When Xue Bao Tian was young, he was small and skinny. He liked keeping to the edges of the road and often crouched at the foot of a wall, gazing up at the sky. He was a rather quiet child.
How he later grew so arrogant and overbearing can be set aside for now. In any case, he kept the habit of crouching in corners.
At this moment, he was crouched on one side of a wall, looking at the chubby boy inside the fence, his tone far from pleasant. “Stop saying I look like I’m taking a shit while crouching here. I’ve been waiting for you for almost an hour. How could I not be tired?”
The chubby boy’s face was still wedged between the bars of the fence. He looked a little embarrassed. “I got kept after class just now. The teacher wouldn’t let me out.”
The word “teacher” gave Xue Bao Tian a headache. Remembering his own exceedingly distant school days and comparing the boy’s treatment with what he had received as a student, he asked, “Aren’t you a good student? Even the teacher doesn’t like you?”
The chubby boy shook his head, looking somewhat ashamed. “I’m not good at studying.”
That greatly exceeded Xue Bao Tian’s expectations. “A hacker ranked among the top ten on the dark web, yet you’re bad at school? If I were your father, I’d beat you until you were even fatter than you are now.”
The chubby boy’s expression fell. “What did you come find me for?”
Only then did Xue Bao Tian remember the purpose of his visit. After crouching beside the school and listening to students recite their lessons for an entire hour, even his grateful heart had nearly been worn away.
“I came to thank you.” Xue Bao Tian stood with a grin and walked over to the wall. He pulled a high-school physics textbook from inside his clothes and passed it through the fence. “A present for you.”
“I’m in third grade, and you’re giving me a high-school physics book?”
Xue Bao Tian clicked his tongue. “I overestimated you. I thought you were more impressive than this. Actually, the book itself isn’t important. What’s tucked inside it is.”
The chubby boy shook the book in confusion, and a bank card fell into the leaves at his feet.
Picking up the card, the child looked deeply troubled. “The final payment is only five hundred yuan. Why couldn’t you just give me cash? You even put it on a bank card. If my mom finds out, she’ll beat me again.”
Xue Bao Tian suddenly felt that his decision not to have children was fucking wise. Even being a hacker-level kid couldn’t save someone from being stupid.
“There’s much more money on there than the final payment. You helped me enormously this time. It’s a reward from Master Xue.”
The chubby boy shook his head and held the card between his fingers, passing it back through the fence. “I don’t want it. If my mom finds out I have that much money, she’ll still beat me.”
Xue Bao Tian did not force him. He reached out to take the bank card. “If you ever need help with anything, come find me. Consider it a favor I owe you.”
Before his fingers could touch the bank card, it was hooked backward, leaving Xue Bao Tian grasping at empty air.
He raised his eyes toward the chubby boy. The child’s face was full of anger. “If you really want to thank me, you can help me do something right now.”
After school, in a back alley.
Leaning against a tree trunk, Xue Bao Tian felt somewhat ashamed. He was nearly fucking thirty, the owner of a publicly listed company with a net worth of over a hundred million, yet he had brought one elementary-school brat to corner another elementary-school brat. He helplessly looked up at the sky and cursed quietly, “When the fuck will this bullshit life ever end?”
He was afraid the conflict between them involved one pencil or two erasers, so he cautiously asked, “Did the kid we’re waiting for steal your girlfriend?”
That was the most substantial dispute he could imagine between two little brats, but unexpectedly, the chubby boy replied, “He stole my candy.”
Fuck. That was even worse than pencils and erasers. At least those were proper things.
The old grievance had been stirred up in the chubby boy. “It would’ve been one thing if he only stole my candy, but he insulted me too.”
Looking at the chubby boy’s eager gaze, Xue Bao Tian’s head hurt. He silently repeated he did me a favor twice before following up, “How did he insult you?”
“He told me to move aside because I was blocking his phone signal.”
Xue Bao Tian narrowed his eyes and looked into the distance, forcefully pressing down the corners of his mouth as they tried to rise. Fuck, so holding back laughter was its own kind of punishment.
“But he was lying,” the chubby boy said indignantly. “He doesn’t even own a phone, yet he said I was blocking his signal.”
“How do you know he doesn’t have one?”
“I tried to hack his phone and his computer, but he doesn’t have either.”
Xue Bao Tian nodded without sincerity. “That really is unfortunate.” He crooked a finger, summoning Song Eight Hundred from behind him. “When that kid arrives, scare him a little and tell him to stop giving my benefactor shit. But make sure you hold back. That face of yours only exists to make the rest of the world look beautiful. Don’t actually traumatize the kid.”
Song Eight Hundred had never shied away from difficult work or shirked his responsibilities while on duty, yet today he shook his head. “Scaring children is not within the scope of my work. President Xue, I can’t help you.”
Xue Bao Tian slanted his narrow eyes at him. “Aren’t you trying to curry favor with me?”
Song Eight Hundred was silent for a moment. He flicked the umbrella in his hand, opening it with a snap. “The falling leaves would dirty your clothes. Now they won’t.”
Xue Bao Tian suddenly felt that his fucking life was a joke, a storybook the Creator had made up to entertain himself while taking a dump.
It was not until he saw the chubby boy’s enemy coming through the narrow alley that he overturned that thought again. Maybe it couldn’t be called a storybook after all. It looked more like something the Creator could use if he forgot to bring toilet paper.
“Why are you here?” The thin boy rolled a piece of candy around in his mouth, glanced at Xue Bao Tian, then looked at the chubby boy. “You two… know each other?”
The chubby boy moved one step closer to Xue Bao Tian. “That’s him. He stole my candy and made a personal attack on me.”
Xue Bao Tian let out a long sigh, pushed away the umbrella above his head, and called out quite politely, “Little Trash.”
Little Trash was quick-witted and immediately understood. “Xue Bao Tian, did you come to stand up for him?”
Xue Bao Tian crouched down where he stood and wiped a hand over his face. “Not… exactly.”
The chubby boy felt as though he had been stabbed in the back. He stared in disbelief. “Prosperity in Bloom, I’m the one who helped you find the fraudster! You said you wanted to thank me. Are you going back on your word now?”
“Not… exactly.”
Little Trash folded his arms, the corners of his eyes raised as he smiled without quite smiling. “Xue Bao Tian, without my information, you wouldn’t have been able to rescue my boss either, right? Didn’t you say you’d hold a banquet to thank me? When is it happening?”
“Soon, soon.”
Behind him stood a tall pagoda tree, above him spread its dense shade, and on either side was a brightly colored red scarf. Surrounded in the middle, Xue Bao Tian resembled a quail with nowhere left to retreat.
Several days ago, even when facing the vicious criminal Akun, he had not looked this defeated and helpless. Yet now he began to regret his past actions. He must have committed too many fucking misdeeds. Otherwise, how could two little brats still young enough to be pissing “virgin-boy urine” have driven him into such a predicament?
Elio’s Notes: The Chinese tongzi niao literally refers to urine from prepubescent boys, historically appearing in some folk and traditional medicinal practices. Xue is using it as an exceptionally crude way of emphasizing just how young these two little menaces are.
“You’re both my ancestors. For my sake, can each of you give a little? Master Bai, stop picking on Lone Shadow, Broken Blade, all right? And you, Blade, carry some extra candy from now on and share it with him when you meet. You’re classmates. You should look out for each other.”
Once he finished speaking, no one responded. Naturally, neither of them agreed.
With no other choice, Xue Bao Tian let his back sink against the tree. He did not have much ability when it came to accomplishing things, but he was an expert at muddying the waters.
Lifting his eyelids, he swept a less-than-friendly gaze over the two children. “Here, I’ll make the decision.” He pointed at Little Trash. “Treat my Blade more politely from now on, and I’ll find you a father so you won’t have to live in the welfare home anymore.”
Little Trash’s eyes lit up. “My boss?”
Xue Bao Tian said impatiently, “Just tell me whether you agree.”
“I agree!”
Turning around, Xue Bao Tian looked at the chubby boy again and said concisely, “Blade, I’ll buy your rival a phone and get him a computer too. Will that do?”
“Deal!”