A week later, Mai Ding finally received notice from a company offering him an internship. He could not have been happier, but only two seconds later, he calmed down. At first he had only applied to try his luck. He had not expected to find something so quickly. But if he went, it would also mean he could no longer go to class with An Zi Yan, could no longer sit beside him and supervise him during lectures. Would An Zi Yan oversleep and be late again? If he forgot his textbook, who would lend him one? Life rarely followed the arrangements you made for it. Mai Ding was about to step into the next stage of growing up ahead of schedule, while An Zi Yan seemed prepared to stay where he was.
Even though they were already married, Mai Ding did not think he had the right to interfere with An Zi Yan’s choices. He could not force him by saying, You have to do what I’m doing. Mai Ding could do that, and An Zi Yan would agree. Even if he did not want to, he would agree. Mai Ding knew that. It had been that way ever since they first met, when he used to drag an unwilling An Zi Yan to the cafeteria or the supermarket. But he did not want to do that now. This was not the cafeteria or the supermarket.
Should he go or not? Mai Ding did not want to dress it up with some grand excuse about sacrificing himself for An Zi Yan. He simply did not want to leave him. He hid his conflict, held up the off-campus internship application form, and waved it in front of An Zi Yan with the same proud expression he had worn when he became class study representative. “Comrade, how about that? Bet you never saw this coming. Gold will shine eventually. Never thought I’d have a day like this, did you? Ahahaha! The radiance of Lady Luck is shining upon me.” An Zi Yan snatched the application from him, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it behind him. “Annoying.”
Mai Ding hurriedly picked it up and carefully smoothed it flat. “Pure jealousy. Mai Ding has moved ahead of An Zi Yan on the road of life, so now you’re lashing out from embarrassment.”
“Don’t put my name next to yours. It’s an insult to my name.”
“Nothing you say can discourage me now!”
“Is that so?” An Zi Yan’s tone was meaningful as he looked Mai Ding up and down. The “An Zi Yan Anti-Bullying System” Mai Ding had developed over the years immediately sounded an alarm, so he changed the subject before An Zi Yan could continue. “But if I go to my internship, you’ll probably be lonely at school. You can tell me how you feel. Maybe I’ll stay and keep you company.” Mai Ding tested the waters.
“I suggest you get your brain checked at a hospital before you start your internship. Who was the one making a fuss a few days ago about wanting to work?”
“But when people get one thing, they start wanting something else too. I—I’m not…” Before Mai Ding could finish, An Zi Yan cut him off quickly. “You don’t have to tell me the rest.” The “Mai Ding Sentimentality Defense System” inside An Zi Yan had sounded its own alarm.
Mai Ding lowered his head. He was not good at hiding things, and his conflicted emotions showed easily. That guy never talked seriously with him about anything. If something between the two of them mattered only to Mai Ding, then taking it seriously made him feel especially ridiculous. An Zi Yan used the pen in his hand to lift Mai Ding’s chin. “What’s with that expression?”
“Anyway, it’s not a happy one.”
“Hey, I don’t get it. Why do you keep agonizing over things with an IQ somewhere between five and ten years old?” Mai Ding was just about to get angry when An Zi Yan continued, “Like before, when you agonized over whether to become study representative or go on our honeymoon. The place you’re interning isn’t in Africa. You’ll still come home after work. Before we were at the same university, wasn’t this how we lived anyway?”
“Why is it that whenever you explain something, I really start feeling like my IQ is only five to ten years old?!” Easily persuaded, Mai Ding thought An Zi Yan made a lot of sense. He always looked at things directly and simply. “That’s fine too. It shortens the amount of time I spend being toyed with in the palm of your hand.”
“I’m obviously very considerate.”
“Peh, peh! Your way of being considerate is impossible to understand.”
“Just now, so I wouldn’t hurt you too badly, I was going to say your IQ was between one and three. Then I changed it to five to ten.”
“I don’t want that kind of consideration!!” Mai Ding grabbed at An Zi Yan.
His interview was tomorrow, and Mai Ding lay in bed too nervous to sleep. Every few minutes, he let out a long sigh. What should he wear tomorrow? How should he speak? Had he written his résumé too casually? The moment he thought of that, he suddenly sat up. He jumped out of bed, pulled the résumé from his bag, then jumped back onto the bed. Surely he had not forgotten something as important as the fact that another person with a terrible temper was sleeping there. The bed kept shifting and creaking until An Zi Yan finally frowned. “You…” He had only managed one word when Mai Ding cut him off. “So you’re awake too. Are you worried about me?”
“Stop fantasizing on your own.”
“Help me look over my résumé too. I’m still not satisfied with the self-evaluation section. I’ll read it to you. I possess a positive and proactive attitude toward life and a wide range of interests and hobbies. I uphold the fine qualities of honesty, perseverance, and tolerance. I love learning, have the courage to explore, and enjoy challenging work. I will use my humble strength to support a bright future. I will…”
“You’ll die tonight.” Unable to endure any more, An Zi Yan covered Mai Ding’s face with a pillow. Mai Ding’s arms flailed wildly until a muffled voice finally came from beneath it. “I—I was wrong.” Only then did An Zi Yan release him and switch off the light. “Go to sleep already.”
“I can’t sleep. You don’t care about me at all.”
An Zi Yan dragged Mai Ding into his arms and let Mai Ding rest his head on his arm. “Then how about I take good care of you and tell you a story?” A trap. Definitely a trap! Mai Ding still vividly remembered the unicorn story An Zi Yan had told him the last time he could not sleep.
Mai Ding pretended to yawn. “So sleepy.” Then his head tipped to one side and he pretended to drop dead asleep, without even bothering with a transition.
At dawn, before the sky had fully brightened, Mai Ding got up early. He patted both cheeks and went into the bathroom, squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush, and scrubbed vigorously. When he finished getting ready and stepped out, he wore the expression of someone who had seen a ghost first thing in the morning. An Zi Yan was already up. He—he had actually gotten up by himself! Almost every miserable morning, Mai Ding wasted enormous amounts of saliva calling him, scolding him, and begging him, and An Zi Yan remained completely unmoved.
As An Zi Yan passed Mai Ding, he casually reached out and closed the mouth Mai Ding had left hanging open in shock. Mai Ding’s gaze followed him the entire way. “Why are you up?”
“None of your business.” What a vicious answer.
Mai Ding did not have time to stay surprised. He changed clothes, grabbed a slice of bread and stuffed it into his mouth in two bites, then washed the bread stuck in his throat down with milk. When he reached the entryway and was about to say something to An Zi Yan, he found that An Zi Yan had already changed as well. Holding the résumé Mai Ding had left by the bed the night before, An Zi Yan tapped him on the head with it.
“You’re going out too?” Mai Ding asked as he gratefully tucked the résumé into his bag and watched An Zi Yan put on his shoes.
“None of your business.” The same answer again, only fiercer.
Slow-witted Mai Ding finally realized An Zi Yan might be planning to go with him. But he had never seen anyone express consideration so violently before! An Zi Yan hated waking up early. He opened the door and walked out first, but what else could he do? He glanced at Mai Ding. This kid always messed things up whenever he got nervous.
“Hurry up.”
Mai Ding pouted unhappily. “Why are you being so fierce?!” He turned his back and hurried ahead of An Zi Yan, because he was almost unable to hold it in. The smile gradually rising at the corners of his mouth was about to betray him.
There were no comforting or encouraging words along the way. Not one. That mouth of his simply could not say anything nice. Still, having An Zi Yan beside him eased far more than just a little of Mai Ding’s nervousness.
Standing beneath the office building, Mai Ding took a deep breath. He knew An Zi Yan could only accompany him this far. He could not depend on An Zi Yan too much. If one person relied completely on another, it no longer belonged within the bounds of love. It only made that person seem weak and insecure. Not only now, but in the future, there would be many things he needed to grow through on his own.
The thought was admirable. When it came time to act on it, he turned cowardly again. He had barely taken one step toward the company when he spun around and ran to a corner outside the building. An Zi Yan stood with both hands in his pockets, watching him pace back and forth, until he finally walked over too. “What are you doing?”
“Let me take a few more breaths.”
“You could suck all the oxygen out of the planet and it still wouldn’t help. You’re just unlucky.”
Mai Ding clutched his head. “I know that without you telling me! Someone like you, who can casually get good grades and has looks everyone envies, could never understand the misery of ordinary people like us. Lucky bastard.” While Mai Ding muttered, one of An Zi Yan’s hands came out of his pocket and caught him by the collar. “Then I’ll share some of my luck with an unlucky bastard like you.” As soon as he finished speaking, the kiss came. It was only the lightest press of lips, yet it swept everything else from Mai Ding’s mind.
He was doing this sort of casual thing again. How many times had Mai Ding warned him? He never listened. Fortunately, he never listened.