rummaged around the kitchen, intending to make noodles with egg, only to find there were no noodles and the eggs had gone bad. There was, however, an unopened jar of sweet fermented rice in the refrigerator and a bottle of unexpired rice wine in the cupboard. He warmed the rice wine and made a pile of little glutinous-rice-flour balls.
By the time Chen Zheng came out of the shower, two bowls of sweet fermented rice with dumpling balls were already cooked.
“Come on. Make do with this. We can’t get delivery in weather like this.” Ming Han brought out the bowls, then fetched two cups and poured in the slightly warmed rice wine.
A towel was draped over Chen Zheng’s head, and the top button of his pajamas was undone. He had stayed in the shower too long, and his skin was flushed from the heat. He no longer looked unresponsive the way he had in the car. Looking at the bowls and cups, he laughed. “Rice wine and fermented rice? Are you trying to get me drunk?”
“This little bit of alcohol could get you drunk?” Ming Han picked up the rice-wine bottle and pointed at the label. “It’s only 0.5% alcohol. There’s nothing else in the house.”
Chen Zheng nodded, scooped up a spoonful of the small dumplings, and the rich fragrance of fermented rice spread through his mouth. In the bathroom earlier, he had raised the water temperature several times, letting the hot water almost scald his skin, yet he had still felt cold. Now, after one spoonful, warmth spread through his stomach and the lingering chill finally disappeared.
“Good?” Ming Han asked.
Chen Zheng answered with actions. He quickly finished everything in his bowl, drank the soup too, then looked at Ming Han’s bowl across from him. “Why don’t you… share a little with me?”
Ming Han stingily moved his bowl farther away. “I only have this much left.”
Chen Zheng: “…”
Ming Han laughed. “If you eat too much of this before bed, your stomach won’t feel good.”
Chen Zheng had only been teasing him. He stood, took his bowl and cup to the sink, and washed them clean. “You should sleep early too. There’s no rush with Bu Yangyun. Rest first, then we’ll deal with it.”
Ming Han said, “Mm. You go to sleep. I’ll browse online for a while.”
Chen Zheng closed his bedroom door, leaned back against it, and stayed there for a long time without moving or turning on the light. The curtains were half open, allowing outside light to spill in, so the room was not completely dark. He could see the display cabinet in the middle of the walk-in closet. Alongside his collection of watches and cufflinks were several trophies and a few badges he had carefully framed.
Ever since entering the Public Security University, he had constantly appeared on various award lists. Most of his honors were kept in the study. Only the ones he valued most were displayed in the walk-in closet, where he saw them every morning when he left and every night when he came home.
Outstanding New Criminal Investigator. Outstanding Squadron Captain. Outstanding Detachment Captain… Those honors had accompanied him all the way, constantly reminding him of the responsibility on his shoulders. He was a police officer. He was captain of Luocheng’s Criminal Investigation Detachment. When necessary, he had to sacrifice his personal emotions. That was why he had not lost control in front of Lu Hejing. But once he returned to this room filled with his honors, he slowly slid down the wall, just as he had once absorbed his subordinates’ negative emotions alone.
Ming Han listened quietly to the sounds from the bedroom. After washing up, he came to Chen Zheng’s door. His hand almost closed around the handle, but in the end, he did not go in.
After every light had been turned off, Ming Han listened to his own heartbeat in the dark. A long time passed, and he still felt he needed to do something.
“Bro.” At last, someone knocked on Chen Zheng’s bedroom door. Ming Han stood outside holding a pillow. “Are you asleep?”
Chen Zheng shook his head. A moment later, realizing Ming Han could not see him, he quickly answered, “No. What is it?”
“I can’t sleep,” Ming Han said. “I have something on my mind. I want to stay with you for a while.”
Chen Zheng paused. The phrase “something on my mind” sounded a little childish coming from Ming Han, as though he had run out of excuses and grabbed the clumsiest one available. “Come in.”
By the time Ming Han opened the door, Chen Zheng had turned on the bedside lamp and shifted toward one side of the bed. Ming Han walked over and displayed his pillow. “I brought my own.”
The bed was large enough for two people with plenty of room to spare. Ming Han pulled up the blanket and covered himself. Neither of them lay down. They sat leaning against the headboard. Chen Zheng spoke first. “What’s on your mind?”
“You,” Ming Han said.
Chen Zheng turned toward him. Ming Han looked back, his eyes beneath the warm light resembling a lake just before the last of the sunset faded away.
“I’m fine.” Chen Zheng looked away and took a deep breath. “Han Qu went to carry out a mission. He didn’t betray me or Luocheng, and he survived. Not only did he survive, he found important intelligence. Most of what we know about Heaven-Measuring Ruler now comes from him. He… also helped me save you. There couldn’t be a better outcome.”
Ming Han said, “But it isn’t fair to you.”
“Isn’t it?” Chen Zheng smiled bitterly. “You know why my uncle didn’t choose me. I couldn’t carry out that mission. But in my own role, I suppose I helped Han Qu too. If I hadn’t fallen apart because of him, Heaven-Measuring Ruler wouldn’t have trusted him so easily. Ming Han, I’m a police officer. I have my responsibilities.”
Suddenly, he thought of Kong Bing in Zhuquan and Gong Jin in Yafu. They had graduated in the same year he had. On the surface, neither had advanced as far as he had, yet within the limits of their own duties, both had already done the best they possibly could.
And Chen Zheng stood higher than they did. If he refused to take on a greater burden, who would that be fair to? Circumstance had pushed him into the position of captain of Luocheng’s Criminal Investigation Detachment. It had not put him there just so he could enjoy the glory.
“But being a police officer is an identity, not a heart,” Ming Han said. “Your heart is no different from anyone else’s.”
Chen Zheng turned toward him again. Ming Han’s gaze was calm and gentle. Suddenly Chen Zheng’s nose stung, and the emotions he had suppressed for so long began to rise like a tide inside that ordinary human heart.
“If I were Han Qu, if I were Lu Hejing, if I were Tang Xiaoli,” Chen Zheng said softly, “I’d probably make the same decision they did. Even if I had the chance to live everything over, I wouldn’t have a second choice. I know that was the right thing to do. In my position, that’s what I have to do.”
After a brief silence, Chen Zheng continued, “But you’re right. If I put aside being a cop, I’m just an ordinary person, and I have selfish thoughts too. Han Qu went undercover and Lu Hejing knew. Then what were the difficulties our detachment and Major Crimes went through back then? What was this past year and more of my life? It’s hard not to blame them. Really. I’m not that selfless.”
Ming Han wrapped his arms around Chen Zheng and gently patted his shoulder.
“But I can’t have those feelings. Subjectively or objectively, I can’t. Heaven-Measuring Ruler is still watching me from the shadows, and Han Qu could sacrifice himself for the mission at any moment. What right do I have to bring out this little grievance of mine?” Chen Zheng shook his head in Ming Han’s arms. “I can’t think that way.”
“You can now,” Ming Han said. “There’s only me here. Heaven-Measuring Ruler can’t see you, and you aren’t Captain Chen Zheng. You’re just an ordinary person. You have feelings, and I’ll help you carry them.”
Chen Zheng raised his head and stared at Ming Han blankly. He had lost his composure in front of a junior younger than him, someone he was supposed to be looking after.
But he needed to lose control like this. He needed this storm to pass through the small world that belonged only to the two of them.
Ming Han cupped his face and said softly, “It’s okay. I’m not anyone else. With me, you can just be an ordinary person.”
Chen Zheng’s eyelashes trembled slightly. When Ming Han’s kiss fell, he did not resist.
On that cold night, Chen Zheng had a long dream. In it, he was still captain of Luocheng’s Criminal Investigation Detachment, standing in a place surrounded by black fog and constantly sending his subordinates beyond the limits of his sight. None of them ever returned.
He tried to charge into the fog, but no matter how hard he ran, the fog always retreated in the direction he was moving. The air around him smelled of blood and gunpowder.
The scene shifted. He saw an old building engulfed in flames. The cries of a child came from the deepest, coldest part of the building. Great patches of flesh had been stripped from a victim’s body until almost nothing remained but a skeleton.
He rushed into the fire. On a balcony where flames fell like rain sat an ugly man. The man was guilty beyond redemption, but Chen Zheng could not let him die there. He had to take him out and make him face judgment under the law.
But the man stepped backward into the flames and jumped. Before burning to death, he called Chen Zheng’s name and said they had met once before.
In Chen Zheng’s ears, the child’s crying stopped, replaced by a woman’s hoarse screaming…
Chen Zheng gasped in the dream, dizzy and disoriented. He felt a force holding him and struggled, but he could not break free.
“Bro, Bro!” Ming Han held Chen Zheng tightly. At last Chen Zheng woke from the nightmare, his face drenched in sweat. He stared blankly at Ming Han. “I… was trapped in a nightmare?”
“You have a fever.” Ming Han exhaled in relief when he saw him wake. He immediately helped Chen Zheng sit up, put a cushion behind his back, then got out of bed briskly. “We’re going to the hospital.”
Chen Zheng touched his forehead. It was covered in cold sweat. His whole body felt unpleasantly hot, and the slightest movement sent stabbing pain through his head. Instinctively, he grabbed Ming Han. “No need. It isn’t even dawn yet. There’s medicine in the drawer. Just get me some…”
“No.” Ming Han suddenly leaned down and pressed his forehead to Chen Zheng’s. “Your fever is this high. A few pills aren’t enough.”
Rain lashed the windows. It was still during the New Year holiday, and going out at this hour in weather like this would be inconvenient. Chen Zheng did not want to trouble Ming Han more than necessary, and he himself did not want to leave either. It was only a fever. Some medicine, hot water, and sleep should be enough.
“It’ll work…” Before he could finish, someone lifted him behind the knees. Chen Zheng stared at Ming Han in shock, forgetting even his headache for a moment.
Ming Han said, “If you’re too lazy to walk, I’ll carry you.”
He was well into his thirties. How could he let someone carry him? Chen Zheng hurriedly threw back the blanket. “Don’t. I’ll go myself.”
Ming Han quickly found his long down coat, scarf, and hat. When he saw Chen Zheng about to take off his pajamas, he immediately draped the down coat over him. “Wear it like this.”
Chen Zheng frowned and looked down at his black pajamas. There was nothing embarrassing about them, but even at his most disheveled, he normally made sure he was properly dressed before leaving home. Part of why he had not wanted to go to the hospital was that he could not face the effort of changing into one proper item of clothing after another.
“We’re going to see a doctor, not attend a banquet. You might have to get an IV later. Of course you should wear whatever is comfortable.” Ming Han had already zipped the down coat up for him. It covered nearly all the pajamas, leaving only the black pant legs visible. Then Ming Han found a pair of thick socks. “You putting them on, or should I?”
Chen Zheng snatched them. “I’ll do it myself!”
But after watching for a while, Ming Han still crouched down and tucked Chen Zheng’s pajama cuffs into the socks.
Chen Zheng was foggy with fever and reacted too slowly. By the time he tried to stop him, it was already done. Ming Han looped the scarf around his neck and took him out.
The residential complex’s parking garage was not directly beneath the building. Ming Han went out into the rain to get the car while Chen Zheng waited in the first-floor lobby. The rain blurred the world and reminded him of the nightmare he had just had, trapped inside a narrow visible space with no one around him.
He was staring blankly when headlights pierced the curtain of rain. Ming Han was back. There were a dozen or so meters between the driveway and the residential building. Chen Zheng was about to run across when Ming Han got out beneath the umbrella. His tall figure seemed to reach Chen Zheng in an instant and pull him into the circle of his arm.
During those few short steps, Chen Zheng turned his head and looked at Ming Han. He could not help wondering: when had that little Radish with the pageboy haircut grown into someone so dependable?
The hospital was still packed at four in the morning. Winter was peak cold season, and the infusion room and the hallway outside were full of people wearing pajamas beneath down coats. Most of those inside the infusion room were elderly people and women. Chen Zheng sat on a hallway bench while Ming Han steadied his IV stand with one hand.
“See? Everyone came in pajamas. They’re sick. Who cares about looking proper?” Ming Han said with a laugh.
Chen Zheng had been uncomfortable with it at first, especially since Ming Han had tucked his pant legs into his socks. It did look ugly, but it was warm and actually quite comfortable.
The infusion took a long time. Chen Zheng thought about how Ming Han had been sleeping soundly before Chen Zheng woke him, then drove through that huge storm, stood in line at window after window, and spent half the night dealing with hospital procedures. He began to feel guilty. “Go home first. I’m fine here now.”
Ming Han raised an eyebrow. “Then who’s going to call the nurse when it’s time to change to the next bag?”
“I can call them myself.”
“I’m useless now, is that it?”
Something about the phrasing sounded awkward to Chen Zheng. “…That’s not what I mean.”
“What would I go back for?” Ming Han said. “Sleep?”
“Didn’t the doctor just say this fever came from exhaustion plus getting chilled? You haven’t had it any easier than me. If you don’t rest properly and you also…”
“Wouldn’t that make staying at the hospital even more appropriate? The second I show symptoms, I can register right away.” Ming Han pressed a hand to his forehead. “Ow. My head hurts a little. Maybe I have a fever.”
Chen Zheng immediately reached out. Before he could touch Ming Han’s forehead, Ming Han caught his hand. “I’m kidding.”
Chen Zheng: “…”
But Ming Han argued with perfect confidence. “I still think I shouldn’t go home. I don’t have symptoms now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t later. Maybe you already infected me last night.”
Chen Zheng’s cheeks heated as he remembered that gentle kiss. After a moment, he coughed and murmured, “Oh.”
Ming Han smiled. “Bro, what did you dream about? Was someone chasing you?”
The dream had already been fragmented, mixed with countless scenes from old cases. After all the fuss of going to the hospital, Chen Zheng had almost forgotten it.
“I dreamed…” Chen Zheng frowned. Most of the images had already scattered, but he still remembered the figure in the fire. That case. A case from more than ten years ago.
He shifted slightly, unable to understand why he had suddenly dreamed about a case he had not thought of in years. Was it because the man had fallen from the highest balcony of an old building? Not long ago, Ming Han had been hanging from a tower crane, an equally terrifying situation. The difference was that Chen Zheng had done everything he could and managed to save Ming Han, while that deeply guilty man had no desire to live, and Chen Zheng had been powerless to save him.
The recent shock had crashed into his subconscious and dragged an old cold case back to the surface.
“There used to be a child-trafficking ring in Han Province. The ringleaders were a brother and sister surnamed Cao,” Chen Zheng recalled slowly. The siblings had suffered too, but they had directed their malice toward children even more unfortunate than they were. By the time the police noticed them, they had taken over a decrepit old building.
The old building was unlike the ordinary old residential blocks seen throughout cities. Decades ago, foreign aid workers had helped construct it in a Western architectural style. It had been intended to shelter people in hardship while also serving as a place for missionary work. Later, after the foreigners left, some people who had once received help there stayed behind and continued helping others year after year.
The Cao siblings murdered the kind elderly person who had given them shelter. Then, when police surrounded the building, they set it on fire, intending to make more than ten children die with them.
The police ultimately rescued every child and most of the traffickers. The only person who died was Cao Shou, the older brother of the ringleading siblings.
“He…” As he spoke, Chen Zheng remembered the look Cao Shou had given him at the very end. Perhaps because he was ill, nausea suddenly rose in his stomach.
Ming Han saw his discomfort. “That’s enough. Don’t talk about it.”
But once they fell silent, Chen Zheng became even more restless. He and Ming Han were sitting close together, almost leaning into each other. With so many layers of clothing on, even a slight movement felt as though Chen Zheng were rubbing against him.
Ming Han said, “Are you a bear?”
Chen Zheng replied, “Then are you a tree?”
Ming Han laughed. “Feeling more energetic? I’ve seen an old Western-style building like the one you described.”
Chen Zheng grew interested. “Where?”
“In Zhuquan City.”
Chen Zheng thought for a moment. “There isn’t one, is there?” After transferring to Zhuquan City, he did not know every corner as well as he knew Luocheng, but he had learned the city fairly well. Western-style old buildings were rare throughout Han Province, and Zhuquan had even fewer.
“There is, but not inside the city,” Ming Han said. “It’s on abandoned land beside the highway west of the city. It’s been deserted for years. There isn’t even a stray cat there.”
Chen Zheng asked, “Then how do you know about it?”
Ming Han said mysteriously, “Because I’m a curious baby.”