What do you take me for? Mai Ding had clearly wanted an answer to that question, but nothing came. An Zi Yan seemed to be waiting for him to leave. Mai Ding laughed, walked out, and slammed the door. His coworkers had not returned from lunch yet. He had no idea how he was going to explain anything to Guo Ping and the others, and he had no energy to think about it. Without even packing his things, he left the company. In the taxi, Mai Ding touched his lips and discovered blood on his fingers. Was it his own? He wiped the blood onto his trousers. He would never know that the same hand had reopened An Zi Yan’s healing wound.
Fan Shao Jun was the first person back in Public Relations. He knocked on An Zi Yan’s office door. “Yan, I brought you something to eat.” No one answered. Guo Ping and the others arrived too. Fan Shao Jun opened the door and saw An Zi Yan standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling window.
“Yan?” Fan Shao Jun called softly. An Zi Yan turned around. The food in Fan Shao Jun’s hand dropped to the floor as he screamed. Guo Ping and the others rushed inside. “What happened? What happened?”
“Blood, blood, blood! There’s blood!” Fan Shao Jun looked like the heroine in a horror movie, pointing at An Zi Yan with a trembling hand. Only then did Guo Ping notice the stain barely visible beneath An Zi Yan’s jacket, seeping out around the buttons of his shirt. It was honestly impressive that Fan Shao Jun had noticed. Most people would barely have seen it.
“Are you okay?” Gao Shuang asked.
“I’m fine. Get out.”
Guo Ping glanced at the bloodstain that was still spreading. “But…”
“Don’t make a fuss.”
“Fine. Call us if you need anything.” An Zi Yan waved once, and the others left with obvious concern. Guo Ping’s phone rang. It was Mai Ding. “Why are you calling me?” Mai Ding used his normal voice. “Shifu, I asked An Zi Yan for a few days off. I probably won’t be coming to work for a while. Can you tell everyone?”
“I was wondering why you disappeared at lunch. So you’re on leave. Right, when did you ask Yan?”
“Y-yesterday.”
“I was actually going to ask you something. But you probably didn’t see it either.”
“See what?”
“Yan, he…” Guo Ping stopped himself. “Never mind. Nothing. Since Yan doesn’t want to talk about it, I probably shouldn’t spread it around. You brat, taking time off must mean you’re going somewhere to fool around with women again. Have fun.”
“Mm, all right. Bye, Shifu.”
“Bye-bye.”
After hanging up, Mai Ding frowned and lightly touched his lip. Even talking hurt. He sat on a park bench scrolling through his phone. Maybe this was what being discarded felt like. He had left because he wanted An Zi Yan to stop him, but several times now, the person who truly seemed to want him gone was An Zi Yan.
There were already so many messages accumulated between them. Mai Ding scrolled all the way to the beginning and began reading them one by one.
[Get off work already.]
[Right, what am I supposed to call you?]
[Pointless nonsense.]
[Watch your hands. You’re standing too close to the person beside you.]
Tears fell onto the screen. Mai Ding wiped them away desperately with his sleeve and told himself: boys should not cry this much. Stop crying. Because I’m a man, different from a woman. There are many things a man cannot do, many things a man simply cannot be. His finger stopped. Mai Ding did not have the courage to scroll farther down. Every message carried the feelings he had felt at the time.
Why are you treating me like this? What else are you going to do to me before I can finally hate you?
Did you pick up that ring? After you picked it up, did you put it back on your ring finger?
When would Mai Ding’s questions finally receive answers?
Except for the bloodstain on An Zi Yan’s shirt, which was not especially obvious, everything looked normal. An Zi Yan handled the affairs of Public Relations without revealing a single flaw. No one suspected anything because An Zi Yan not only looked normal, he looked perfect.
After work, An Zi Yan had just stepped out of the company when a car stopped in front of him. Fu Shu lowered the window. “Ji Meng ran into you in the elevator and said you seemed strange.”
“What are that woman’s eyes made of?” An Zi Yan got directly into the car, lowered the back of his seat, and folded both hands behind his head. They drove without a destination. Wind poured through the car and lifted his collar. He closed his eyes. Fu Shu turned the music down with one hand.
“Mai Ding?”
“Mm.”
“Just coax him a little and it’ll pass.”
“If only it were that simple.”
“How complicated can it be?” An Zi Yan opened his eyes. “I’ve lost control several times already, and every time it’s worse. Even if I can coax him back now, what about later? Am I supposed to hurt him every single time I lose control?” Fu Shu knew exactly what An Zi Yan meant by losing control. He had seen it once himself, when An Zi Yan and the man surnamed Cui were inside a taxi. Even Fu Shu had not dared rush in and stop him then.
“So you want to keep your distance from him.”
“Keep my distance?” The shape of An Zi Yan’s mouth changed subtly, impossible to tell whether it was a bitter smile or a cold one. He looked out the window. “What do I want to do?” His breathing grew lighter and lighter. Slowly he closed his eyes again. “Hey. If I leave that idiot, I don’t think I can hold on much longer.” Fu Shu had perhaps never heard An Zi Yan say something like that before. He looked over, suddenly slammed on the brakes, unfastened An Zi Yan’s suit jacket, and frowned. “Are you kidding?” At the same time he began dialing the phone and pressed the accelerator again.
“Doctor, it’s me. Please come to the An residence.” Fu Shu thought An Zi Yan had fainted, only to hear his indifferent voice beside him. “Why are you calling a doctor?”
“Enough. Don’t talk right now.”
An Zi Yan was forcibly pressed onto the sofa while the doctor opened his clothes. When the fabric peeled away from the wound, it was enough to make anyone wince. This old doctor had treated minor illnesses and injuries for the An family for many years. His face tightened. “How did you do this? The wound is already infected. When did you get hurt, more than a week ago? This is ridiculous! I’m going to treat it now. It may hurt.” An Zi Yan showed no expression from beginning to end. He supported his face with one hand until the doctor finished everything, scolded him severely one more time, and left.
“Too much talking.” An Zi Yan put on the shirt Fu Shu handed him. Fu Shu stood nearby. “He was one of Grandpa’s comrades-in-arms. Of course he cares about you. Before Grandpa died, he asked a lot of people to look after you.” An Zi Yan glanced at Fu Shu. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
“I did.” Fu Shu admitted it calmly. An Zi Yan placed a hand on the stair rail and spoke as he climbed. “Then go call him up from under that stone. I’ll thank him in person.” Fu Shu looked at An Zi Yan and could not say a word.