Bihua Lingjun had a small weakness: whenever someone offered him the sort of smooth, teasing remark he particularly enjoyed, he could never resist returning one of his own. So he said casually, “Thank you for Your Imperial Majesty’s concern. This humble immortal isn’t accustomed to doing such things. But if someone were to curl up in my arms just now, it might offer me a little comfort.”
After living with Danzhu these past days, Bihua Lingjun had come to understand something of his temperament. The old phoenix was shamelessly fond of beauty and liked getting in a sly touch or taking little liberties, but he was broad-minded enough and Bihua had never seen him lose his temper badly. So Bihua had tossed out the remark simply to have a little fun at his expense.
Sure enough, Danzhu only gave an indifferent-sounding hum. “Is that so…”
Bihua Lingjun heard the cloud quilt rustle several more times. He assumed Danzhu had found the exchange dull and rolled over to sleep. Instead, the quilt suddenly flew up, and something slipped swiftly beneath his covers.
Before Bihua could recover from his surprise, a furry bundle burrowed into his embrace and rubbed itself against his chest. Danzhu’s voice came out rather muffled from under the covers. “Alas, in that case, I’ll turn into a tiger cub again and comfort you. Feeling better? Or would you prefer a human form? Perhaps half human and half beast would be more to your liking?”
Before Bihua Lingjun could say anything, the furry bundle in his arms had transformed into the body of a youth. It leaned lazily against him, rested its head against his shoulder, and murmured, “How about this?”
One had to admit that the old phoenix knew exactly what was adorable and beautiful. His half-human, half-tiger youth was a thousand times lovelier than Yuan Lu or Yuan Xiu. He had fine pale skin, delicately rounded features, and amber eyes glistening as though covered with a film of water. Two glossy, furry tiger ears crowned his head. Under the quilt, a tiger’s tail lay across Bihua Lingjun’s legs and gave them a light pat. Smiling broadly and revealing two small pointed tiger fangs, he asked, “Does holding me make you feel comforted? Would you like me to change into something else?”
Bihua Lingjun now understood perfectly the saying that one brought one’s own troubles upon oneself. Immortal Emperor Danzhu was simply too formidable, whereas Bihua was only a trifling lesser immortal. His smile stiffened. “This… this is fine. Thank you, Your Imperial Majesty. This humble immortal already feels extremely comforted.”
Danzhu hummed in satisfaction and held Bihua tightly. “Then I’ll comfort you like this until dawn.” His tiger tail patted Bihua’s legs a few more times, and he rubbed his head against Bihua’s shoulder before settling down with a rumbling purr.
Bihua Lingjun could have wept, but no tears came. Resigned to his fate, he closed his eyes.
Early the next morning, Yunqing burst into Bihua Lingjun’s bedroom. “Lingjun! Lingjun! An immortal decree has come from the Jade Emperor, ordering you to hurry to…”
The moment he saw the bed, the rest of his words lodged in his throat. His mouth fell open.
His Lingjun was lying in bed, wrapped in Immortal Emperor Danzhu’s arms!
Danzhu’s head rested against Lingjun’s shoulder, and strands of his long hair were scattered beside Lingjun’s neck!
What was more, beneath the covers their bodies seemed to be pressed closely… against each other…
Yunqing went stupid. Yunqing went rigid. Yunqing had no idea what to do.
The commotion had already awakened Bihua Lingjun. Seeing Yunqing’s stunned expression, he knew the sight had frightened him. He propped himself halfway up and pretended not to notice a thing. “Where am I to hurry to?”
As he sat up, he discovered that Danzhu had returned to his original form at some point. Yunqing’s shock was probably going to reach truly extraordinary proportions.
Yunqing remained frozen, his mouth still hanging open. Danzhu sleepily cracked his eyes and propped himself up a little. “Really, the Jade Emperor… What errand is so urgent first thing in the morning? Couldn’t it wait until later?” His Imperial Majesty was rather displeased to have a pleasant dream interrupted. He did not sleep dressed in his usual dazzling finery, but wore only a thin white robe, its collar partly open. To Yunqing, it looked particularly as though Danzhu resented having a night of passion interrupted.
Danzhu yawned, fell back onto his pillow, and mumbled, “I used up a little energy last night. I need to sleep some more. Don’t mind me. Go about whatever business you have.” Pulling the covers higher, he resumed sleeping. Bihua Lingjun calmly withdrew his sleeve from beneath Danzhu and got up to dress.
Stars flashed before Yunqing’s eyes. The whole world dissolved into nothingness.
Lingjun and Immortal Emperor Danzhu had slept together! Lingjun and Immortal Emperor Danzhu were having an illicit affair! What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to do? Would the Jade Emperor banish Lingjun to a deserted island? Or send him to the Immortal-Execution Platform? No! No, no, no! Lingjun was going to the Immortal-Execution Platform! His residence would be confiscated! What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to do?
In the surrounding void, only the two words “illicit affair” floated before Yunqing, spinning amid the flashing stars.
Bihua Lingjun continued pretending he had seen nothing. He tapped Yunqing on the head with his fan. “Where has your mind gone wandering? Where exactly has the Jade Emperor ordered me to hurry to?”
“Lingjun, I won’t tell anyone!” After Bihua Lingjun had bathed and changed and was about to leave, Yunqing, who had followed him the entire time, finally clenched his fists and blurted this out.
Bihua Lingjun turned halfway around and raised an eyebrow. Yunqing clenched his fists even tighter and repeated with absolute conviction, “I won’t tell anyone!”
“Hm? Tell anyone what?” Bihua Lingjun asked.
Yunqing’s eyes shone with conviction. “Lingjun, just go on pretending nothing happened. I absolutely, absolutely won’t breathe a word!”
Bihua Lingjun could not help laughing. “You mean what happened this morning?” Yunqing pressed his lips together and nodded. Bihua sighed with a smile and patted his shoulder. “Immortal Emperor Danzhu has been staying here a long time. I’ve been sharing a bed with him for quite some time as well. How are you still unable to stay calm about it?”
Yunqing watched dazedly as Bihua Lingjun drifted out through the gate upon a cloud. He reached up and rubbed his nose. “Stay calm? Why should anyone stay calm when there’s an illicit affair going on?”
Yunqing crouched by the pool beside the rockery in the central courtyard, staring straight into the water. He murmured, “Tangdi, tell me something. If two people hold each other very tightly beneath the covers… I mean, one of them is pressed right up against the other… does that mean they’re having what mortals call some sort of… affair?”
Tangdi had been dozing by the pool, its fur turned the same color as the duckweed floating on the water. At those words, its ears shot upright. It scrambled to its feet, eyes gleaming. “Who? Who was holding whom?”
“Nobody, nobody. I’m just asking,” Yunqing stammered. Tangdi had already transformed into human form and crouched in front of him, staring intently. “Don’t tell me Lingjun and Immortal Emperor Danzhu were embracing each other? Good heavens! I knew something was bound to happen when those two shared a bed every night!”
The black tortoise sleeping at the edge of the pool discreetly poked half its head out of its shell. A cloud leopard resting in the fork of a tree flicked its tail and leaned down for a better look. Even Geyue, curled up alone in the grass not far away, twitched an ear as though startled.
Yunqing panicked. “I never said it was Lingjun and Immortal Emperor Danzhu! Don’t go making wild guesses! I-I was only asking, that’s all…”
Tangdi’s eyes darted about. It immediately raised both hands. “All right, all right! I understand. It wasn’t anyone in particular. You were merely curious, weren’t you? I understand completely.” Yunqing slowly began to relax. Tangdi stroked its chin. “Well, it’s hard to say. All you saw was an embrace…” Just as Yunqing was about to breathe a sigh of relief, Tangdi added thoughtfully, “But they were holding each other very tightly…”
Yunqing’s face turned deathly pale again, and he bit his lip. Tangdi patted him. “Don’t worry. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”
Yunqing’s eyes immediately widened. Tangdi drew air between its teeth. “If they were ordinary people, it would be rather easy to tell. But they’re both immensely powerful high immortals, one higher even than the other, so it’s not so simple. Still, if we observe their speech and behavior carefully, perhaps we can make a reasonable guess.”
Yunqing seized Tangdi’s sleeve and swallowed. “How do we observe them?”
Tangdi regarded him regretfully. “That takes experience. Even if I taught you now, you wouldn’t learn in time. But perhaps I could help. First tell me, what was Lingjun like this morning?”
Yunqing had forgotten all caution and blurted, “Lingjun… apart from… well, he was much as he usually is.” Only after the words escaped did he realize his mistake. His face turned an awful shade, and he wished he could bite off his own tongue. Tangdi hurriedly patted him again. “There, there. You only want to help Lingjun. I would never reveal this to anyone. May five bolts of heavenly lightning strike me if I do. Is that enough?”
Yunqing gradually relaxed. But he had forgotten that when Tangdi became a spirit in the mortal world, it survived several heavenly tribulations and had already been struck by five bolts of lightning goodness knew how many times. It was nothing to Tangdi.
“So Lingjun seemed perfectly normal,” Tangdi said. “Then we’ll have to look at Immortal Emperor Danzhu. How was His Majesty?”
“His Majesty… looked a little tired. He was still asleep and said he wanted to sleep longer. He told Lingjun to attend to whatever he needed and not worry about him.”
Tangdi’s mouth fell open. Its eyes filled with a complicated mixture of surprise, shock, admiration, reverence, and more besides. Its expression radiated wholehearted respect. “To think Lingjun actually managed to conquer His Imperial Majesty! What a formidable man!”
Emperor Donghua happened to have some free time that day and wandered over to Bihua Lingjun’s residence again.
The courtyard was strangely quiet. Only the rabbit Guizhen was nibbling grass in the center.
Emperor Donghua bent and stroked Guizhen’s fur. Guizhen was shy around strangers but not afraid of Donghua, and it hopped a little closer, ears perked.
“Why is the residence so deserted today?” Emperor Donghua asked.
Guizhen replied softly, “Lingjun was summoned on an errand by the Jade Emperor. Immortal Emperor Danzhu has just risen and is drinking tea in the rear hall. Yunqing, Chisheng, Tangdi, and the others have split into two groups. One has gone to inspect Lingjun’s room, while the other has gone to inspect His Majesty.”
Emperor Donghua looked puzzled. “Inspect? Why should they inspect anything?”
Guizhen gazed at him with innocent red eyes. “I don’t really understand. I only heard them say that Lingjun and Immortal Emperor Danzhu slept tightly wrapped in each other’s arms last night, and something about carnal relations… They wanted to examine things again to see whether their guess was right…”