Obviously, Nalan Xuan understood himself, but He Yilan understood him even better. She merely smiled at the question he had regretted asking the moment it left his mouth, shifted back against the headboard, and wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself. The curve of her lips made it impossible to tell whether she was gratified or mocking him. “Should I address you as the Empress, or as Brother Xuan?”
A single form of address, yet time had changed everything. The past was nothing more than an old dream.
Nalan Xuan pressed his lips together without answering. Perhaps he wanted to say either was fine, or perhaps neither was. He slowly walked over to a chair that looked dangerously unstable at a glance, stared for a long while at the thick layer of dust coating its seat, then sat down as though he had seen nothing.
He Yilan turned her gaze toward the window, her eyes distant, bewildered, yet strangely clear. When she spoke again, her words carried faint helplessness and a somewhat heavy sigh. “Selected Woman Xiao was sent to the Cold Palace ten days ago. She went mad that very day. Every night since then, I’ve heard her screaming and cursing like a lunatic… I could have given up too. I could have chosen an easier way out. But I knew you would come here to find me, so I didn’t go mad. I’ve been doing very well, actually. Quiet, peaceful, at ease. I’ve done nothing but wait for you.” She turned her face toward Nalan Xuan and gave him a radiant smile unlike any she had worn since becoming Princess Consort Rong. “Though you came much sooner than I expected.”
Nalan Xuan frowned instinctively. He Yilan’s confidence irritated him for no apparent reason. He scoffed inwardly at her inexplicable certainty, yet instinctively resisted whatever had given her such confidence, because at this very moment, he truly had entered the Cold Palace and was standing before her.
Her tone abruptly changed, becoming melancholy and reflective. “But I truly never imagined you could be this ruthless, Brother Xuan. You can even use yourself. You can even plot against yourself! Amnesia… heh, amnesia… So I really have no standing to scream at you, curse you, or hate you. No one has the right to question a man who can bring himself to do that to his own person. At least, I can’t.”
“Before coming here, I met your father. Lord He was not implicated because of what happened to you.” Nalan Xuan briefly explained the matter outside the palace, which was also what concerned her most. “I can get you out of the Cold Palace. If you are willing, you will be my only wife. The timing simply isn’t right yet, so you will have to remain here for another two days.”
He Yilan gave a desolate smile, seeming both gratified and as though she had heard some absurd joke. “Wife… heh. If you had been willing to say those words to me four years ago, I can’t imagine how happy I would have been, how overwhelmed with joy. But now…” She paused. “All right. If you are willing to marry me, then of course I’m willing to marry you. It was once my greatest wish, after all, and my greatest regret. But I want to know what my father promised you.”
Nalan Xuan’s eyes narrowed dangerously. When a person was too stupid, communicating with them was impossible. They tended to be unreasonable while imagining themselves clever. But when someone was too intelligent, although every gesture and every sentence required far less effort, it was equally troublesome when one did not want one’s thoughts or intentions exposed and the other person pierced straight to the heart of them. Still, since they were forming an alliance, Nalan Xuan had no intention of concealing anything from He Yilan. He had always known she was an intelligent woman. She had merely once been blinded by love, and excessive protection had left her inexperienced in scheming. Now, after experiencing the full range of human fortune and misery, He Yilan herself had become the perfect example of concealing one’s strength, biding one’s time, and striking only after accumulating enough power.
“The Hua realm will change masters, and I want Feng Xuanyi to find neither life nor death.” Death was not enough. In some ways, death was release. For people like them, born into privilege and accustomed to standing above everyone else, nothing was more torturous than becoming the prisoner of one’s greatest enemy and remaining alive only to have one’s dignity trampled day after day. A cage built from life itself, shackles forged from dignity, would consume the last remnants of sanity little by little, until sunlight became something scorching and standing before another person became a form of torture.
He Yilan remained silent for a long time, staring blankly at Nalan Xuan as though trying to determine whether his words were true. At last, she looked at him with the sympathy of someone who had suddenly understood everything. “So that’s how it is. No wonder you came so early.”
Again that reaction. Again that expression. Somehow, it overlapped with Han Ruifeng’s deathly pale face as he had stood at the window in Donghua Palace when Nalan Xuan left that day. He was clearly the victor. He was clearly the one holding every advantage, while they were the ones utterly defeated, living lives worse than death. So why did they look at him that way? Why were their expressions so uncannily alike? Why did they look at him like that?!
Sympathy. Pity. Mockery!
What is there about me to sympathize with? What is there about me to pity? And what right do any of you have to mock me?! Whether in court or in the harem, I can summon wind and rain with a word, while you are the ones trapped in desperate circumstances, unable to take a single step. So why… on what grounds?!
Nalan Xuan forcefully suppressed the rage and irritation surging through his chest and left her with a cold sentence. “In any case, once everything is done, I will come here and take you out. The palace will be rather chaotic over the next few days. The Cold Palace may actually be the safest place.”
With that, he turned to leave. He Yilan, who had maintained an indifferent, evasive air all this time, suddenly spoke and stopped his hurried departure.
“I secretly went to see Selected Woman Xiao on her first day here. She had been pregnant, but she was made to take safflower, and afterward she received no proper care. I’m afraid she may never be able to have children again.”
Nalan Xuan did not know why He Yilan had suddenly brought this up. He could only stop, turn around, and wait to see where she was going with it.
“Of course hatred should be avenged, and a blood debt should naturally be repaid in blood. But why are you so obsessed with repaying everything a hundredfold, a thousandfold?” The room was terrifyingly cold. Without the heated flues beneath the floor, someone might have frozen to death here without anyone ever knowing. Before Nalan Xuan could answer, He Yilan continued, “Don’t tell me this is simply the kind of person you are. Yes, you and Feng Xuanyi are far too alike. You are both capable of great deeds and equally capable of ruthless ones. But don’t you think you have been too impatient this time? Ruthless enough, yes, but not clean enough. You have left behind far too many traces.”
“And how do you know those weren’t openings I deliberately left from the start, bait designed to lure someone into my trap? In any case, I don’t believe my affairs concern you.” Nalan Xuan disagreed with He Yilan’s assessment. He had his plans and his calculations. That was what he had always believed and how he had always acted. He had never doubted himself and tolerated no one else doubting him. All he needed to do was proceed according to plan.
“Whether it was planned from the beginning or patched up afterward, I think you know better than I do. I merely said it casually, and you could have listened just as casually. Why care so much?” Nalan Xuan’s reaction seemed to be exactly what He Yilan had wanted. She smiled instead, openly pleased with herself. “Though in the past, you would never have bothered explaining this much to me. It seems you really have changed after all these years.”
Too lazy to listen to any more of her nonsense, Nalan Xuan turned and left. Coming here had perhaps been unnecessary from the start. He simply could not understand why his brows remained tightly furrowed.