Nalan Xuan wore a wicked grin. He Yilan was so embarrassed and angry that she had just raised a fist to give him a good punch when she suddenly seemed to remember something. The sweet smile beneath her feigned anger gradually faded into worry. “Brother Xuan, Uncle Nalan is Marquis Dingbei. He’s a very, very powerful man, isn’t he?”
At the mention of Nalan Jian, Nalan Xuan’s expression stiffened for an instant, but he concealed it perfectly. His smile remained flawless as he asked gently, “Why are you suddenly asking about that?”
He Yilan puffed out her cheeks and pursed her lips, thinking for a long while. Then she stamped her foot as though she had finally made up her mind and poured everything out in one breath. “Father said I’m not that young anymore, and I’m the only daughter in the family, so… so he wants me to marry an imperial prince. He said that way I’ll have someone to rely on for the rest of my life. But the one I like is Brother Xuan! I don’t want to marry some prince, and I don’t want to be a princess consort. I wouldn’t even care about becoming empress one day. As long as I can be with Brother Xuan, even if we were nothing more than an ordinary village husband and wife, I’d be perfectly happy!”
They were young and inexperienced, unable to hide what was in their hearts, but precisely because they were young and inexperienced, there were fewer worries, fewer shackles, and none of that pride that made adults obsess over what they might gain or lose. He Yilan simply poured out everything she wished for and confessed all the love in her heart, waiting for an answer—a promise. Yet what she received instead was like a thunderclap out of a clear sky.
“I’m sorry. What you want, I can’t give you.” Nalan Xuan could no longer maintain his gentle smile. He reached out and removed the hand that had been clinging to his sleeve from his arm, as though deliberately drawing a boundary between them. A restraint utterly unlike that of a fourteen-year-old appeared upon his face.
“You’re… you’re lying, aren’t you? This is a lie, right?” Stunned, He Yilan lowered her head and stared at her suddenly empty hands. The purest, most passionate, most guileless affection in her heart had been doused mercilessly. Tears spun endlessly in her eyes, yet she stubbornly refused to let them fall. She forced her eyes wide open without blinking as she stared into Nalan Xuan’s dark, still gaze, searching desperately for the usual teasing and joking within it. “Brother Xuan, tell me you’re lying to me. You are, aren’t you?”
Nalan Xuan sighed softly. The sound was suppressed and bitter, yet when he met He Yilan’s gaze, there was neither retreat nor hesitation in his eyes. The calmness of his voice reflected the firmness of his decision. “Lord He is right. You shouldn’t waste your thoughts on me. I… can’t give you anything. Only an imperial prince—and only a prince capable of ascending the throne—could be worthy of your innocence and open up a world in which you can truly be free. As for me…”
Toward the end, his voice became slightly hoarse, as though choked by tears, as though he were forcing himself to surrender someone he could not bear to lose. Yet his gaze remained deliberately strong, cold, and resolute.
“I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear it!” The tears He Yilan had been holding back finally burst free, large crystalline drops rolling down like the most precious pearls in the world. They were clear and brilliant, the purest release of genuine emotion and the last remnant of untouched innocence. She seized Nalan Xuan’s sleeve and demanded loudly, “But Brother Xuan, you said you liked me! You said you were happy whenever you were with me! You said whenever I missed you, I could come find you anytime, anywhere! You even said your secrets were things you only wanted to share with me! Have you forgotten all of that? Were you lying to me about everything?!”
Young was still young. No matter how composed or mature Nalan Xuan tried to appear, first love was always painfully difficult to relinquish and impossible to forget. At that moment, he lost control as well and shouted back at her, “If I were lying to you, why would I tell you so many things even Father doesn’t know? If I were lying to you, why would I stay here every day without going anywhere, wondering whether you might come the very next moment? If I were lying to you, why would I tell you again and again that I liked you?! Do you think I want to hand you over to someone else?! If I hadn’t been born at the wrong time, if I weren’t trapped in this place until even freedom became an extravagant dream, do you really think I’d be so generous? Do you think I’ve never struggled or resented any of this?!”
“But what else can I do?!” Defeated, Nalan Xuan dropped heavily to the ground and buried his head between his knees. “My entire life was already decided from the moment I was born. None of it has ever been mine to choose. But you’re different. Your father occupies a high position, and you’re the treasure he holds in the palm of his hand. Whatever you want, he’ll give you. So why should you bury yourself along with me…?”
“I don’t care!” He Yilan was already sobbing uncontrollably. Seeing the man she loved sitting helplessly and defeated before her made her heart ache as though needles were piercing it.
“But I want you to live well. I want you to enjoy this world in my place, to see all its mountains and rivers, to find a husband who loves you even more than I do, to have children and grandchildren and a house full of descendants…” By the end, Nalan Xuan’s voice had begun to choke, but he kept his head lowered, hiding whatever expression was on his face.
“No, Brother Xuan! I don’t want wealth or glory, and I don’t want children and grandchildren. I only want Brother Xuan to stay beside me!” He Yilan shook Nalan Xuan’s arm again and again, hoping only that he would raise his head and look at her once more.
“Believe me. One day, you’ll forget me. You’ll find a man who truly loves you and deserves your love… You will find him…”
“I said I don’t want that!” He Yilan’s stubborn temper had flared, and whenever that happened, even He Liangyu himself knew better than to stand in her way.
Nalan Xuan raised his head and gripped both of He Yilan’s arms. His face was filled with pain and gravity, his brows knitted tightly, yet his manner brooked no refusal. “Do you love me?”
“I do!” He Yilan declared loudly without the slightest hesitation.
“Then listen to me!” Nalan Xuan answered just as forcefully.
“But—”
“No buts! I’ve already spent too many years confined, too many years without freedom. I don’t want the person I love to become like me, trapped inside this tiny patch of heaven and earth, forever looking over her shoulder and trembling in fear that a single mistake might bring death down upon her. Do you understand?! It’s precisely because I love you that I refuse to let you become like me! Call me selfish. Let me use your love and have you live in my place—roaming freely, living without restraints—until one day, when you stand at the very summit, you can let me look at you from afar, even if the person standing beside you by then… is no longer me…”
He Yilan’s hysterical cries finally stopped. Her entire body seemed drained of strength, and her tears no longer poured endlessly like floodwaters through a broken dam. She simply stared at Nalan Xuan with hollow, helpless desolation, as though begging him for one final thing she knew he could never give her. After a long while, she spoke again, but the clear, cheerful voice that had once rung like silver bells was gone, replaced by emptiness and despair. “…All right. Whatever Brother Xuan asks me to do, I’ll do it… anything Brother Xuan asks… But Brother Xuan, will you remember me? How long will you love me?”
She waited desperately for that final scrap of comfort, longing for one last promise.
Nalan Xuan did not disappoint her. His thin lips parted, and he firmly gave her two words.
“Forever.”
Next
Leave a Reply