For some reason, I suddenly found myself looking forward to it. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have everyone’s eyes fixed upon me, that warm, almost sunlit sensation of being cherished, noticed, and valued.
Power, status, and identity were not merely empty titles pursued out of vanity. They were tangible pieces in a very real game, a game capable of making countless people collapse in an instant.
And to obtain enough pieces to play, I could only be a fool, an aimless young wastrel with no sense, no ambition, and no proper occupation, a good younger brother devoted wholeheartedly to seeing Eldest Brother ascend the throne. From the moment I became old enough to understand anything, I played that role successfully for more than ten years. By now, after forgetting my original purpose and enduring every shade of human coldness, after learning that refusing to fight merely made you the first thing devoured, what remained in me was an endless hunger for power, reputation, and status. Every person and every event that appeared before me was stamped with the label of purpose. Nothing could remain simple, and nothing could return to what it had once been.
Then he appeared, so bright, so dazzling, so beautiful. He lived in the same world woven from power and desire, yet seemed like a green lotus rising unstained from the mud. His face, flushed by the sun, resembled a scarlet hibiscus in bloom. After an accident that had, in truth, been caused entirely by me, I found myself unable to look away. I wanted to tease him, approach him, touch him.
I had always believed there was nothing in this world power and money could not buy. No matter how brilliant or gifted a person might be, offer them an opportunity through your rank and status and they would repay what they called the grace of recognition a hundredfold. As for affection and beauty, money could buy those too. Give people splendor, wealth, jewels, and comfort, and there would always be beautiful men and women willing to throw themselves into your arms. They would be young, lovely, eager to please, and willing to overlook even the matter of status so long as they received what they wanted.
[Non-graphic summary: Feng Xuanyi recalls a detached adult encounter that reinforces his belief that affection and pleasure can be bought or exchanged, before contrasting that experience with the person who has newly caught his attention.]
Only he was different. He always did the opposite of what you expected, treating everything you took pride in and everything you believed beyond question as worthless, trampling it all beneath his feet.
Only he… and no one else.
That day beside the lotus pond was the first time I met him. I did not believe in love at first sight, and I believed even less in fate. People like us, who could not even control our own lives, had no room for something called love. Yet I could not deny the sudden jolt in my chest at that breathtaking glimpse. Or perhaps, to be more accurate, it was a breathtaking trip.
Elio’s Notes: The raw plays with the idiom jinghong yi pie, “a breathtaking glimpse,” changing the last word to make it a “breathtaking step/trample.” Appropriate, considering their grand romance begins with Ning Xuan basically tripping the man. 😂
Everyone around me had always either flattered me or avoided me for fear of giving offense. Never had I met someone like him, someone who had tripped me and yet carried on as if entirely unaware, listlessly tending to his own business as though a living, breathing prince were not standing beside him at all. I had seen countless kinds of gazes since birth, contemptuous ones and ingratiating ones alike, but never this kind of complete disregard. Yi Guang behind me instinctively barked, “Insolent!” I was still wondering how such a servant had appeared in my own residence when the man, without even lifting his eyes, gave an indifferent little, “Mm.”
In that instant, the gloom of court, the scheming, the constant clashes and calculations seemed to vanish like smoke. A completely senseless amusement filled me instead. I had promised Eighth Brother I would meet him at the riding grounds. I knew I should leave immediately. I knew that simply choosing not to punish this servant was already an enormous mercy. Yet I could not make my feet move. I waved Yi Guang away, stopped, bent down, and tried to see the servant’s face clearly, unable to suppress my curiosity.
Could he be an idiot? I wondered. What normal person could remain completely oblivious while being stared at for this long?
Unexpectedly, that sentence struck directly against the little thing’s temper. I could not tell whether he had genuinely failed to understand my identity or was deliberately trying to attract my attention, but either way, he succeeded. In an instant he seemed like a hedgehog with every invisible spine raised against the outside world, and the sight was unexpectedly adorable. One glance was enough to carve him into my memory. And he certainly had the looks to justify it, bright black eyes, so clear they seemed untouched by mortal dust, startled like a bewildered young deer. It made me want, for no sensible reason, to leave my own reflection permanently inside those eyes.
“You’re the damn idiot!”
Unfortunately, the moment he opened his mouth, the image shattered. He was fair and delicate enough to inspire tenderness, yet the things he said were absurdly wild. But if he had not been like this, he would hardly have been interesting. I had seen more beauties than I could count, wanton and seductive ones, aloof ones who pretended to be above everyone else, every type imaginable. Someone like him, however, was genuinely new. I wondered how long he had been in my residence without me noticing. What a pity.
I had no idea what suddenly occurred to the little thing, but his furious expression abruptly froze. He stared blankly in stunned confusion, and paired with the ink smudged all over his dirty face, the sight made it unusually difficult for me to suppress my laughter. More than that, it made me want to tease him.
“Remember to wash your face before you go out next time, little tabby.” Unable to help myself, I reached out and touched the corner of his eye. So bright, so moving, so clear. Even I found the playful teasing in my own voice unusual, but as a reward for managing to catch my interest, he had earned it.
I’ll remember you.
I straightened and left while the little thing was still staring after me in a daze, feeling unexpectedly light and refreshed, happier than I had been in a long time.
“Find out who he is.” Since you have caught my eye, you will not be escaping it again.
Thinking over everything that had happened in those few short moments, a plan quietly formed in my mind, and the corner of my mouth lifted before I noticed it. A small prank seemed harmless enough as repayment for making me feel this entertained. More than that, I suddenly wanted to know whether, after discovering the truth, he could still look at me with those same brilliant, limpid eyes, so pure they seemed untouched by the mortal world. Or would he become like everyone else, stained by dust and worldly desire, dragged into the endless cycle of fame, profit, and power?
“This servant obeys,” Yi Guang replied respectfully.
By the time I reached the hunting grounds, Eighth Brother was already waiting. The moment he saw me, he came over with a broad grin.
“Fifth Brother, you look especially refreshed today. Look at that smile you’re trying not to show. Tsk, tsk. The corners of your mouth are practically reaching your ears.”
Refreshed? Is it really that obvious?
The corner of my mouth twitched instinctively, only for Eighth Brother to give me a look that plainly said, Stop pretending. Do you really need to act like that in front of me? I did not know whether to laugh or be annoyed.
He was only a servant whose name I did not even know, nothing more than a servant who had managed to stir a little interest in me. Was my reaction truly that excessive, or was Eighth Brother simply teasing me on purpose?