Mai Ding hadn’t had time to make breakfast that morning, so he’d bought something simple on the way to work. His warm soy milk was still too hot to drink; he figured he’d bring it into the office. He’d barely stepped inside the company and had not yet properly settled into his seat when Feng Fei Meng bumped into him in her haste to fetch something. His entire cup of soy milk spilled onto the floor. An Zi Yan, as always, appeared at just the wrong moment. He frowned at the mess on the floor. “You’ve put me in a bad mood first thing in the morning.” You’re the one who puts me in a bad mood first thing in the morning! You throw things around the house all the time, but one spilled cup of soy milk is enough to ruin your day?
“Feng Fei Meng bumped into me, so…”
“You can’t even hold on to a drink. What kind of work can you possibly do?”
“I…”
“What’s with all the back talk?”
“Nothing.” An Zi Yan glanced sideways at Mai Ding and went into his office. Guo Ping ordered, “Look what you’ve done. Hurry up and clean the office.” Mai Ding felt terribly wronged. “What have I done? Killed someone? Set a fire? I only spilled some soy milk on the floor!”
“Stop making excuses and clean it up.”
“Feng Fei Meng bumped into me! Why am I the only one who has to clean?” Mai Ding was no longer a newcomer to the department. His skin had grown thicker.
“Fei Meng’s a woman. Are you? If you’re willing to have yourself castrated, I’ll acknowledge you as a woman too. Then you won’t have to clean.”
“I’m supposed to castrate myself over one cup of soy milk? Do you think I’m an idiot? Besides, I have work to do.”
“Then go ask the cleaning auntie to come over and wipe it up.” Mai Ding had no answer. Why did An Zi Yan have to come to work at that exact moment? He found himself nursing another grudge. Really, it was only fair. How many resentful thoughts did An Zi Yan have to endure from Mai Ding every day? It was only reasonable that he should get pranked once in a while. After cursing An Zi Yan for a few minutes, Mai Ding called the security desk to ask where the cleaner was. He eventually found her on another floor and approached her indignantly. Her sturdy arms were busy scrubbing a window. Mai Ding stood behind her and spoke politely. “Auntie, we’ve made a mess in our office. Could you…” The plump woman turned around with a ferocious expression. “What department are you from?”
“P-Public Relations.” The woman’s face abruptly turned scarlet, and she raised her piercing voice. “Didn’t I just finish cleaning Public Relations? How have you made a mess again? You think you’re so important just because you’re office workers? You think you can look down on cleaners and disrespect all our hard work?!” She gave Mai Ding only a slight push, but he stumbled backward several steps. Already a coward by nature, he was terrified by her strength.
“That’s not what I meant! You’ve misunderstood!”
“Then didn’t you come looking for me because you want me to clean up again?” That was precisely what Mai Ding had intended, but there was no way he dared admit it now. He quickly changed his story. “I wanted to borrow your mop so I could clean it myself.” The woman looked doubtful. To prove he meant what he said, Mai Ding rushed forward to grab the mop from her cleaning cart. He shouldn’t have moved so quickly. Otherwise his arm wouldn’t have brushed against the woman’s ample chest. The cleaner let out a scream that sounded like a pig being slaughtered. “You little pervert! What are you trying to do to me?!”
“No, it… it was an accident…” Mai Ding waved his hands desperately to explain. The woman hugged her arms tightly against herself. “Don’t come any closer!”
“Please stop shouting! Listen to me…”
“Everybody, come look! There’s a pervert here!” The woman shouted even louder. All Mai Ding could do was grab the mop and flee in disgrace. He finally breathed a sigh of relief when he returned to Public Relations. Naively, he thought the incident was over. But the cleaning auntie’s ability to spread gossip was formidable. Not even ten minutes passed before Feng Fei Meng received a phone call full of scandal. She looked at Mai Ding with undisguised contempt. “Mai Ding, do us a favor and leave Public Relations a little dignity, will you? If you don’t want to work here anymore, that’s your business. The rest of us do. You’ve dragged our whole department’s reputation through the mud.”
“What did I do?” Mai Ding had barely cleaned the spilled soy milk when he was accused out of nowhere. Feng Fei Meng hung up the phone. “You’ve got the nerve to ask? You wouldn’t even leave the cleaning auntie alone?”
“My God.” Fan Shao Jun dramatically put a hand to his forehead.
“How long did you even manage to behave yourself? Didn’t you learn anything from that business with the izakaya proprietress? You even go after cleaning aunties? Just how undiscriminating are you?”
“That was a misunderstanding!”
“With your reputation, do you think we’d believe that? Take off your name badge from now on. Don’t let anyone know you’re from Public Relations. I’m begging you.”
“I’m begging you too.”
“You… you… will you people only be satisfied once you’ve driven me mad?!” Mai Ding was furious. Guo Ping shook his head repeatedly. “I’m afraid I’ll have to tell Yan. He needs to put a stop to this sort of behavior. This isn’t a joke anymore. What you’re doing has damaged the reputation of the entire department.” Mai Ding panicked. “It’s not that serious! Don’t tell him, Shifu. For the sake of our master-apprentice bond, please!”
“I’m deeply ashamed to be your shifu.” Ignoring Mai Ding’s pleas, Guo Ping went to An Zi Yan’s office and stuck his head inside. “Yan, while I wasn’t watching, Mai Ding sneaked downstairs and harassed the cleaning auntie. The fiercest and most heavily built one, no less. The whole company is talking about it now. For Public Relations’ reputation, you ought to discipline him.”
“Understood. I’ll deal with him in a moment.”
A good teacher and a faithful friend? Mai Ding had never encountered anything of the sort. Listening to the rumors grow more and more outrageous, he felt all the strength drain out of him. What terrible thing had he done in his previous life to deserve this endless string of bad luck? However questionable his morals, he wasn’t about to harass a cleaning auntie! How could everyone believe such an absurd story? He was the only intelligent person in Public Relations; all the rest were idiots! But what did it matter? Their boss was his husband. At worst, An Zi Yan would summon him to the office, mock him a little, or punish him. He really didn’t need to be afraid. Mai Ding patted his cheeks and started working seriously. Hard work would bring him a bright new life. In the midst of this grand resolve, he heard Feng Fei Meng laughing. Confused, he looked toward her. What on earth was so funny? She was practically in stitches, her fingers tapping nonstop at the keyboard. When she noticed him looking, she immediately adopted a solemn expression. He turned away, and the laughter began again. After several repetitions, Mai Ding couldn’t help asking, “What are you doing that’s so funny?”
“Nothing. I’m working.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re laughing at me? Have you been chatting with those gossips around the company about me again?!” Mai Ding asked warily. Feng Fei Meng turned her screen toward him. “Look for yourself. I’m just typing a document. I’m not chatting.” Sure enough, only Word was open on her screen. Before he could read what she was writing, she turned the monitor away again. More than ten minutes later, she called toward the office, “Yan, the document you wanted is printed.”
An Zi Yan stood up and came out, tapping a desk to make some noise. The office fell quiet. Everyone waited for the serious-looking An Zi Yan to speak. Had something important happened at the company? Was there a problem with a new product? Mai Ding couldn’t help growing nervous too.